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Chapter Text

Anakin paced up and down the corridor outside Obi Wan’s room, waiting for Kix to emerge and deliver his verdict. Obi Wan had been indisposed, which was a polite way of saying “in a rut” for days now and medical attention was required. Anakin was forced to remain outside and act as if the stress that something terrible could be happening to Obi Wan wasn’t making him feel like the whole galaxy may be collapsing around him.

Worrying was natural. Expected even. But Anakin knew what he was feeling went beyond friendly or even brotherly concern. He also knew that it shouldn’t.  

‘General,’ Kix said, finally emerging from Obi Wan’s room on the ship and closing the door firmly behind him ‘His Rut’s been going for five days and there’s no sign that it’s going to break on its own. I’m worried that –’

He cut himself off with a fearful look that seemed to make Anakin’s heart leap into his throat.

‘Worried that what?’ he asked, more harshly than he intended.

Kix sighed. ‘Just that, extended Ruts put a lot of pressure on the heart of an Alpha and if they go one unchecked…There is a significance risk of a heart attack.’

‘Well that can’t happen,’ Anakin said immediately. ‘Do you understand me? You are not allowed to let that happen. What do you have to do?’

‘The problem is General, there isn’t actually anything I can do. Obi Wan’s Rut has not responded to medication or any of the other, well, usual activities that bring it to an end. I’m afraid that the only thing that will end it is, well, mating with an Omega, Sir.’

Anakin’s stomach seemed to hear that comment before his brain did. This was fine, it was fine, just don’t think about it, not here, not now, not ever.

‘Okay then,’ he said, more calmly than he felt. This was for Obi Wan’s health. This was for his very survival. Anakin would arrange for what needed to happen to be done and then he’d find a way to be okay with it. Eventually. Maybe someday. Probably never but he’d find a way to live with it, the same way he’d found a way to live with everything else. ‘Are there any Omegas you think would be particularly suitable?’

He could probably guess at Obi Wan’s type. Someone petite, sweet and docile, the very picture of a traditional Omega. The obviousness of the choice didn’t make it sting any less.

‘That’s the problem, Sir,’ Kix said, almost warily. ‘You are the only Omega aboard this ship and we are days from the nearest safe port. If anyone is going to do this, it’s going to have to be you.’

Oh.

Oh.

The thing was that Anakin was happy to help, far more than he should be, and far more than Obi Wan would ever know.

And that was exactly why he shouldn’t, especially when he knew how his master felt about the whole situation.

Obi Wan was uncomfortable with Anakin’s Omegan nature. Anakin supposed he understood, even if the knowledge was like a gaping hole in his chest with sharp edges he needed to be careful not to cut himself on whenever he thought about his former Master.

The truth was that all Anakin wanted – all he had wanted since he was fourteen – was to be claimed. To be claimed by Obi Wan. But Obi Wan didn’t want him, not like that, and so Anakin was forced to bury those feelings deep inside him until it was almost like they didn’t exist at all. He had to, because he wanted Obi Wan in any capacity he could have him, and if his friendship relied on Anakin burying his feelings and never, ever acting on them, then so be it.

Maybe it was for the best. They were Jedi after all so even if Obi Wan returned Anakin’s feelings – which he didn’t, Anakin thought sadly – it wasn’t like they could ever publicly act on them. Anakin figured he’d made his peace with it but he’d be lying if he said that sometimes he didn’t think about how he’d never walk into a room with his Alpha’s bite displayed proudly on his neck – Anakin would only ever where shirts that skimmed his collarbones so the mark would always be there for all to see – and his belly rounded with his Alpha’s child, and feel a deep, deep sense of pain and disappointment.

He tried to keep these thoughts for when he was safely locked in a heat room, riding three of his own slicked-up fingers, where if he alternated between sobbing hysterically and weeping quietly as he brought himself to orgasm over and over, no one was there to see. Once a month, he spent three days tearing a new hole deep inside his chest, only to patch it up, pull himself together and go back to being a General when the horrible fever finally broke.

A heat room was exactly where Obi Wan had deposited him during his first heat. Anakin would never forget the panicked expression on his Master’s face when Anakin had walked unsteadily out of his bedroom that fateful morning, his legs shaking and his body feeling like it was burning from the inside out. All he wanted to do was burying his nose in Obi Wan’s neck or his chest or anywhere really and he would never forget the feeling of Obi Wan holding out his hand and pushing Anakin away from him. He’d held him at arm’s length all the way down to the Halls of Healing and even in his heat-hazy state, Anakin could feel his disgust-shock-horror leaking through their bond. He’d never felt anything like it and it made him feel so ashamed and rejected.

They’d never spoken of it, but they’d been decidedly less close after Anakin had presented. Anakin was forced to sit through lectures from the Healers that there was nothing shameful about being an Omega and nodded along, pretending that it was shame about his designation that was bothering.

Alpha, Omega, Beta, it was all much the same to Anakin, although he supposed he could have done without the inconvenience of a monthly heat. No. What was bothering him was what was the point of being an Omega if the one Alpha he wanted more than he craved his next breath, didn’t want him too?

Which is what brought him to his current problem.

He could help Obi Wan, but he would enjoy doing it, and he wasn’t sure that that was right. He didn’t want to take advantage of Obi Wan’s vulnerable state, not when it meant that Anakin would be getting something his very soul seemed to cry for every day and every night.

‘I’m not sure that I’m the right person for the job,’ Anakin said, proud of the way he kept his voice authoritative and steady. Proud of how he still managed to sound like General Skywalker as opposed to Needy Omega Anakin.

Kix looked at him with a furrowed brow. ‘With respect Sir, did you not hear me when I said you were the only person for the job? If Obi Wan does not get the help he needs to break his Rut, then I fear he may not make it to our next stop.’

Anakin felt like he was been torn apart on the inside. On one hand, every instinct in his body was screaming that he could not let Obi Wan die. But at the same time, he knew that it wasn’t right to take advantage of Obi Wan in this way. Anakin shifted his weight from foot to foot, feeling like he might break apart at the intensity of his warring emotions.

