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It started with the murder of a rich, young man. He was a playboy that besmirched his family’s honor and dignity by cheating on his wife and using funds from his family’s inheritance to fuel his wild, hedonistic lifestyle. When the story was washed over many times to be sanitized enough for the average respectable person to learn about this murder Loid used his Intel to get the full story of the murder and its method.
The rich, young man had his head bludgeoned in by a wine bottle until it broke open and reports said that it was the work of a woman. Rumors circulated that it was the Thorn Princess, though Loid never voiced that this murder seemed too sloppy for her usual work. There was no point in painting a target on his back.
What came to pass was that Loid’s agency found interesting information about the homicide detective on the murder investigation team. Or rather, what was not on the file collected on him, which only contained a thing sheet of paper detailing scarce information. Loid had read it when he was in contact with Franky.
Even Franky’s skills could not dig up any more information on this man. His name was Columbo. He wore a shabby raincoat alongside his suit and cheap shoes, he smoked cigars and the only indication that he had any other identity at all was his rank of lieutenant. He came from another country, as apparently the police were desperate to find the culprit of this murder and he was skilled at his job. He was married and by anecdotes he spoke about his wife frequently. He had a brother in law, a nephew, a niece, so many family members that somehow could not be found anywhere on the map.
The only conclusive family member her had was a dog cleverly named Dog.
Since this rich, young man was related to those in government his death put the shaky holds of peace established between the East and the West on worse grounds – for how many rumors that the Thorn Princess claimed this murder there were even more persistent, troublesome rumors that this was carried out by an agent of the West. A sort of warm-up to murder someone that actually mattered in the scheme of politics.
In order to ensure that Operation Strix would be able to continue underway Loid was required to open up his home to this Columbo; pick his brain and find out what he learned during the investigation. With one call to Yor Loid was given full permission to carry out the addendum to this mission.
“Starting to become a circus of a house over there,” Franky said with an irritatingly smug smirk. “You have your work cut out for you.”
Already Loid could feel his stomach ulcers acting up.
-
Preparing the house for Columbo meant that Loid and Yor had to work to make sure Loid’s room looked as though they had been married all this time. The façade was what was given to Columbo and though the prospect of sharing a bed with Yor was unusual Loid found that it was not something he minded. If Yor was happy and comfortable then that was what mattered. Loid told himself that was what a good husband did after all.
When evening was beginning to set in Loid was finishing up cooking dinner for the family and their guest, setting the table as he did so. The dinner was steak and mashed potatoes alongside seasoned broccoli to give the lieutenant a sort of taste of his home country’s food. He broke out the good wine as well to make for a good impression. Yor was doing last-minute clean-ups in tandem with him, checking Anya and making sure none of Bond’s fur tuffs were flying about anywhere.
Though Yor was at first apprehensive, understandably so, about a stranger living in her room she seemed cheerful as the hour counted down for when Columbo would show up. She told Loid that she got her room all organized just right to which Loid couldn’t help but smile at her tone. Anya had a shocked look on her face.
It was quickly swept away because Yor got down on one knee to rub at a spot on Anya’s cheek. When she was done she pressed a kiss to Anya’s forehead.
“Be on your best behavior, miss Anya,” Yor said fondly and at that Anya stood up straight with a determined expression on her face. Loid’s smile held on his face as they heard a knocking at the front door, and Loid hurried to open it up. He saw that Columbo had arrived, and closed the door after their guest entered their house.
Columbo had a suitcase in one hand and draped across that same arm was his infamous raincoat. His suit coat looked more distinguished and there was warmth in his ruddy face as he reached out to shake Loid’s hand.
“Thank you for inviting me into your home, sir.”
“The pleasure is ours, Mr. Columbo,” Loid said. He reached for the suitcase, placed the raincoat on a nearby rack and gestured to his (fake) family. “This is Yor, Anya, and Bond.”
