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Even if my surroundings have changed, I still feel as awful as I did when in prison, back when I was alive. I’m sitting in my room. It has dark green walls and pale green curtains. The floor is made of black stones. The four-poster bed has curtains in the same shade as the ones over the windows and the bedsheets are different shades of green. There is a large closet for all my clothes and a door leading to a private luxurious bathroom with all the things a girl could want. There is a small table with two soft armchairs. On the table are a few books written by authors living down here. My favorite spot is the windowsill which has a large cushion to sit on and a few smaller ones to lean against. It can be hidden by the curtains as I can avoid people seeing me right as they enter.
There is a knock on the door and Rio, my most frequent visitor, comes in.
“I know you’re hiding,” she says and I can hear how she is smiling.
“It’s not like I think the horns and tail look particularly pretty,” I tell her.
“You say that every time,” she says and I notice how her tail is making shapes behind her like it always does.
“What do you want?” I ask.
“I thought you might like to know that we have a new resident at the palace,” she says.
“I don’t really care,” I say, shrugging.
“It’s a mortal boy and he is kind of cute. Sure, he is supposed to marry the king, but if the king doesn’t want him, he’ll be free for you to take.”
“I don’t really want anyone’s leftovers,” I say, but I get down from the windowsill nonetheless and walk up to Rio. “Where do I find him?” I ask.
“I sent him out a few hours ago to learn about the history of Hell. He should be back soon. Go to the entrance hall. Maybe you’re lucky?” she suggests before she turns to lead the way down there. I close the door and lock it behind me before following Rio to the entrance hall.
We are at the very top of the stairs when I hear Mimura greeting someone and I see a young man with long blue hair pulled back in a ponytail. He is dressed in dark blue pants and a medium blue shirt. He has a thoughtful look in his eyes and seems different in every way from any person I have ever met until now. My heart nearly skips a beat and he is not even looking at me.
“Did you learn something?” Rio calls as she makes her way down the stairs.
The blue-haired looks up to reveal a set of blue eyes that I could easily get lost in. He nods in response before he makes his way further into the room.
I study him a little closer. Looking behind him, I see no tail swinging and he has no horns. I can’t believe it took me this long to notice that. He is, indeed, very much still a human, something I can only dream of. I reach a hand up to feel my own forehead. There they are, small, black and sharp and I sincerely wish they weren’t.
“Come on down!” Rio calls at me and waves her hand.
I hesitantly make my way down the stairs. Now he is looking at me. There is a strange look in his eyes, like he is trying to figure out something. Most likely, he has seen my face somewhere and is trying to place me. The question is, has he seen me in a movie or in the newspaper? He died after me, so sadly, both are likely.
“Nagisa, this is Kayano Kaede. Kaede, this is Shiota Nagisa,” Rio introduces us as I am finally standing with them.
“Nice to meet you,” Nagisa says. “Please, call me Nagisa.”
“Nice to meet you too,” I say. I wonder if I can ask him to call me Kaede too or if that would be too much. Before I can fully make up my mind, Rio is speaking again.
“You won’t believe this,” she tells Nagisa. “But Kaede just got here from the mortal world less than half a year ago.”
“You’re from the mortal world too?” Nagisa asks and I can see the relief on his face.
“I am,” I confirm. “If you have anything you’d like to talk about, I’m always here. Ask any question and I’ll answer as best as I can.”
“Thank you,” he has a really kind smile too.
“Why don’t we go to my room?” I suggest. I want to speak to him some more, if for nothing else, at least for the reminder of where I came from. “I’ll have Manami make us some tea.”
“Manami?” he asks.
“One of our maids,” Rio explains. “She mostly works in the kitchen on making potions and poisons that we use for the punishments but she brews normal tea too when the kitchen staff is not in.”
“You’ll get to meet everyone eventually,” I say. “Do you want to go to my room?” I offer again.
“Sure,” he says and I take him upstairs. We’re lucky to meet Manami in the hallway. She is carrying a bottle with a yellowish-green liquid and looks happy.