But then he saw the fear in Kix’s face and one thing became abundantly clear: He could not allow Obi Wan to die. Obi Wan didn’t deserve that and if it was in Anakin’s power to prevent it from happening, then he had to try, his own feelings be damned.

‘Okay,’ Anakin said. ‘I guess that’s fine.’

He glanced from the door to Obi Wan’s room to Kix and the back again.

‘So, do I just…’ He gestured helplessly at the door.

‘Go inside, Sir?’ Kix asked, looking confused. ‘Yes, I believe that would be helpful for what you need to do.’

Huh. Right. That would probably make sense.

Anakin’s head felt dangerously light as he pushed open Obi Wan’s door, stepped inside, and closed it behind him.

The smell that engulfed him – sweet tea and ginger – was so intoxicating that he immediately felt himself growing slick. Obi Wan was lying on the bed, fully naked, with his hand wrapped around his engorged cock. Anakin’s breath caught in his throat as he saw it. His master’s fringe had fallen into his eyes, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes had a glazed look about them as if he was only numbly aware of what was happening.

‘Anakin,’ he said. His voice was so weak. ‘Anakin, you cannot be in here. I don’t – I can’t –’

Anakin wrenched his gaze away from Obi Wan’s thighs and sat down on the bed beside him.

‘Master, do you know what’s going on?’

Obi Wan seemed to take a few seconds to process the question.

‘Rut,’ he eventually ground out.

Anakin nodded. Force he felt like the worst person alive. ‘Yes, that’s right. It’s gone on for five days now and Kix says it’s not going to end on its own. You need a –’ He swallowed convulsively and squeezed his internal muscles, trying to stop the steady trickle of slick into his underwear – ‘An Omega to end it, Master. Otherwise you could get really sick.’

Obi Wan pushed his palm down over his cock. Anakin could feel his almost overwhelming desperation through the Force and it seemed to bleed into his own bloodstream.

‘Omega?’ Obi Wan repeated warily.

‘It has to be me,’ Anakin said, trying hard not to feel stung at his Master’s obvious reluctance to be with him even when the other option was death. ‘I’m the only Omega here. It’s just me.’

‘Anakin,’ Obi Wan said, looking deeply conflicted. ‘It’s not right.’

‘It’s okay, Master,’ Anakin said, his heart breaking with just how sweet Obi Wan was, even when his life was in danger. ‘You can take me. I want you to.’

He held Obi Wan’s face gently in his palms and gazed deeply into his eyes, willing him to see that it was okay, that Anakin really did want this, that he didn’t need to worry about him. He forced the knowledge of how much this was going to hurt when it was over and Anakin knew he’d never, ever have it again deep down inside him so that Obi Wan wouldn’t sense it through the Force.

Anakin would be fine. He’d excuse himself to his own room and begin the process of putting himself back together. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had to do it in the past. He was well-practiced at recovering from Obi Wan by now.

He could tell that Obi Wan was running out of will to resist him.  

‘Have you,’ he panted. ‘At least done this before?’

Anakin hesitated for just a moment, letting his teeth sink into his bottom lip.

No, he hadn’t done this before. Not with someone else anyway, and even with his inexperience, Anakin felt certain that it would be very different with Obi Wan – a real alpha – than it was when he’d slicked up his fingers and clumsily shoved them inside himself.  

But he was worried that if he admitted to that then Obi Wan would refuse to let him help him and that really wasn’t an option. Obi Wan needed to end his rut and Anakin was the only Omega on this ship. It had to be him.

‘Yes,’ he said firmly. ‘I have.’

‘Good,’ Obi Wan said, the words at odds with the utter turmoil Anakin felt through the Force. ‘That’s good. I couldn’t let myself take your virginity, Anakin. You deserve…someone special to do that.’

Anakin ducked his head slightly and blinked hard to fight back his tears. ‘Thank you, Master.’

He couldn’t say it, but Obi Wan didn’t need to worry. Anakin couldn’t imagine his first time being with anyone more special to him than Obi Wan. But Anakin wasn’t allowed to have those feelings and Obi Wan wouldn’t appreciate knowing that he did.

‘I appreciate this, Anakin,’ Obi Wan murmured. ‘I promise that I’ll make it good for you too.’

Anakin could barely speak through the tightness in his throat. ‘I know. I trust you. So, um, I guess you can tell me what you need me to do.’

Obi Wan leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Anakin’s mouth. It was quite nice. Anakin hadn’t expected him to do that. Thought this would be more about Obi Wan taking what he needed and then asking Anakin to go. Obi Wan gently placed his hand under Anakin’s chin, encouraging him to open his mouth, sweeping his tongue inside to explore. Anakin closed his eyes as Obi Wan kissed a trail down his jaw, shifting so that their thighs were pressed together.

‘Too many clothes,’ Obi Wan muttered, gliding his nose down Anakin’s neck and inhaling deeply over his scent gland.

‘Oh,’ Anakin said, his head spinning dizzily. ‘Um, right, okay.’

Feeling a little awkward, he took of his belt and tabards before opening his tunic with shaking fingers and shrugging if off his shoulders. Hesitating slightly, he ran his left hand over the glove that covered his prosthetic, a little unsure about what to do. Thankfully, Obi Wan seamlessly took care of it.

‘Take it off, Anakin,’ he said, his pupils blown so wide they had almost consumed all of the blue of his eyes. ‘Every part of you is perfect. I want to see all of you.’

His words meant more to Anakin than he could ever possibly express. He knew what people said about his mechanical hand. About how it had ruined his body. About how he was part machine now, less human. And he knew that it didn’t exactly fit with most people’s idea of an attractive Omega. The fact that Obi Wan didn’t mind, didn’t want Anakin to cover it up, made him feel very touched.

‘Okay,’ he said, feeling a little shy as he removed the glove and then his pants and underwear.

‘Hmm,’ Obi Wan hummed, running his fingers up and down Anakin’s side. ‘I always knew you’d be beautiful everywhere.’

