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Hanahaki Disease; a disease that manifests in the lungs of a person who’s love is unreached or unrequited. The disease often leads to death. The signs are rather clear, it starts with only a cough, an itching throat leaving nothing but the pain of annoyance.
Soon though, it’s flowers and their petals from the sick person’s lungs. Internally, the disease manifests and grows worse as roots make themselves permanent in the victim’s lungs, feeding off the fluid as its own nutrients.
The longer the love stays unrequited, the longer and bigger the roots grow, taking up more and more space in the person’s lungs. Eventually, if unrequited long enough, the victim will choke on the flowers and die.
There are ways of it being cured, of course. Best case scenario, the victim’s love being returned, though most people aren’t so lucky.
The roots can always be removed surgically, however, that doesn’t come without consequences. When the victim has the flowers removed from their lungs, the feelings they felt are removed too, in some cases, people state they can never love again.
———
There was a list of things Millie Parfait knew;
One; she was a third year in high school.
Two; Fulgur Ovid loved to annoy the shit out of her.
And three; she was very gay, and hopelessly in love with none other than Elira Pendora.
———
She was a first year when she first met Elira, at the time she thought she was just pretty, Enna said everyone thought that, so Millie wasn’t any different.
She can’t pinpoint the exact moment she fell in love with Elira, but if she had to choose one moment, it would most definitely be the time she was dragged unwillingly to a “study session” at Enna’s house with Pomu, Elira and Reimu in second year.
According to Enna, Elira had initially thought of the idea, but wasn’t able to have people over, and all Millie can remember was the light blue, long sleeve dress Elira showed up in.
It was at that point, at age 14, in second year of high school, that Millie realised she was definitely more into women; Elira Pendora to be exact.
———
The first time Millie coughed up petals, a single petal, that is, was the first day of third year, she was 15 and hadn’t seen Elira at all during the break.
She pushed it down, ignoring it working for at least a month, before seeing them again.
Enna was the first one to know, she had caught Millie coughing up flower petals in the school bathroom a week into the month of June.
“Millie—”
“Fuck off.”
“No, this is important—what’s happening?”
Enna had forced her way into the stall that Millie had locked herself in, picking up a single petal that missed the toilet bowl.
In all honesty, all the girl did was grimace at how it felt before throwing it into the toilet water and caressing Millie’s back.
“Your uniform—” “This is very far from being about me, stop trying to divert attention—also Fuu-chan’s shitting his pants out there; he knows something’s wrong.”
Fulgur Ovid was the second person to know, unfortunately against her own will—Enna forced her, claiming he was going to combust of internal worry if he wasn’t told.
———
It took two months for the pair to realise who it was, only a coughing fit of blue petals later did they realise that Elira was unintentionally the cause.
“You should confess—?” It was Fulgur’s words first, sounding nothing more than concerned, earning a weak head shake from where Millie had collapsed on Enna’s shoulder.
“What are you going to do about it then?”
From there the conversation went quiet, she had no idea.
———
“How long have you had it?”
Despite Millie insisting telling Elira was a bad idea, that it would only end horribly, Enna said it would help, at least a tiny bit.
“A little while.” 11 Months, 1 week, if she wanted to be exact.
“Who is it?” The blue haired frowns, admittedly moving closer and leaning in. Because of that, Millie chokes on a cough, a petal doesn’t come up, but Elira moves back, worry sticking to her expression like she doesn’t know anything else.
“Some guy.” Millie shrugs. If she tells Elira she’s gay it could go two ways;
One, Elira could hate her.
Two, Elira realises it’s her.
In Millie’s mind, both outcomes end with Elira walking away, and even though Elira Pendora is half the cause of Millie’s suffering—the second half being her stupid heart and feelings—she doesn’t want her to walk away.
“Would I know them?”
Millie shook her head. Definitely not, because the one she wants is right in front of her, so close, but way too far away.
“No—just someone from school.”
The girl hummed softly, fixing her posture to become more comfortable before smiling. “I want to meet this guy, if that’s okay with you.”
“No, that seems like a bad idea,” Millie waved her hands in the air, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, it just doesn’t seem okay.”
“Hm, if you say so.”
