Work Text:
As Hoseok sits in the waiting room of the ER center on a Sunday, he’s not sure which part of the evening was the worst: getting an actual call from Yoongi instead of a text, which immediately made him worry? Hearing Yoongi’s distressed, shaky voice asking if Hoseok could take him to ER? The terrifying drive to Yoongi’s place, unable to stop imagining the worst case of what he’d find when he got there? Seeing his best friend hunched over in pain, hugging his arms to his chest and his face pale and sweaty? The following drive to ER, Hoseok gripping the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white as he listened to Yoongi’s ragged breathing? Or now, sitting in a hard plastic chair under unpleasant fluorescent lights, having no idea when he’ll hear if Yoongi is ok or if he’ll be admitted, waiting, as he has been since they whisked Yoongi away to the back as soon as they heard the magic phrase Chest Pains .
Suddenly, Yoongi is there, walking back out past the reception desk, holding a stack of papers in his hand. He still looks terrible, but not like he’s about to faint.
“Yoongi!” Hoseok stands up and waves.
“Ah,” Yoongi says weakly, “You’re still here? I’m sorry, you should have gone home. It’s so late now.”
“I wasn’t going to leave until I was sure you’re ok,” he replies firmly, “I’ll drive you back to your place.”
Hoseok insists on Yoongi waiting inside while he goes to the car and pulls it around, so that Yoongi doesn’t have to walk through the parking lot. Once they’ve started the drive back, Hoseok asks him what the diagnosis was.
Yoongi sighs and rubs his face.
“I’m so embarrassed. It really turned out to be nothing. I’m sorry I called you and made you do this.” He sinks down in his seat.
“Well, I’m not sorry. Even if it was nothing, I’d still do the same thing over again. That’s what best friends do!” Hoseok says with forceful cheer. “The doctors didn’t literally say it was nothing though, did they?”
“It was just a panic attack, apparently.”
Hoseok winces. “Ah, jeez. But still, I see they sent you home with some printouts. So again, not nothing ?” he presses.
“They said I did the right thing by coming in,” Yoongi grumbles. “The symptoms do feel the same as a heart attack so they always want people to come in. They gave me printouts about panic attacks, anxiety, how to improve my sleep habits, et cetera.”
Hoseok hums and nods. It’s not until he’s walked Yoongi all the way back into his apartment and made him sit down on the couch with a blanket and a glass of water that he presses further.
“Do you know what triggered it?” Hoseok asks. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Yoongi puts his glass of water down and slumps sideways on the couch, pulling the blanket up to his chin.
“I kept thinking about how much I don’t want to go to work tomorrow.” he says wetly, trying to keep a wobble out of his voice.
“Didn’t you guys finish that crazy campaign everybody’s been nuts about?” Hoseok asks. Yoongi sighs.
“Yeah, the candy company. We had an all-hands meeting on Monday to celebrate the client accepting the final package. But then right away from Tuesday onwards they started talking about having me take over the background music for a set of shampoo commercials that’s behind schedule.” Yoongi let out a long, aggrieved groan.
Hoseok had heard quite a few things about the ad campaign for the candy company over the past several months. Yoongi had been composing songs for their TV spots, which they ended up being very picky about and forced Yoongi to make almost innumerable revisions. Then they switched directions and wanted to get versions of the jingles in different musical styles, and managed to negotiate this change with only the smallest extension of the due date. Yoongi had to work many late nights in a row to keep his part of the project on track.
“I thought there would be a little break after that,” he says, on the verge of tears. “I feel so burnt out. I can’t do this again.”
“I’m sorry,” Hoseok says empathetically. “You must have some vacation time you could use?”
“Yeah, I haven’t taken any of my PTO or sick leave, so I have a couple of weeks saved up at this point.” he replies, fidgeting with the blanket.
“At least call in sick tomorrow,” Hoseok insists. “And then you’ve got to talk to them about decreasing your workload. Just because you’ve been willing to take on so much for an emergency case doesn’t mean they can just make your whole job a permanent emergency.”
“I probably will.” he replies. Hoseok looks at him sternly. “Ok, I will.”
“I know you have your work email on your phone. Just tell them now that you’ll be out tomorrow.” Hoseok tells him.
Yoongi sighs, but opens up his phone and does it. He starts imagining what it’ll be like having all the delayed conversations on Tuesday morning and stares off into space.
“Hey,” says Hoseok gently, “are you still with me?”
“Yup,” Yoongi says absently.
“It’s just a job,” Hoseok says in the same tone. “There will always be another job. I can’t get another Yoongi.”
Yoongi looks at him guiltily.
“I know you enjoyed this job when you started. But I think it’s changed over the years, maybe without you quite noticing. All things end at some point. Just keep it in perspective, that’s all I’m trying to say.” Hoseok continues.
“Yes,” says Yoongi, trying to reason with himself. “It’s just a job. If I want to get another job because I hate this one, that’s fine. That’s a normal thing to do.”
“Yes!” says Hoseok agreeably. “Very normal.”
Hoseok manages to negotiate Yoongi into going to bed, and to sleep as late as he can. Yoongi listens to Hoseok let himself out of the apartment and feels himself flooded with guilt. Guilt about being a burden to his friend, guilt about letting down his coworkers, guilt about not being able to just lie down and sleep when that’s the ONE thing he’s supposed to be doing. He lies awake for a long time, tossing and turning and getting more upset. He thinks he might have dozed off a few times. He gives up at 7:30, gets out of bed and makes himself some coffee, and texts Hoseok to let him know he’s awake and “doing ok.”
Yoongi does his best to spend the day productively. He takes a look at his savings and his budget. He logs in to the HR system at work through the app on his phone, careful to not look at his email, and sees with a shock that he has accumulated far more vacation time than he thought. He ultimately figures that with everything together, he could make it six months before he’d need to have another job.
[Yoongi] I think I’m going to put in my notice tomorrow
[Hoseok] really??? Good for you!!! Congrats!!
[Hosoek] I’m so proud of you!
[Hoseok] it’s the right thing to do
[Yoongi] i hope so
[Hoseok] I know so! Stay strong!
[Hoseok] I’m coming to your place tomorrow night to celebrate, I’ll bring fried chicken
[Yoongi] ok :]
[Yoongi] see you then
Hoseok is a little worried when he doesn’t get any texts from Yoongi all day Tuesday. Finally, at 5pm, he can’t stand it any more.
[Hoseok] Still ok for me to come by with chicken?
[Yoongi] yes
[Yoongi] sorry I haven’t texted today
[Yoongi] I’ll explain when you get here
About ninety minutes later, Hoseok is at his door with the chicken. Yoongi, looking very worried, lets him in and helps him put the chicken down.
“Yoongi, what-” Hoseok starts to ask, but before he can get any further, Yoongi bursts into tears and hides his face in his hands.
“Oh, no nono” Hoseok murmurs at him, wrapping him up and pulling Yoongi’s head to his shoulder. Hoseok just lets him cry for a minute, his whole body shaking as he sobs. Then he gently maneuvers them to the couch and gets Yoongi to sit down next to him. He rubs Yoongi’s back and tries to soothe him. Finally Yoongi seems to slow down a little.
“Can you tell me what happened?” Hoseok asks.
“It’s so dumb,” Yoongi chokes out, scrubbing the heels of his hands across his eyes. “I turned in my two weeks’ notice just like I planned. Then they called me into a meeting and begged me to stay for longer. I kept saying no but they just kept asking! They just kept talking and talking and it’s not like they were rude about it but they just didn’t accept my answer!”
Yoongi takes a deep breath.
“So I finally agreed to stay for four weeks instead.” He makes a miserable wheezing noise. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Hoseok asks, a little baffled.
“Well,” Yoongi sniffles, “I thought you would be disappointed in me that I gave in. You were so proud of me for saying I was going to quit.”
“I’m not going to be disappointed by that !” Hoseok says, exasperated. “I want you to do what’s right for YOU, even if that ends up being keeping the job!”
“Oh,” says Yoongi, deflating.
“And maybe four weeks is even better than two,” Hoseok continues, “this way, you have even more time to close stuff out, and nobody there can complain it’s too sudden.”
Yoongi ruffles his hands through his hair.
“How about this,” Hoseok says soothingly, “you go wash your face, and I’ll get the chicken out, and we can eat.”
“Okay sure,” Yoongi says meekly.
They keep the topic of conversation in other areas for the rest of their dinner. Yoongi can feel the anxiety draining out of him a little. He’s not sure why it’s so easy to come up with the worst possible predictions when he’s by himself. He was sure Hoseok was going to be mad at him and not even want to talk to him, but now that they’re sitting and eating together, that idea seems so bizarre.
The next day, he tries his best to set the new pattern of leaving work on time. Yesterday he had to leave to meet Hoseok, so today he texts his friend Namjoon and sets a time to meet him for dinner. He hasn’t been able to see him in person for a couple of months, and Namjoon’s excitement at Yoongi’s reaching out is palpable through text.