And with that, Obi Wan pushed Anakin onto his back, hitched his leg up with his hand behind his knee, buried his face between Anakin’s thighs and inhaled deeply. Anakin seemed to feel it all the way up into his core. He had to curl his fingers into the sheets and take deep, gasping breaths to prevent himself from passing out with pleasure. He whimpered slightly as a copious amount of slick slid down his entrance and onto his thighs.

‘Force Anakin,’ Obi Wan breathed. ‘You smell so good. You always smell so good.’

Anakin whimpered and his heart seemed to swell with Obi Wan’s praise, with the knowledge that Obi Wan liked such a personal part of him. Then Obi Wan coated his fingers with slick – coated them until they absolutely glistened – before bringing them up to his mouth.

‘Oh, dear one. You taste good too. Like you were made for me.’

‘I am,’ Anakin gasped, the words slipping out before he could stop them. ‘Please, Master. I’ve only ever wanted you. I want to be yours.’

Obi Wan traced his fingernails down the underside of Anakin’s thigh, over his cock, until he reached his entrance. Anakin sobbed in pleasure as Obi Wan’s touch seemed to leave a trail of fire behind it. It was like he could feel Obi Wan’s touch on his leg and yet somehow it sent pleasure through every cell of his body. He had to fight the urge to let his eyes roll back and just surrender to the feel of it.

He had never, ever felt anything like this.

‘How do you want me?’ he asked, resisting the urge to reach up and cup his hand around Obi Wan’s cheek, stroke his beard with his fingers.

‘Any way you want, my darling boy.’

A sob welled up in Anakin’s chest at the endearment. Oh, how he wished that this was real. He breathed hard for a few moments before saying. ‘I don’t mind. I just want to be good for you.’

Obi Wan leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Anakin couldn’t fight back the needy moan that seemed to pour out of him or the way his arms tightened convulsively around Obi Wan’s shoulders.

Oh, how this was going to hurt him later when he was alone in his room.

‘And you will be,’ Obi Wan assured him. ‘You’re perfect. Is it too much to ask for you to present to me?’

Anakin’s breath caught in his throat. Present to him? As if this wasn’t something Anakin had been fantasizing about for years.

Anakin held Obi Wan’s gaze and nodded, before turning around and getting up on his hands and knees, spreading his legs slightly and dropping down onto his elbows so that his ass stood out more prominently. He’d never done this for anyone and he wasn’t quite sure he was doing it right, but Obi Wan didn’t seem to mind.

‘Do you need lubricant?’ Obi Wan asked.

Anakin shook his head. ‘No. I-I think I’m slick enough.’

His heart was beating so loudly, he was convinced that Obi Wan must be able to hear it. His belly felt like it was full of something thick and hot and satisfying that kept writhing within him. He couldn’t help but cry out as Obi Wan gently eased one finger inside his tight entrance. His breath came in sharp gasps as he adjusted to the intrusion; it felt so very different from his own hands.

‘Are you all right?’ Obi Wan asked.

‘Yeah,’ Anakin replied. ‘Are you?’

Obi Wan laughed gently and it made Anakin’s heart sing.

‘Yes, dear one. But I’m not the one with my finger inside of him.’

‘Mmmm, and I can take another,’ Anakin said, pushing back against Obi Wan, inadvertently sending him deeper until his fingers seemed to graze a place deep inside him that had him seeing stars.

Anakin spread his legs further, breathing deeply as Obi Wan inserted a third finger, flexing them inside him to stretch him out. This was nothing like what he did to himself and Anakin instantly knew which one he preferred.

‘Anakin,’ Obi Wan asked, going suddenly still. ‘Are you on birth control?’

Anakin felt himself flush red with embarrassment. ‘No, Master.’ The truth was that he had no reason to take it and he didn’t really need a daily reminder that the Alpha he loved with all his heart and soul was never going to love him back. ‘And I don’t have any condoms with me. But that’s okay, I can – I can take a pill afterwards.’

He added the last bit very quietly.

Obi Wan’s face seemed to crumple with concern. ‘Anakin, I can’t ask you to do that.’

‘Then it’s lucky you’re not,’ Anakin gritted out. ‘I’m offering. Now, come on. Keep going. Please.’

Anakin would very much like to have children. Three, he thought, that would be a nice number. He even had names picked out, the kind of traditions they’d have as a family and the places he’d like to take them.

But he was a Jedi, so having children was all but impossible. Even if the Order didn’t strictly speaking forbid the act that would put them there, they’d never let Anakin keep any children he bore. They’d be taken from him an hour after birth to prevent bonding – as if that wouldn’t have started the moment Anakin realised he was carrying – and they’d be placed in the creche. Anakin would be all but forbidden to see them.

He knew himself well enough to know this wouldn’t be an option for him.

Then Obi Wan removed his fingers and replaced them with his cock and Anakin forgot about almost everything else in the galaxy.

Force, this felt right. Like he was made for this, made specifically for Obi Wan. What else could explain how well they fit together, how every movement seemed to open up new realms of pleasure?

Obi Wan was big – bigger than Anakin had expected – and he knew he should have felt stretched and full but instead he just felt complete. He gripped the edge of the bed tightly as Obi Wan rocked in and out of him. He wanted to savour every moment of this, commit it all to memory because he was fairly certain he’d never have it again.

Obi Wan leaned forward, licking and sucking at his neck and it took everything in Anakin to shake his head and push him away.

‘N-No, you can’t. You can’t bite me, I couldn’t let you do that.’

Oh, but he wanted it though. Wanted it so badly that a few tears escaped down his cheeks and he had to press his hand against his chest because it felt like his heart was breaking.

‘I know,’ Obi Wan said, and did Anakin imagine the regret in his voice? He probably did. ‘I would never do that to you, Anakin. You have my word.’

Then he shifted his hips, adjusted the angle and hit something deep within Anakin’s body that had him coming all over the sheets. As the aftershocks rolled through his body, his contracting muscles around Obi Wan sent him over the edge too.

