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They leave the bar a mass of sound and laughter, the music inside trailing out after them before the doors shut again and it’s just the mix matched hum of conversation. Lars is hanging off of one of his men, slurring just slightly, but doing his best to put on something like an authoritative voice and talk over the others to make sure they all head straight back to wherever they were staying while on leave. Promised to pay them back for the drinks and for their rides and though he almost certainly wouldn’t, forgetful as he could be, the promises were met with amicable agreement.
Tougou kept to one side, likely the only one of them that could even walk in a straight line, making sure after Lars that everyone was really headed back to where they needed to be. When it was just him and Lars and the taxi trying to take off with Lars speaking with little to no volume control into the passenger side window at the last one to leave, Tougou took the initiative to start dragging Lars a little away from the road. A glance at the driver let Tougou know he was grateful for the move.
Lars doesn’t take any time leaning his weight against Tougou instead, now, waving at the car as it disappeared into the nighttime traffic. He’s warm even through all the layers of clothing, and personal space doesn’t seem to exist as a concept to him when he leans somehow closer and laughs a little and starts talking finally a little quieter.
“Stuck with me again?”
Tougou hums and adjusts the hold he has on Lars, one hand at his waist just above his belt where his shirt is threatening to ride up.
“I volunteered.”
He looks in the direction he’s sure they need to go, just to remind himself of the route. Lars’ temporary apartment was mercifully close to the bar they frequented on the off chance they had the time to. He and the others had been going so often that, while not being regulars, most of the other patrons along with the staff recognized them, knew they were in for something of a rowdy night when Lars was a few drinks in and loosened up enough to drop the air of authority that usually surrounded him. Tougou starts walking, dragging Lars just the slightest bit, and Lars isn’t quiet for long before he’s humming whatever tune was last playing in the bar.
The near silence is nice. Lars can't quite seem to catch the melody and flits between songs from the sounds of it. Crickets chirp from everywhere at once, sirens fade in and out again in the distance, every now and again they pass by couples or groups in similar situations to them. Things stay the same until Lars sighs and leans his head on Tougou's shoulder, hair unavoidably pressed into his face.
"Isn't it a burden to have to babysit me? When everyone else gets to drink and all?"
“I already told you I volunteered.”
“Did you have to draw straws to figure out who’d be dragging me back home?”
“I said I’d do it since I’m the only one who can carry you.”
Tougou stops at a crosswalk. The road is clear on this side, but he checks either way and waits a moment at the crossing light to get as much of Lars’ hair out of his face as is humanly possible with Lars still on his shoulder. Lars makes a disappointed noise, moves again, undoes all of Tougou’s hard work.
“That’s no good.” He sounds like he’s trying hard to be responsible, an authority even when it’s just the two of them. “Remind me to get on that in training.”
“I’ll remind you. You’re pretty heavy, though, to be fair to them.--Watch your step.”
Tougou all but drags Lars over the curb, takes him across the street and back up onto sidewalk. Lars is hardly focused enough to do much more than move on autopilot. He lifts his feet like it’s the most strenuous task imaginable, but manages not to trip, at the very least.
There’s another moment of silence in which Tougou starts to believe Lars is drifting off, but rather than staying mostly boneless, Lars turns more towards Tougou and shifts his weight in such a way that Tougou is struggling to keep standing from the sudden movement. He catches himself with one foot forward, Lars brings his other arm in and puts it around Tougou’s neck to lock it with the first, hanging off of him like he’s playground equipment. He’s almost too close for Tougou to see the tipsy-mischievous look on his face.
They would be a sight, if anyone were still passing by. Like they were caught in some kind of drunken waltz.
“What are you–” Tougou adjusts his hold on Lars, keeping them both from toppling over. “What are you doing?”
“I’m heavy, you said. How heavy?”
“Very, in fact, we’re both going to find out if I can even carry you if you don’t stand up, soon.”
“That’s not good…”
For a moment, Lars actually looks serious, troubled, but it leaves as soon as it arrives. He seems to decide he isn’t sober enough to play at being bothered. Unfortunately, he also isn’t sober enough to realize that the threat of toppling over is a very real one.
“It isn’t good. So will you stand up, please?”
“Be honest,” Lars seems to ignore him, loosens his hold a little so Tougou is forced to support them both even more. “You volunteered because you really like me, right?”
“Yeah, you caught me. That’s exactly why. And if you like me, too, you should stand up.”
Lars doesn’t listen, but leans a little closer to kiss just underneath the scar by Tougou’s eye. The action would be appreciated if it weren’t for the perilous situation they were currently in.
"How much do you like me?"
