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Blaine’s eyes didn’t leave the clock as he talked quietly on the phone. It was late, much later than he normally went to sleep. He and Kurt completed their skincare ritual by 8 pm, texted just a little bit and then went to bed. Kurt called it beauty sleep. Blaine called it exhaustion from a massive amount of anxiety due to public school and a show choir group that hated him for some inexplicable reason.
Whatever it was, watching the clock flip to 11 o’clock should have him hurrying off the phone. He was going to be exhausted tomorrow.
But…
“So, I’ll probably try for team captain. Since everybody is scrambling,” Sebastian said with an air of casualness. His voice suggested there was no real ‘try’ about it, that he was simply going to become captain and that was that.
Blaine wished he had that kind of confidence.
“The New Directions are always a mess. I thought Kurt was exaggerating when he would tell me stories,” Blaine said, thinking back to the beginning, when Kurt would talk about them. When Kurt had been trying to convince him to transfer, he’d never thought it would be like this. He didn’t think his boyfriend would try to get him to transfer if it was like this.
Sebastian made a low humming sound. It sounded like he was attempting to be agreeable but wasn’t quite managing. Blaine knew he shouldn’t be as amused by Sebastian’s rough edges as he was but there was something there. Something that amused Blaine no matter what. “Should’ve never transferred then, hmm?”
It was a conversation they’d had a few times while Sebastian teased him and Blaine tried to act like he was enjoying McKinley and was glad he’d transferred. He was fairly certain that Sebastian didn’t believe him. It was just as well. Blaine didn’t believe himself most of the time.
“It’s an adventure, right?” Blaine asked, knowing that he sounded ridiculous trying to be convincing. He thought of his conversation with Kurt just a few weeks ago, thought of dancing with Sebastian at Scandals, thought of how fun it had been. He thought of telling Kurt that they should be adventurous while they’re young and how very little had actually changed.
“I can think of better adventures than public school,” Sebastian said quietly, his voice going lower because he didn’t want to argue any more than Blaine did.
They never really argued on these phone calls even though sometimes it felt like they should. If he’d been conversing with Kurt, he knew there’d have been arguments already. But Sebastian seemed willing to listen to him and welcomed Blaine’s input when he was speaking. When Kurt had been trying to convince Blaine to transfer, it had always felt heated. Everything felt rather heated when it came to Kurt, like something was bubbling up underneath the surface and Blaine had to tread carefully.
Or maybe that was just because of how Blaine was still feeling in the choir classroom.
“I’m going to go on adventures. Just… later,” Blaine said because he was sure he was going to. Kurt talked a lot about New York, about Broadway, about all sorts of big dreams.
“Really?” Sebastian asked and Blaine thought he should be offended over how surprised the other boy sounded. “What kind of adventures?”
“New York. Broadway. Kurt and I are going to make it big. I’ve always wanted to perform.”
“I don’t doubt that you’re talented. You stole the show in West Side Story and you’d be great on Broadway. But I don’t mean a career. I mean adventures. Like traveling. Don’t you want to travel?” Sebastian asked and there was surprise again, as if he couldn’t believe anybody wouldn’t want to travel.
That was less easy to answer. Blaine adjusted himself, cuddling a little bit closer into his blankets. The moisturizer that Kurt had given him left his skin mostly soft but also felt a little greasy on his pillowcase. Ever since Sadie Hawkins, Blaine had been having trouble trying to figure out what he wanted. Honestly? Blaine just wanted to finally be at peace.
But also…
“I do want to travel,” Blaine admitted quietly, hating how much it did feel like a confession. Whenever he’d talked about places he wanted to go, things he wanted to do, Kurt always changed the subject. “But… Kurt doesn’t. So.”
Sebastian scoffed on the other end of the line although it didn’t feel as insulting as it maybe should. Sebastian was so often sarcastic but it rarely actually felt malicious. “Blaine, has anybody ever told you that you’re much too interesting to only talk about your boyfriend?”
This time it was Blaine who scoffed, reaching up to rub his eyes. “I don’t-”
“You do. You’ve mentioned Kurt at least three times in the past five minutes,” Sebastian interrupted, sounding more amused than annoyed so at least there was that. In the first few days after they’d met each other, Sebastian had made it very clear exactly how he felt about Kurt. But Blaine had put a stop to that. Sebastian needed to respect his relationship with Kurt if they were going to keep talking.