Anakin collapsed down on the bed, breathing hard and fast. He was numbly aware of Obi Wan stroking his back and when he turned to look at him, he noticed that the glazed look had gone from his face.

He was safe now. Anakin had done what he needed to do. He winced slightly as Obi Wan withdrew from his body, feeling a sudden horrible, cold emptiness deep inside.

‘Anakin,’ Obi Wan said, sounding a little appalled. ‘I – What we did, I mean –’

‘We did what we had to do,’ Anakin said, in a voice that barely sounded like it belonged to him.

He sat up on the bed, looking down at his body and taking in the mess of semen and slick on his belly and thighs. Even as he sat still, he could feel Obi Wan’s cum sliding out of him. It made him feel –

He didn’t know what it made him feel.  

Almost like he was in a dream, he stretched his legs out in front of him, watching the way his muscles moved and flexed. His body felt different to him, somehow. Like he had somehow been remade. Like his body offered new and pleasurable possibilities that he’d never even considered before.

Like he’d just done something life-changing.

He wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly feeling shy, and vulnerable, and very, very young before glancing in Obi Wan’s direction. He wasn’t prepared for what he saw.

His Master had dropped his head into his hands and his shoulders were shuddering in a way that made Anakin suspect he was crying. Anakin swallowed hard as a painful, jagged lump rose in his throat and his eyes suddenly felt very hot. As heart-breaking as Obi Wan’s reaction was, it was nothing compared to the sudden onslaught of self-disgust that poured through their bond.

Shouldn’t have done that…

Should be disgusted with yourself…

Never, ever again…

Anakin’s arms tightened around his waist as the rush of rejection made him feel slightly sick. Obi Wan didn’t want him. Here he was covered in the bodily fluids of a man he loved more than anything who would never, ever return his feelings. He had to breathe deeply to control the urge to break down into heaving, grief-filled sobs. He had to hold them in, just until he could get somewhere alone, then he could let it all out and hopefully, hopefully he could start to heal.

‘Heal?’ Obi Wan said, lifting his head suddenly and looking at Anakin for the first time since it happened. His tone was urgent and it made Anakin feel like he’d done something wrong. ‘Anakin, are you – did I hurt you?’

Not trusting himself to speak, Anakin shook his head.

Obi Wan gazed at him with gentle concern. ‘Are you sure?’ When Anakin merely nodded miserably, he added, ‘Nevertheless, Anakin, I want to apologise. What happened – what we –’

‘Please don’t,’ Anakin said softly. He had to speak softly, anything above a whisper felt like it would have been obscene. 

He didn’t want to hear that Obi Wan was sorry, or that it was a mistake, or that it shouldn’t have happened. Not when it was what Anakin had been dreaming about since he was fourteen. Not when all he wanted was for it to happen again, but this time under more lucid conditions.

He should head into the fresher and wash the cum, slick, and – he could only hope – shame off himself but somehow he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. He felt that once the strange evidence on his body was gone, it would be like the whole thing had never happened which was obviously how it should be but it was just hard to face when Anakin would have liked this to be the start of something.

It scared him how utterly miserable he felt. Like there was something in his brain and heart that was breaking and dragging him down with it.

‘I think, um, I’m just going to go have a shower, okay?’ Anakin asked, not waiting for a response before he eased himself off the bed, wincing slightly as the shift in gravity caused what felt like a wave of slick to slide down his inner thighs.

‘Anakin,’ Obi Wan said, placing a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. Anakin turned his head slightly to look at him. His heart felt very full. Obi Wan was gazing at him with such care that for a second Anakin imagined him saying all the things he longed to hear. I love you. I want you to be my mate. Will you leave the Order with me so we can live the rest of our lives loving each other openly? ‘I – thank you. Thank you for what you did for me.’

Oh. Of course. Obi Wan just wanted to thank him for services rendered.

Anakin didn’t know what to say to that. So he settled for a small smile that almost certainly did not meet his eyes. 

‘You’re welcome, Master,' he said quietly. 'And I’m glad you’re feeling better.’

Chapter Text

Anakin picked up a wrench and wound it determinedly around the over-tightened bolt to the engine vault of the ship. He pushed then pulled then pushed again for good measure, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip and almost drawing blood at the effort but for some mother-kriffing reason the bolt wouldn’t shift for love or money.

In a way of hot frustration, Anakin settled for smashing the wrench against the bolt instead, feeling vaguely satisfied at the deafening clang that echoed around his ears.

It felt good to hit something. It felt good to vent his frustration onto something that couldn’t talk back or look at him with eyes that suggested they knew something when, really, they didn’t understand anything at all.

‘Anakin,’ Obi Wan said, doing that thing he did of somehow squeezing an entire conversation into those three syllables. ‘Is that really necessary? The clones and I can hear you from across the field.’

Anakin felt like his blood was burning him from the inside out. It had been like this, ever since that fateful day three months ago when Anakin had allowed Obi Wan to knot him.

A large part of him had been hoping that maybe it could have been the beginning of something, something he felt like he’d been longing for since he was sixteen years old. He felt he’d done a good job, Obi Wan had certainly seemed to enjoy it, enjoy Anakin, but afterwards, whenever he reached out to his Master, all he felt was shame and regret flowing back.

It hurt, more than Anakin could express really. He felt Obi Wan’s rejection like a physical blow, pushing him away and forever keeping him at arm’s length. He wasn’t what Obi Wan wanted. That much was clear.

The worst thing was that he had also lost Obi Wan’s friendship. Oh, his former Master was civil to him, certainly, but he was so polite as if Anakin was some sort of foreign dignity he’d met at a banquet and didn’t want to offend. The stiffness of their interactions made Anakin feel so deeply cold and lonely that he thought he might be able to curl into a ball and just drift away into nothingness.

‘Since when do you get the final say on what’s necessary, Master?’ Anakin asked brusquely, continuing to beat the wrench against the bolt.

Obi Wan moved slightly closer and Anakin determinedly breathed through his mouth so that he wouldn’t have to smell the scent that had once been all over him, been inside of him. He shifted uncomfortably. Force, why was it so hot all of a sudden?