Tougou sighs, finally getting really and truly frustrated.
"So much that I'm still holding you up and not letting you fall like you deserve to." He has to adjust his hold again. The leg he has most of his weight on is starting to get sore from the strain. "I love you so much that I put up with you, is that good enough?"
His words actually seem to get through to Lars this time, if the expression he gets in return is anything to go by. After some awkward, clumsy maneuvering, Lars is standing back up mostly on his own. He stands in front of Tougou instead, hands at either side of Tougou’s face but squishing his cheeks awkwardly with a little more force than his alcohol-addled mind likely realized. Lars looks over Tougou for a moment, silent. Tougou wonders briefly if anyone is watching them.
"You love me? You mean it?"
Tougou sighs, but he can't ignore how something in his chest softens at the display. He leans forward– and has to fight a little against Lars' poorly handled strength– to return a kiss the same as Lars had earlier, just underneath the healed-over scar over Lars' eye.
"I love you. I mean it. Can we go back to your apartment, now?"
Lars reddens a little– a little more over the alcohol warming him, at least. He makes a low noise.
"You're so forward, Mr. Tougou."
"You're going right to bed the moment we get back."
Lars is pliant enough now that Tougou can turn him around and they can start their trek back once again. He makes another sound, a low chuckle, and is back to leaning on Tougou.
"You can join me. The bed is kinda cold when I'm all alone."
Tougou hums. "That's a lie, you're never cold. You're too used to those winters that'll freeze your eyes open if you go too long without blinking."
Lars hums right back, smiling even when his eyes are focused on the ground, watching to make sure he takes careful steps, doesn't stumble.
"True…but I could be warmer."
"You'll be warm enough under your blankets."
Lars makes an exaggerated show of leaning back, letting out a frustrated groan when his overt flirting doesn't hit its mark. Tougou keeps them standing, this time bringing a hand around his front and to Lars' waist to keep him from pulling another stunt. Lars looks at Tougou from his shoulder, still close, and the way he's pouting does a little more than his tipsy innuendo had.
"You don't sound like you love me at all…"
"Of course I do. I'm still putting up with you, right?"
"You'd feel guilty if I didn't make it back to my apartment safe."
"That's true, too. But I care about your well-being even though you're annoying. That's love."
"That's love…" Lars murmurs in response.
He leans in the opposite direction now, away from Tougou’s shoulder, still visibly upset. Tougou keeps them walking in silence for a little longer as the gloomy mood persists. They’re close enough to Lars’ place now that Tougou can see the turn leading up to the building, impressive enough for someplace he would only be going to when he had time off. But the small relief of their trip being nearly over is overtaken by Lars continuing to mope as dramatically as he can manage.
Tougou sighs. A street light turns on, apparently left behind by the others that had already been activated. He slows their walk for a moment, until they’re at a near stop just underneath the light. Lars doesn’t say or do anything for a moment longer, then seems to notice the change of pace and looks around them for a moment. He knows he can recognize the area, but has to turn back to Tougou to ask,
“Why’re we slowing down? We’re almost back, aren’t we?”
Tougou makes a sound of assent, eyes still trained on the street light.
“We are. Look up there.”
Lars looks confused, but follows Tougou’s line of sight up to the light. He squints some, and the effort of craning his head back so far is making him lose his balance just a little more. Tougou makes sure to keep him from falling backwards.
“What am I looking at…?”
“The lamp.”
“Yeah…it’s a lamp. I think it is, anyway.”
“Can you see the moths around it?”
Lars is quiet for a moment, leans a little forward.
“...Sure. They’re moths. Is this some kind of trick?”
“It’s not. The moths were waiting for this lamp, specifically. There’s lamps all along this street, all of them already on. They had all kinds of choices, some with different colors, some brighter, some closer, but they found this one. The lamp that took so much time to come on.”
Lars looks back to Tougou. He’s at least not moping anymore, but looks confused and perhaps a little annoyed underneath the haze of the drinks.
“You like bugs, now?”
“It isn’t about bugs. It’s about coming back even when there are other, easier options. It’s about choosing to drag you home every time you’ve had too much to drink and you’re all sorts of moody and horny and heavy and trying to drag me down to crack my skull open on the pavement. I keep doing it, don’t I?”
Lars looks, hazily, into Tougou’s eyes.
“...do you hate me?”
“I love you so much that I keep doing it. Like a moth to a lamp. I keep slamming face first into my problem of a partner because I like it. I like taking care of you, and I like how you take care of me. I like seeing you comfortable in bed when you wouldn’t have a chance of getting back without me around to get you there.” He uses a thumb to brush back Lars’ bangs, as fruitless of an effort as it always is. “I like when your face is all red from drinks and your skin is warmer to the touch than usual. When you’re trying your damnedest to remember a song you liked and then giving up and just humming some quiet nonsense with the cicadas as your chorus. All of it.”
