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Mina watched as the leaves from the tree started falling down in the past few weeks—now the trees were bald with no more leaves left. They all withered out until the next spring. The season was now changing, but she hadn't, and she wouldn’t. This was the sixth season change since she last saw her.
Unlike the changing season, Mina hadn’t changed, not one bit. She felt the same. She would always feel the same way. However, similar to these changes, everything became a cycle. Trees bloom after the winter; Mina would feel better after silently wailing for hours. Then she would meet someone during the scorching summer bliss; however, just like the season, it would end, and Mina would suddenly feel empty inside with nothing but loneliness. Leaves would start falling; Mina would remember it all again, making her weakly built walls crumble down, and she would fall apart along with it—like how the leaves fall from the dead tree.
But then spring would come again, the tree would be alive, and it would start blooming once again.
It had been like that. An endless cycle of suffering, fleeting joy, and long-lasting, unending misery once again. Mina sighed as she aided herself with the third cup of caffeine for the day. She watched the people clear out their front yards from tons of snow after it stormed yesterday. She sipped her coffee when she heard the door creaking, her sister appeared to be still wearing her pajamas. It was already noon, and Sana had just woken up.
Stretching her arms, she groaned like an old man, and Mina heard her bones crack. "Ah, yes. Good morning, Mina." She walked towards her and stole the cup of coffee she was holding and drank it all, bottoms up.
Sana yawned and stretched once again, scratching her back as she peeked at the window as well. "Oh, the snow stopped falling." Mina grabbed the cup and rolled her eyes. She walked towards the kitchen and washed the remaining dishes. Her sister followed her and sat at the counter. "Yes, and you just woke up."
Mina said as she covered the cup with soap, trying to remove the stain of her coffee. She forgot to drink her coffee immediately (which happens often), and it turned cold, leaving a permanent yellowish stain on her cup. She gave up and rinsed the cup.
“And you,” Sana stood up and wiped Mina’s cup dry. “didn’t sleep a wink.” She put the mug on the cupboard and turned to Mina sternly. She could only look down and smile. Sana knew her too well.
She knew what it meant when she wasn’t talking, she knew what it meant when she said she was not hungry despite not leaving her room for days, she understood when Mina suddenly wailed when she saw a certain book in the bookstore, or a snack at the supermarket. Sana knew what Mina felt, and she understood.
If Mina was to get lost in the future, Sana would be her Polaris, her guide. She would never get lost as long as Sana was there. She knew her sister would always be there. "Did you climb up the roof again?" Sana interrogated Mina as she made her way to her room; her tone was accusing and sure. Mina felt the need to explain herself. "I did, but-"
Sana crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame. "Come on, it was literally storming last night! What were you thinking?" Mina sniffed and saw Sana making a ‘see?’ gesture. In her defense, it was even cold inside their house. Of course, it was normal that one would catch a little cold. Besides, she had a different reason why she climbed up on the roof to begin with. "I went to the attic to check on something."
Mina played with her slippers when she felt the bed sink beside her. Sana’s limbs were all spread out as she sighed and looked up at the ceiling, all covered with luminous star lights. Mina loved the stars, and she loved the dark. The stars looked tiny, but they were actually enormous; they looked so close to each other, yet they were really far. They looked so alive as they twinkled, although they were actually dead.
"Are you thinking of her again?" Mina stared at her ceiling and smiled. Mina hated the crowd, but she made her like it a little. Mina never liked black coffee, but because of her, Mina couldn’t live without drinking one. Mina was used to being alone, but she made Mina miss her so much. She changed Mina. Little by little, she did that, and Mina didn’t even notice.
"I always think about her, Sana." Mina gently whispered as she stared at the window. It was snowing again. All the plowing would now be useless since the driveways and the front yards would be covered with snow once again. The efforts of trying to clear it out this way were in vain. They would have to plow again tomorrow.
That’s how Mina was trying to forget about her. She was a strong snowstorm that Mina couldn’t stop—she was the pile of snow she tried plowing out of her life, only for her to pour down on Mina and be all over her life once again.
She always found ways to be back in Mina’s life without even trying. Without even knowing she could do that to Mina, Sana stood and left her room in silence. Mina spent the whole afternoon staring at the ceiling, waiting for the sleep ghost to possess her, but to no avail. Three on the clock, and yet her eyes were still wide open. She had been awake for twenty-four hours now.
She wrapped herself in sheets and buried herself further. She kept turning and moving on her bed. Mina didn’t notice, but her eyelids started to feel heavy, and her steady breathing turned into a soft snore. She finally fell asleep.