‘I’m not having a final say,’ Obi Wan said. ‘I am merely suggesting that mindlessly banging against the metal may not be the best –’

‘Would you like to fix it?’ Anakin asked, rolling from his back to his belly so that he could hold out the wrench in Obi Wan’s direction. ‘Huh? What do you say? Want to take the wrench and get your hands dirty for once? Or would you prefer to keep standing there and criticizing me?’

He knew he was being awful and ugly and unfair but he couldn’t seem to make himself stop. It wasn’t just Obi Wan, now he thought about it. He’d been feeling prickly and irritable for days now.

It was only when Obi Was gazed at him with sympathy in his eyes that Anakin felt it – something hot and wet dripping out of him and dampening his underwear. Oh. Oh no.

Anakin clenched his muscles but it was too late, far too late. Obi Wan’s cheeks had flushed red and he was staring at Anakin with far too much understanding. Anakin could practically hear him thinking Oh, that’s why he’s been an emotional wreck for the past few days and already knew he’d be thinking about what a disgusting inconvenience Anakin and his heats were.

Well, lying here wasn’t going to make anything better. Anakin got to his feet, the world swirling precariously around him as he did so and he had to lean briefly against the side of the ship for support. How was this coming on so quickly? Usually, Anakin had days of progressively worsening symptoms before his heat truly hit. To be caught so utterly unaware and already far enough into it that he was leaking slick made him feel embarrassingly unprepared, like a teenager who wasn’t used to handling his cycle yet.

Anakin was twenty-four years old. He should be better than this. People were counting on him and he needed to be better.

‘Anakin, here,’ Obi Wan said, holding out a hand to steady Anakin as he took a few shaky steps. ‘Please, you’re going into heat. At least let me help you.’

‘I don’t need your help,’ Anakin said, his voice trembling slightly on the words. At least, he didn’t need the help Obi Wan would be prepared to provide him. Some kind words. A steadying hand. Perhaps some water and rations to sustain him during his heat. All nice things but nowhere near what Anakin was craving, not just with his body but right down to his soul.

It was all he could do to stop himself from burying his nose in Obi Wan’s scent glands and starting to sob with need, and want and pain. Instead, he forced himself to try and hold it together. He needed a place to go where he could endure his heat in privacy and relative safety.

‘I-I know you don’t want it,’ Obi Wan said hesitantly, ‘and believe me, I understand why, but you can barely walk, dear one. I can’t just leave you like this. At least let me help you back to your tent. You can wait it out in there, I’ll keep everyone away and I assume you at least have some supplies?’

Anakin lifted his hand almost dreamily and pushed his hair out of his eyes, trying to think. ‘I – no. No, I can’t, not in my tent. Everyone will be able to hear and s-smell. There’s a cave nearby, I’ll go there. And I have, um, some toys, maybe…’

He honestly couldn’t remember. But something he did know for sure was that the toys wouldn’t be any good regardless. Now that he’d had the real thing, no smooth, generically alpha-scented toy could bring him any sort of real satisfaction. They were all so small too and Anakin found himself stuffing one in, only to whine at how empty he still felt. He’d been meaning to buy more but he hadn’t quite got around to it yet.

Bad Omega. So unprepared. Was it really any wonder that a well-put-together Alpha like Obi Wan didn’t want to be involved with him?

Obi Wan waited outside while Anakin gathered what he could from his tent. Probably didn’t want to come inside and be forced to stand in Anakin’s private living space. Anakin picked up some blankets and his small bag of toys, fighting back the burning sensation in the corner of his eyes.

The saddest thing was that despite being unconventional, Anakin felt deeply that he would be the best Omega Obi Wan could ever hope for, but he’d never ever get the chance to show him.

No one could love Obi Wan as much as Anakin did. It just wasn’t possible – not when Anakin regularly felt like he might shake apart with the intensity of his feelings. And Anakin would be prepared to do anything, anything to please Obi Wan, anything to make sure that they could be together. And he didn’t just mean take a lightsaber to the arm or a bullet. He meant blowing up an entire planet or setting an entire city on fire. And even then, that wouldn’t be enough to encapsulate the enormity of his feelings.

But Anakin, for all his other gifts and despite being the child of the Force itself, couldn’t make Obi Wan fall in love with him. Which felt deeply unfair given Obi Wan had made Anakin fall in love with him.

‘These are for you,’ Obi Wan said, when Anakin emerged from his tent. He pushed a bundle of robes and blankets into Anakin’s arms. ‘Please don’t feel that you need to use them, I just thought…’ He dropped his gaze. ‘I just thought they may help.’

Anakin barely needed to inhale to find himself utterly engulfed in Obi Wan’s scent. He swayed a little where he stood. Oh, this was so close to what he really needed. So close…

Obi Wan had fit so perfectly inside him, like every curve and line of his body had been made to fit inside Anakin’s.

Anakin allowed Obi Wan to accompany him to the mouth of the cave but no further. He already felt so weak but the humiliation of crying and moaning and smelling like sex in front of Obi Wan and his men was enough to make him think he’d be able to make it deep enough into the cave before he collapsed.

‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to accompany you?’ Obi Wan asked, still in that horribly formal tone despite the fact that Anakin knew for sure he reeked like sex.

‘What for?’ Anakin asked. ‘Would you like to watch or something?’

He hoped that Obi Wan was going to offer to help. It wasn’t like it would be a big deal (it would be to Anakin but Obi Wan didn’t have to know that) and it wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before.

He waited but Obi Wan didn’t offer. He couldn’t seem to come up with anything to say at all so Anakin merely gave him a sad look before turning his back on him.

Anakin walked until his heat-ridden body could carry him no further. He dropped to his knees – kriff being down like this felt so right and he hated himself for that – and carefully spread out the blankets and clothing he’d gathered in some kind of makeshift nest. His fingers lingered on Obi Wan’s robes and he slowly lifted the fabric to his nose, burying his face in the warm soft folds. He arranged Obi Wan’s things so that they would be closest to his face before half-burying himself in the layers of blankets.