“I do,” Millie spoke quickly, her throat starting to ache. “You should go—I’m sorry, we can talk tomorrow.”
“You won’t avoid me this time?”
“No—”
Millie’s voice was hoarse, full of pricks and petals aching and begging to ride up her throat. But no, she won’t ignore Elira, not when seeing Elira hurt is worse than the unbearable disease taking up her lungs.
———
“You told her it was a guy?”
Fulgur’s voice cuts through the silence. Millie hunched over the toilet in her bathroom with Enna at her side, rubbing her back. Once Millie had the opportunity, she nodded.
Enna collapses forward onto her shoulder. “Are you going to get it removed?” Enna’s hand falling from Millie’s back and into her own lap as she speaks.
Fulgur steps away from the bathroom door and makes his way to the girls’ sides, awaiting her answer. “Probably not—we graduate soon, who cares?”
“We do, Millie,” Fulgur frowns and crouches at her side. “—You’re throwing your life away, just for your fucking pride.”
“This has nothing to do with pride, Fulgur.” Millie coughs, shaking her head and wincing as her chest starts to ache. “You won’t get it removed, you won’t confess—” “This has nothing to do with my pride!—No one’s going to miss me when I’m gone so why should I hang around long enough?”
“Pomu, Elira, Reimu, Petra—they’ll miss you.” Enna sits up, her cheeks now tear stained from where she had been silently crying on Millie’s shoulder. “They’ll get over it.”
———
Two months later, Millie is lying against the couch, watching the television with her head on the lap of a worried, and very exhausted, Enna. Enna had insisted she move in, just for the time being as Millie’s condition grew worse. Millie agreed, she wasn’t too fond of coughing up flowers with no one to help her feel comfortable.
A coughing fit and whole flower later, the doorbell rings, Enna stands and makes her way to the door, opening it. Elira, Petra, Reimu, Pomu and a very guilty-looking Fulgur stand at the door. Enna closes it immediately, without letting them in. A bathroom track and multiple roses later, the group forced their way inside thanks to Fulgur’s spare key.
Millie makes her way back to the couch, collapsing by Enna, who already has warm tea ready to soothe her throat.
“Hi.” Elira was the first to speak, Millie looked up from the small cup of tea in hand. “Hi.”
“Why is everyone here?” Enna asks, glancing from Elira, who stares at Millie, Reimu, who glances around the room, purposely avoiding eye contact, Petra, who barely hides behind Reimu, Pomu, who stares at Fulgur and Fulgur who stares directly at Millie.
“Get off your ass and confess or get it removed.” Pomu moves her gaze from Fulgur to Millie, and Millie moves her gaze from Elira, to Pomu, to Fulgur. “You told them?”
“You left us no choice—now, confess or get your ass up and we get it removed.” Fulgur crosses his arms, Millie glances at Enna, who sighs and nods.
Elira stays quiet for a moment, frowning at the flowers on the floor. “It’s me,” Millie freezes. “Isn’t it?”
Millie hesitates, considering lying to her again. “Isn’t it, Millie?” But she knows.
Eventually, after a coughing fit and sip of tea later, Millie nods. “Yeah—how’d you find out?” Millie looks up through her fringe, earning a sad type of smile. “They’re the same colour as my hair—It took a while to connect the dots.”
“When?” Millie says, an itch of a cough aching in her throat. “Since you told me it was some guy—I’ve had an inkling for a while. Fulgur and your petals confirmed it.”
Millie groans and lifts her head just high enough to make eye contact. “What are you going to do about it?”
Elira sighs and steps around the coffee table, lifting her chin. “This.” She grabs Millie’s jaw, kissing her lips.
“Oh—” Millie coughs, her head dropping as she lifts a hand to her mouth, retrieving a light blue petal from her tongue. Elira crouches in front of her. Her hands against Millie’s knees as the girl’s head hangs low. “Don’t think I won’t miss you.” Millie shakes her head. “You shouldn’t—I’ll be gone before you know it.”
Despite that, Elira stands, grabbing Millie’s hand and pulling her towards the bedroom.
The door closes, Millie coughs and makes her way to the bed. “Stop thinking like that, Millie,” Elira’s voice is soft, urging and forcing Millie to listen. “I will miss you, no matter what you say—please, get it removed,” Elira hugs herself, her eyes focused on the ground. “At least for me.”