While Blaine didn’t think he actually really respected it, he had stopped voicing it so it was good enough for Blaine.
Blaine had a feeling that Kurt wouldn’t agree but… what Kurt didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
Blaine liked talking to Sebastian too much to cut him off. He’d never admit that out loud though.
“Well, he’s my adventure,” Blaine said which wasn’t… exactly a lie. He and Kurt had a lot of adventures and they enjoyed doing things together. They’d… well, they… Blaine didn’t need to try to justify this to Sebastian so he didn’t. “Maybe instead of wanting adventures after high school, you should want what I have. A committed relationship.”
“Not for me,” Sebastian responded immediately, the same way he always did when Blaine brought up things like commitment and relationships. It had been a pint of contention in the beginning until they’d stopped really talking about it. They’d determined that they weren’t going to change each other’s minds so why bother? “Why would I want that? When instead, I can explore on my own? The same guy tagging along every time would just get in the way.”
“No. They’re part of the exploration,” Blaine argued although it was broken up by a yawn that had Sebastian laughing. Blaine was relieved neither one of them was taking this that seriously. It was way too late for that and Blaine didn’t even want to try to count how few hours of sleep he was going to get at this point. “So… what? Do you never want to get married?”
They’d never gotten that far in the conversation before. They’d always cut it off before then, neither one wanting to continue when it was pointless. But now, Blaine couldn’t help but wonder.
Sebastian hesitated. He didn’t often, always having an answer, always having an opinion. But now, he stopped and seemed to think about it. Then he laughed and Blaine could picture the way he’d casually shrug. It made Blaine smile and he buried his face in the pillow for a few moments just because he imagined how attractive he’d be. Finally, Sebastian spoke. “No. I don’t. No marriage. No kids. I don’t want any of that. I like being alone.”
“That sounds sad,” Blaine whispered, knowing Sebastian heard him when he let out a quiet sound. “That’s really all I want. To get married, to be in love, to have kids. That’s the adventure that I want after high school. Broadway and New York and everything. I want that, Kurt wants that but… I just want a family.”
There was such an extended silence on the other end of the line that, for a moment, Blaine thought he had gotten tired of the conversation and had hung up. Then Sebastian sighed quietly. “Family is overrated. I want to go to… I don’t know. The Grand Canyon or Machu Picchu or Elafonissi Beach. My mother said it was the most amazing beach she’s ever been in the world.”
Blaine bit his lip, pulling the blanket up a little higher up around him. “I haven’t been to the beach in so long. The last time I went was when I flew to California to see my brother.”
“We should go sometime,” Sebastian said with a casualness that had Blaine tensing underneath his covers. “The Warblers have been talking about doing a beach trip.”
“It’s fall. It’s freezing,” Blaine said quietly, knowing it was only an excuse. The truth was that Blaine would never be able to do that. Kurt would be disappointed in him. That was why Blaine kept their friendship such a secret.
Because Blaine knew there was something that wasn’t quite strictly platonic with his friendship with Sebastian but if he stayed in denial, if he pretended he didn’t notice then it was almost okay.
Sebastian laughed. “Alright, killer. I’ve had you on my to-do list but now you’re getting a secondary note to make sure you ‘expand your sense of adventure.’ It’s needed.”
Rolling his eyes, Blaine buried his face in the pillow with a smile again. He didn’t like when Sebastian could tell how much he was smiling. Sebastian had a big enough ego already.
“We’ll see. Maybe I’ll just convince you that you want a relationship,” Blaine responded easily, yawning again and he knew he was going to have to go to bed soon. Kurt was going to wonder why he was so exhausted. Fortunately, Blaine had plenty of excuses he could use.
Sebastian chuckled quietly and it made Blaine feel so warm. Comfortable, relaxed. “Maybe you could convince me of that.”
Realizing what his words had sounded like, Blaine flushed, opening and closing his mouth and not knowing exactly what he wanted to say.
“I should go to bed,” Blaine finally whispered, not wanting to get off the phone but there wasn’t a choice.
It was okay. They generally texted during the day. And then he was sure that Sebastian would answer his phone call tomorrow night or call him. Whoever was in bed first made the call. Neither of them could stay away.
There was nothing wrong with it, though. They were friends. It was like back when Blaine and Kurt had been friends and wanted to talk to each other every minute. The honeymoon period had simply worn off for them. It hadn’t for him and Sebastian yet.