It felt marginally better to be lying down in the dark. His brain felt staticky and filled with white noise and there was a steady beat deep in his body, somewhere behind his belly button that would only grow stronger as his heat progressed. Anakin’s underwear and the inside of his thighs already felt messy and he knew it was only a matter of time before the craving to be filled became too much to resist. At least for now, he could try to rest.

The truth was, Anakin’s cycle had been a bit of a mess since he’d taken the contraceptive pill.

As soon as they’d arrived back on Coruscant all those months ago, he’d headed straight to the Halls of Healing and sat on one of the beds feeling obviously and conspicuously alone. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs and bowed his head between his shoulders as he heard one of the healers come into the room.

‘General Skywalker,’ the healer said. ‘What can I help you with today?’

Anakin gripped his right hand tightly in his left and stared determinedly at the floor. ‘I, um…’ He cleared his throat. ‘I need an emergency contraceptive pill.’

He sensed, rather than saw, the healer’s surprise. He hated that he could feel himself blushing.

He had nothing to be embarrassed about. If he hadn’t…done what he did, Obi Wan would have died. He just wished that he hadn’t enjoyed it quite so much or that there was some kind of pill he could take that would help him forget how right and full and complete he felt when Obi Wan was buried inside him. Or something he could do to take away the deep, dragging sense of despair that it would never, even happen again.

‘Okay,’ the healer said after a brief pause. ‘There are just a few routine questions that I need to ask before I can administer it to you.’

Anakin nodded miserably.

‘Have you had unprotected sex with an Alpha?’

Anakin felt his cheeks grow even hotter. It was important for him to remember that he was choosing this. He’d decided to come alone. Obi Wan had offered to accompany him but Anakin didn’t really feel comfortable about facing up to his biological realities in front of him, especially when he already knew how Obi Wan felt about him being an Omega. Somehow, he didn’t feel that that unfortunate reality of needing to take care of himself to avoid an accidental pregnancy would further enamor Obi Wan to him. No, it was more likely to make Anakin feel like more of a disgusting, inconvenient, messy burden than he already did.

It didn’t change the fact that walking away from Obi Wan on the landing deck had felt a little like tearing flesh. Even now, something in Anakin’s soul seemed to be crying at the separation, longing for him to be back in Obi Wan’s soothing presence.

He could only hope that this feeling would pass soon.

‘Yes,’ Anakin said. ‘I have.’

‘How long ago?’

Anakin’s thighs had tightened convulsively at the memory of Obi Wan inside him, making him feel so loved and perfect.  

‘It’s been just over twelve hours.’ 

‘Right. And were you knotted?’

Anakin gritted his teeth. ‘Yes.’

‘And how many times were you knotted?’

‘Just the once.’

And it was only ever going to be just the once and somehow Anakin was going to have to find a way to be okay with that for the rest of his life.

‘When was your last heat?’

Force. Thank the stars he hadn’t let Obi Wan come along for this.

‘Two and a half weeks ago.’

The healer made a small note and Anakin resisted the urge to ask what it was. He suspected he knew: he was in an extremely high-risk situation assuming he didn’t want to have Obi Wan’s baby. Which he shouldn’t. Which he didn’t. Because Obi Wan didn’t want it too and Anakin couldn’t go through with it if it wasn’t something they both wanted.

‘Do you understand the possible side effects of taking the pill?’

The healer explained a frighteningly long list of possible effects but Anakin only half-listened to them. It wasn’t like had a choice. Not when the side effect of not taking the pill was pregnancy and Anakin couldn’t afford for that to happen.

Still, when the healer finally placed the small pill packet in his left hand and a glass of water to swallow it down with in his other, he couldn’t help but feel like maybe his heart was being torn in half. He’d stared at the medication for a long time, trying not to think about what it might be like to have a child with Obi Wan.

‘General?’ the healer asked gently. ‘Are you all right? Because if you’re not sure about taking –’

‘I’m sure,’ Anakin said, cringing when his voice cracked horribly on the second word. He cleared his throat. ‘I’m sure.’

The healer looked at him with deep, understanding eyes. ‘I was going to say that if you’re not, if you’d like to speak to a mind healer –’

‘I don’t.’

‘– Or if you’d like to take some more time –’

Anakin stood up abruptly. He couldn’t afford to take any more time. The pill was best taken within 12 hours of unprotected sex and Anakin had already exceeded that. He needed to take it as soon as possible to give himself the best possible chance of preventing conception. He owed that to Obi Wan. What he may or may not want didn’t matter.

‘I don’t need more time,’ Anakin said. ‘And I don’t need your help.’ The walls were starting to feel like they were closing in on him. It was becoming abundantly clear by the rising hysteria in his chest and the tears burning in the corners of his eyes that he wasn’t going to be able to hold it together during what was coming and he didn’t need an audience for that. ‘I’m just going to take it in my room.’

He paced up and down his bedroom for what felt like hours before he finally took the pill with trembling hands. Then he lay down on his bed where he cried and cramped and bled for three days.  

On the fourth day it was over. Anakin sat up, blinking in the sunlight – he’d forgotten to close the curtains, hadn’t even noticed they were open before today – and realised it was over. All traces of Obi Wan and what they did together had been washed away in a flood of blood and tears.

Ever since then, Anakin’s heats had been a little unpredictable and more intense than they had ever been before. Which was why he now found himself in a cave, barely clinging to his sanity.

Why did it have to feel so hot? Anakin felt like he might be about to burst out of his skin and in a lot of ways that would be a sweet relief. His head was swimmy-hazy and he just wanted to throw his head back and whine and moan and cry for someone to make this all go away. His hole was clenching rhythmically and painfully around nothing and as horrible as it was, Anakin had nothing but his fingers and he knew that wouldn’t be satisfying. His Omegan teeth were throbbing, making his whole jaw ache. Even though they were technically just two tiny teeth, barely noticeable next to his upper canines, somehow, he managed to feel the excruciating ache everywhere in his body.