Namjoon and his boyfriend Taehyung are already at the table when Yoongi gets to the restaurant. They both beam and wave when they see him at the door - Namjoon’s dimpled smile and Taehyung’s boxy one. There’s a round of hugs, then they order drinks and their meals.
“So how are things going for you these days?” Namjoon asks.
“Well,” says Yoongi, “sort of mixed. I realized I really hated my job so I just put in my notice this week.”
“Oh wow! Do you have something else lined up?”
Yoongi squirms a little.
“Not exactly. I’m going to take a short break. I’m thinking I might try to go freelance.”
“Ah!” says Taehyung animatedly, “that could be a lot more rewarding than working for a big agency. How exciting!”
“Well,” Yoongi replies, fighting with himself whether to agree or downplay, “I’m not sure yet.”
“Resting is important too,” Namjoon says warmly. “That’s part of the creative process.”
“Speaking of which, how is your album going?” Yoongi asks, more than ready to change the subject.
Namjoon has been releasing songs on soundcloud for a few years now, just a little indie project he does in his spare time. A couple months ago, one of them went viral, and he managed to gain a modest following on social media. Since then, Namjoon has been working on a mixtape of songs he wants to release all at once. Namjoon positively glows when he talks about the songs he’s working on, and Yoongi enjoys listening to him very much.
Suddenly, Namjoon stops and looks at Yoongi as if he’s realized something.
“Oh! I didn’t want to ask you before when you were so swamped at work, but would you mind taking a look at a few of the songs? I’d really appreciate your ear.” he asks Yoongi.
“Sure, if you think it would help,” Yoongi replies cautiously.
“Seriously,” interjects Taehyung, “you should have heard him whining a few weeks ago, ‘ahhh, I wish I could send this one to Yoongi!’” he recalls with an exaggerated voice for Namjoon.
Namjoon laughs, and Yoongi looks down with an embarrassed smile. They talk about the songs for a bit more, and Taehyung insists on taking a picture of the two of them together “to mark the beginning of a beautiful collaboration.”
Having Namjoon’s songs to look at helps him stick with his schedule at work. It’s easier to stay firm and leave on time when he knows Namjoon is counting on him to make time for it. If he stays up later than he means to, listening and re-listening and tweaking, well, it’s good to have something that he’s looking forward to, right? There’s always time to catch up on sleep later.
Even though the days left at his job are rapidly counting down, he still spends every weekend in a state of ever-increasing dread, unable to stop thinking about the moment he has to step back into the office on Monday morning. Sunday nights are always the worst. He sometimes finds himself just sitting on the couch, spaced out completely, heart rate a little too high. He keeps telling himself it’ll be much better as soon as he’s finally out of the door of the advertising agency, and can close out that chapter of his life.
Finally, he gets to the last week of work. On Friday, he logs out of everything and boxes up the last few things at his desk. His coworkers take him out for a final happy hour goodbye, and he doesn’t get drunk, but he’s definitely a little tipsy. His coworkers all tell him how great it was to work with him, how much they’re going to miss him, and they make sure they’re all connected on LinkedIn in case any of them need references in the future. Yoongi keeps a smile on his face, since he knows that’s what’s expected. He keeps telling himself, tomorrow morning, that’s when I’ll finally feel relieved.
He doesn’t. When wakes up on Saturday, he’s a tad hungover and otherwise doesn’t feel anything at all. He goes about his usual weekend routine, until his thoughts drift to what he’ll be doing Monday morning. Suddenly it’s hard to breathe, and his chest starts hurting. This is exactly like when I had to call Hoseok to take me to the ER, he thinks absently. Then he thinks, Oh right, panic attack . He tries to remember what those printouts told him to do. Something about breathing. But breathing hurts. His palms feel cold, and he realizes he’s kneeling on the ground with his hands flat in front of him. His knees hurt a little as well.
He focuses on that - he has hands and knees. He tries to visualize that, and then picture some lungs somewhere in the middle of that. Hands, knees, lungs. Finally he’s able to take a deeper breath. It hurts but he takes another one. Finally his vision starts to return, not that he noticed when he stopped seeing things in the first place, and then he can see the hands and the knees. After that it doesn’t take too much longer before he can stand back up and shakily walk over to the couch.
He thinks he loses a little more time, because his whole body jerks in shock when his phone buzzes. It’s Hoseok, because they agreed to meet for brunch. They text and come to an agreement on exactly when and where. Yoongi feels terrible now, shaky and exhausted, but he’s determined to not miss brunch.
Hoseok frowns at him after they sit down.
“You could have slept later, you know. I wouldn’t have blamed you. Did your office mates get you roaring drunk last night?” he asks.
“Ah, no, I barely got tipsy,” Yoongi replies absently, looking at the menu unseeing, “I’m not really hungover at all.”
“Oh,” says Hoseok nonplussed, “Well, I say this as your friend, but you don’t look great. Are you ok?”
Yoongi is quiet a little too long, the gears in his head grinding a little as he struggles to remember how conversation goes. Why is this such a struggle , he thinks to himself a little resentfully.
“I guess it just kind of hit me this morning. That I don’t have any place to be on Monday.” he says slowly, rubbing his palms on his thighs. “You know, the usual kind of stressing about whether I’ve made a mistake.” He shrugs.
“Did you have another panic attack?” Hoseok asks quietly.
Yoongi cringes.
“Eeesh, I guess so?” he says reluctantly, not wanting to look at Hoseok.
Hoseok makes a sad noise.
“We could have canceled today so you could rest more,” he says gently.
“I know!” Yoongi replies, “But I really wanted to meet up with you. Don’t worry about me, I’ll figure it out. We should be celebrating my new start.”
He knows he’s trying just as hard to convince himself as his friend. Hoseok looks a little skeptical.
“Really!” Yoongi says, taking a deep breath and looking at Hoseok. “I already know what I want to do next. I’m going to refresh my portfolio, keep working with Namjoon on his album, and uh, work on fixing my sleep schedule,” he says sheepishly.
Hoseok finally smiles at him.
“Those all sound like good goals.”
And so, since he promised Hoseok he would, that’s what he does over the next week. Getting his portfolio up-to-date is pretty easy, and he updates his profile on a couple of sites where people look for freelance creators. Namjoon still has his day job, so there’s only a few hours of work Yoongi can do on his songs each day, before he needs to wait for Namjoon’s input. The hardest part is the sleep. He’s managed to half-convince himself over the years that he doesn’t need that much sleep, but the other half knows that he DOES, and that it’s a problem. Somehow speaking it out loud to Hoseok, that he was going to commit to fixing it, made it easier for him to actually follow through on it. So he makes a point of going to bed a little earlier and giving himself a little relaxing “wind down” ritual before trying to lie down and sleep. He’s not sure how long it will take to start making a difference, or if he’s going to have to try something more extreme.
But then, it’s as if the moment his body truly gets permission to rest, that’s all it wants to do. He didn’t even really feel tired after all those nights in a row of just four or five hours of sleep during crunch times at work, but now that he’s getting eight hours of sleep, he feels even MORE tired. He refuses to let himself ONLY sleep and do a few hours of music producing, so mid-morning each day he goes to the gym - not the tiny one in his building, but the nice one a few blocks away, that always has tons of machines and actually keeps enough staff around to keep it clean. He doesn’t do anything all that intensive - just a few light weights and then he picks one of the machines - the elliptical, or the rowing machine, or the stair-climber. Overall, he almost spends more time walking to and from the gym than actually there, but he tells himself that getting out and doing something is the whole point.
After he gets home and showers and eats lunch, he does a little bit of work on Namjoon’s songs, then makes something for dinner. He’s determined to not get takeout more than once every two weeks now, after so many nights of either skipping dinner or having the quickest, junkiest meal possible. He starts looking up new recipes to try too. He wouldn't say he’s happy , exactly, but he’s happier than he was, and he feels like he’s doing the things he should be. He gets a ping from someone who listened to his portfolio and wants to know if he’d be interested in doing some background music for a video game that would be starting in a few months. He realizes he’s actually hoping it works out instead of dreading the idea, which seems like a good sign.
One day when he’s heading to the gym, he stops to watch a little flock of songbirds at one point. They’re all chirping at each other, fluttering from tree to tree along the street. Yoongi pauses for a bit just to enjoy the sound. As a result, he’s finishing up his workout later than he usually does. By the time he’s leaving, there’s a very buff young personal trainer there working with someone. He’s got a cute face with huge eyes, but a few piercings in each ear and tattoos down one of his very fit arms. He’s very pleasing to look at, but Yoongi doesn’t want to get caught checking someone out at the gym. At one point though, when he’s finishing up on the treadmill, he glances over at the guy again through the mirror on the wall, and sees that his eyes are locked on to Yoongi’s legs. He still has a serious, professional look on his face, so it’s impossible to tell if he likes what he’s seeing, or is wondering why someone like Yoongi is even at the gym, or he’s just zoned out and isn’t actually looking at Yoongi at all. Yoongi leaves for the day and puts it out of his mind. These are just the sorts of things you experience throughout a normal day - you hear some lovely bird song, you admire the well-formed body of a very fit man, you enjoy the moment, then you let it go.
