Chapter Text
Just like another first snowflake makes a home in his freezing palm, the same beginning of the year replays and replays in the background, and just as the 20th one arrives, the snowflake finally starts to melt. After his 7th glass of champagne, he looks down at his palm and it's the first time in a while it isn't wet with tears.
"This means nothing, Hannie. It's just global warming and everything. Yeah." Silently, he hopes...
Han Jisung. A name not many know of. At least, not anymore. Not after finishing school and coming back to who he really was. Maybe too antisocial, maybe too sensitive, maybe too much of a coward. And despite being too much in general, he is grateful he's not as bad as before. Because being as lonely as he is, he had to fight to live until this day.
He will never put it like this out loud, but, abusive family is not really something you'd like to be a part of or live with. So why has he never run away? Because somehow everything managed to add up so harshly on him with his anxiety and fears and insecurities that he'd rather die than live on the streets...or ask for help.
And, worst of all, living in a forest next to a small town will surely leave you feeling crazier than a mental institution. Especially when you live most of your young years there. At least he has a phone...and his art supplies to keep him company.
While his ex colleagues and ex pals are maybe out and about and studying, dating. Hell, some of them are getting married! He is still at the stage of simply wishing for all these things normal people should live when they're young.
He is scared of getting old, of getting depressed again, of losing his last spark.
He is also scared of showing himself, of being loved, of being hated.
A contradictory situation he didn't yet manage to find a solution for.
Internet connection can only do so much and he is starting to get slower by day. Perhaps his depression plans a comeback orrr... is it finally time? Time to give up?
Some of these thoughts are like night clouds before a loud storm, so he puts the other headphone in and sits with his cat on a bench in his yard most of the times.
Some other times, he draws for a few hours and then takes a break by reading something or watching k-dramas. Or when he's feeling particularly dramatic, he takes a look outside and deeply sighs. The way he looks through the window is the same way he looks at himself in the mirror. Longing. Distant. Almost miserable, but not quite yet. He likes to think he still has some dignity.
But all dignity out the door when he opens up whatever chatting with strangers app he finds online. And what else can you do when you lose yourself? Maybe joke about it with other sad strangers.
He types a pathetic:
"Hey"
"Hey"
"What's up?"
"The sky"
"No, ur mom"
And he closes the chat and takes another sip of his hot choco.
Of course, he doesn't like to sound rude, but when everything loses meaning and you feel more and more invalid and insignificant, you kind of stop giving a f. At least, anonymously.
He types again...
"Hey"
"Wassup"
"What do you think about Lee Minho?"
"Oh, he's a singer, right?"
"No, he's a cat butler"
He rolls his eyes as he types again
"Of course, he's the best singer, dancer, choreographer and cat butler in the world. I'm the second."
And he gets skipped
Taking another puff from his vape, he greets the next person with "why u here"
"Why not?"
"Everyone's yikes here"
"Let two yikes persons talk to each other then"
"I am antisocial"
"What did you have for lunch?"
Biting back the "ur mom" he has as a forever mantra in his head, he actually makes an effort and...
"Didn't have lunch yet but I know what I'll have"
"Let me guess, me?"
Han is a bit taken aback since he had the "you" already written.
"I- actually"
"Ok, how do we make this happen, then? Since you kind of need my approval, too."
"I don't see you typing no"
"No"
"Great, it's not like you had any chance anyways"
"Try me"
"What's your favorite animal?"
"Soonie, Doongie, Dori."
Han heard that before somewhere.
"Wait, what is that?"
"My 3 cats"
"I have 7 cats"
"Ever since when is this a competition?"
"Idk but send me pics of them"
"Where?"
"Here's my snap."
Kind of mentally slapping himself, he sends the username anyways because what is there not worth risking for cat pics?