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The only thing that seemed to matter to your family was blood purity. They wanted to be seen as the perfect purebloods, the ones who were rich and well off, never wanting for anything. To the whole world you seemed like a picture perfect family, yet as it always went behind closed doors you were anything but.
You hated your family, hated that they didn’t care for anything other than how they were perceived by the world. You hated growing up without love or affection, hated being left with nannies and house elves as your only company, hated that the only time your family could smile around each other was when you attended the fancy balls thrown by the other pureblood families or the meals hosted at your own manor in an attempt to outdo the last event.
You hated your town, the fancy place that was hidden far away from ‘ filthy muggles and tainted blood ’, hated how you felt caged in, trapped in a place others would kill to live. You despised that you were only allowed to associate yourself with purebloods.
Your family had long had your engagement planned, you were always to be married to a Black. It had always meant to be a union with the first born Black but your parents had refused to let you wed the boy who went against everything they believed in and instead you were to be married to the younger Black.
It wasn’t like you didn’t like Regulus. He was a nice enough boy but he was much too willing to oblige his family’s every wish, another pureblood wanting to look good for the sake of public appearance even if it meant a life without happiness, a life where your love was fake and you would both be miserable.
Sirius on the other hand, he was somebody you could get along with, somebody you could picture being in your life whilst being happy. The two of you weren’t allowed to associate with each other, your family had forbidden it once they saw you getting close with the older Black. Sirius had seemed to take that as a personal challenge and got you alone every moment he could at parties you were both forced to attend.
It had led to many arguments between you and your parents.
This had been an ongoing battle for years now, a challenge Sirius had been winning at since before you went to Hogwarts. It was there that you thought you would have more freedom, freedom to socialise with people outside of the regular purebloods, freedom to talk to Sirius whenever you wanted.
What you didn’t account for was the other Slytherin reporting your every move back to your parents and them knowing exactly who you were talking to. Their threats had been enough to isolate you from everyone in your first year at Hogwarts, even despite Sirius’ attempts to sneak you away you pulled back from everybody.
That was the way though, that was the way your life was always going to be spent. You would always be alone even if you had a husband at your side and an heir to leave everything to, an heir who would continue the cycle of living for appearances rather than happiness.
Then Regulus came to Hogwarts the next year.
The two of you were forced together at every instance and eventually it just became second nature to gravitate towards each other. Spending so much time around a person created a bond between the two of you and you did consider him a friend but that was all.
Years passed by in the same repetitive cycle, you and Regulus got closer as time passed and eventually it wasn’t such a chore to be in his company. You spent plenty of summers at the Black house and him at yours, parties, balls, lunches all to be attended together.
You had to admit though, if only to yourself, that you missed Sirius dearly.
As you entered into your third year of Hogwarts it seemed Sirius had given up his own challenge of getting you to pull away from your family’s ideals, clearly having given up on you.
Some days you thought he was right to have given up. Some days you forgot that there was more to life than what you had, some days you let yourself fall into the trap of familiarity. Regulus made it easy to forget that this wasn’t what you wanted.
You could admit you loved him, you knew he loved you too but you just loved each other differently. He had fallen for you, what had started as a relationship arranged before his birth had turned into something real, he wanted to marry you, to make you his bride and provide for you.
You loved Regulus dearly. He was your best friend and part of you wished you could love him more. It would be so much easier if you did. Regulus was beautiful, he was intelligent and he cared so much. He was perfect and he too deserved better than some forced marriage that neither of you had chosen for yourselves.
Maybe if things had been different, maybe if you and Regulus hadn’t been shoved together without a say, then maybe you could have fallen in love with him but that wasn’t how this story played out.
It didn’t help that no matter how much time had passed your thoughts never quite managed to stray away from Sirius. You had always wondered what might have happened between the two of you if you hadn’t been forced to stay away from him.
Even now years down the line, the two of you in your sixth year of Hogwarts, your eyes still wandered over to the Gryffindor table, having to fight back a smile when you saw his eyes were already watching you. Sometimes he smiled at you, sometimes he’d grin or smirk, sometimes he threw a wink your way and other times he looked sad and you felt that sadness deep in your own bones.
With Sirius there was always the lingering question, deep down both of you were always thinking of the what if’s, the what could have been. Some days you felt like you could drown in sadness and the questions that would forever remain unanswered.
