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The air was far too cold for Eric to only be warmed by a hoodie, but he sat on the bench by Stark’s Pond all the same.
He wasn’t even looking at the water or the trees. His face was buried in his hands as he sat hunched over. He could see red and brown leaves on the ground in the gaps between his fingers.
His head hurt. His chest hurt. Everything hurt so badly, but his tears stayed behind his eyes, not daring to come out. Not daring to look as weak as he felt.
Years and years of guilt and regrets had piled up, and he was far too scared to ask for help.
He stayed like that long enough for the sun to begin to set. Long enough for a certain redhead to take notice. Long enough for him to make his way over to Eric and sit silently beside him.
Eric barely even registered that Kyle was next to him until he spoke.
“I’m scared to ask, but what’s got you so upset, dude?” Kyle asked.
Eric pulled his face away from his hands. He blinked a few times adjusting to the brightness of the sunset that reflected on the pond in front of him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Kyle, but he still responded.
“I’m not a good person, am I?” Eric said.
There was a beat of silence.
“Ha!” Kyle's laugh was abrupt and sharp, and it stabbed Eric’s heart like a blade. A few more moments passed. “Oh fuck, you’re being serious right now.”
“Yes, Kyle. I’m very seriously right now,” Eric said, finally bringing his eyes over to his friend.
“Oh,” Kyle said. His green eyes bore into Eric. Eric felt like Kyle could see right into his soul. It scared him. The quiet stretched on.
“Your silence speaks volumes,” said Eric. His eyes dropped back down to the leaf under his shoe. It was the same color red as Kyle’s hair. He dragged his foot back and forth and watched as it disintegrated under his touch.
“Well, what do you want me to say?” asked Kyle.
Eric didn’t say anything. He stayed sitting there watching the sunset in silence. Kyle stayed there with him. Kyle was never quiet. Eric felt guilt and misery wash over him just as it had been doing all day. It was his fault Kyle was quiet. He was burning out the brightest flame in his life, and it hurt.
“Can I even change at this point?” Eric choked out. He still wasn’t looking at Kyle. He couldn’t let himself.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kyle pushed himself off the bench and walked in front of Eric, forcing him to look at Kyle. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
“What?” Eric said. He sounded pitiful, even to himself.
Kyle grabbed Eric’s hands and shook them as he yelled, “You’re Eric Theodore Cartman! You can do anything! You’re the most determined person I’ve ever met. You always get what you want.”
Eric was jostled forward by Kyle’s movements. Eric looked up into Kyle’s eyes and saw himself in their reflection, saw himself through Kyle’s eyes.
“You really think so,” Eric whispered. It wasn’t a question.
“I fucking know so,” Kyle said in earnest. “You can do anything you want, and if you want to change, you can.”
Kyle looked like he was on fire with the sun directly behind him. He burned so brightly, so passionately, that Eric felt like he was on fire too.
“Yeah. You’re right,” Eric said.
“I’m always right,” Kyle quipped.
It was Eric’s turn to laugh. Kyle had let go of Eric’s hands, but he remained standing in front of him. There was no way Eric could ever dim Kyle’s flame, but he could certainly feed the fire. With a smile in his eyes, he pushed himself up. He stepped forward and let this flame lead his way.