With a final frantic burst of effort over one weekend, Namjoon’s album is finally finished. Namjoon puts it out on Soundcloud and posts about it on Twitter and Instagram and does all the other things you have to do in the modern age to grab people’s attention, then sits back and hopes it speaks for itself. Namjoon invites Yoongi out for dinner a few days later to celebrate.
Taehyung is probably even more thrilled and excited about the whole thing than Namjoon is. He keeps gazing adoringly at his boyfriend all through dinner, chin on his hand. It only escalates as he gets a little tipsy - he scoots his chair over so their legs are side by side, he caresses Namjoon’s thigh, he puts his head sideways down on Namjoon’s shoulder. Yoongi can’t help but laugh at how Namjoon blushes over the attention.
Then Taehyung starts in on Yoongi, relaying to him all the things Namjoon had been saying when Yoongi sent him changes - “Oh, listen to this, Yoongi is so brilliant, see how he made the violins stand out at this part, check out how he rearranged the bridge” - and Yoongi thinks he might combust under the attention. Finally Taehyung reaches out and actually squishes Yoongi’s cheeks , and at the jolt that sends through his body, all he can do is curl his shoulders in, laugh, and think in the back of his mind - am I touch-starved? It doesn’t spoil his mood though, he still feels relaxed with the two of them, and he allows himself to bask a little in the sense of accomplishment, all the way through when they part for the evening and he tucks himself into bed.
However, the next day, it’s like when he quit his job all over again. He fights off a growing sense of unease all morning. Now that he doesn’t have Namjoon’s project to work on any more, each afternoon is like a yawning void of useless time. He tries to think about just composing songs for himself, for fun, but his brain can’t even entertain the concept - like a skittish horse ready to bolt for the horizon at the slightest hint of mistreatment. He gets so frustrated with himself - he’s getting SO MUCH sleep, and yet he still feels exhausted every day by early afternoon. He starts thinking that even if going freelance doesn’t pan out, how could he possibly get a regular office job again, when he turns into a useless lump after four hours of consciousness?
Hoseok invites himself over for dinner a few nights later. He gushes about the album, having listened to it a few times during his commute.
“What are you going to do next?” he asks.
Yoongi tries to not look too glum.
“Well,” he sighs, “I’m trying to look for a next project but to be honest I’m still feeling burnt out. Right now it feels like just waking up, eating, and working out are the most I can shoot for during the day.”
“You’re just so… responsible ,” Hoseok says, with a slightly aghast expression. Yoongi can’t help but smile at that. “Even the stuff you’re doing ‘for fun’ is very adult: going to the gym and cooking stuff at home. I think you should try to really let loose, and pick something to do that’s just completely indulgent.”
“Hey, I’m just working my way up through Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” Yoongi says half-jokingly and half-defensively.
“Sure!” Hoseok shoots back. “And I think you’ve got your physiological and safety needs handled, or at least going in the right direction, so it’s time to make more progress on the next tier and pick something that will help with friendship and a sense of belonging .”
Yoongi just looks at him, not sure where Hoseok is taking this.
“You know the MMO I play with some friends online?” he asks brightly.
“Uh, the pirate one?” Yoongi replies, wrinkling his forehead.
“Yeah!” says Hoseok enthusiastically. “It’s called The Briny Deep, we all call it TBD for short. I just happened to get a code for a free six month subscription, so I’d be happy to get you started if you want to give it a try.”
Yoongi scoffs, skeptical. “You just happened to get a code for six months free.”
Hoseok smiles angelically, the picture of innocence. “Yes!” he says. “It’s only good for a new account, so neither I nor anyone else in my guild can use it.” He sidles right up to Yoongi on the couch. “Cmoooon,” he wheedles, “I think you’ll really enjoy it if you give it a chance, and the other guys in my guild are fun. Also,” he says, putting the slightest trace of ‘puppy eyes’ on his face, “if you log in with us every evening I’ll know you’re doing ok without having to check on you.”
“Okay okay!” Yoongi says, exasperated but laughing. “I’ll give it a shot. Hopefully your guild doesn’t get too annoyed about a noob hanging out.”
Hoseok couldn’t be more thrilled that he got Yoongi to agree. He starts telling Yoongi about the basic mechanics of the game while he gets “The Briny Deep” installed, creates an account, and applies the code. Yoongi chooses the username KittTheScurvy and creates his character. He hasn’t unlocked any of the special cosmetics yet, so he just has a basic dude.
He has to admit he is having a nice time, mostly because Hoseok is so obviously thrilled that Yoongi is trying out the game he loves. He walks Yoongi through the beginning stages of the game - setting up his secret island hideaway, putting the basic equipment on his first ship, and showing him the various minigames he can grind in to start upgrading his character, his items, his base, and his ship. Hoseok gives him a big, long hug when he leaves for the night.
“Thanks for indulging me, Yoongi.” he says with a warm smile.
“Of course, what are friends for,” Yoongi jokes, a little embarrassed, giving Hoseok’s hand a last squeeze before they part ways.
For the rest of the week, Yoongi logs in each evening for a short bit after he eats dinner. He’s not sure what direction to take things in - there are lots of different trees you can plant on your base, and lots of things you can run around and try to collect. He gets some lemons and some parrot feathers, and is able to upgrade one of the guns on his single ship and get his pirate guy a vest that increases one of his stats. Hoseok, as his online alter-ego GiveUpAllHope, sends him a friend request in the game. He usually can’t get online until later in the evenings than Yoongi does, so he just sends Yoongi a quick smiley face or thumbs-up in the chat before Yoongi logs off to sleep.
After that, Yoongi also connects with the rest of Hoseok’s guild: GoldenFace, ShiverMeJimbers, and CutieLootyShooty. They have big numbers next to their names in the chat - Yoongi thinks that means what level their characters are at. Level 134? He’s only just managed to get to level two! How long have these guys been playing?
They usually log in at the same time on Saturdays to do a big raid together, where they bring all their ships to one of the battle areas and fight against another pirate guild to earn points of some kind. They invite him to join, so he can see what it’s like, though Hoseok warns him he’ll probably get killed a lot since he doesn’t have very strong gear yet. Yoongi continues to log in each night for a short bit and manages to get his character up to level three by the time Saturday rolls around.
This week, they’ll be starting at 7pm. Yoongi is usually pretty gassed by then. Well, he’s usually pretty gassed by 2pm most days, if he’s being honest with himself, but so far he’s resisted the idea of taking a nap. But he wants to give this as good of a chance as possible, he feels like he owes that to Hoseok, so he finally gives in and takes a long nap in the afternoon. He feels so refreshed when he wakes up at 4:30 that he feels a little guilty and stupid for fighting against it for so long.
He logs in and they add him to their raiding party. The four of them look amazing - they all have multiple ships, bristling with cannons of all sizes, with NPC minions running all over operating them, and their characters are decked out with huge hats, gleaming swords, and all kinds of crazy clothes, that no doubt have amazing stats. He can’t help but laugh at the contrast with his little dude in his jaunty vest.
[KittTheScurvy] omg u guys, i look like yr younger brother that your mom made you bring with you on the raid >_<
[ShiverMeJimbers] lol
[CutieLootyShooty] well yr not wrong, hope is kind of the mom friend and he kind of made us bring you along…
[GiveUpAllHope] hey now! b nice. we were all level three once ^_^
[KittTheScurvy] ha ha
[GoldenFace] hey kitt do you have at least 10 lemons, if so I can trade u my old hat
[GoldenFace] 10 lemons is the min amount they have set for any trade
[KittTheScurvy] oh yeah I do
GoldenFace has traded KittTheScurvy ‘Blackbeard’s Hat of Intimidation +10’ for 10 lemons
[ShiverMeJimbers] aw, nice one goldie :)
[KittTheScurvy] ty!
[GoldenFace] yw 👍
[KittTheScurvy] it almost looks worse now, like i forgot the rest of my clothes
[CutieLootyShooty] lol totally
The battle goes really well for their guild, but extremely terribly for poor hapless Kitt. He gets killed over and over again: first his plain little ship gets sunk five times in a row, and then once he finally boards another ship and joins the raging sword battle, he never makes it longer than thirty seconds out of the spawning area before one of the rival pirates has stabbed him, shot him, or blown him up with a cannon. He almost can’t tell what’s happening in the battle, it’s a constant stream of noise and color all over.
[CutieLootyShooty] holy sh, are you just trying to get killed on purpose??
[CutieLootyShooty] i mean it kind of looks like it OJO
[ShiverMeJimbers] cmon man its his first raid EVAR
[CutieLootyShooty] kitt do you maybe have scurvy in real life????
