Work Text:
As they broke through those gates, Cullen was beyond worried. They shared a final kiss before Elluin did his Inquisitor business. He told him to be careful, to come back to him when this was all over. It was a promise Elluin was proud to keep.
Cullen retreated, ordering his men into the battle when most needed. He heard news that the Inquisitor had actually spared some wardens, as they helped the Inquisition along the battlements. But it wasn’t until this dragon appeared out of nowhere, the same one Corypheus used. It flew about the fortress, shooting out the occasional red ball of lyrium.
Then… it came. A terrible shriek from that monstrous dragon, that shook the land. He could hear the building crumble. ‘Maker, please make sure he’s safe’ he speaks into his mind. He knows Elluin will take precaution, but… he can’t help but think he’ll… never return.
It isn’t a moment later that the dragon flies away, nowhere to be seen. Cullen catches one of Leliana’s agents. “Ser, it seems the Inquisitor and his entourage have…” she doesn’t continue, a little shaken herself. “What? What is it?” he urges on. She shook her head, reeling herself back into reality. “They’ve fallen through a rift…” she waited for the Commander’s anger, but she only got an unintelligible whisper.
“The Magister's still alive though; would you like us to chain him?” Cullen is next to reel himself in. “uhm, y-yes, the Inquisitor will judge him back at Skyhold” the agent nodded, walking back into the fortress.
‘Maker… please, bring him back to me’ he speaks again in his mind. This time sheer terror spreads through his body. He couldn’t lose him, not now. Cullen was going through lyrium withdrawal. He had told Elluin about the Circle and Kirkwall, and how they tried to break his mind. But he couldn’t… huhhh, it doesn’t matter now.
()
There was a sudden roar of cheer, a victory once again. But… What of the Inquisitor? Cullen paced profusely, disturbing the sand under his boots. His nerves were on edge, his worry almost about to fall and end up in a spiral of emotions.
Then as he lifts up his head, hearing the approaching footsteps, he sees all four Warriors make their way back from the fortress. He plasters his eyes on the obvious Elven Mage, his armour covered in blood and his staff broken in two. Cullen could see the difference in his posture. Of course, he was just physically in the fade, though that never changed at Haven, or at Redcliffe, or anywhere else.
This… this weighed heavily on his shoulders.
Elluin finally lifted his head up to meet those golden eyes, those eyes with the familiar worry he always had. And then... Elluin just couldn’t hold it in any longer, he… balled out into tears. He'd been traumatised… and he was scared, so incredibly scared. Cullen immediately wrapped him in a strong embrace, hearing shaky breaths and slight whimpers in his ear. He felt a wetness spread across his cheek, and it made Cullen realise… he had never seen him cry.
“C-Cullen… I-I’m s-scared…” oh, Maker. His heart trembled for the Elf in his arms. He reached up with one hand to hold the back of his head, tangling his fingers in his long red hair. “Oh, Elluin… so am I…” he confessed. He felt Elluin’s weight drop, but he held him tight, lowering them both to the ground, settling against the soft sand.
He still heard him sobbing softly, his shoulder surely soaked. But he would do anything, and absolutely anything for this Elf. So, they sat there, both in a pleasant silence, as Cullen rubbed slow circles across his back. Though soon enough the sobbing came to an end, finding the Elf’s head turning to look up at him, seeing his eyes red and water stricken.
It wasn’t exactly attractive, but... Cullen thought he looked beautiful.
“Are you hurt?” was the first thing Cullen asked. Elluin shook his head. “No, b-but I am c-cold” Mm, yes, it was quite chilly. Cullen hadn’t noticed it before, mostly because he was stressed and pacing the same metre of land. But now, he felt the chilling breeze hit against his body.
He cupped the Elf’s cheek, rubbing it with his thumb, smiling down at him, happy that he was alive.
He then moved one arm under his lower back, the other under his knees, as he then simply stood back up, carrying the Elf in his arms. He was lighter than he thought, which he was glad for, which he then makes his way back into the main camp, a lot of soldiers already being bandaged or healed by Mages. He spotted an empty tent, walking inside and placing the Inquisitor onto a bedroll.
Elluin sighs heavily, finally somewhere quiet and comfortable. He felt a nursing hand stroke his head. “Rest my dear, I’ll be close” the Commander’s voice was something he truly needed in that moment, and it sent him into a deep slumber.
()
The journey back to Skyhold was momentous, as they had just struck a blow against Corypheus’ demon army. The soldiers were battered and bruised, but their spirits were high. Though he still noticed as Elluin rode along on Ghost, his treasured stallion, that his posture was still stiff and slumped.
He wondered what went on in that brain of his, he wanted to know what he saw in the fade and how it truly affected him. But alas, he leaves the subject, for he cannot know what’s going on in his head. But perhaps he can relieve some of the pain.