“They’re planning the wedding.” Regulus told you one morning as you sat next to him in the Great Hall, barely awake but his words had your eyes widening.
“They can’t do that, they told us it wasn't to happen until after we left here.” You said with a frown, eyebrows knitting together as you turned to look at him properly.
“Mother sent me a letter this morning, I’m sure you’ll get one too. Apparently something is happening, you know there has been a political shift lately and Mother and Father have been involved in something more but I don’t know much about it yet. I just know that we are to be married by the end of the year.” Regulus explained and you had to force yourself to swallow around the sudden lump in your throat.
You turned away from Regulus, shifting in your seat so you were looking ahead and busied yourself with pouring a drink before your eyes locked onto the other Black across the room. He was already looking at you, no smirk or sadness but this time with concern. His eyes were wide as he tilted his head to the side, silently asking if you were ok and you couldn’t deal with that right now, Sirius’ concern might just be the thing to push you over the edge.
“The end of the year?” You finally asked, looking away from Sirius as Regulus nodded.
“It’s not so bad, right?” He asked hesitantly and you forced yourself not to grimace but there was a stinging in your eyes you desperately tried to push down. “I know this was planned by our parents but you know I will take care of you, don’t you?”
You gave him a tight lipped smile as you nodded, forcing yourself not to cry. Regulus was right, it wasn’t so bad, it could be much worse, you could be being forced to marry a person who didn’t care for you, one who would use you for an heir before tossing you aside. At least you and Regulus had the luxury of being friends.
And yet that thought didn’t comfort you, if anything it made your heart ache more.
“No it’s not bad, Regulus.” You told him as evenly as you could manage and it seemed to work as he relaxed slightly in his seat. “Sorry it just came as a shock to me.”
“I understand,” Regulus told you with a soft smile, his hand resting over yours on the table. “It’ll be fine though, we’ll marry and everything will be easier.”
You smiled at him again, turning your hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze before pulling away.
“I know,” You said before standing, needing to be alone, “I forgot to pick up my charm’s homework. I’ll see you in class.”
You didn’t rush out of the room, there were too many eyes watching your reaction so you walked out at your normal pace, head held high and a neutral expression on your face. It wasn’t until you were out of the Great Hall that you picked up the pace and quickly made your way out of the castle.
It didn’t take you long to find an empty spot near the lake, it was still early and the autumn chill was keeping most people inside.
You were glad for the emptiness as you sat down on the ground, tears trying to make their way down your face but you refused to let them fall. You did love Regulus, he truly was your best friend but you weren’t like him, no matter how hard you tried to make yourself be, no matter how hard you told yourself you could marry him and be content.
Regulus wanted to please his parents, he wanted the comfortable life of doing as he was told. You didn’t want that, you didn’t want to marry somebody who didn’t love you, somebody who only wanted you for appearance’s sake. You wanted the hard work a real relationship took, you wanted the pain and the tears and the overwhelming happiness that came with truly being in love.
Regulus wanted a bride that would give him a child and make the Black family look good, he expected you to stay home, to raise a child and gossip with the other pureblood ladies and host parties and teas. You didn’t want that, you wanted to make a name for yourself, you wanted a job and you wanted to work hard and achieve your goals, goals that didn’t involve staying at home all day.
You wanted more than what life was offering you but you didn’t know how to get out of the place you were stuck.
“Hey.” A voice called out to you softly causing you to jump before you turned your head.
Sirius stood a few steps behind you, a small, sympathetic smile on his face as he nodded to the space next to you.
It wasn’t as though you and Sirius had completely cut each other off in the years since you were forbidden from talking to each other but it had been much too long since you had been able to properly have a real conversation, one that lasted longer than the five minutes you could steal before you were caught and it was reported back to both the Black’s and your parents.
“What happened?” He asked, keeping his voice quiet, after sitting down next to you, so close you could feel his arm against yours.
“Me and Regulus are getting married.” You told him, matching the softness of his voice.
“Well yeah,” Sirius chuckled and you could feel his arm moving as he laughed, “we all knew that was happening.”
“We’re getting married before the year is over.” You clarified and watched from the corner of your eye as he tensed up and looked at you in shock.