[GoldenFace] OUCH
[KittTheScurvy] yes i do :( if only these were real lemons ;_;
[ShiverMeJimbers] lol cute
[GiveUpAllHope] less roasting more fighting!!!!
[GiveUpAllHope] pls ^_^
Yoongi respawns and immediately gets killed by a pirate slashing him with a huge curved saber.
[CutieLootyShooty] call this guy BREAD cuz he just got SLICED
[GoldenFace] looooool
[CutieLootyShooty] oh wait hope never said - you are a guy, right?
[KittTheScurvy] yup yup
Yoongi doesn’t notice he’s respawned and leaves his character just standing still for a little too long.
[CutieLootyShooty] have you just given up now???
[CutieLootyShooty] just staring at the raid like a dog watching a fireworks show?????
[KittTheScurvy] ok i know we all keep typing “lol”
[KittTheScurvy] but that did actually make me literally laugh out loud
[ShiverMeJimbers] :D
[KittTheScurvy] that is honestly kind of how i feel @_@
[GiveUpAllHope] fightiiiiiiiiiiing ^_^
They win the raid, after which there’s some distribution of loot. Yoongi does get a tiny portion of it since he was technically part of the raid. They have a bit of discussion about all that, and Yoongi can tell it’s a familiar routine for the four of them. He finds himself yawning - it’s nine o’clock by then.
[KittTheScurvy] ive gotta log off now
[KittTheScurvy] thanks for letting me tag along, big bros
[ShiverMeJimbers] will we see you next week?
[KittTheScurvy] uh probably! I would like to try again, if the guild permits *bows with a flourish*
[GiveUpAllHope] yes, “mom” says it’s permitted (^_~)
[KittTheScurvy] k, ttfn
They all say quick goodbyes in the chat and Yoongi closes the program. He did mostly have fun, though it was pretty frustrating to be so outclassed. Not to mention he doesn’t really understand the fighting mechanics at all yet. Ah well, he thinks, I’ll see how far I can get in six months. Or by the time Hoseok’s “mom friend” powers are no longer enough to give him a pass with the rest of the guild.
The next evening, Yoongi has logged in to do the usual tending of his island base and some grinding in the minigames. It hasn’t been the greatest day, his body is a little more achy than usual and he feels a little weirdly sad for no particular reason.
[Guild Chat] CutieLootyShooty is online.
Yoongi almost logs out immediately. Cutie’s teasing was funny yesterday, but he can tell he’s not in the right frame of mind for that today. He takes a deep breath and continues picking lemons.
[Guild Chat] CutieLootyShooty is on KittTheScurvy’s island.
Yoongi groans.
[CutieLootyShooty] ah wow i forgot how bare the islands are when yr just starting out
[KittTheScurvy] hello to you too
[CutieLootyShooty] *waves*
[CutieLootyShooty] hey wanna come to my island
[CutieLootyShooty] i kno uve seen hopes but
[CutieLootyShooty] mines like wayyyy better
[CutieLootyShooty] inspirational u kno
[KittTheScurvy] ha ha
[KittTheScurvy] i cant stay online too much longer, let me finish with my lemons and then i’ll come over
[CutieLootyShooty] k
Cutie’s island is indeed in a very different style from Hoseok’s. Hoseok’s is very efficient, with each different type of thing grouped together. When Yoongi visited, it looked like Hoseok had maximized how much of all the various resources he could get each day. Cutie’s is arranged more for the aesthetics, and is downright cluttered with every variety of special cosmetic item.
[KittTheScurvy] tbh it looks exactly like i would imagine a real pirate island would be
[CutieLootyShooty] thx (^_^)
[KittTheScurvy] thx for showing me, i gtg now
[CutieLootyShooty] wait
[CutieLootyShooty] b4 u go, i think you said you hadnt started doing the arena battles yet?
[KittTheScurvy] ya, have been trying to get more gear first
[CutieLootyShooty] i can do some arena battles with u if u want, give u some tips. u can start to learn the combat mechanics even before you have good weapons
[CutieLootyShooty] ur usually online at 7?
[KittTheScurvy] yeah
[CutieLootyShooty] want to meet me at the arena each night at 7:30? ill show you my best tricks 💪
[KittTheScurvy] lol ok
[KittTheScurvy] cya tomorrow then
Yoongi is annoyed with himself. He agreed mostly to end the conversation quickly. He’s not sure if he’s ready for tutoring from Cutie, who seems highly competitive. Oh well, he thinks, if the first one doesn’t go well he’ll just find some reason to not be available again.
Yoongi keeps up his new habit of an afternoon nap. He’s still a little embarrassed to be doing it, but he can’t deny that he feels noticeably better on the days when he does. Not just in the afternoon after the nap, but he thinks he’s starting to feel more rested in the mornings after, too. He doesn’t want to annoy Cutie by canceling on him, so he makes sure to get the nap in so he can concentrate.
On Monday, Cutie shows him how to do the most basic block move. They do some one-on-one arena battles. Cutie is so much higher in level that he can take off almost all of Kitt’s hit points with a single blow, so it takes a couple battles before Yoongi manages to time even one block correctly. The next battle he blocks three sword strikes in a row. After that they each go to their respective island bases for their daily upkeep.
[CutieLootyShooty] i knew u’d get the hang of it. ill teach you the other type of block tomorrow ;]
[KittTheScurvy] ok
[KittTheScurvy] thx for being so patient
[CutieLootyShooty] of course
[CutieLootyShooty] im competitive but i also like getting new players into the game
[CutieLootyShooty] so what do you do when ur not tagging along with the most glorious pirates in tbd? ;)
[KittTheScurvy] i was a songwriter and music producer for a big advertising agency, but im between jobs now. thinking about going freelance maybe
[CutieLootyShooty] oh nice. i actually work 2 freelance jobs! im a personal trainer and a video editor
[KittTheScurvy] that sounds cool. how long have you been doing both?
[CutieLootyShooty] ive been doing the personal training ever since i was in college. I had a couple of office jobs before i decided to take the plunge and do the editing by myself.
[CutieLootyShooty] i guess its been about two years since i went all in
On Tuesday, Cutie shows him the other blocking move, which is used against stabbing rather than slashing. He also shows him how to dodge, which is useful against cannon fire. They do several arena battles again, with Cutie trying to hold back to let Yoongi practice. Then it’s back to their islands. Yoongi now has seven lemon trees and three cages full of parrots. He gets his character up to level five.
[KittTheScurvy] the way you had me time the dodges was way different than they describe it in the tutorial
[CutieLootyShooty] ya, the tutorial is notoriously bad on the combat stuff
[CutieLootyShooty] its kind of a running joke
[KittTheScurvy] oh
[CutieLootyShooty] like i said, ill show you all my tricks :)
[KittTheScurvy] i swear, these parrots take more work to take care of than a real pet
[CutieLootyShooty] do you have one?
[KittTheScurvy] not with me, my parents still have the dog i grew up with. hes a toy poodle named Holly :]
[CutieLootyShooty] aw, those are cute. i have two italian greyhounds named Peng and Song!!!
[KittTheScurvy] omg dont those have a ton of energy?
[CutieLootyShooty] yessssss, i never skip going for a jog in the morning, let me tell you
Cutie can’t come online on Wednesday, but on Thursday he has Yoongi try out the basic attacks against him. KittTheScurvy still doesn’t have very strong weapons, so he just does a few points of damage to the very buffed-up CutieShootyLooty with each hit, but at least it’s practice. Cutie lets him get a few hits for free each time before he starts hitting back, and Yoongi does his best to block and dodge like he’s been shown. (Which he still mostly fails at - but only mostly. )
[CutieLootyShooty] so have u been enjoying ur time off? any hobbies besides bein a pirate??
[KittTheScurvy] well
[KittTheScurvy] tbh i have had some health struggles
[CutieLootyShooty] oh no im sorry :(
[KittTheScurvy] so its mostly this game, doing a little light exercise, and cooking some new recipes every once in a while
[KittTheScurvy] im going to start looking at the freelance stuff more seriously soon
[KittTheScurvy] anyway its ok
[KittTheScurvy] i feel ok most days now
[CutieLootyShooty] thats good
[CutieLootyShooty] well if you are looking for a personal trainer to change up your exercise you know where to find one :)
[KittTheScurvy] oh yeah dyou have a friend you could recommend? ;)
[CutieLootyShooty] >_<
[KittTheScurvy] ;P
[KittTheScurvy] srsly tho i just do really simple stuff right now, but ill keep you at the top of the list if i want to try something else
[CutieLootyShooty] *salutes*
On Friday, Cutie has him try out some of the attack combos. Those are pretty tricky to get the timing right. Yoongi knows he’s going to need a ton more practice. He’s relieved when they finish with arena battles for the night, and realizes it’s actually because he’s looking forward to chatting with Cutie while they mess with their islands. They trade stories about travel - turns out they’ve both been to Hawaii, but at different times. That leads into stories about strange food they’ve tried, and then what some of their favorite foods are, and then what restaurants in the city they like best. They each get a couple of recommendations of places from the other that they’ve never been to.
