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Derek’s posture straightened as the music filling the air swelled into a familiar tune. He watched the entryway, and waited for her to come down the aisle.
She had told him, before the wedding, that she wanted to feel like a true princess on her wedding day. She had been looking at dresses with tulle and gems, large flouncy skirts and soft pinks and blues, and endless tiaras. He had told her that whatever she picked, he knew she’d look perfect.
Now, as she came into view and he saw her in her dress for the first time, his breath was taken away.
Slim-fitted down past her hips, before softly flaring out into a silky train, the warm ivory colour complimenting the flowery lace of her sweetheart neckline. The dress was strapless, which allowed her hair to be the star as soft curls fell down past her shoulders. As she came closer, Derek could see white light reflecting off of tiny little gems she had put throughout those curls, creating an ethereal look.
Far more captivating than her dress, however, was her expression. Happy tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she tried her best to hold them in. Derek could almost imagine her telling him how hard she had worked to get her makeup perfect, and she didn’t want to make her mascara run. She was blushing red, as she always did when emotional, and paired with her smiling as earnestly as Derek had ever seen, he knew he had been right. She looked perfect.
She was perfect.
Derek blinked away his own tears as Penelope arrived at the altar and the final chords swelled and faded. She handed off her bouquet to the maid of honour, Emily, and held hands with the person she was about to devote the rest of her years to. Derek looked past Penelope, to Emily, who he was surprised to find met his gaze. He found warmth there, love and excitement for her friend getting married. But he knew, when they met eyes, that she knew.
Derek didn’t know what his eyes reflected back to her, but she was the first to look away, back to Penelope, to the officiant. Derek hoped his eyes reflected the happiness he truly did feel. He wanted nothing more than for Penelope to be happy.
He hoped his eyes didn’t reflect the pain, regret, jealousy that he was trying so hard to bury deep inside. It was moot to allow those feelings to take hold.
So he stood there, the best man at the woman he loves wedding, trying not to reflect on what went wrong, what he could have done differently to trade places with the groom, a man that Derek selfishly thought could never know her in the way he did.
But Derek would never say as much, would never try to discourage Penelope from finding her happiness, even if it wasn’t with him. He would stay her best friend and confidant and anything else she ever needed him to be. Because whether or not she was able to reciprocate it, it didn’t change the fact that Derek loved Penelope, and didn’t know how to not. He had told her, years ago, that he would always be there for her, and he meant it still.
And after the ceremony, when Penelope was hyperventilating over having gone through with the most serious commitment of her life, Derek was there for her, calming her down and telling her she was going to be just fine. When she couldn’t find her hair clip after dancing, Derek was there for her, having already located it and teasing her for being a klutz.
And months later, when she was trying to decide what colour to paint the walls of the nursery her and her husband had to set up, Derek was there for her. He ignored the knot in his throat and ache in his chest, and instead congratulated the couple and offered his knowledge in the area, recommending different hues based on room size and natural lighting availability.
Derek wished that that could be his life, Penelope as his wife, having a little one on the way, retired from the horrors they faced in their line of work... But it wasn't, and it never would be. All he could have was what he already had, and nothing more.