“He approved,” she says as she sees me.
“That’s good,” I say, feeling happy for her. “Listen, Manami-chan, could you bring some tea to my room once you’re done with your work?”
She stands still for a moment, looking us up and down, especialy looking at Nagisa. A look of understanding appears on her face and she nods. “Sure. I’ll see if Hara-san left some cookies too,” she says.
“Thanks a lot,” I say, appreciating it. Then I lead Nagisa to my room and we take a seat in the armchairs. I’m careful not to sit on my tail. I tended to forget that a lot in the beginning, but a few painful experiences taught me to always mind my tail. Nagisa is lucky to not have one. I admit, that does make me a little jealous.
“It’s a nice room,” he says after taking a look around.
“It’s nice, yeah, but a little extravagant if you ask me,” I say.
“You haven’t seen anything,” he says. His expression turns gloomy and I wonder why.
“You were brought here to marry the demon king, right?” I ask. “What’s the problem? Your room must be amazing.”
“Except he prepared for a girl,” Nagisa says. He begins tugging at his ponytail with a look of slight discomfort on his face. He is trying to hide it.
There is a knock on the door and Manami comes in, bringing a tray with a pot of tea, two cups and a plate of chocolate chip cookies, just the way I like them.
Nagisa gets up and quickly clears the little table to make room for the tray, then he stands around with the books in his arms.
“Just put them on the floor or something,” I tell him, and he does, although he doesn’t look too happy to put them there. He then sits back down. Manami gives both of us a bow.
“Tha-thank you,” she says quietly and awkwardly to Nagisa before she hastily leaves the room, closing the door behind her.
“Did I do something wrong?” Nagisa asks.
“Manami-chan is just nervous around new people. Don’t worry about it,” I say. “It’ll get better quickly,” I assure him.
“Thanks,” he says before he pours tea for the both of us and sits back.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
“No problem,” he says. Then he starts looking at me again with those eyes like he is trying to find out from where he remembers me. I want to get his mind off of that and decide to talk about his hair instead.
“You know, I can fix that for you,” I say.
“You can?” he tugs at his hair again.
“I may not be a hairdresser, or certified to cut hair, but I can style it for you to make it look a little less girly.”
He is immediately interested. I can see it in the way his eyes begin to sparkle. “By all means,” he says.
I run off to the bathroom. I have a small box with hair ties somewhere. I find it in the back of one of the many closets out there and fish it out. I pick out the two plainest ones I can find and make sure they are a matching pair. Then I go back to Nagisa. I take out his old hair tie and do his hair up in a set of pigtails that makes his hair look shorter than it really is. It only takes a matter of seconds. Then I sit back down on my chair.
Nagisa reaches up, carefully feeling the result. Then he goes to the mirror to take a look. I take a sip of my tea while he studies the work I have done. He returns shortly after, a satisfied smile on his face. He sits back down and begins drinking his tea too.
“For how long have you been here exactly?” he asks.
“Since the end of March,” I say. I take a cookie off the plate and slowly bite into it.
“A little over four months then,” Nagisa concludes.
“Yeah. When did you get here?” I ask.
“Yesterday,,” he says. He raises a hand up to touch his hair again and looks at me with sparkles in his eyes. “I can’t believe you could do this. Were you a stylist or something?” he asks.
“No, I just got really good at styling my own hair,” I say. “How do you like it so far?”
“It’s weird. I mean, just the thought that I’m dead takes some getting used to. It’s also weird to see everyone with horns and tails.”
“It’s just as weird having it yourself,” I say, raising a hand to touch my horns again without even meaning to.
“I bet,” Nagisa says. “By the way, I don’t know if I should say this, but your tail is moving.”
“It is?” I ask, looking to my left to see my tail making shapes. I will it to stop and it does. I haven’t noticed this before.
“Sorry,” Nagisa says.
