Work Text:
The first time Yuji’s body completely shut down, both mentally and physically, was not when Junpei died, but after he returned to the hidden sanctuary his sensei had provided him during his time playing dead.
Or it could have happened sooner.
Nanami had asked him how he was holding up before their separation. Yuji was sure of it. The car’s engine had fought with his voice, but the world had been muted but the teenager’s ears at the point. Sounds had become distant. Sights blurred. The last sensation Yuji remembered had been the cushions of the couch he’d grown so accustomed to. An indent of his shape welcomed him, as did a bundled blanket wrapped in his own scent from before he’d left, free from the shock and horror he’d witnessed at the hands of a curse that taught him that his loathing could extend further beyond what he already held for the parasite within his body.
It was no replacement for that of another’s scent entirely. Despite being in Gojo’s house, the basement lacked the same sweet smell Yuji had associated with the eccentric alpha, and if he could string a few coherent thoughts together, he’d regret not grabbing something of his sooner.
Ironically, Yuji felt closer to death now than when he actually died.
Everything was utterly and completely numb.
Yuji’s mind had given up on thinking as his thoughts became too painful to bear. He wanted to cry, bawl into his pillow and scream as loud as his lungs would allow him, but true tears of sorrow were unable to form, leaving his eyes painfully dry. When the first bead of liquid ran down the side of his face, it was nothing but a biological need to flush out his eyes in relief.
With arms curled up close and hands left to hang open in wait for another’s hand that would never come, Yuji stared out into the dark shadows of his temporary room and breathed.
There wasn’t much more he was willing to do— Could do. His body now too heavy to move.
Nor that the omega realized he had been doing until he felt a gentle set of fingers stroke his hair before settling on rubbing his shoulder, shocking him into accepting the present as he choked on a whimper—one of many his omega had been calling out in search of comfort when he could not. Preferably an alpha, instincts already proving such a statement true when his body first stilled at the initially relieving scent of incense and smoke.
A scent Yuji was most familiar with. One that had him closing his eyes tightly shut. His muscles tensed, and his heart began to race, determined to leap out of his chest as he cautiously pried his eyes open to witness the domain of blackened crimson he’d stood within only once before. No longer was he wading through the waters. Stacked skulls lay strewn at his feet. And when Yuji sucked in a breath to determine where the curse was from where lay, reality gripped his heart as he realized that it was not the cushions of the couch underneath him, but the lap of Ryomen Sukuna.
The omega did not know what to do. His mind panicked, unable to reconcile the disparity between the hate he held and the comfort that the cursed dared to provide. Yuji wanted to use what little energy he had to thrust himself off and roll down the hill, uncaring how his body would surely rag doll into the water if it meant putting distance between him and the one at the root of his suffering. His inner omega disagreed, begging and pleading with his mind to get closer, to carve out a spot for himself in the alpha’s hold and hide in this false sense of safety Sukuna could provide.
The opposing views made Yuji sick. He closed his eyes again, murmuring anxious nothings under his breath as the curse’s hand returned to his head.
“There was nothing I could have done. A deal for his life between us would have been pointless.”
Yuji could not forgive Sukuna’s mockery. The curse’s laughter continued to haunt him—But the alpha’s words brought his inner omega still. His mind paused at the rationale behind Sukuna’s actions. He wanted to argue, but the words would not form, and his lips would not move.
Instead, Yuji did nothing, giving in to neither impulse remained just unmoving as before.
Such moments of weakness were few and far between in the beginning. Yuji could count on both hands just how many dips in his psyche he could recall, but none lasted longer than a few seconds since the first. A minor relapse. Always out of sight when his mind was left to wander in place of a body too tired to do so.
The next time the omega experienced his entire form give out was the night following the attack on his school during the Goodwill Exchange Event. The name had to be a joke, as anyone could read that neither campus had held any fondness toward the other when the day began. And by the time the day ended…
Yuji should be elated to have walked away with his life.
Being threatened by cursed spirits of any caliber was not a shocking event. It was a given in the life sorcerers agreed to undertake. But what of the attempt on his life before that?
Amicable as they may be now, the Kyoto students had drawn and cornered him right as the competition began. Under the orders of their principal, they were to see Yuji killed. If it had not been for Todo’s interference, he could have been.
What had he done to deserve this? The Kyoto students barely knew him, yet they so eagerly took up arms against him —Had he truly not been anything more than a vessel in their eyes? Was his existence that unforgivable?
Yuji lay alone in the dorms. His bed— his nest —provided nothing but a reminder of just how alone he was with so much space on either side. Compared to the couch, it had been a blessing and a curse. Soft, but vacuous. Warm, but hollow. Fushiguro was still in the infirmary. As was Inumaki. Panda did not live in the dorms and the Kyoto students had their own accommodations.
No one was around to hear his cries. Soft, chirps and whimpers he let out into the pillow he’d gripped so tightly as if his life had depended on it. He needed someone—His heart ached for someone to take this pain away. Breaking further at the thought of anyone stumbling into this depressing scene of a poor omega clinging to the ghost of comfort when he’d do well to just suck it up and press on as he always had.