“My goodness, he’s quite a dog,” Columbo said as he looked over Bond. “I’m sure you and Dog would be fast friends if you ever met.”
Bond barked lowly and deeply in his friendly way and Columbo added, “Oh, sheesh. Where are my manners?”
He shook Yor’s hand next. “It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Yor.”
“Welcome to our home, lieutenant,” Yor said. The way how her eyes crinkled when she smiled made Loid’s heart trip over its beats. He hoped the stress of the mission did not mean that he gained heart palpitations in addition to his stomach ulcers.
They were acting up somewhat when Anya hid behind Yor, eyeing the lieutenant warily. Yor placatingly put her hand on Anya’s back.
Loid asked, “Anya, why don’t you introduce yourself to Mr. Columbo?”
“Oh, it’s all right, sir,” Columbo said with an easy wave of his hand. He smiled gently at Anya. “I know it must be unusual for a little girl to suddenly have a stranger live in her home for a few days.”
Anya’s wide eyes blinked slowly as she loosened her grip on Yor’s skirt. They were full of understanding. After a few held seconds she walked up to Columbo and offered her hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Scruffy Man!”
Loid internally groaned at her choice of words but Columbo seemed to take it in stride because he replied, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, miss Anya.”
“Mama, papa! This man is gonna keep us safe!” Anya exclaimed, pointing at him.
That wasn’t quite right and Loid might need to remind her of proper grammar. But in the moment he said, “That’s right.”
With the pleasantries over with Loid showed Columbo to his room and ushered Anya to the dining room table. Yor sat beside her and helped her put her napkin in her lap. Loid was serving every plate just as Columbo exited his room and walked to the table.
“My God, what a feast,” he exclaimed. “Thank you for going to all this trouble for me.”
“No trouble at all,” Loid assured. Definitely so because Yor had not cooked. “I hope it is to your liking.”
Dinner started with pleasant conversation, safe topics to which Loid tried to find an opening to pry out information about the investigation. After gearing the conversation to work, which Anya boldly declared she hated studying, Loid opened up the topic of Columbo’s work with ease.
“How is the investigation going, lieutenant?”
“Loid, would it be all right for miss Anya to hear this?” Yor asked worriedly. Anya was just gnawing on a chunk of steak gristle like a cow chewing its cud. Loid would have to talk with her about dinner etiquette later.
“I’m sure the way the lieutenant describes it won’t be any worse than her cartoons,” Loid said, reaching out to touch her hand with a reassuring smile. A little bit of pink colored her face to which Loid had to force himself to look away from to listen to what Columbo had to say.
“Where to start… I’ve gotta say, your city is very interesting,” Columbo said. He took a bite of steak. “Some of the fellows at the station were talking about a man named Agent Twilight. Very interesting, man of a thousand faces from what I heard.”
Loid’s eyelid twitched slightly. He drew back his hand and tried to steer the conversation back on track. “Is he involved in the murder?”
“No, no. Most are saying it’s the work of the Thorn Princess.”
Yor’s cutlery clattered against the plate, making Anya wince and cover her ears for a few seconds. Yor’s face was the picture of neutrality as she picked them back up. “I’m sorry.”
“No worries at all, Mrs. Yor.”
“It’s all right, Yor,” Loid said. He briefly wondered why Anya looked so worried. Her face was like an open book.
Columbo continued, “Now, Mrs. Columbo, she’s been in a frenzy to learn about each report on this woman, every magazine or newspaper she scours through. Sometimes I don’t get a chance to look at my morning paper intact since she steals the page talking about this Thorn Princess. She seems to have made quite a name for herself.”
He jabbed his fork into the mashed potatoes and ate his portion. Loid listened intently.
“Personally, I can’t abide by murder or bloodshed,” Columbo said, his face going a little pale at the word. Loid found that unusual for a homicide detective. “You understand, it’s my work. But I think a lady that catches the attention of Mrs. Columbo like that can’t be all that bad.”