()
Finally, back at Skyhold, everyone was getting back into their usual routines, it was almost back to normal. Except for… Elluin. He had spent most of the few days back in his quarters, not coming out for hours on end, not even for supper.
Everyone worried for him, most of all Cullen. The Elf was solitary in his trauma.
Cullen though made arrangements, making sure he got a night off, where he could fill up one of the bathing tubs full of hot, but not boiling water. He would give the Elf a relaxing night, to be able to take care of him, to take away his worries. For the both of them, they needed something to take their minds off all the horror of their lives.
Now all he needed was the Elf.
He made his way to the Inquisitor’s quarters, the hall was nearly empty, except for the Dwarf, who was still writing whatever it was.
There was an incredible silence, and it slightly unnerved the Commander. He walked through the first door, making his way up, though going through the second door was a different story. He heard soft sobbing come from the room above him, as the staircase was littered with broken glass and papers.
He should’ve expected this, but somehow… he did not.
He slowly and quietly made his way up the stairs, navigating past the objects. The sobbing did not stop, the Elf was very clearly broken, and Cullen, with all the power he had, wanted to fix him. He makes it to the top of the stairs, looking around the room. He should’ve known… Books and clothes, papers and bedsheets all lay scattered across the room. His chair that was behind his desk was thrown across the other side of the room. Shattered pots and glass were over the floor and… is that blood?
He pans over to see the Elf on the bed, his knees scrunched up against his chest, and his arms tight around his legs, his head hidden away. Cullen’s heart was shattering, he almost felt like crying himself.
“I’m s-such a d-disappointment…” he finally hears from the Elf. No… No, he was not a disappointment. He was far from it. Cullen decides to walk up to the Elf, sighing loudly, reaching out to place one arm under his back, the other under his knees. It was almost like they had practised it every day, as Elluin wrapped his arms around the Commander’s shoulders, gripping onto him like it depended on his life.
“No, Elluin, you’re not a disappointment. You’re far from it” he begins to make his way out of the room, stepping down the stairs, trying not to trip. They remained in silence for the rest of the journey through Skyhold, walking past where the Dwarf once was, empty now, with the fire burnt out.
There were of course guards and a few servants mingling about, doing what they don’t during the day. Some had caught sight of the Commander carrying the young Elf down to the baths. They said nothing, only a few surprised looks, but that’s all. Cullen then walked into the bathroom, the bath he had just run still steaming. He looks down at the Elf's sunken and pale face.
He sets the Elf on the ground, looking into his eyes. They were filled with pain and sadness, something he’d never seen in Elluin's eyes before. He suddenly takes off his shirt, throwing it to the floor. It surprised Elluin, perhaps even confused him. He begins tugging at Elluin’s loose shirt, the Elf shifting to let him take it off. Both now shirtless, Cullen pulls at the drawstrings of the Elf's leather pants, pushing them down with his smallclothes.
Cullen was still in awe every time he saw Elluin’s body. Though he had lost some weight, and it only added to Cullen’s worry.
Elluin kicks away his clothing, watching as Cullen unties his own leather trousers, pushing them down with his smallclothes. This obviously brought a small curve to the Elf’s lips. Cullen then brings his hand up to hold the Elf’s cheek, smiling down at him. “It’s okay” he softly spoke, Elluin’s lips curve even more, though forcefully.
Cullen moves away, stepping into the tub of still hot water. Once he sits down, the water rises, though it doesn’t overflow. He looks over to Elluin, reaching out his arm to guide him in. Elluin takes his hand, letting himself be led into the tub. He steps in, lowering himself down into the water, turned away from his lover.
The water is ever rising, but not by much. He sits down, sighing deeply as he lays his back onto Cullen’s torso, his arms wrapping around him securely. The hot water encasing him felt relaxing, letting him close his eyes, resting his head against Cullen’s shoulder.
Cullen had begun stroking his hands up and down the Elf’s sides, noting that they were extremely thin. He leans down to kiss soft kisses on his shoulder, making the Elf hum in appreciation. The air was silent, a softening of ambience. The Elf was less tense.
“I… I don't know if I can do this. What if I let them all down?” it was out of the blue, something that shook Cullen’s heart. A sniffle fills the room, and Cullen immediately worries.
“What do you mean?” he asks. Elluin shifts, the water shifting with him. He feels his hand grab his, wanting him to hold it. “Wh-what if I’m just leading them to their deaths? I can’t be a good leader if I do that” oh, Elluin...
Cullen rubs his hand. “Is this about the fade? About Adamant?” another sniffle echoes throughout the room. He knew the answer. “Cullen, what I saw... What I heard... I-... wh-what if it’s all true? What if I'm the reason the Inquisition will fail?” No... no, he can’t think like that. They will win, he swears it.