Anakin whined and brushed impatiently at the tears falling down his cheeks. He so would have liked to have a child. He so would have liked to be with Obi Wan.

But he wasn’t and Obi Wan didn’t want him and the urge to touch himself was getting too strong to ignore. Anakin shimmied out of his trousers and lowered a shaking hand between his thighs. Thick, hot slick coated them immediately and Anakin sobbed quietly as he pressed two fingers inside his entrance.

It wasn’t enough. Even a third and then a fourth didn’t even come close, but it was all Anakin had and he had to make do. He was a little rough with himself as he fucked his fingers, a strange mixture of pleasure and pain all overshadowed by the sensation that there was a gaping hole in his chest. Anakin tried to be strong but it was hard knowing that he didn’t have an Alpha who was willing to take care of him and that he almost definitely never would.

Anakin brought himself to two semi-satisfying orgasms before the urge died down enough to let him rest for a moment. He let himself get lost in the heat haze before he realised that he could sense someone nearby. Before he could even try to defend himself from the intruder, Obi Wan spoke.

‘How are you doing?’

Anakin whimpered and curled further in on himself.

‘You don’t have to be here,’ he said, burying his face in the crook of his arm and biting into his flesh because his Omega teeth were just so, so painful and he had so much saliva in his mouth and he needed to feel his teeth sink into something.

‘You were calling for me,’ Obi Wan said, settling down beside Anakin.

‘What?’ Anakin didn’t remember saying anything. ‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered. ‘I didn’t mean to –’

‘Not like that.’ He ran his fingers through Anakin’s sweaty curls. ‘It was like my soul could feel you crying out.’

It was Obi Wan’s fault really; he’d initiated the touch and it somehow seemed to send an overpowering tsunami of want through Anakin’s body that had him surging forward to cling to his Master before he could lose him again.

‘It hurts so much,’ Anakin whispered.

‘I’m sorry that it’s so bad,’ Obi Wan said. ‘But you are strong and brave and I know you’ll get through it. Just like every other time.’

Kriff. He didn’t get it at all.

‘I want you,’ Anakin said, winding his fingers into Obi Wan’s tunic. ‘Please, Master. Please, Alpha. I want you to help me.’

Obi Wan was desperately trying to pry Anakin away from him. ‘No you don’t, dear one. It’s just the heat talking, okay?’

Anakin slammed his mechno hand against the ground. ‘No,’ he shouted. ‘No, it’s not just the heat talking. It’s me talking! I want you so badly.’

Obi Wan looked at him as though this conversation was tearing his soul in two.

‘This is my fault,’ he said eventually. ‘What we did...It’s got you all confused. It’s perfectly natural to feel close to or even drawn to an Alpha who has knotted you. But it doesn’t mean that you genuinely want to be with that person, Anakin. And I blame myself because I was the one who put you in that situation and it’s my fault that you feel this way now.’

Fresh tears sprang into Anakin’s eyes. ‘Please stop talking to me like I’m a newly presented Padawan who needs generic sex education,’ he said. ‘I know what I’m feeling. What I’ve felt for eight years now. Ever since I was fourteen and woke up in heat wanting nothing but you. Every single day since then.’

‘Anakin…’ Ob Wan sounded a little like he wanted to cry too.

‘And then I got to be with you and it was almost everything I wanted. Almost because I could tell that you didn’t want it too. So don’t worry, master. I know how you feel. I know it will never be.  And I’m so, so sorry because I know you don’t want me and I know I make you uncomfortable and disgusted and I just can’t seem to make myself stop.’

‘Oh, Anakin,’ Obi Wan said, sounding like his heart was breaking on each of the syllables. ‘Now where in the galaxy did you get that idea?’

Anakin stared at him, his breath coming in sharp bursts. Seriously? Where had he got the idea that Obi Wan didn’t want him?

‘From everything that you do, Master. Like that first time I went into heat? You couldn’t get me into a heat room fast enough.’

Obi Wan merely looked at him and Anakin shook his head.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘You don’t even remember. That day almost destroyed me and you don’t even kriffing remember it.’

‘It was a Tuesday,’ Obi Wan said suddenly. ‘I woke up to the most divine smell I had ever encountered, as if it was made specifically to entice and appeal to me. And then I realised that it was coming from my fourteen-year-old Padawan who was more mentally and physically vulnerable in that moment than he’d even been in his life. He needed someone who could take care of him not someone who needed every ounce of self-control he possessed not to take, claim, have. So I got you to a place where you could get the care you needed before I lost my mind.’

Anakin stared at him.

‘You…You wanted me?’

‘Are you really going to make me say it? Yes, I wanted you. I wanted you then and I still want you now. And if I ever made you feel like I didn’t, can you believe me that I only did it because I wanted to look after you?’

Anakin could feel the truth of it through their bond. He wrapped his arms around Obi Wan’s shoulders and mouthed hungrily at his neck. He was wanted. It felt like some deep-seated, ever-present pain was finally lifting. He felt more whole than he had in years.

‘I want to look after you too, Master. Always and forever, as your mate.’

He felt Obi Wan chuckle against him. ‘How about we take things one step at a time, dear one? Maybe I could start by helping you with your heat?’

Anakin almost felt dizzy with it. They were going to make love. Again, only this time it felt different because they both knew of each other’s feelings. This wasn’t just a means to an end, this was an expression of something deep and real and it felt like so much –

Obi Wan ran a soothing hand up and down Anakin’s back. ‘Just breathe, dear one. I’m going to make this perfect for you, okay?’

He waited until Anakin nodded before saying, ‘How about we start with you taking off the rest of your clothes?’

Anakin nodded and carefully removed his sweat-soaked tunic. When he looked up again, Obi Wan had removed his pants and Anakin almost whimpered at the sight of his cock.

‘You look just beautiful, darling,’ Obi Wan said, tracing his fingers down Anakin’s neck, along his collarbone and down to circle one of his nipples. ‘Absolutely exquisite.’