“You’re quite strange in thinking that way about an assassin, lieutenant.” Loid internally cursed himself for his unusually hasty words.
“What can I say?” Columbo said with a shrug. “This job gives me a window into the strangest of people. You never know what might be lurking just under your nose.”
That was all that Columbo gave up about the investigation. The dinner moved on to other topics and Loid vowed to get more information. He had enough time to get to the meat of the subject.
When it was time for bed and Loid and Yor somewhat awkwardly shared the bed he thought of her reaction to Columbo mentioning the Thorn Princess. She truly did not want Anya to be exposed to that sort of talk, to keep her from knowing about murder.
They both lived through war. Murder was like a thumbprint of war. He stared at her back, her long hair cascading down over her shoulders. He knew that this peace was what he strived for.
-
It took a couple of days for Loid to think that perhaps Columbo had a better lead on the investigation and would ask him questions. But he was agonizingly tight-lipped. All that he would really give were vague answers like he had the wrong hunch, he’d lost his pencil while looking over evidence or that it was just about wrapped up.
Even when Loid snuck into the prescient in imitation of Columbo’s temporary commissioner he did not let a single thing slip. All that Loid learned in that time from the investigation was that it was narrowed down to the rich, young man’s housekeeper, his wife or the Thorn Princess as the perpetrator. Loid thought they ought to look into the rich, young man’s estranged cousin but there was only investigation on those particular suspects. Loid had half a mind to disguise himself as one of them, at least as the housekeeper or the wife, and turn himself in. But he told himself to not be so foolishly hasty. He would get what he needed out of Columbo, eventually.
In the meantime, Yor was not coming home as late as she normally did, citing that her boss gave her shorter hours to balance home life and work life since she had a guest in her home. This meant that for one evening that Columbo was living with them they could all go out to an upscale restaurant and dine together. During the meal Columbo was told many times to put away his wallet. He still wore that raincoat.
When they were done they headed to a nearby fountain so that Anya could look at the glittering coins at the bottom. Yor touched Loid’s arm before telling him she would go make sure Anya would be all right, and it was entirely too natural for them considering their arrangements. But it was wanted.
Loid and Columbo settled down on a nearby garden bench and Loid asked about the investigation for what seemed like the hundredth time. He tried his luck, tried to see if his suspicions were correct about the cousin. He did not say it outright because he did not have any evidence and besides that he could not voice this because – as Loid, he was a civilian. A family man.
It was strange how that term settled on his shoulders so easily like a warm coat.
But Columbo had given his vague responses again, turned it back on Loid that if someone was not paying attention they would think he was just oblivious.
“Talking about murder is a stomach turner and I wouldn’t want to ruin your nice evening,” Columbo explained. “But you know, I gotta tell you something.”
Loid nodded, restraining his eagerness. Columbo pointed with two fingers at Yor and Anya. Yor was holding onto Anya’s small hand, helping her walk around the fountain’s edge.
“You have a lovely family,” Columbo said.
“Yes, they are.” Loid perfectly played the act of a warm, loving husband and father with his tone. Even with those short words it stood to wonder how much the lines had started to blur between what was meant for the mission and what was truth.
“With how upturned the world is getting with this talk of war between the East and the West,” Columbo said, “It’s a simple delight to see a pair of newlyweds like yourself and Mrs. Yor.”
“We’ve been married for a year.”
“Is that right?” Columbo placed a hand to his forehead, a picture perfect expression of sheepishness. “Oh… forgive me, sir, looking at you two it’s as if you just got married a few weeks ago.”
Loid would have to rectify their external image. In the meantime he found his opening to at least learn more about the lieutenant.
“How long have you been married?”
“Oh, many years now,” Columbo said. “Would you believe me if I said I lost the ring right before I proposed to Mrs. Columbo?”
“That sounds like you, lieutenant,” Loid said with a good-natured laugh.