—
Mina loved it when the weather was cloudy, it gave the day a different vibe. Everything moved slowly, the noise was a little less loud, and the breeze was soothing. She loved the neutrality of everything when it was cloudy—not too hot but not too cold.
Mina would like to think that she was cloudy. She's very neutral and quite predictable. The cloudiness would indicate that it would rain soon. The darker it gets, the closer the rain would drop. Mina believed that she was like that. She sipped her coffee and watched everyone else move forward with their day, it was still early, and she could spare another fifteen minutes lounging in the cafe.
On her way out, she almost bumped into a woman who seemed to not feel the weather; she was in a hurry, and she looked very... hectic. Mina was able to sidestep before she could collide with the woman. The person behind her, however, was not very lucky. The whole cafe went silent when they heard a loud crash and a groan.
The woman ruffled her hair even more and apologized to the man. Her things were all over the floor. The man was pissed and left. MIna helped her pick them all. She kept on apologizing, and the people around them went back to their own businesses. After helping her collect her things, Mina left the cafe. She was already eighteen steps away when she heard someone shouting behind her. "Miss!"
She turned around as the same woman was running towards her. She bowed repeatedly. "Thank you for helping me." Mina smiled and shrugged. "It’s okay." The woman smiled, but Mina was confused when she started sobbing with a smile. "Are you… alright?"
The woman sobbed even more. Mina looked around, and the woman in front of her was sobbing in the middle of the walkway. It was very awkward, but Mina just stood there with her, consoling her.
Mina checked her wristwatch and cursed. Shit, I’m running late! When she arrived at her floor, she was met with confused gazes. "Myoui, you’re late? That’s a first!"
Well, she tried to comfort a stranger for a whole hour who couldn’t stop crying. Mina guessed she really had a bad day. Not that the woman shared her name or her problem. The stranger cried and snuffled, so Mina offered her a hanky, and she graciously thanked her before blowing her nose. "It’s just that you’re the first person who showed me a little kindness today. Thank you very much."
She gave Mina a bright smile that could move clouds and dispel impending rain. A smile that could burn like the sun and shine like one. She was the sweltering summer heat, clear blue skies, and radiant sunlight that Mina never liked.
—
Mina woke up with the smell of something burning and the fire alarm ringing loudly. Sana! She quickly rose and ran as fast as she could, only to see their apartment covered with smoke. Mina looked around, but there was no fire to be seen. "Minari? Oh, don’t worry, nothing's on fire but our breakfast… Well, it’s carcinogenic now, so I think we should eat somewhere." Mina tread her way to the kitchen, and HOW could someone burn an omelet?
They changed into layers of clothes and walked to the nearby diner. It was cold. It's really cold today. Sana was shivering, breathing out smoke as she wrapped her arms around Mina’s. Sana gently pushed the door, causing the chimes to sing. As each bell struck the other, Mina's reverie traveled to another fragment of memory attached to the melodic ringing.
It was the same sound that Mina heard after she pushed the door of the small resto near her house. Mina loved spending her lazy Friday afternoons there, where it’s peaceful and almost devoid of people. It’s the calm before the storm, really. She’d visit there before the students came rushing in around four p.m. or the people in general around five. It’s literally after lunch, so Mina expected silence and peace.
So it took her by surprise when someone recognized her and stopped her even before she could reach the counter. "Oh, it’s you! Hi!" Mina blinked and frowned, trying to remember who this person was, and it clicked. It’s the girl from a week ago.
She started rummaging through her bag, gently telling Mina she was waiting to cool her frappe for a bit. They were standing near the door, blocking the way, so Mina took the initiative to take a seat on the corners, right by the large windows. She returned Mina’s hanky, all washed, pressed, and inside a box.
"You didn’t have to." Mina accepted the box and smiled at the girl, who introduced herself as Nayeon. She lived in the neighborhood too. None of them spoke after that. Mina stood, and Nayeon’s reflex was to hold her wrist and ask, "Where are you going?"
Mina chuckled and pointed to the counter. "I have to order something, don’t I?" Nayeon was beet red, retracting her hand and muttering a small apology. She’s weird and a complete stranger, but Mina felt comfortable with her, comfortable enough to spend the whole afternoon with her. They talked about nothing much, aside from their hobbies, pets, work, and, surprisingly, nothing about why Nayeon broke down that day.
Mina.
Minari?
Sana’s gentle shake woke her from the nostalgia. Her sister eyed her concernedly, asking her if she was okay. "Yes. Just the usual bacon and eggs, please."