Chapter Text
The whispers began as soon as I walked into my new classroom. I already regretted bringing my green scarf. In my defense, it was chilly and local tailors were too busy to attend to my orders, but the scarf made me instantly recognisable as one of the l’Cie who’d been plastered on Cocoon’s telescreens, back when functioning screens existed.
‘Is that-?’
‘Wow, he’s cute!’
‘He’s the reason why we’re here in the first place. Stop looking so starry-eyed.’
I found my assigned desk, and sat down quickly, feeling the heat of everyone’s eyeballs.
Let them spread rumours. Dad said that my new classmates would get bored soon enough, and I’d become an oddity barely worthy of a withering glance. I wanted to believe that. If I remembered one thing from my old life, classroom gossip never exhausted itself.
Still, no matter what these gawking children said, I wouldn’t trade those weeks with Light and Snow and Sazh and Vanille and Fang for anything. Certainly not for strangers’ approval. How could I, after such an adventure? These kids who were my age might as well have been toddlers. They could never relate to what I went through, let alone survive it.
I sat perfectly still at my primitive wooden table, staring at the blackboard and trying my best to ignore the murmuring around me. Gods, I felt like a zoo specimen.
Mercifully, the teacher walked into the classroom. I could tell she was from her clothes; pencil skirt and yellow turtleneck. Her pale hair tied back in a ponytail, and the thin frames of her glasses were dead giveaways, too. Strip away the glasses, let down the hair, and she’d be the spitting image of Mom.
My heart churned.
The class fell silent. I glanced at the analogue clock above the blackboard. She was here five minutes earlier than class was supposed to start. Just as well, before the whispers in my ears became a little louder.
‘Alright, everyone.’ Her gaze passed over me, but she said nothing. I liked her already.
‘Welcome to a new year. Cocoon falls, but the needs of human society are constant, such as the education of the next generation. As your new teacher, it’ll be my pleasure to lead you all into this new world of ours.
‘Before we begin the semester, why don’t we introduce ourselves?’
She turned to the blackboard behind her. On Cocoon, holographic boards and electronic tablets were standard teaching tools, but with the destruction of our old home, humans had substituted the electronics for blackboards and chalk, which were far easier to make with the plentiful resources we had on Pulse. The teacher picked a piece of chalk, staring at it as if it was a new species of insect, before snapping out of her reverie and writing her name in the flat, familiar symbols of Cocoon’s alphabet.
‘My name is Ms. Acelene. I was born in Palumpolum, but moved to Nautilus when I was three. I graduated from Nautilus University when I was twenty-five and have been teaching for ten years. And now, I am here, teaching you.’
No mention of the Fall of Cocoon at all, or life on Pulse, or me, as if the ravages of the l’Cie never traumatised us. I wondered how she felt when she saw my name on her class roll for the first time. I couldn’t tell, which was a good sign. Teachers shouldn’t hold grudges.
I felt a small object bounce off my head. Something small and white. It was a piece of a pencil eraser, another cheap object that we humans hadn’t needed until last month. Seems like erasers had more uses than erasing lead. I looked back at the teacher, but she was too absorbed in the class roll.
‘Let’s do this by alphabetical order. Nina Antwerp, would you like to start?’
My classmates took turns introducing themselves, listing their names, the hometowns they were no longer able to return to, and their vague dreams for the future ('I want to be a lawyer, or maybe a fireman'). I scrambled for something to say, but I couldn’t think and my anxiety mounted the closer the roll got to my name. The curses of having a last name starting with ‘E’. When it was my turn, all I could do was wave, and attempt a smile. Some rolled their eyes, and others looked away, finding the answers to life’s questions buried in their fingernails or in the tips of their hair.
‘My name’s Hope. I was born and raised in Palumpolum, and I want to be…’
Truth be told, I’d never put any thought into life as an adult until a black tattoo flared on my body, and I realised that I wouldn’t have an adulthood to think about. I considered telling that to the class, but I was hated enough already, so I decided to follow Dad and just be-
‘An economist, I guess.’