It started off a brief conversation about Columbo’s family. He was so open about his family, passing anecdotes about his brother-in-law and nephews and nieces and wife like hors d’oeuvres for the grand meal that was his pride in them. But in a way that was closed off that some stories or relations were contradictory or too perfect for the moment. It was like Columbo had practiced to not let anyone know, really know, the full details of everything about him.
He was Loid’s match in secrecy and it was frankly extremely irritating.
Their conversation was broken by a large splash and Yor and Anya’s shouts. Anya had fallen into the fountain. Loid ran to help while Yor grabbed her and pulled her out of the fountain, the two of them shrugging off their jackets to cover up the shivering Anya.
“Oh, sir, ma’am, don’t worry,” Columbo said. He draped his raincoat around Anya’s shoulders. She was practically swimming in the raincoat. “This material can soak up the water better.”
“Papa, it smells like cigars!” Anya shouted, drawing it closer to herself. Yor started to scrub the water out of her wet hair with her fingertips, doing it with surprisingly gentle care.
“It’s okay, Anya,” Loid said with a nod.
“I’m sorry, little lady, but it’s the only one I’ve got and I don’t want your parents to ruin their nice jackets,” Columbo said.
“It’s manageable!”
Loid found himself smiling that she said it right on the first try. It made him wonder how easy it was that Yor and Anya carved a space for themselves into his life.
-
It was about two days later after that dinner that Loid heard on the news of how the culprit for the murder had been caught. It was the cousin and Loid allowed himself to smirk for that. Columbo had disappeared from the flashing bulbs of cameras and videotaping when he left the young, rich man’s mansion and so Loid went on a casual stroll to find him.
He found him on the rooftop of an outdoor café, seated at one of the patio tables. Columbo was looking out at the setting sun gracing the city, washing the hustle and bustle of the people below in golden light. He had a cigar at his lips and blew out the smoke. He did not even turn as Loid took the free seat on the opposite side of the table.
“Are you going to ask me about the investigation, Mr. Loid?”
“If it pleases you, Mr. Columbo,” Loid said.
“Oh, gee, you’re not gonna believe this. But it was the cousin of that young man that killed him,” Columbo said. “She wanted to ensure that her son would get the inheritance since that young man was bleeding them dry. Funny how things are so plain on your face once you take a step back, huh?”
“Hmm. I suppose life is that way sometimes.”
Columbo was looking at him now, a look in his eyes that made Loid feel like he was unpeeled and utterly exposed. “Twilight…”
Columbo turned his gaze to the sky and his next words made Loid’s cold, racing heart ease up. “My God, twilight looks beautiful here. It’s too bad I’ll be leaving it behind.”
Loid let the silence hang for a few seconds before he asked, “You’ll be leaving us soon, then?”
“It seems that way, sir.” Columbo took a drag off his cigar and blew out the smoke.
“Ah, what a shame.” And Loid found that he was completely sincere despite it all.
“But there is just one more thing… something that’s been bothering me,” Columbo said as he leaned forward.
“What’s that, Mr. Columbo?”
“That Thorn Princess and Agent Twilight. Even if I was not on the case to arrest them, such a shame that I don’t think I’ll be able to catch those two. I don’t like loose ends.”
Loid’s teeth grit together, subtle, as he held his breath for whatever he would say next. Even if there was a sense of camaraderie there he would not let Columbo incapacitate the mission, for the slightest chance that he knew the truth about Loid. It would truly be a pity if he had to take care of this particular loose end if Columbo knew the truth.
Columbo waved his cigar in a loose circle as his cadence became lighter. “But maybe they’ll turn around, find themselves something good. Everyone loves a redemption story.”
Loid nodded, vaguely and warily, keeping himself tight-lipped despite himself. But he did not have to worry.
Columbo tilted his head, deliberate in a kind but firm way. “You take care of that little girl. You give her the whole world, all right?”
“I will,” Loid said. And he knew he meant it more than what he would strive for in the name of the mission, in the name of world peace. Maybe Yor and Anya were his answer now.