Then it’s Saturday, and they’re getting together for another raid. Yoongi doesn’t have high hopes for how this one will go, but KittTheScurvy now has some dark red boots, a silver belt, a new sword, two new cannons on his boat, and he’s up to level six.
KittTheScurvy dies twice before he gets the first blow in. After four more deaths, he finally comes up behind an enemy pirate that GoldenFace has been fighting with and lands the blow that finishes him off. (He gets killed by another enemy immediately after, but that’s a minor detail.)
[CutieLootyShooty] so last time having kitt on our team was like having a newborn baby
[CutieLootyShooty] this week is much better
[CutieLootyShooty] hes like…a toddler now
[CutieLootyShooty] XD
[KittTheScurvy] hey i actually killed someone
[GoldenFace] only bcs i got him down to almost zero first!!!!!!!!
[KittTheScurvy] i kno, thank u :]
[ShiverMeJimbers] looool
[GoldenFace] and then u died right after >:(
[KittTheScurvy] still counts
[GiveUpAllHope] exactly!!!!! u did great!!!!!!!!!!
Their raid ends with them winning, and with Yoongi dying fewer times total than last time. They split the loot and go their separate ways. Over the next week, Cutie has Yoongi do some matches against other random players. The game algorithm tries to keep it within a few levels of experience, so it’s mostly other hapless noobs like himself and a few of the matches are almost even. Yoongi still loses most of them but he feels like he’s putting up more of a fight by the end of the week. Cutie spectates some of his matches and gives him one or two pointers afterwards.
The following Saturday is a special event - once a month, they gather at one of the guild members' apartments, bringing their laptops, and they do a raid together in person. This time it’s at Hoseok’s apartment. Yoongi is nervous about meeting them in real life. He gets so worked up about it that he can’t fall asleep when he tries to take a nap, which just makes him more upset. He knows it’s self-defeating but can’t seem to get out of the spiral. He tries his best to not look like an anxious wreck when he comes to Hoseok’s door, but judging by the look Hoseok gives him, he does not succeed.
The other three are already there by the time Yoongi arrives. Hoseok takes Yoongi by the arm and guides him into the living room. “Everyone, say hello to Yoongi, our own KittTheScurvy!”
They smile and raise their hands in greeting as Yoongi takes a quick glance around the room. There’s a tall, broad-shouldered man with a strikingly handsome face, who looks like he could be the protagonist of a romantic graphic novel, though he’s dressed down in a very comfy-looking matching sweatsuit in pastel blue. There’s a man about Yoongi’s height, showing off very well-defined legs in skinny jeans, with a t-shirt and a large, open button-up over it, who has very plush lips, and eyes that almost disappear completely when he smiles. And the third man, wearing a very loose black long sleeve t-shirt and black sweat pants, has big doe eyes and several piercings running up each ear. Something about his face strikes Yoongi as familiar, but he can’t recall where he might have seen him.
Mr. Amazing Legs says, “Oh, you should try to guess which of us is who in the game, before we do proper introductions!”
“Ummmmm,” Yoongi says as he takes a longer look around the room.
He points to Mr. Shoulders. “GoldenFace?” he guesses. Everyone else in the room goes “Oooooo!” as the man laughs and says “yes, you got it! My name is Soekjin, nice to meet you.”
The he looks between Mr. Legs and Mr. Piercings. Finally he points to Mr. Legs and guesses “CutieLootyShooty?”
They all groan. “Noooooo!” Mr. Legs laughs, flapping his hands at Mr. Piercings. “I’m ShiverYourJimbers. Because my name is Jimin.”
“Ahhhh,” says Yoongi, “it makes sense now!” He turns to the last man. “Nice to meet you all in person, and thanks for all the help over these past couple of weeks, CutieLootyShooty.”
“I enjoyed helping you! My name is Jungkook,” he says brightly. Then he pauses, furrows his brow, and points at Yoongi. “But…”
Then he pauses. Hoseok looks back and forth between Yoongi and Jungkook in confusion.
“Jungkook, what’s wrong?” he finally asks.
“Have we met somewhere?” Jungkook asks Yoongi.
“I…am not sure, but I do feel like I’ve seen your face before. Maybe we just saw each other in passing on the street or something?” Yoongi replies, puzzled.
Suddenly Jungkook snaps his fingers and jumps in the air. “Oh!” he cries, “I remember, it was at the gym a couple of weeks ago! I had to meet a client at that gym I hadn’t been to before, I saw you there working out! You were wearing a Puma sweater and shorts over leggings, right?”
“Oh yeah!” Yoongi says with a small smile. “That was me. Small world.”
Soekjin suddenly gasps. “Wait, is this the guy? This is the one you were ‘discreetly’ checking out and then gushing to us about how he was so cu-”
Seokjin is unable to keep talking at that point, because a very red-faced Jungkook has tackled him on to the couch and jabbed him in the ribs with a forceful finger. Soekjin is giggling, a high-pitched noise like a squeegee on wet glass.
Over all the ruckus, Hoseok raises his voice and says, “Let’s go eat and then get to raiding.”
Yoongi thinks his face might be even more red than Jungkook’s, so he’s very glad to head to the table and help set things up and pass out drinks. At the table Hoseok and Jungkook seem equally determined to keep the conversation on safe, comfortable ground. Yoongi mostly listens, enjoying hearing the four of them chat easily. He can see how much they all like each other, smiling easily and listening happily to each other speak. Jungkook in particular comes across as very sweet, quite different from his competitive, teasing online persona.
They head to the living room, laptops perched on their legs, and do their weekly raid as usual, just with talking in person instead of via the online chat. Jungkook starts off very complimentary and encouraging towards Yoongi, yelling when he gets a few hits in, but very quickly lapses back into teasing, roasting him for his particularly sloppy deaths, which Yoongi honestly finds a little more relaxing at this point.
As for the rest of them, they also get fired up once the raid gets to the pitched battle. Yoongi was absolutely not prepared for the level of noise in the room. Seokjin is constantly groaning and shouting in time with every action of his character. Jimin is giggling non-stop and yelling out praise whenever any of them get a kill. Jungkook is alternating yelling instructions to the rest of them and adding sound effects like “zap!” and “pew!” Hoseok is emitting a stream of noises that can’t quite be called sound effects - some kind of strange transmutation of his excited emotional state into yips, hoots, and squeaks.
After the raid is over, and they’re discussing the loot, Yoongi can’t hold back a yawn. He puts his computer down on the coffee table, just for a moment.
Then he hears Hoseok’s voice, saying “Yoongi, it’s time to wake up.” He tries to say, I am awake , but can’t make his mouth move. Or open his eyes, which he hadn’t realized had closed.
“Do you really have to wake him up?” a voice asks. Yoongi thinks it’s Jungkook. “He’s so cute.”
“Yes,” says Hoseok, and Yoongi can hear the smile in his voice. “He’ll be upset with me if I just leave him here on my couch.”
Yoongi manages to shake himself awake after just a minute or two longer. He apologizes to the group for falling asleep. They wrap up for the day and start making their goodbyes. It takes some doing, but Yoongi does convince Hoseok he’s ok to go home by himself. He makes sure to text the whole group when he gets to his apartment safely.
The next week goes much the same. The rest of the guild members, now catching on to the fact that Yoongi is online at the same time each evening, change their own schedules a little so that they overlap with him at least one or two days a week. It’s nice to be able to chat with each of them, especially Hoseok, who’s very proud of how much progress Yoongi has already made on his island. He gives Yoongi a few hints about how to move things around to maximize the space, but Jungkook tells him to ignore that “because it looks better the way you have it.”
They’ve all exchanged contacts for outside the game as well, so at one point early in the week Yoongi gets a message from Jungkook.
[JK] Hey, so I often rotate around gyms in the area for my own workouts
[JK] For the next few weeks I’m going to be at the one where I ran into you that one time
[JK] just wanted to let you know in case we saw each other again
[JK] I’m not stalking you or anything OJO
[yoongi] ha ha of course
[yoongi] it’s a very popular gym, not like I have dibs on it or something
Yoongi is on the treadmill when he sees Jungkook come in. He’s doing a brisk walk with a slight incline, just enough to get a little sweaty, but a pace he can maintain for a while. He’s surprised at how happy he is to see him arrive. Jungkook strides past the front desk - looking very broad in a tank top and joggers - towards the weights, eyes searching the room. He lights up when he spots Yoongi, and hustles over to give him a quick greeting.
“Hi Yoongi!”
“Hey Jungkook! What a coincidence, huh?” Yoongi says with a smile.
Jungkook laughs. “I’ll leave you to it!” he says, waving as he walks away, “just wanted to say hi!”