‘What about y-’ another classmate began.
‘Thank you, Hope,’ the teacher interrupted. Ms. Acelene turned to the student seated on my left. ‘And why didn’t you introduce yourself, young man?’
Next to me sat a muscular brown-haired boy with narrow eyes. I glimpsed my neighbour’s contorted snarl before he reset it into blankness and his eyes darted onto our teacher.
‘Felix Evahoin. Lived in Nautilus,’ he mumbled. ‘Gonna be a soldier.’
His thumb flicked against his index finger, sending shards of white across the table.
Mercifully, the rest of the introductions passed quickly, finishing just as the siren sounded for morning break. I dashed towards the exit, taking care not to look at anyone. One girl stuck her leg out, and I leapt over it. The last thing I heard before the door slammed behind me was someone taunting the girl’s failure.
Desperate to get away, I ran to the edge of the school’s facilities, slamming into the wooden stakes buried at the boundary of the school grounds. Out of breath, I grasped the stakes, leaning on them for support. Running was how I was going to spend my breaks from now on. Not that I was unfit, but my enhanced stamina had vanished along with the fal’Cie brand. I was still getting used to that, though I didn’t mind. It felt good to be exhausted.
‘See that? Guys…’ I gasped.
No, they wouldn’t no matter how much I wished for it. Dad, Snow, Sazh, Serah, NORA, they had other duties. They were adults with a society to rebuild, and I was still a child in training. I wanted to be out there with Dad and the others, helping rebuild our society. But without the proper education, how would I be useful at all? Hell, Snow probably never went to university, but he was street smart and charismatic and strong. I had nothing going for me.
‘There he is!’
A gaggle of students had seen me after all, Felix at the lead. All around me was flat plain and boulders; hardly ideal to hide in. I wished I’d run towards the treeline instead.
‘What’s wrong, Estheim?’ Felix asked. ‘Out here, all alone.’
‘I enjoy running. Keeps me fit,’ I replied. ‘Did you notice the air is different on Pulse? It’s less stale, and it feels like it fills up your lungs better. I think it’s why the plants here grow so well compared to the ones we had on Cocoon.’
The boy’s face contorted. ‘Fascinating. The rest of us don’t got time to appreciate flowers.’ He hissed the last word as if it hurt him to say it. ‘We got to spend all our time fighting for our lives. Me and mom, alone. My dad’s been run off to the edge of Pulse because of you.’
Which meant these were the children of PSICOM soldiers. No wonder they hated me.
PSICOM's members had been exiled on pain of death for their alliance with the repressive Sanctum. No government was necessary to issue such a decree. The former residents of Cocoon were angry enough to pin posters displaying the names and faces of PSICOM soldiers upon Pulse's trees on their own, and many of those PSICOM soldiers were former neighbours of said residents. I’d heard stories of stonings. The PSICOM soldiery that survived fled deep into the Pulsian wilderness, some leaving their families behind. For all they put me through, I didn’t hate PSICOM’s rank-and-file. They were just Barthandelus’ pawns, and their punishment was harsher than I could justify, even if PSICOM's ruthless Purge had cost my mother her life.
‘Sorry to hear that,’ was all I could say in return. My voice was soft, unconvincing.
My classmates fanned out to surround me in a semi-circle. I ground my teeth, as I picked apart the weaknesses in their formation; the slack posture of a boy close next to Felix in the centre, the unevenness of their line, the wandering eyes of the bored-looking girl on the right flank, who likely hadn’t noticed the sharp boulder behind her ankles.
Light’s training was kicking in again.
Felix continued talking. Maybe he was yelling, but it sounded underwater. I heard only the rustling of grass and the wind. I could make a break for it and burst through all six of them, even without my boomerang or magic or my l’Cie strength-
Felix’s shoulders slumped. A tear ran down his face.
The sound of voices returned to my ears. I was ashamed. These were scared children, like I was once, cowering, whimpering.
‘What are you gonna do about it? Showing your face around here, like you’re one of us.’