“Oh no, it’s okay,” I say. Why is it making shapes though? Maybe I should pay even more attention to it than I already do.
We end up talking for a while. I tell Nagisa what I have found different after coming here. There is a lack of electronics that is sometimes nice and sometimes feels very inconvenient. You can’t call or text anyone, you have to walk around and look for them if you want to talk, or make plans beforehand. But I think that’s the only thing I really miss. I try to keep the conversation on this subject in order to avoid talking about my own life and death. I succeed. Nagisa leaves around dinner time and I’m alone again for a short while.
“You seem to have had a lot of fun,” Rio says as she steps in again.
“Knock and wait for permission,” I tell her.
“You’re cold,” she says, plopping down in the chair that Nagisa left a little while ago. She gives me a curious look and then glances down at the last remaining cookie on the plate.
“Are you going to have that?” she asks.
“Eat it if you want,” I tell her.
She promptly does. Her tail is making shapes again and I glance down at my own. It’s not moving that much, but it’s not lying completely still either. It’s curling up and relaxing as it pleases.
“Does every demon’s tail always move?” I ask.
Rio chews on the cookie as she thinks on her answer. “Most do. The only tail that never moves is Mimura’s,” she says.
“I see,” I say. “Do you know what it means or how to not make it move?”
“Again,” I’d ask Mimura that,” Rio says. She throws the last bite of cookie into her mouth before she licks her fingers with a satisfied smile. “Those cookies are the best,” she says before she wipes herself clean with one of the wetwipes that were left on the tray. “I’ll take this down for you,” she says. She then grabs the tray and leaves. Her tail swaying behind her, curling up and down and moving as it likes.
Maybe I should go have a talk with Mimura about this.
The following day, after finishing breakfast, I head down to the entrance hall where I know I will find Mimura. I keep a constant eye on my tail out of the corner of my eye. It’s moving a little almost constantly. I can will it to stay still, but I have to focus.
I reach the top of the stairs and can see the whole entrance hall. The first thing I see is Mimura, exactly where he should be by the door. The next thing I see is that I’m not the only one who is seeking out Mimura this morning.
I hurry down the stairs and catch up to Nagisa just as he reaches Mimura. He looks at us and smiles.
“Are you heading out?” he asks.
Both Nagisa and I shake our heads and Nagisa is the first to speak up.
“I was wondering… Nakamura-san says that you know why demon tails move the way they do,” he says.
“I do know a fair bit about that,” Mimura says.
“I wanted to know the same,” I say.
Mimura nods. “I see why. Yours is moving quite a bit.”
I glance back. He is right. It’s making shapes of all kinds. I even catch a small heart among all the shapes. I hope that doesn’t mean anything. I will it to stay still and glance back at Mimura, who gives me an approving not.
“Not many demons realize that they can do that. They hardly even know they are wearing their own emotions on their sleeve… or their tail, to be more accurate.”
“The tail shows emotions?” I ask, feeling horrified.
“Normally it’s more so an indication of one’s mood. If your tail is hanging down and being inactive, it either means you are feeling down or just know how to control it. When it’s making shapes and being active, like Nakamura-san’s, it usually means they are in a good mood,” Mimura explains.
“How come you know this much about tails?” Nagisa asks.
“I observe whoever comes in and out. It’s part of my job,” Mimura says, smiling.
“Could I learn it?” Nagisa asks.
“Anyone can learn it,” Mimura says. “I recommend that you first learn to control your own tail, but since you don’t have one, just observe the tails around you. You’ll get the hang of it if you just know a few basics.”
I could almost sense how excited Nagisa was to learn this.
“I mentioned the way tails show whether one is in a good or a bad mood. You can get a more accurate reading if you look at what shapes the tail is making. If the tip of the tail is rounded so it looks bigger, it usually means that the person is up to no good,” Mimura lists as an example.
“I see,” Nagisa pulls out a notebook and a pen and begins taking notes.
“If it makes stars, it’s extreme excitement. If it makes spikes, the person is nervous,” Mimura lists. He shows his own tail as an example.