Yoongi waves in return. He watches Jungkook in the wall mirror as he makes his way towards the weights again. He can’t help but notice Jungkook watching his legs for a long moment from across the room. Then Jungkook starts his first set, and Yoongi can see muscles (so many muscles) flexing in his back, and forces himself to look away.
During the raid that weekend, KittTheScurvy actually manages to join the battle without his ship getting sunk even once, and kills one of the enemy pirates before he gets killed himself the first time.
[CutieLootyShooty] wow!! did u guys see that!!!
[CutieLootyShooty] kitt is not completely useless anymore!
[GiveUpAllHope] i saw!!!! Congrats!!!!!
[CutieLootyShooty] i think hes all the way up to elementary school boy now
[ShiverMeJimbers] a very violent school boy
[KittTheScurvy] ;]
[GoldenFace] if anyone picks up any bronze daggers, you should trade them to kitt, they have a bonus modifier when you equip them with that musket hes using
[GiveUpAllHope] nice tip goldie!!!! ^_^
Once they win the raid, KittTheScurvy gets his first “epic” level gear. It’s an embroidered red coat, with massive cuffs and a huge curving collar, that slowly regenerates his hit points without him having to do anything. The rest of the guild oohs and ahhs, very impressed.
Yoongi feels like he’s gotten into a good rhythm finally. He’s got a daily routine - gym, chores, nap, dinner, gaming - that he looks forward to. He gets to go to the guild meetup once a month, and he’s finally feeling like he actually belongs there, not that they just tolerate him for Hoseok’s sake. And he still makes a point of meeting Namjoon and Taehyung for lunch or dinner every other week. At their last meal he actually started tentatively discussing doing freelance music production and bounced some ideas off of Namjoon. He still gets tired and achy all the time, but it feels like he’s got everything in a state where it’s steadily improving.
It’s Jungkook who messes up his routine, of course. They see each other at the gym maybe twice a week - Jungkook switches up his times much more than Yoongi does. Yoongi always finds himself oddly disappointed on the days when they don’t see each other, even though they’re not actually working out together , and they barely talk.. Then one day, when Yoongi wraps up what he’s doing and turns to wave goodbye to Jungkook who’s still on one of the weight machines, Jungkook suddenly lights up, heaves himself off the machine, and jogs over to talk to Yoongi. Yoongi is thoroughly taken aback.
“Hey Yoongi!” he calls, a little out of breath. “After our workouts on Monday, do you want to meet somewhere for dinner?” And he has such a hopeful, happy look on his face.
“Oh, um, y-yes, sure,” Yoongi stammers.
“You live near that ramen place with the cat as a mascot, right? Want to meet there at 6?” Jungkook continues, his big starry eyes gazing into Yoongi’s.
“Ok,” Yoongi swallows, trying to get a grip on himself and his wildly beating heart. “Monday at 6 at the Cat’s Ramen.” He manages a shaky smile. Jungkook beams and giggles.
“See you then!” He reaches out, gives Yoongi’s shoulder a gentle squeeze with one of his big hands, and turns back to resume his workout. Yoongi can feel the spots on his shoulder where Jungkook’s fingertips pressed in like he’s been licked by the sun there. He hustles out of the building without looking back again, rubbing absently on his shoulder. It makes him a little dizzy to realize what he’s known subconsciously for a few weeks - he likes Jungkook. Like likes him. He feels fuzzy with happiness and can’t stop himself from smiling all the way back to his apartment.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t last. He’s not home for long before his mood starts to sour. Objectively, he knows he should be enjoying this. Jungkook is very good looking, very nice, and Yoongi enjoys spending time with him. It’s obvious Jungkook is interested in spending more one-on-one time with Yoongi. But somehow, now Yoongi can’t dig past the heavy layer of nerves to feel any of the happiness that should be there.
He pushes down all his thoughts and feelings about The Monday Dinner the rest of the week, clear through the weekly raid with the guild. As soon as the adrenaline rush of the make-believe battle is over, though, his thoughts start spinning up again. Has done too good of a job at seeming ok? Will Jungkook be put off when he realizes what a mess Yoongi is? Will Jungkook expect things from Yoongi that he’s not ready for? Yoongi’s last boyfriend wanted things to progress physically much faster than Yoongi did. They tried to compromise, but that just led to Yoongi feeling uncomfortable and the boyfriend being frustrated and dumping him anyway.
He logs out of the game as soon as he can practicably make his goodbyes to the guild. He tells himself over and over that he should trust Jungkook. The guy has been nothing but sweet and nice in person. Hoseok is friends with him too. Yoongi shouldn’t let his own bad experiences and fears color his predictions of what Jungkook will do. Still, it takes him a long time to fall asleep that night.
He spends all day Monday in an increasing sense of dread. Yoongi has made it to the gym for his workout, and he’s standing over by the free weights when Jungkook comes in, and Yoongi suddenly realizes he feels terrible . His whole chest and back are aching, and he’s sweaty even though he hasn’t even started yet. Jungkook smiles at first when he spots Yoongi, then he suddenly looks very worried when he takes in Yoongi’s appearance. He rushes over.
“Are you ok?” he asks, concerned. “You look very pale.”
“I’m sorry,” Yoongi replies shakily, “I actually don’t feel well. I thought I was doing okay until I got here. I’m going to have to cancel on you.” Yoongi is embarrassed to be on the verge of tears, from anxiety and disappointment combined.
“Aw hey,” Jungkook says quietly, “it’s ok. Can I take you back to your place at least?” he asks.
Yoongi thinks for a second then nods. He wants to argue and tell Jungkook to stay and do his workout, but he can already tell that he’ll be difficult to convince. He just wants to be home now and get everything else over with as quickly as he can.
Once they get to Yoongi’s apartment, Yoongi asks him to come inside for a minute. It feels rude to just make him turn around immediately. Jungkook carries Yoongi’s gym bag inside for him, makes him sit on the couch, and rustles around in the kitchen until he finds the glasses and brings Yoongi some water. After he drinks some, Yoongi puts the glass down.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he asks tentatively.
“Sure,” Jungkook answers, rotating himself on the couch so he’s facing Yoongi directly.
“I mentioned in passing that I had some health stuff going on. I really like spending time with you, and I thought you should know a couple of things.” Yoongi looks down where his hands are fidgeting with the hem of his shorts. “I had to quit my job because I got completely, totally burnt out. I just couldn’t do anything any more. I started to get just randomly, overwhelmingly anxious about nothing at all. I get weirdly tired and achy for no reason.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through all that,” Jungkook, sounding genuine. “That sounds miserable. Have you been able to see a doctor about it?”
Yoongi sighs, and still can’t look up at him. “Yeah, but they didn’t diagnose me with anything. Since it’s mostly, y’know, ‘in my head.’” he cringes as he makes finger quotes to go with it.
“Oh, Yoongi,” Jungkook says, sounding sad and even a little choked up. Yoongi looks at him then, a little startled.
“I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad,” Yoongi says, worried. “I just thought that since we’re friends now, you would want to know. And that maybe if some of the things I’ve done seem weird, they make sense now.”
“Can I give you a hug?” Jungkook asks wetly. Yoongi nods and scoots closer. Jungkook wraps him up and pulls him close. His arms are strong and warm. Yoongi puts his hands around Jungkook’s body and presses his palms against his back.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured to do anything with me.” Jungkook whispers, rubbing his hands gently along Yoongi’s back.
“No, you didn’t,” Yoongi says immediately. “Like I said, I like hanging out with you. I wouldn’t mind if we…” he takes a deep breath, “considered becoming more than friends. But I thought you should know up front that it may be sort of…a test of your patience.” Jungkook squeezes Yoongi even tighter.
“I can be patient,” Jungkook says a little poutily. Yoongi smiles a little, cheek against Jungkook’s chest.
Jungkook pulls back so he can look at Yoongi again, who can’t but blush at him.
“So hugs are ok?” Jungkook asks.
“Yeah.” Yoongi says shyly.
“I can continue to be your gaming buddy and gym buddy?”
“I would love that.”
“We can have meals together when the timing works out?”
“Yes.”
“Can I text you every day and send you memes and cat pictures?”
Yoongi huffs out a little chuckle. “Absolutely.”
“Can I sit next to you during guild raid night?”
Yoongi blushes more. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Ok good,” Jungkook sighs, “‘cause I have, like, a monster crush on you.”
Yoongi curls his shoulders in and blushes even harder. “I guess I have a crush on you too,” he says with a smile, “maybe it’s not monster-size yet, but maybe…” he holds his hands up about a foot apart, “like, racoon-sized?”
Jungkook throws his head back, giggling in delight.
“Ah! I can work with that!” he cries, looking at Yoongi with a fond look on his face, then reaches for his hand and gives it a long squeeze.
“So,” he says after clearing his throat, “to prove my determination to make this work, I’m going to fetch us ramen to go from the cat place, while you stay here and chill. Then we’ll eat together. Okay?”
“Okay. But the next meal we have together, I’m paying!” Yoongi declares.