In a single moment, Yuji felt the world rearrange itself underneath him. He didn’t fall, but he felt his orientation shift ever slightly to work with the body he was now clutching between his frantic fingers instead of the pillow he remembered. He was quick to nuzzle himself in the new fabric against his face. There was no reason to open his eyes, Yuji already knew who had plucked him from the outside world, placing the omega on his form and settling himself once more after Yuji had wrapped his arms around the waist beneath him.
An anchor he so desperately needed.
No words were exchanged. Not a single peep was made from either alpha or omega aside from the squeak of surprise that came not from the hands holding Yuji’s back, but the chin now resting on his head.
Yuji could not fathom why he felt so secure. Why he was able to melt in Sukuna’s arms while knowing full well he lay in a lion’s den and at the curse’s mercy? A mercy that could be rescinded at any time. His inner omega did not worry about such thoughts, and in time, his mind would drift away from them as well when the ability to sleep had finally returned to him.
A pattern formed after that.
A silent routine neither alpha nor omega spoke of.
Just as Yuji would lie to sleep in the nights that followed, he caught the scent of the alpha curse close by as the phantom of his touch graced his skin. Such acts felt foreign in relation to the Sukuna he knew of during the day, and paradoxically still, he’d cling to these exchanges more than he knew better too.
Oh, what would the others think of him if they knew?
What trust had he broken? What shame could he bring to himself for allowing the King of Curses to get so close?
Yuji lost himself again after the fourth finger had been consumed. The long drive back to the school had given him time to reflect as his classmates fell asleep in the backseat, all three piling out and dragging themselves to their respective dorms once the mission had been over and their bodies allowed to rest.
Two murders had been committed that day resulting in tears that could not be taken back.
Whether they were cursed spirits or cursed users, the pit in Yuji’s stomach did not fill itself with either answer. This was the life of a sorcerer, and while he knew he could not spare everyone he came across, the thought of their escalation having led to that much pain— it ate away at him like nothing else before.
Yuji was aware of his cries this time.
The omega did his damnedest to keep them quiet. His pillows and blankets had muffled the noise while his door and windows should prevent the distress which now laced his own scent from escaping to the rest of the building. His hands were buried in the scrunched-up fabric tossed around his nest as he could not look at his hands anymore that had been necessary. All he saw was a red so deep it made him ill.
He’d wait for the storm to pass. That was what he told himself. But in truth, he was in need of another to make the pain stop. And while it had taken some time, the alpha he sought appeared by him as he’d been doing, cradling the omega in his arms as they shared the throne Sukuna remained stationed in every time they met this way.
But this time, it would be different.
As Sukuna had done the first time they shared such intimacy, the curse chose to speak to the omega for the first time in months. His voice was low, intimidating only in the respect of who was speaking, but not in the tone of which the sentiments were relayed.
"You shouldn't be doing this with me." Sukuna whispered, consoling Yuji’s shaking form with the subtle touches the omega only recently learned him capable of. "You should seek out your pack. They can provide more comfort than I could ever give."
Yuji doesn't budge. His grip on Sukuna's kimono grew stronger as he fought through his panicking breath. He was being rejected. His omega was being rejected.
"No. Don't make me go. I don't want them to know —to see me like this." It disgusted Yuji how easily he pleaded. Begging for the alpha to change his stance, to keep holding him until he could no longer think clearly on what had originally brought his mind into turmoil. “Please.”
"But for me to witness your weakness, that is alright with you?"
"I can't hide anything from you." Yuji tugged his knees closer to his chest, nudging himself closer into the curse’s arms to make it clear he did not want to part from them. "I can't disappoint you anymore than I already do."
That, apparently, was not the answer Sukuna desired. What were once gentle hands stroking his hair had turned into claws, gripping his head right and tanking it back so that the omega was forced to endure the alpha’s glare.
“Do not presume to know how I feel, brat.” The alpha growled, sending Yuji’s omega into a frenzy. His nails dug further into Yuji’s skin and his fangs made themselves known, threatening the omega to remain absolutely still. “It is you holding yourself unworthy.”
Before any sort of elaboration could be given as to what that meant, Sukuna pulled Yuji close and pressed his lips over the omega’s neck. The placement was intentional, his fangs teasing against his scent gland as his tongue massaged over top of it. An embarrassed moan escaped from Yuji’s own lips as his head fell back in ecstasy, swirling amongst the confusion of such contradictory actions.
Anger and hostility were abundant in the alpha’s scent, but the care he took in sucking gently on Yuji’s neck, stimulating his sensitive glands before leaving the tiniest of marks which had brought the omega’s fear into question.
“The King of Curses does not possess an unworthy vessel.”
Yuji’s head rolled back, forcing Sukuna to rearrange his grip. The alpha let go of his hair in favor of supporting his head instead, leaving one last kiss upon his neck before his lips departed and Yuji was coaxed into resting against Sukuna’s shoulder.
“Sleep.”
Lost in the midst of what had occurred, Yuji followed the alpha’s command, unable to stop himself from crying and wailing in Sukuna’s arms. All the while, the curse continued to increase his own scent, caressed and hushing the omega into a lull that would inevitably bring his heart and mind at ease.