At this point, Millie wants to choke on flowers and her stupid pride—as Fulgur called it—just to give Elira a hug.
She sets her hands on the bed beside her, gripping the sheets.
“No,” She winces. “I’m not removing this disease—I’d rather die with it.”
“What?” Elira’s voice aches, she moves towards Millie’s side, sitting down.
“I’ll forget you—and I’d rather die than do that,” Millie looks off. “It’s bad enough that you and everyone else knows.”
“You planned on leaving without us knowing?”
“It was for the best, better than hurting anyone.”
Elira eventually collapses against Millie’s shoulder, frowning as she grabs Millie’s hand. “I’d hurt either way.”
Millie winces into Elira’s hair, frowning.
“It’s time for you to accept that,” Elira speaks into the silence, tightening her hand against Millie’s. “Accept the fact that everyone is going to miss you, especially me.” Elira sits up, clearly holding back tears.
“I may not love you, and I may be the cause of your pain—I am so sorry for that—but I will always miss you, Millie, and you can’t stop me, no matter how hard you try.” Elira’s arms wrap around Millie’s neck, the pair falling into the thick silence.
Millie chokes on a cough and Elira shoots up, making the space between them larger before she stands and makes her way to the door. She hesitates. Millie was almost certain that she’d turn around for another long lasting hug, but she didn’t. She opened the door and walked out, wiping her cheeks as Pomu ran in the room.
“You asshole!”
Despite those words, Millie is tackled into the mattress by a crying Pomu.
———
Two weeks, a thousand coughing fits, even more petals, and a million moments of missing the taste of Elira—Millie lays against Enna’s lap again, her skin pale, her condition one hundred times worse. Elira had come by almost everyday, with tea, food and a forehead kiss, that forehead kiss always being against Millie’s judgment.
———
The permanent hospital stay came sooner than Millie thought.
13 Months, 3 weeks to be perfectly exact.
Millie thought her time being able to move from a bed was going to last at least a few months longer, but after Enna had found her collapsed on the bathroom floor, she said hospital bed rest was the most suitable thing.
———
“Hey, Millie.”
Millie looks over at Elira, she stands at the door. “Hi.” Enna is asleep in a reclined chair at Millie’s side, not having left it once since hospital bed care became permanent.
Elira steps further into the room, her arms crossed over her chest, in hope to comfort herself. “Do you know how long you have?—Have the doctors told you?” Her voice is light, it’s late— “Why are you here? You should go home and rest.”
Millie avoids the question, watching Elira walk further into the room until she finally stops at her side. “Couldn’t sleep,” Elira places a plastic chair by the bed, sitting against it and laying her head on the mattress beside her. “I’m going to miss you, Millie.”
“I know.” Is all Millie can push herself to say without bursting into tears on the spot, which is what Enna has been doing for the past few weeks.
“Why didn’t you get it removed?” Elira looks up at Millie, taking her hand from her lap and holding it as she shivers. “I didn’t think anyone would miss me—the thought of forgetting you scared me.” Millie glances at the ceiling, internally cursing at the tears threatening to leave her eyes.
Elira tightens her grip on Millie’s hand. “Of course, we would.”
Elira sniffles, Millie winces. “Don’t remember this side of me,” Millie shakes her head. “Remember the nicer side and not the side that’s in pain.” Elira’s hand tightens and she forces herself to nod.
Eventually, Elira closes her eyes, still holding onto Millie’s hand. Millie glances over at Enna, who definitely isn’t waking up anytime soon before forcing herself to move over before patting the bed.
“You look uncomfortable.”
Elira sits up, brows raised in confusion. “You sure?”
Millie nods and Elira climbs onto the bed, immediately laying on her shoulder as Millie pulls the covers over her.
It’s silent, Millie hopes to see this moment forever.
Elira holds her hand, never wanting to let it go.
“I should have loved you—then we wouldn’t be losing you.”
———
Three weeks of Elira wishing it wasn’t like this, a few thousand more coughing fits and a hundred more ‘I should have loved you’s. Millie Parfait passes, Elira and Enna at her side when she does.
“I should have loved you.”
“It’s not your fault.”