“Whatever you saw or heard in the fade doesn’t matter, what matters is that you do your very best, and that your very best will lead us to victory” he takes a deep breath. “You may not be at 100% all the time, but you have us to hang onto, we’re all here for you” Elluin’s lips curl slightly. “Thank you, Cullen. Truly, you see the worst in me and yet find some way to make me realise I can do better” this makes the Commander smile, breathing a laugh. “I do try,” he responds.
Elluin turns his head, his face mere inches away from Cullen’s. Their lips so close, hot breath could be felt. Elluin reaches up with a wet arm to hold the side of Cullen’s head. Cullen then pushes to close the gap, connecting their lips. Elluin’s lips were dry and cold, but it still had that desired feeling.
They part, looking each other in the eyes. Elluin’s eyes were softer, still red and water-stricken but they had a slight fixture to them.
“I presume what happened in your quarters were the emotions taking over” Elluin sighs, turning his head back around. “Uhh, y-yeah, I uhh… I’m sorry about that,” Cullen chuckles, his hand reaching around to hold Elluin’s abdomen. “It’s quite alright, we all have our weak moments, me included. But you know who gave me the courage to keep going?” Elluin shook his head, making Cullen kiss his shoulder again. “It was you; you gave me purpose again. And that’s why I fell in love with you” Elluin moves his hand up to his abdomen, holding Cullen’s hand.
There was a moment of silence, only to be broken by Elluin’s voice. “I love you, Cullen Rutherford. No matter what” he was relieved to hear that, as he tightens his hold around the Elf.
()
They were in that bath for quite some time, cleansing each other, kissing each other's lips every so often, and chatting. Cullen felt pleased, knowing he was caring for him, doing all he could for his lover. Just as he did for him.
()
Finally, they finish, a few hours later, presumably. Elluin gets out first, lending his hand out to Cullen, as he guides him out the tub. Cullen empties the now dirty water, looking back to see Elluin shivering. He quickly grabs the two towels that were seated on the nearby chair, wrapping one around Elluin first. His red long hair dripping with water, soaking the edge of the towel and floor.
When Cullen knows he’s all wrapped up, he then dries himself manually before wrapping the towel around his hips. He smiles down at the Elf, as he shivers, not moving an inch. “If you actually dry yourself, you won't be so cold,” he spoke. The Elf glares at him. “If I do anything, I'll become colder,” he says back. Cullen just chuckles in response, heading over to the pile of clean clothes that he picked out earlier.
He turns back to see Elluin finally drying himself off, as he lays out the clothes in front of him. He then decides to start getting dressed himself, lowering his towel and putting on the new pair of smalls and leather trousers. Though he notices Elluin’s gaze upon his still naked torso. And yes, he was pretty muscular, Elluin had always reminded him.
He reaches out his arms, showing himself off. “Something you like?” he jibes. Elluin licks his lips, trying to rip his gaze off his rippling abs. He closes his eyes and chuckles slightly. “You know I like your muscles, and everything else of yours” it made Cullen smile, as he helped the Elf get dressed.
Once finally dressed in the attire, Cullen did think he looked rather dashing. The leather trousers tightly hugged his backside and thighs, something he’ll know other people will stare at. But for now, he admires his Elven Mage, as the white linen shirt is tucked into the waistband, and a red silk scarf wrapped around his neck to top it all off.
“Is there something you like, Commander?” he’s been caught, as he notes the knowing glare from the Elf. “You just... look stunning, as you always do” he replies. This earns a blush from Elluin.
This was how it started, first with appreciated compliments, and then little flirts here and there, and then it... sort of mixed together. Both men knew what they felt for each other, and it was just a matter of speaking their minds... Or showing with actions.
And now? They were only a few months into actually dating each other. But they were happy.
“Come on, let’s head back to my tower,” Cullen said, as he picked up his shirt, gesturing for Elluin to walk on ahead. Which he does, as the Commander follows behind, noticing the very evident sway in the Elf’s hips with those leather trousers. He honestly couldn’t tear his eyes away; it was just too enticing to watch.
He nearly forgot to put on his shirt, as he felt the chilling breeze hit against his torso. He quickly put it on, as they made it to his tower. Elluin pushed the door open, as they entered inside. They both then climb up the ladder and collapse onto Cullen’s bed.
They Cuddled up next to each other, holding each other with love and care. “Thank you, Cullen. I owe you my life” Elluin softly spoke. Cullen chuckles. “You don’t owe me anything, it’s part of my job” he responds back. It makes Elluin smile. “Ar lath ma, vhenan” now Cullen smiles, wondering what the wording meant. “And what does that mean?” he asks, wrapping his arms tighter around the Elf. Elluin breaths a laugh, closing his eyes. “It means… ‘I love you, my heart” Cullen, in his mind, makes note of that.
‘Vhenan’ yeah, that sounded... nice. “Vhenan~...” Cullen repeats. Elluin mumbles, sleep just about to take him. “Vhenan~” he sighs loudly, shifting one last time to slip into the fade, dreaming good dreams.