“Of course. I forget that not everybody is used to late nights at Scandals… Or has their classes right downstairs,” Sebastian teased, his voice warm.
Blaine let his mind wander, thinking of how it would feel to have that voice right next to him, to feel Sebastian’s breath on his skin, to not be so cold in bed alone. And then he quickly pushed the thought aside because they weren’t like that. They were just friends.
“It’s an adventure,” Blaine murmured, shaking his head as he yawned again, rolling onto his side. “Goodnight, Sebastian.”
“Night Blaine.”
*
Blaine leaned into Sebastian’s side with a yawn. He knew that he should, that the kids were up early, that they had plans in the morning, but he didn’t want to go to bed yet, didn’t want the night to end. The stars sparkled above them and the water cast a chill over them but they were cuddling close with a blanket over them. It was perfect, honestly. Blaine didn’t want to change a thing.
From somewhere nearby, a clock started chiming and Blaine counted, although he had a feeling he knew what time it was. 11.
“I can’t believe you’ve made it awake this long,” Sebastian teased, fingers skimming up and down Blaine’s arm, other hand tangled with Blaine’s on his chest.
Blaine just laughed, squeezing Sebastian’s hand gently. “Hush. I stay awake late sometimes,” he said which wasn’t necessarily a lie. It wasn’t often. They’d even learned that they needed to initiate something in bed early in the evening if they wanted to because Blaine would be passing out before midnight.
“Mhm,” Sebastian murmured, obviously not believing him judging by the smirk on his lips. He leaned in to press a kiss to Blaine’s temple. “I guess some of us aren’t used to staying up all night.”
“You haven’t stayed up all night in nearly a decade,” Blaine told him with a grin, tilting his head up so he could press his lips to his husband’s. The other man kissed him back easily, pulling his hand from Blaine’s to caress his cheek instead. Sebastian was always a fan of displays of affection but it was different when it was just the two of them. Blaine always felt cherished when they were alone. “Actually, I forgot in the rush to get out the door and to get to the airport… but I found a journal I wrote back then.”
“A journal? I don’t recall you ever journaling.”
Which was true. Blaine had extensive baby books for their two kids but he hadn’t journaled in years. The thought made him blush and he knew he was signing up for extensive teasing from his husband but he did want to tell him. At the blush, Sebastian raised his eyebrows but stayed silent, knowing Blaine would explain. They didn’t keep secrets from each other.
“It was Kurt’s idea. In my junior year, when he talked me into using more gel and changing my style and my face routine. He talked me into writing in a journal for the memories. He wanted to be able to look back.”
Sebastian scoffed and Blaine smiled as he leaned up to brush his lips across his husband’s jaw. Blaine knew just how Sebastian felt about his ex. He didn’t need to hear it anymore so Sebastian kept it to himself. “How did that work out for him?”
“Don’t be a sore winner.”
“As long as I won, I don’t care about him,” Sebastian murmured, hugging Blaine gently against his side, giving him a few more soft kisses. It was the sort of annoyingly confident and bold statements that Blaine knew he shouldn’t find so endearing. There was nothing cute about it besides the smirk on Sebastian’s lips. Except Blaine still found it cute.
“Anyway, would you like to know what we were talking about on the phone about 11 years ago?”
Tangling his fingers with Blaine’s again, Sebastian tilted his head to the side, considering. “I can make a guess. Dumb pick-up lines, you being in intense denial over how in love you were with me even then, you talking about Kurt way too much.”
Blaine narrowed his eyes, playfully pinching Sebastian’s side where his hand was resting. Sebastian laughed, snagging Blaine’s hand again. “Probably. In my journal, I specifically wrote about how you told me I was too interesting to talk about my boyfriend so much.”
“I stand by that,” Sebastian said firmly and Blaine smiled because Sebastian always had been the most supportive person in his life.
It wasn’t until Blaine was an adult that he’d realized just how much he needed it.
“You don’t seem to be complaining as much when I’m talking about my husband.”
Sebastian laughed, looking amused by the conversation. Blaine bit the inside of his lip to try to keep from laughing out loud himself. “That’s completely different. Now you have a husband just as interesting as you. Who loves you, by the way.”
“I love you too,” Blaine whispered, accepting another kiss dropped to his lips before he continued the conversation. “You also said that you didn’t ever want to get married and have kids. That they’d ruin your adventures. And that’s all you wanted. Was adventure.”