I licked my lips. ‘I don’t know what you want me to do.’
The only warning I got was a twitch in Felix’s eye. It was enough. I sidestepped his wide haymaker, and tripped my would-be assailant over. Before his face made contact with the ground, I grabbed my assailant’s arm.
‘Felix, right?’
Despite being outnumbered, I felt in command of the situation. Beneath the pity, I felt a little contemptuous. There were six of them against myself.
‘You wanted to be a soldier. To protect the ones you care about, right?’
‘Oh, you were listening? You deserve a medal.’
‘I got a future I want, too. That’s why I’m in school.’ A ridiculous idea crossed my mind, but I deployed it anyway. What had I got to lose? ‘We’re here to learn, not fight. I’d rather be friends.’
I released Felix’s arm. Instead of gratitude, I got a faceful of dirt, followed by an inhuman howl of:
‘Screw your friendship! That’s not replacing Dad, you son of a bitch!’
I ducked as Felix spear-tackled the air I occupied a second ago. The world was an unfocused blur of colours before I blinked enough dirt free to get my enemies back in sight. Felix was struggling back to his feet, the others cheering him on.
Raise your arms, Hope, and tuck your elbows close to your body. Tighten your fists, and keep your legs wide apart for a stable base.
‘Stop right there!’
I was relieved that Ms. Acelene’s voice was strong, despite her slight frame. As if dragged by invisible strings, the group stepped away from each other, as if that would make them innocent. Once Felix saw his backup retreat, he punched the ground.
‘What’s this?’ Acelene asked quietly.
‘He’s bullying me, miss.’
‘It looks like you were ganging up on your classmate, Felix. This is the first day of school, and you’re already fighting.’
‘He deserves it! It’s his fault we’re on this planet! Him and his friends who ruined our lives! And then, he walks back into our society. Like nothing happened. Like he always was a part of it.’
Felix glared at me. ‘Don’t look at me!’ he screamed. I raised my open hands in surrender. I wanted to mention my Mom, to let them know I could relate. But I didn't want to hear whatever retort they'd have.
Acelene continued, ‘Your family situation will not improve by attacking others, Felix. You have to carve your own path through this world, without your father, and everything you do at school must be geared towards self-improvement.’
‘That’s what we’re trying to do, Aunty Rochelle. I don’t need you lecturing me,’ he said to murmured agreements from his gang.
‘This isn’t the place to call me that here.’ Her eyes flickered to me. ‘All it looks like is you’re wasting time daydreaming about revenge against somebody who never asked to become a l’Cie. Our situation isn’t Hope’s fault. A society ruled by the Sanctum…it was always going to end up like this.’
Felix flinched. ‘You’re taking his side, Aunty? Over Dad, your brother? We don’t even know if Dad’s alive!’
I felt like an intruder. All I wanted was from school was to learn and avoid being punched, but an hour in, it looked like I’d forever be peeking over my shoulder, waiting for the next ambush.
‘I’m here as a teacher, Felix.’
Felix’s face twisted into another snarl, yellowing teeth glistening in the sun. ‘Some family you turned out to be,’ he hissed.
With that, he stomped off. The rest of his gang hesitated, glancing between their leader and their teacher. One of the girls, a girl with light green hair, stuck her tongue out at me, and followed Felix back to the school buildings. The rest trickled behind, leaving me with my saviour. On top of everything else, I was now a teacher's pet. Great.
‘Aunty, huh?’
‘I used to teach him back on Bodhum. He insisted on coming to this school when he heard I was here. Be careful, Hope. Most of his gang are still with him.’
‘Thanks. And sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise. You’ll never stop once you make it a habit.’
‘I’m apologising in advance.’ I sighed. ‘Wait until their parents hear who’s in their class.’
I immediately regretted showing that little bit of vulnerability to the sister of a PSICOM soldier, but Acelene only smiled. It was the warmest thing I’d seen since entering this school. ‘Good luck, Hope.’
What a professional.
She walked off, leaving me behind amongst the boulders and grass, with only the wind to whisper sweet comfort.