He lowered Anakin onto his back and skimmed his nose down his body, coming to rest between his thighs. Anakin threw his head back and moaned as Obi Wan lapped up the slick that had congealed on his skin, curling his fingers into the blankets beneath him.

‘Anakin, I’ve been meaning to ask,’ Obi Wan said, coming back up to cup his hands around Anakin’s cheeks and looking deeply into his eyes. ‘It’s none of my business, none at all but you said that you’d been with someone before we – before you helped me that time. I-I assume that it was Padme but I just wanted to…’

He trailed off, looking deeply guilty.

Anakin turned his face slightly to press a long, sweet kiss into Obi Wan’s palm. ‘There’s been no one but you, Master,’ he said, gazing at Obi Wan from under his eyelashes. ‘I’ve only ever wanted you. I was so happy to wait and have you as my first.’

‘But you said –’

Anakin keened high in the back of his throat. ‘I lied because I was worried you wouldn’t take me if you knew it was my first time. I couldn’t risk that, Master and I want you to know that I wouldn’t change a single thing, except maybe that you ignored me for months after it happened when I’ve wanted nothing more than for you to knot me every single day since. Only you Master, no one else.’

Obi Wan leaned forward and licked against Anakin’s unmarked mating gland. Anakin let out a long wanton moan, tilting his head back to give Obi Wan greater access, the movement seeming to send another wave of thick, hot slick down from his entrance, soaking his underwear. The air felt treacly and warm and Anakin felt like he was floating in pleasure as Obi Wan nipped and nosed at the skin where his neck met his shoulder.

‘Master, do you know that if I hadn’t taken the pill, I’d be four months pregnant now?’ Anakin took Obi Wan’s hand and rubbed it gently against his belly, his breath hitching at the way Obi Wan’s pupils swelled until Anakin could only see a thin line of blue around them. He arched his back, pressing himself into Obi Wan’s touch. ‘I’d be starting to get big,’ he said, ‘big with your child growing inside me – mmmf.’

Obi Wan surged forward and crushed their lips together. Anakin could feel him pressed hard against his body and his chest rose and fell with sharp pants that fell straight into Obi Wan’s open mouth. When they broke apart, Obi Wan looked almost consumed with desire and something inside Anakin seemed to purr with contentment that he’d been the one to cause that.

‘Anakin – Force – where did you learn to talk like that?’

Anakin had been nursing a minor fascination with Alpha-Omega porn since he was old enough to know what it was. The other Padawans had watched it for the hot – if stereotypical sex scenes – but for Anakin the appeal had always been in the snuggling and marking and caring parts that came before and after the sex. Then, much to his fascination and shame, he’d stumbled across a Holovid where the Omega had become pregnant and he’d fantasised about a time when his Alpha – who was always Obi Wan – would be caressing his gently rounded belly and telling him how good he looked carrying his baby ever since.

Anakin knew he was a lot, but that seemed like a bit much even for him. He was a General in a war after all and this was only his and Obi Wan’s second time.

So he settled with, ‘Mmmm, it just feels right when I’m with you.’

‘And you smell so perfect, like you were made just for me.’ Obi Wan’s eyes widened and he held Anakin closer. ‘Dear one, is that your slick I’m smelling?’

Anakin shifted against him. ‘Probably. I’m so wet, Master. Do you want me to present? Because I will. I’d be so happy to do that for you, Master.’

‘No,’ Obi Wan said. ‘As lovely as that would be, to see you spread out on all-fours for me, I want to be able to look into your eyes while we do this. Is that all right?’

‘Oh yes,’ Anakin said eagerly. ‘I think I’d like that.’

‘Can you spread your thighs a little wider for me?’

Anakin did so, wrapping his legs around Obi Wan’s waist as he settled between them.

‘You don’t need to stretch me,’ he said. ‘I’ve, um, I’ve taken care of that.’

Still, the feeling of Obi Wan’s thick fingers circling his entrance made him shiver in delight.

‘You have indeed,’ Obi Wan said with a mixture of wonder and concern. ‘Dear one, you’ve made quite a mess of yourself. I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘You won’t,’ Anakin said. ‘You could never. Please, please Alpha. I need this so badly.’

Obi Wan stroked his hand up and down his side. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll give you what you want. And you don’t need to worry, I’ve brought some protection this time. You don’t need to say anything, but I suspect taking that pill was hard on you.’

Anakin’s breath caught at the sensation of being so known and understood.

‘You won’t have to do it again,’ Obi Wan said and it sounded like a promise. ‘I’ve got you. Now and forever.’

Anakin smiled. ‘I like the sound of that. Thank you, you know, for looking after me.’

Obi Wan gave his waist a squeeze. ‘I’m just sorry that it took me this long.’

The sex was so different this time. So much better. Where before it had made him feel like he was breaking apart, now it felt like he was being put back together. The sense of emptiness was replaced with emotional and physically fullness because he was loved and wanted and he didn’t have to worry about taking advantage or of this never happening again because Obi Wan wanted him, really wanted him, and Anakin wanted him too and everything just felt so right.

‘I love you,’ Anakin said, when it was over and Obi Wan was lying on his side, looking at Anakin as if he personally had hung the stars in the sky.  

Obi Wan pulled a blanket more tightly around them and pressed a kiss to Anakin’s temple. ‘I love you too, dear one. I’m sorry that we took so long to explain that to each other.’

Anakin smirked. ‘You know communication’s not my thing. But you’re the Negotiator. And that means it’s definitely your fault.’

Obi Wan raised his eyebrows. ‘Is it now?’

Anakin leaned forward to kiss him. ‘Oh it definitely is. But lucky for you, I’ve decided to forgive you.’

‘I shall count my blessings,’ Obi Wan said in a droll voice. ‘Now do try to get some rest.’

‘You’ll be here when I wake up?’ Anakin asked.

Not that he had much choice in the matter. Wrapped in his alpha’s arms and with the promise of his love thrumming through their bond, Anakin could already feel sleep taking him away.

‘Always,’ Obi Wan replied.