“It’s a date!” Jungkook says, winking at him.
So that’s what they do. They eat ramen together and watch a show, and Jungkook doesn’t seem disappointed or impatient or zoned out, no matter how closely Yoongi watches his expression. Jungkook smiles at him, and laughs (maybe a little too hard) at his jokes, and helps clean up after they eat, and gives him another big, wonderful, warm hug when he has to leave for the day to get back to his dogs.
[JK] thanks for letting me come over! I enjoyed having that date with you :)
[yoongi] of course, thanks for being so understanding. And for fetching the ramen. If you were on a delivery app I’d give you 5/5 stars
[JK] 🤩
[yoongi] I really enjoyed it too
Jungkook sends him a selfie with his two dogs jumping on his lap, and it makes Yoongi laugh.
They continue on the same way. Jungkook still never gives any indication that he’s disappointed in any way. He makes even more of an effort to line up their gym times, and texts Yoongi throughout his day with stream-of-consciousness updates. True to his word, he sends memes in the evenings, during the times when he’s clearly vegging at home. They meet at each other’s pirate islands every night for minigames.
Then, it’s time for the in-person guild get-together again. Jungkook grabs Yoongi in a big hug as soon as he walks in the door, and makes sure he’s sitting next to him throughout the evening - while they’re eating, gaming, and talking afterwards. It’s nothing all that obtrusive or possessive, just his thigh next to Yoongi’s, occasionally his hand brushing on Yoongi’s shoulder, and once, him reaching over and ruffling Yoongi’s hair as he walked past. Yoongi is doing his best to seem totally unaffected, but he loves it. During the times they’re not directly next to each other, Yoongi finds himself missing Jungkook’s presence and the little “accidental” brushes.
At one point, when Yoongi is coming back from the bathroom, Hoseok waylays him in the hallway.
“Hey,” he whispers, “is there something going on with you and Jungkook?”
Yoongi can feel himself turning bright red.
“Kind of,” he whispers back. “We both like each other and we’re just going slow, and going to see where it goes.”
Hoseok squeals and grabs Yoongi into a hug. Yoongi groans and shushes him.
“Why the big production? Geez,” he grumbles, willing the flush out of his cheeks.
“You guys are so cute together!” Hoseok says with a dreamy smile. “I can’t help myself.”
Yoongi is the first one to leave the gathering as usual. Jungkook walks him to the door and gives him another big hug in front of everyone. Yoongi can’t help but glance over at Hoseok, who gives a smile nearly blinding in its intensity in return. He goes to sleep that night determined to ask Jungkook on their next date the very next day.
He loses his nerve as soon as he wakes up, of course. Jungkook is good looking, full of energy, has two cool jobs, two cute dogs, and may not actually be prepared for a relationship with someone battling a chronic illness. Yoongi wrestles with himself all morning: if he would be selfish pursuing Jungkook when he himself thinks he’s not good enough for him, or if he would be MORE selfish assuming things will go poorly just because of his own insecurities and not actually giving Jungkook the chance to do things the way he wants. He finally texts Hoseok when he thinks he should be on his lunch break.
[Yoongi] do you have a minute?
[Hoseok] Of course, what’s up?
[Yoongi] i’m just suddenly worried about things with jungkook
[Hoseok] did he do something????
[Yoongi] no! He’s wonderful!!!
[Yoongi] i just worry that since i’m not at my best right now, it’s not going to work out
[Hoseok] :(
[Yoongi] but i also think that’s my own anxiety talking
[Yoongi] i don’t know, i’ve just been thinking myself in circles all morning
[Yoongi] i just really like him. I REALLY like him. I don’t want to mess it up :(
[Hoseok] do you want to vent or do you want a pep talk?
[Yoongi] um
[Yoongi] could we try the pep talk?
[Hoseok] MIN YOONGI
[Hoseok] YOU ARE A CATCH
[Hoseok] YOU ARE VERY HANDSOME, THOUGHTFUL, CONSIDERATE, A GREAT COOK, A GOOD LISTENER, CREATIVE, AND HARDWORKING
[Hoseok] JUNGKOOK IS ALREADY CRAZY ABOUT YOU
[Hoseok] JUST RELAX
[Hoseok] AND HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER!!!!
[Hoseok] STOP OVERTHINKING!!!!!!!
[Yoongi] oh wow
[Yoongi] that was actually very effective
[Yoongi] thank you
[Hoseok] you are welcome ^_^
Yoongi has to put the phone down for a minute to compose himself. He can tell he’s blushing again, teary-eyed from emotion, and his hands are shaking. He drinks several big gulps of water and picks his phone back up.
[Hoseok] but i’m not done
[Hoseok] check out these pictures
He sends the picture of Namjoon and Yoongi together from several weeks ago, right after he put in his notice and agreed to help Namjoon with his album. Then he sends a picture of Yoongi from the most recent guild get-together. The contrast is pretty striking - the first Yoongi looks a little haunted, smile clearly forced, very pulled in to himself. The second Yoongi has color in his cheeks, is laughing open-mouthed at something Seokjin is doing on the opposite couch, with a relaxed posture.
[Hoseok] we can all see how hard you’ve been working at getting better
[Hoseok] growth!!
[Hoseok] love you!!!
[Hoseok] go ask him on a date now!
[Yoongi] ok ok oh my gosh
[Yoongi] i will
[yoongi] Good afternoon
[JK] Good afternoon!
[yoongi] Are you free tomorrow for dinner? I want to take you to that BBQ place Soekjin mentioned last week
[JK] yes! Yes I am!
[yoongi] ok, I’ll pick you up at 6?
[JK] I’m going to be at the gym with a client until late afternoon, can I meet you at the restaurant?
[yoongi] sure, it’s a date :)
[JK] ♥️
When they meet online that night in the game, they talk a little bit about what dishes they might want to order tomorrow. Jungkook sends Yoongi a “😘” emoji when he signs off. Yoongi feels great about it all the next day, and when he sees Jungkook outside the restaurant he can’t keep the huge goofy grin off of his face. They have a great time sampling several different meats and a whole slew of sides, making heart eyes the whole time and feeding each other bites.
Jungkook escorts Yoongi all the way back into his building and to his door. They pause outside, and Jungkook leans in so he’s right next to Yoongi’s ear.
“Is it ok if I give you a kiss?” he whispers conspiratorially.
Instead of answering, before he loses his nerve, Yoongi gently puts his hand up on Jungkook’s cheek, leans in, and gives him a tiny peck on the lips. Jungkook smiles at him, delighted.
“Hey no fair,” he whispers, “I had initiative.” Yoongi giggles.
Jungkook returns the favor, leaning in for a gentle kiss, a little longer than the one Yoongi initiated.
“Thank you for a very nice date,” he says, starry-eyed as he gazes right into Yoongi’s face.
“Thank you for joining me, and walking me in. I had a really great time,” Yoongi replies a little giddily.
After a long hug, they manage to part, Yoongi waving out of his door as Jungkook walks back down the hallway.
[Yoongi] I just got back from our date
[Yoongi] I think it went really well :)
[Yoongi] thanks again for the pep talk
[Hoseok] of course! That’s what friends are for. I’m glad you guys are having a good time together ♥️
After that, they make even more of an effort to steal moments together throughout their days. Jungkook tries to line up his schedule so that he can walk Yoongi back after he goes to the gym, and give him a kiss outside his door. They exchange kiss emojis every night in the game when they’ve finished their daily check-ins.
The next weekend, Jungkook invites Yoongi over to watch a movie. Yoongi gets to meet his two little greyhounds too, Peng and Song. They play with the dogs for a little bit, then order in a pizza and put the movie on. Yoongi tries to get comfortable on the couch, sitting right next to Jungkook and leaning against him, but he’s feeling a little achy and his shoulders and neck have stiffened up. He keeps shifting slightly and trying to stretch.
“Are you ok?” Jungkook asks. Yoongi flaps his hands dismissively.
“Sorry, just feeling a little stiff.” he says apologetically.
“Would you like a massage?” Jungkook asks hopefully, flexing his hands into fists.
“Sure,” Yoongi agrees shyly.
Jungkook shifts onto the “L” part of the couch so that Yoongi can sit in front of him, between his legs. Jungkook’s hands are warm and firm on his neck. He digs in to the knots there, gradually working his way down from just underneath Yoongi’s ears, down the sides of his neck, across the tops of his shoulders, and along his spine and shoulder blades. Yoongi is sure that the noises he’s making are embarrassing, but he can’t quite care since he’s melting into a puddle of goo. Finally, his skin starts feeling sensitive, so he reaches back for Jungkook’s hands, wraps them around his chest, and leans back into him.
He arranges himself so that he’s curled up slightly sideways between Jungkook’s legs, his head and back against Jungkook’s chest.
“Mmmm, thank you,” he says quietly.
Jungkook squeezes him, and kisses the top of his head.
“Of course, any time,” he murmurs back.