Nagisa is busy noting and I try to make mental notes too. I wish I had had the foresight to bring something to write with too. We are interrupted after a short while by an arm that wraps itself around Nagisa’s shoulders.
“And if the tail makes heartshapes it means someone has caught romantic feelings,” Karma says, giving me a hard look while possessively holding Nagisa close.
“That’s nice to know,” I say, putting on a smile while making a conscious effort to make my tail stay still. I’m not going to thank him for letting me know what it means.
“Since you two get so well along, I guess it’s about time you told Nagisa why you are in Hell and not in Heaven or the world between,” Karma says, a smirk playing on his lips. He is ruining everything and he is very well aware of it.
I let the smile fall. I feel angry. Why can’t I just forget that for a moment? I know I murdered my sister’s husband, but he was the one who killed my sister, even if he managed to get away without getting charged. He said it was a robbery gone wrong and the police believed him. There was nothing else I could have done. No one else was going to avenge her. She died smiling. That just upset me more back when I was alive. I know the reason why she smiled now. It’s a lot different from what I had thought and it does make it better. Even so, I don’t regret what I did. I don’t regret killing that man. But I still don’t want Nagisa to know. It’s enough that everyone else knows.
“I don’t need to know that,” Nagisa says, pushing Karma’s arm off him. “Kayano-san can tell me in her own time.”
“She’s a murderer, you know,” Karma says. Apparently he isn’t interested in giving me a choice.
Nagisa seems to puzzle then. “And you died in March, right?” he asks me.
“Yeah,” I say, feeling defeated.
“Were you… murdered by any chance?” Nagisa asks.
I can’t answer by words anymore so I just nod once. I can see the pieces falling into place for him and he nods. I expect him to turn away and not want to talk to me anymore, but that’s not what he does.
Nagisa steps forward and before I know it, he gives me a gentle hug. I let my head rest against his shoulder, feeling his warmth and taking in everything else, his scent, the way he holds me, it is all very comforting.
“I’m sorry for the way you had to die,” he says.
I don’t even mean to. The empathy I feel from him just overwhelms me all of a sudden. It’s all so unexpected. I feel the tears in my eyes and a single sob escapes. I try to hold back the rest as best as I can. I use all the time Nagisa holds me to put on a mask to hide my feelings and I am grateful that he is here with me.
Once I’m calm, Nagisa separates from me and turns to Karma.
“Clearly you’re up to no good,” he says, and I notice the way the end of Karma’s tail is rolled into a little ball with a sharp point.
“So?” he asks.
“Don’t be up to no good with your people,” Nagisa says. I can feel his anger. “Kayano-san is one of the few people here who understands some of the things I’m feeling after you had me transported here. I won’t stand back and watch you hurt her, not even with words. Treat people well and they treat you well in return. You know that, so try to actually do it.”
I can see how Karma is frowning. The curl on his tail relaxes and goes straight. He looks at Nagisa through narrowed eyes and then turns on his heel, leaving the entrance hall.
“That’s an accurate reading if I have ever seen one,” Mimura says, looking at Nagisa. “I’m sure you’ll learn to read demons quickly.”
“Thanks,” Nagisa says before he turns to me. “Don’t feel bad,” he says. “I don’t care what you have done in life. You’ve been nice to me here. I hope we can stay friends,” he says, offering me a hand.
I sent a thought back for my tail to stay calm as I accept Nagisa’s outstretched hand. He is an amazing person. The way he stood up for me just now isn’t helping my crush on him in any way. Still, Karma needs him, I can tell that. Not even I am trying to set the demon king straight. Nagisa is the only one aside from Korosensei who has ever dared and usually, Karma never backs down this quickly, not even with Korosensei.
For now, I guess I will sit back and take the role as the supportive friend. We’ll see what happens. If it doesn’t work out between them, I wouldn’t mind stepping in, but I’ll try not to feel hurt if it does work out. That’s the best I can do.