“They can’t do that!” He protested but both of you knew that both of your parents could do whatever they wanted so you could do nothing but shrug.
“Y/N,” he began but cut himself off with a sigh. You didn’t say anything because what was there to say? You didn’t know how you could change what was to happen, you knew you’d give anything to not be forced into this marriage no matter how much you cared for Regulus but you didn’t know how to leave.
The second you left you knew you’d be cut off from everything, you’d had no money, no access to the vaults, no access to any of your properties. You’d be completely alone.
“Tell me what you want me to do.” Sirius finally pleaded and you smiled sadly as you turned to look at him, his own expression showing you how desperately he wanted to help. “Tell me what you want to do.”
“I want to leave.” You finally confessed out loud for the first time, a wet chuckle escaping you as the tears you had desperately fought back made their way back to your eyes. “I want to leave them all behind. I love Regulus, he’s my best friend but I don’t want to marry him, Sirius! I don’t want to be married for appearances and heirs, I want to marry somebody I love, I want to be free to make my own decisions and not have to have my parents controlling every part of my life.”
You were crying by the end of your speech, tears you’d been holding in for years finally flowed freely down your cheeks and you could do nothing to stop them, could only sob as you realised there was no way out of this for you.
Sirius had no words either, he could do nothing but pull you into his arms, an action that made you sob even harder because this was all you had wanted for so long, you couldn’t remember the last time Sirius hugged you. When you were younger Sirius used to hug you close all the time, the two of you held hands and bent your heads together and now you weren’t even allowed to talk to one another.
Yet another thing your parents controlled.
“You don’t have to marry him.” Sirius whispered into your hair, shushing you as you let out a scoff that turned into a scoff. “I mean it, you don’t have to marry him if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to James and see if Mr and Mrs Potter can help us out but you’re not marrying him, Y/N/N, you deserve better than the life of a pureblood wife.”
His words made you cry harder and you don’t know just how long the two of you sat alone by the lake, just holding each other as tears flooded your cheeks as some stung at Sirius’ own eyes but he refused to let them fall as he focused on you, whispering whatever words came to mind as he brushed his hand against your arm.
Eventually you pulled back from him and went to lift your hands in an attempt to wipe the tears from your face but Sirius beat you to it, his hands coming to rest on your cheeks as his thumbs gently brushed your tears away.
“I’ll find you a way out of this,” Sirius told you as he rested his forehead against yours and you let yourself relax into the touch. “I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Sirius.” You murmured softly, a sad smile spreading across your face as you lifted one of your hands to rest against his. “We both know this is the way it’s going to be.”
“I got out, I’ll get you out too.” He promised again and your smile widened a small bit as you nodded. “I don’t want you to marry him.”
“I love Regulus but he is ready to throw his whole life away and pretend he’s happy to please everyone…I can’t do that Sirius, I thought I could but I can’t.” You told him as he brushed his thumb against your cheek softly.
“We’ll figure something out, love.” He told you softly and you could stop the rush of warmth that seemed to run through you at the pet name, a shaky smile spread across your face as you nodded again.
It was days before your wedding was due to take place during the Christmas holiday, in the months that had passed you had talked to Sirius more than you had in the last few years, the two of you finding a moment or two each day to talk in an empty classroom.
It was like the feelings that had been there as a child had suddenly returned at full force, of course they had never gone away completely but not being able to talk to Sirius had meant you had shoved your feelings deep down.
With just a few days until you returned home you and Regulus had both been receiving daily letters informing you of wedding updates, times you needed to be here, when you needed to be there, suits and dresses had been bought and both families were going all out in an attempt to put all other weddings to shame.
Everything for the sake of appearances no matter how unhappy you were.
You were expected to gush over the upcoming wedding and share the newest plans with your friends in your house and even though it made you sick to your stomach you went along with it to keep up the image. Regulus seemed much more at ease and a part of you was furious at him for being able to go along so easily with everything.
He smiled and seemed to light up like sunshine when he spoke of the wedding plans whereas you felt like the streets when the rain was hammering down at midnight, cold, dark, and alone. He seemed genuinely happy to be marrying you and you wished you could force yourself to pretend but you couldn’t.
Though you supposed you had no choice but to anymore.
That was until you were strolling the corridors late at night, the last night before you went home to be married off, needing a moment away from the Slytherin common room and all the people faking interest in your big day.