A flush tinted Sebastian’s cheeks and Blaine couldn’t stop the laugh this time at his husband’s embarrassment. In the years they’d been together, he’d seen his husband blush plenty but it never failed to amuse him.
“I was trying so hard to sound cool and like I didn’t need anything. I was terrified. Of relationships. Of you. Of how much I was already wanting you since you were holding me at arm’s length. Of having my adventures ruined,” Sebastian said, the last part obviously teasing.
Blaine shook his head, sitting up so he could turn to fully face Sebastian in the lounge chair. He crossed his legs underneath himself, reaching out to take both of his husband’s hands. While he wouldn’t say it, Blaine would never not be grateful to be able to see the vulnerability in Sebastian. He knew he was the only one who got to see such things, the only one who had really ever gotten to see such things. “I was already wanting you too. I just… didn’t think that I should. And you were making it clear how much you didn’t want a relationship.”
Reaching out to push a few of Blaine’s curls off his forehead, Sebastian pressed his lips together for a moment. Then he laughed and shook his head. “I was such an idiot. I don’t know how my elaborate plan to win you was to brag about how many guys I got and how I didn’t want to be committed.”
Blaine grinned because, once he’d realized that Sebastian was mostly just talk, he’d found it charming how much Sebastian always wanted to impress him. And he’d told Sebastian clearly how much it had always worked. “You’re committed now.”
“Of course. Pretty sure the rings that we’re wearing are proof of that,” Sebastian said easily, pulling their hands up so both of their wedding rings were visible.
Blaine grinned, pulling Sebastian’s hand towards him to press a kiss to his knuckles before he let them both drop again. “So, I do have a question for you. If you’re willing to answer it…”
“Okay?”
Clearing his throat to hide his smile, Blaine looked seriously at his husband. Sebastian looked back curiously, a touch of concern on his features about what he might’ve said that had come up in Blaine’s journal. “Have we ruined your adventures?”
Sebastian laughed, leaning in to kiss Blaine hard enough that Blaine fell back against the lounger. Blaine spread his legs so his husband could settle on top of him, resting his forehead against Blaine’s for a moment. “I think I remember what you kept saying. You are my adventure. You and our kids. And look. We’re here. Our kids, our marriage… I wouldn’t want to be here without you.”
Blaine smiled, thinking of Sebastian giving their son a piggy-back ride along the beach or holding their baby in a carrier on his chest. It was true. They’d done everything they’d wanted to do, done half a day’s hike in the Grand Canyon just a few months previous, spent the time on the beach during this trip.
“So… I think I won that conversation then.”
“Oh, come on. I wouldn’t go that far. Your big dream was following Kurt like a puppy to New York. You like Los Angeles much better. Don’t try to deny it,” Sebastian said settling down so he could rest his hands on Blaine’s chest and his chin on his hands.
Blaine reached up to run his fingers through Sebastian’s hair, having to turn his head to yawn. “I do like Los Angeles better… Although, I suppose, you’re right. We’re both right, aren’t we? Family and adventure. What could be better?”
“Broadway with your gross ex?”
Rolling his eyes, Blaine leaned forward to press a kiss to Sebastian’s forehead. “Sore winner. Just for that, I’m saying that I was the winner of that conversation.”
Sebastian’s eyes softened and he smirked in the way that Blaine knew he was going to be faced with either a ridiculous sexual pick-up line or the sweetest, most affectionate words ever. “You can have the win for that conversation. I’m with you. We’re married. We have kids. We’re on the beach. What more could I want? I’m the winner in every other way.”
“How many guys have you used that line on?” Blaine asked with a sweet smile, already knowing the answer.
Indeed, Sebastian smiled, leaning up to kiss Blaine softly. “Only ever you, killer. Only ever you.” When Blaine yawned again, Sebastian laughed, caressing Blaine’s cheek gently. “Come on, love. Let’s go to bed. There are more adventures tomorrow.”
Blaine could only grin, letting his husband pull him up. Instead of immediately going through the open door back into their hotel room though, Sebastian pulled him into his arms. Blaine closed his eyes, stepping in close and swaying to the sounds of the ocean crashing on the beach below them.
While this moment, like all the ones before it would end… they would always have more perfect moments like this one. For the rest of their lives.