Chapter Text
The letter read, in more sorrow-stricken print than the usual rushed appearance:
“Hey, Lukas.
"I don’t know when you’ll be able to read this letter, since the move must be a lot on you right now. There’s no rush for you to read it, even if it’s weeks later. That being said, I don’t want you to rush through reading this letter (like how you usually do.)“ Lukas stopped for a moment to chuckle to himself. Jesse knew him well.
It continued, “I’ve gotta admit, I really do miss the times we’ve spent together early on, when we’d go out to the creek by the farm and talk about stuff. Or the dock by your house, or the pier on the beach. I know those weren’t really good times in your life, with, uh, you know. Stuff. But me personally, I still value all those times with you anyway. Getting to learn who you were, and why you’re pretty different from the rest of the people here. I mean, no insult to them or anything at all! You’re just… something else to me. I mean, in a good way! And I really need you to know that, especially now.”
Lukas had some trouble seeing the letter now.
“I hope you don’t mind if I get into some more sensitive territory here. If you do, you can just skip to the end, I’ll understand. It’s just that… I didn’t really understand what you asked me. Until I remembered everything he did to you.”
Letters blurred into words that blurred into black globs that soon became illegible to him on the page. With a release by the blink of his eyes, he caught ahold of himself and read on.
“You asked me something like, ‘How will I know when things will start to get better?’ And I didn’t really know what to say. It was hard for me to get what you meant at first, and after a while, I told you, ‘I don’t know. That’s a question only you can answer.’ It’s honestly super embarrassing now thinking back on it, but there was a lot going on in the moment, and I don’t really know if you heard me. I kinda mumbled there. But it’s so important that you did hear me. So I’ll tell you what I said again, just in case.
“It’s sorta fuzzy now, but I may have said something like… How I’ll be here for you. Every step of the way. As long as you’ll keep me around, I’m not going anywhere.
“I refused each time when you tried to tell me how lucky you were, that you had me. Especially in the moments you needed me most, and how much you thanked me. It was only what you deserved, though. No less than that. I mean, sure, maybe it was lucky that you had anyone at all, generally speaking. But if anyone deserved only the best… It was you. And I promised you that you would never need to feel that same kind of pain ever again. Not while I’m here.
“I just wanna thank you for reading this far ahead, and still being with me. ‘Cause in all honesty, I don’t think you’d be able to put this letter down anyway, you big nerd. Mushiness aside, I just want what’s best for you, so… you call the shots too! I’ll be waiting on you, whenever you’re ready. Just take your time, for me.
“Let’s catch up! When you can. - Jesse”
The last few lines caught Lukas in a hiccup, and he nearly dropped the letter as he hiccuped again, hastening to catch it in the air. With a few stifled sobs, he finally tore his eyes off the paper and caught himself on a chair. Then he stopped trying to suppress them. Holding the paper firm but gently, Lukas placed it face-down on the desk adjacent to him so as not to stain it with his tears, and he rested his head against the edge of its surface. Yet he let the tears run down with a smile across his face — one as sorrowful as Jesse’s print.
His shoulders shook, and he folded his arms on top of the desk to rest his face on, only his blond hair and reddening ears visible anymore. He then made a promise to himself that he’d write back as soon as possible, and that he would visit Jesse immediately. A sniffle let out, and with a pause in the air, Lukas hesitated. Well, maybe not immediately. Lukas only stopped what he was doing to check the mail, as it’s been a few days since he last checked. The stress of moving Aiden’s things in and out of his home, and still needing to talk to him on a daily basis to even proceed with the moving process had Lukas in a terrible space, in which it felt too inappropriate to see him at all, since Jesse wouldn’t be seeing him at his best.
But perhaps the letter let him know that maybe it was okay not to keep appearances up all the time.
Lukas lifted his head off the desk and stared back at the letter red-eyed. With another wet sniffle, he wiped his hands and arms off with the stray handkerchief on his desk and neatly put the letter away in a cabinet, where the rest of Jesse’s letters were. One day he’d stumble upon that letter again and have a good cry about it. But for the time being, it was too overwhelming to revisit it.
Lukas pulled out the sliding hutch in the desk, and after finding his paper and pen, took a deep breath and placed the pen in his grip.