Yoongi wakes up a little bit later.
“Oh shoot,” he says, too loudly. He feels Jungkook startle underneath him.
“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks, concerned.
“Ugh, nothing,” Yoongi replies groggily, trying to rouse himself, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, yet again. Sorry about that.”
Jungkook squeezes him again.
“New rule, no apologizing for doing things that are good for your health. I really don’t mind. I wish I could do more to convince you I’m fine with being with you, just the way you are.” Jungkook says wistfully.
Yoongi suddenly feels choked up.
“Okay,” he says, unable to hide a sniffle.
“Will kisses cheer you up?” Jungkook asks, mock-seriously.
“I don’t need to be cheered up,” Yoongi says thickly, “I am just emotional because you’re so great . But I want the kisses anyway.”
He tilts his head back to see Jungkook smiling at him gently. Yoongi scoots himself up and twists further, so that his legs are across Jungkook’s lap and their faces are level. Jungkook leans in and connects their lips. Yoongi closes his eyes and kisses back. They exchange soft kisses for a few minutes, Yoongi enjoying the warmth on his face, along his side where their bodies are pressed together, and on his arm where Jungkook’s palm is slowly caressing up and down.
Yoongi breaks the kiss and opens his eyes again. Jungkook is gazing down at him, completely starry-eyed. Yoongi can’t help but blush again.
“You’re so cute,” Jungkook says softly, eyes roaming over his face.
“I hate to break it to you,” Yoongi says with a dramatic sigh, “but you’re even a little bit cuter than I am.”
Jungkook gasps in fake shock. “No way!” he replies.
“Also,” Yoongi continues, “I’m probably making your legs fall asleep.” he starts shifting off of Jungkook’s lap to sit back down beside him.
“Mmm, not yet,” Jungkook contradicts him, stretching out his legs and wiggling his feet in arcs nonetheless. He starts the movie back up, which Yoongi guesses he must have paused after he fell asleep. They watch it for a while longer, before Yoongi says he wants to get another slice of pizza. He ends up getting pizza and something to drink for each of them.
They finish watching the movie, then debate the parts they liked or didn’t like. Yoongi hates the sound mixing and feels like the love triangle was forced. Jungkook loves the ballad they used as the main theme and starts humming it to Yoongi. Yoongi watches him with a soft smile, head tilted to the side so he can rest it against the back of the couch. Jungkook gradually scoots closer to him, humming and singing short bits of the lyrics as he remembers them, then wraps Yoongi up and pulls him in for some more kisses.
“I could just keep kissing you forever,” Jungkook sighs after a few minutes.
“Even if it’s just kissing?” Yoongi asks quietly.
“Even if it’s just kissing,” Jungkook agrees firmly, squeezing him close, “and anyway, with you it’s not ‘just’ kissing, it’s Kissing Yoongi.” then he pauses and looks off into the distance for a second. “Yoongissing?” Yoongi laughs.
They put away the leftover pizza and part for the night, exchanging a few more kisses at the door before Yoongi leaves. He falls asleep that right replaying in his mind the feeling of Jungkook’s warm, solid hands massaging his neck, caressing his arms, and holding him tight.
Their next date is the following Sunday, to grab lunch and then take a walk around one of the big parks, but as soon as he wakes up Yoongi doesn’t feel well. He has a headache along the back of his head that he can tell is only going to get worse, muscle aches along his shoulders and back, and he feels a little queasy. He debates with himself continuously after he wakes up, then finally texts Jungkook at 9am.
[yoongi] I’m really sorry, I’m going to have to cancel on you for our date :(
[yoongi] I was really looking forward to it, but I don’t feel well
[JK] oh no! Are you ok?
[JK] don’t be upset, i hope resting today will help you feel better
[JK] can I bring you something?
[yoongi] no, it’s ok, i’m just going to lie down
[JK] can i pleeeeeease come over 🥹
[yoongi] ok ♥️
Yoongi smiles to himself. He can immediately picture Jungkook’s doe-eyed pleading face at the sight of his emoji. He wraps himself up in a blanket, puts something on the TV, and plants himself on the couch.
He doesn’t even realize he’s fallen asleep until he gets woken up by a knock at his door. He stumbles off the couch with a groan and waddles to the door. Jungkook’s sweet face breaks out into heart eyes as soon as he takes in Yoongi’s rumpled, sleepy appearance.
“Aw, sorry for waking you up!” he says as he steps inside and toes off his shoes, hands full with bags.
“It’s ok,” Yoongi mumbles, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He tries to take some of the bags from Jungkook, who simply moves them away from his reaching hands.
Jungkook takes them to the kitchen and unpacks some takeout containers. He’s brought samgyetang, juk, and a few other things.
“Go sit down,” he says, waving his hands, “I’ll get it for you.”
They sit together on the couch, eating. Yoongi insists that Jungkook pick something for them to watch. Once he’s done eating, Yoongi curls back up sideways, head against the arm of the couch, hands tucked between his bent knees.
“If you’re going back to sleep, you should lie down in bed so you don’t get a crick in your neck,” Jungkook gently chides. Yoongi hums at him. Jungkook makes a little tsking noise and then bustles around a little. It sounds to Yoongi like he’s probably packing away the leftovers and cleaning up.
Then he’s waking up again as Jungkook gently rubs along his shoulder and upper arm. He makes another hum that turns into almost a squeak as he stretches a little.
“C’mon babe,” Jungkook says gently. “Go lie down in bed.”
Groggy, he lets Jungkook haul him up and walk him to his bedroom, then help him under the covers. After that, Jungkook looks a little unsure, so on impulse Yoongi holds his arms out and beckons Jungkook in. He grins, then climbs onto the bed, over Yoongi, and spoons him from outside the covers, arm and leg draped over the lump of the smaller man’s form. Yoongi wiggles a little as he snuggles back against him. A couple of weeks ago he would have been a little tense, worried that Jungkook might be trying to angle for more, but now he’s completely comfortable, full of trust and other less well-examined fuzzy feelings, and can already feel himself dozing back off again.
“Is this okay?” Jungkook whispers. Yoongi nods, then feels Jungkook gently kiss the back of his head.
When Yoongi wakes up, about ninety minutes have passed and Jungkook is peacefully lying on his back next to him, scrolling on his phone. He looks over at Yoongi as the smaller man wakes up and starts scuttling out of the covers. Before Jungkook can move, Yoongi is curled up next to him, leg over his leg and arm over his chest. He makes a very satisfied-sounding grunt as he presses as close as he can. Jungkook moves his arm down and gently caresses over Yoongi’s back.
“Do you want to keep sleeping?” Jungkook asks quietly.
“Nah,” Yoongi replies. “I should get up now, otherwise I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”
Jungkook puts his phone down and looks down at Yoongi. Yoongi shifts his head so he can look back at him. Jungkook reaches his hand across and strokes across Yoongi’s check, so much adoration on his face that Yoongi almost has to look away.
“I really like you,” Jungkook whispers. Yoongi does have to look away then, and tucks his head into Jungkook’s chest.
“I like you too,” he says quietly.
Jungkook rolls on to his side and scoots slightly towards the foot of the bed, so they’re side-by-side, facing each other. They rearrange their limbs so that their arms are around each other and their legs are intertwined. Jungkook leans in and kisses him gently. Yoongi kisses him back until he slowly pulls back, caressing Yoongi’s cheek again, and makes sure Yoongi is looking at him.
“Yoongi, will you be my boyfriend?”
Yoongi tenses up and his eyes widen. He leans in and kisses Jungkook more firmly before, then pauses and breathes “ yes ,” before another round of kisses, not stopping until all the tension leaves his body. Jungkook breaks the kiss so he can pull Yoongi close to his chest again, running his fingers through his soft hair. They lie like that for a moment, Jungkook holding Yoongi close and petting him, and Yoongi dissolving into bliss.
“Do you want to get up now?” Jungkook asks.
“Yeah, I guess, because I really will fall back asleep if you keep doing that, babe,” Yoongi says breathily.
Jungkook giggles a little. “We could get up and do our daily check ins on TBD together if you want. I brought my laptop.” Jungkook says softly. “Then maybe we order something for dinner?”
“I have some ingredients for some simple stuff we could cook together,” Yoongi suggests. “I’m feeling a bit better now after all the napping.”
“‘K,” Jungkook replies with a smile, “it’s a deal.”
After one more kiss, they get up and move to the couch. As they sit side-by-side on their laptops, gathering lemons, driftwood, and parrot feathers on their islands, Jungkook somehow always has his leg next to Yoongi no matter how he shifts. At one point he leans his head over and rubs his forehead against Yoongi’s shoulder.
“You know,” he says absently, “once you get to level fifty in the game, your character is allowed to choose another player as their ‘Number One Matey,’ so you could be my boyfriend in the game too.”
Yoongi grins at him.
“Now, that is motivation!” he says with a chuckle, and nestles even more closely into Jungkook’s side.