Lars’ face turns redder, somehow, and Tougou gives up in his attempts to move the hair from Lars’ face to instead put a hand at the back of his neck and pull him a little closer to kiss just one corner of his lips. Lars remains speechless.
“And I really like when you don’t know how to respond after I say things like that.”
"...How do you just– say all that, just out loud…"
"One of my talents."
Tougou nudges him a bit so that they're heading back towards the apartment building once again. Lars spares another glance up at the light as they leave it behind, still not entirely safe from toppling over at the movement, but he doesn't drag his feet much more afterward. He seems content enough now, too, to stop moping. Instead, once the light is too far for him to crane his neck and see, he leans back onto Tougou’s shoulder.
"So you could say I'm the 'light of your life'?"
"Yeah."
Lars turns his face a little more into Tougou’s shoulder at the unhesitant agreement.
"Would you still love me even if I were a lamp?"
Tougou pretends to think for a moment. The apartment building is in sight by now, glass front with warm light emanating from the lobby.
"You are a lamp."
There's some silence after that. Tougou thinks the answer wasn't enough to get a response, but he's proven wrong when Lars stops, and stops them both with the movement. He moves away from Tougou despite his attempts to keep him on his feet, and meets Tougou with a gaze that would be a little more threatening if Lars weren't still red-faced and glassy eyed.
"...What?"
Tougou looks him over, manages to hide his amusement.
"What? You're a lamp."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well," Tougou uses another moment to act as though he needed to consider his answer. "Bright sometimes, dull other times, electric."
He chances stroking his fingers over one of the wild locks at the side of Lars' head.
"And whatever you have going on here. Kind of like a flame. An oil lamp, maybe."
Lars takes a moment, Tougou takes his time moving back to see him clearly. Another fraction of a second where Tougou isn't sure the remarks have landed passes before Lars closes his eyes, slowly. Tougou doesn't think he's tempering his reaction; that was hard enough for Lars to do at the best of times, completely sober. So, his next best guess is–
Tougou dodges out of the way of a jab, just at a fraction of full force.
"Hey–!"
Lars takes two more jabs at him, slowed a little by the alcohol and allowing Tougou time to move to safety at each one. A third, particularly hard attempt almost sends Lars into the side of a building, and Tougou has to awkwardly grab him by the back of his shirt like holding a dog by the scruff to keep the collision from happening.
"Relax."
Lars tries to wheel around with the momentum of Tougou pulling him, but Tougou is just fast enough to move behind him and keep Lars facing away, catching both of Lars’ wrists and securing them over his chest. They’re back to front now, with Tougou still, at the back of his mind, wondering if anyone could see them. Lars struggles a bit, but he’s still so uncoordinated that the hold is somehow outwitting him, and the one brain cell still sober enough to think at all is subdued instead by the close proximity. He gives up and goes mostly limp in Tougou’s hold, leaning his head back and, of course, getting yet more hair in Tougou’s face. He’s glad at least that Lars didn’t think to headbutt him, that was a contest he’d win regardless of sobriety…
"Why are you trying to hit me?"
"I'm not a lamp."
"Aren't you happy? You wanted to be loved even if you were a lamp– and you are."
Lars struggles a little more, and if he’d been a little more sober, he likely would have won his way out of the grapple. Tougou just pulls him a little closer. Lars is disarmed once again by the more basic appreciation of the closeness.
“Okay, sorry. You aren’t a lamp.”
“I know.”
“But you are the light of my life.”
Lars gives in completely, then, deflating back against Tougou. Tougou eases his hold of Lars’ wrists just slightly, testing the waters before Lars was completely loose, and he gets no pushback nor any indication that Lars was planning to start up again. Even able to free himself now, Lars stays where he is, enjoys the contact. It almost feels like cheating, knowing he could be placated by a little holding, almost as well as he could by words. They sit in the silence for a little while, Tougou starts to believe once again that Lars is letting himself go to the drowsiness, but when he shifts a little in Tougou’s hold, he knows he’s still awake.
“If I was a lamp…that’d make you a moth.”
Tougou hums, agreeing.
“Let’s get you back to your apartment so I can eat all your sweaters.”
Lars grumbles, but he still isn’t putting up any more of a fight.
“You’re saying things like that on purpose…”
“Things like what?”
“You know exactly what.”
Tougou starts them walking again without answering this time.