A hand reached out of nowhere and dragged you into an empty classroom, the other hand coming up to cover your mouth as you let out a yelp but before you could struggle a familiar voice spoke against your ear causing you to suppress a shudder.
“Relax love, it’s just me.” Sirius laughed and you rolled your eyes, playfully pushing him away from you as you turned to face him. “What are you doing wandering the halls at midnight?”
“Needed to be away from everyone.” You told him with another eyeroll and watched as he smiled at you before making a move to leave the room.
“Guess I know when I’m not wanted.” He said, amusement clear in his voice and you grinned as you caught his hand and dragged him further into the room, sitting on top of one of the desks cross legged, Sirius mirroring your expression as he sat opposite you.
“You know that never applies to you.” You told him, keeping your tone light but meaning the words and you saw how his whole face seemed to light up before he tried to brush it off.
“So…” Sirius grinned at you and you raised an eyebrow at him expectantly but he just smiled wider somehow.
“So…” You repeated, urging him to continue and he sat up straighter before he spoke again.
“Do you want some good news?” He asked you and your eyebrows knitted together as you looked at him questioningly, gesturing for him to carry on.
“Sirius,” You complained when he didn’t speak, causing him to let out a laugh, “what’s your news?”
“You’re staying with the Potter’s.” He told you and before you could say anything he carried on. “They let me stay there and I talked to James about everything and then we both talked to his parents and they insisted you stay with them for holidays like I do. You’ll love it, the Potter’s are the best and they have a spare bedroom already set up for you. I told them you’d probably be cut off and they said you didn’t need to worry about anything and that-”
“Sirius.” You choked out, cutting him off as tears filled your eyes.
“Hey, this is a good thing.” Sirius told you, reaching out to take your hand in his and giving it a squeeze. “I promise there’s no strings attached, the Potter’s are good people, best I ever met anyway.”
“You didn’t have to do this for me.” You told him, feeling your throat choke up as you stared at him with wide, teary eyes.
“Course I did.” Sirius told you with a soft laugh, squeezing your hand again. “Y/N, I’d do anything for you. I know we went a while without talking to each other properly but I never stopped caring about you. I wasn’t going to sit by and watch you marry Regulus, not when you deserve to be happy.”
You felt a few tears fall down your cheeks even as a smile made its way onto your face and you couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped you causing Sirius’ smile to widen.
“Thank you.” You managed to choke out and Sirius just shook his head at you. “I mean it, Sirius, you didn’t have to do all this. I’ll never be able to thank you for this.”
“Shut up,” He laughed, causing you to grin at him, “You never have to thank me, I’m just glad you get to make your own choices now.”
He was right, you were free to do what you wanted now and it felt…strangely terrifying. You’d never had the option of making your own choices before and now you were free thanks to Sirius, thanks to the man you were falling for.
Who were you kidding? You had fallen for Sirius a long time ago.
Your eyes shifted down to his lips and you knew he noticed but found that you didn’t care and apparently Sirius wasn’t against it as his tongue poked out to wet his lips before his own eyes flicked down to your lips before he looked back to your eyes, a questioning look in his.
You could only grin over at him and he smiled brightly before he lifted his hand to your cheek and let his thumb trace the skin of your cheekbone. He brought your face close to his, letting his forehead rest against yours as he glanced down to your lips again.
“You sur-” Sirius went to ask but you couldn’t wait any longer, you had waited years for this and leaned up to close the distance between you, taking Sirius by surprise if the muffled noise that escaped him was any clue but he recovered quickly.
The kiss was everything you had imagined it would be, it was rushed and hungry and filled with longing, filled with relief that you could finally do it. Sirius held your face in his hands and kissed you deeply, kissed you until you were out of breath and then some more before finally pulling away.
“Wanted to do that for so long.” He murmured against your lips as he leaned forward to press a smaller, barely there kiss against them.
“Me too.” You whispered breathlessly, smiling softly over at him and Sirius couldn’t help but press his lips to yours again causing you to laugh against his lips, the two of you smiling too wide to properly kiss again before he pulled away.
“Thank you, Sirius.” You told him as you rested your foreheads together and Sirius just wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you closer, content to just hold you after waiting years for the chance to do so and not planning to let you go until you wanted to leave.