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"Damaged goods coming through," you announce yourself before you decide it's somehow a wise idea to walk beside her. Pointedly, she turns to the side and ignores you, even if she somewhat resembles a crab while she moves like this.
Sakura isn't sure what she did to deserve this.
"Oh, what a sight for sore eyes. Goody-two-shoes Haruno going to detention," you say, once your first attempt at conversation doesn't seem to go anywhere, and then you throw your arm around her shoulders and pull her closer. There's a shit-eating grin on your face, and a bemused scowl on hers.
Sakura doesn't push you off since she... doesn't want to give you the satisfaction of retaliating, of course. "In case you forgot, idiot, that was your fault."
"But how's it my fault you punched Mr. Hatake?"
"Because I was aiming for you, but you just HAD to duck out of the way!"
"What, was I supposed to stand there and take it or something?"
With her shoulders raising to her ears, Sakura stomps on your toe with her heel, and finally pushes you away, proving herself to still have a very low tolerance for you. "Yes!"
Much to her surprise, you spare her from any further commentary and instead crack your neck and your knuckles while you continue down the hallway, next to her. She'd expected you to ask her if she genuinely believes that with a tone that's both mocking and incredulous, and she would've answered yes again, and somehow the missed opportunity to have this planned interaction compels her to speak to you first.
"So, what are you in for, anyway?"
"Haruno, this isn't jail, it's just detention," you tell her with a laugh. "Funny. Usually you'd know 'cause you'd be the one to get me, but today we're coming together. As a team."
"We're not a team. And I already told you it's your fault," she says before she almost rips the door off its hinges when she opens it, the sour glare on her face enough to scare off anyone with functioning levels of brain activity, including the teacher.
"It was so not. You're just a bad shot."
"Yes, because my fist was supposed to follow you like a bloodhound after you flung yourself in the other corner of the room! Did you consider that might hurt more than my punch?!"
"I'm sure your very manly punches hurt way worse."
"They are not manly. They embody the power of the divine feminine."
"Hmm. Good thing I dodged, then. 'Cause that sounds dangerous." A smile tugs at your lips.
Sakura almost squeezes her eyes out with how roughly she pushes her fingers in, as what you can only interpret is an attempt at a 'relaxing massage'. She continues to appear to be on the brink of a nervous breakdown, though.
"Ahem." Iruka clears his throat, not subtly, pretending he didn't hear any of what you both just said and instead occupying himself by shuffling through empty paper sheets like there's anything to read on them. "Haruno-san, if it's too much trouble, you really don't need to bring [L/n] here every time. I know you're very busy-"
"No, I'm... on the list for today," she says awkwardly.
It occurs to Iruka that this time she's not pulling you by the ear and dragging you around, instead having just arrived with you, and his eyes widen in surprise. Again, he clears his throat and cards his way through all the useless pieces of paper he brought until he finds the list. After he skims it, he goes, "Oh." Then he looks at it some more. "Oh," a second time. Suddenly the conversation he feigned ignorance to starts to make a lot more sense. After that, he goes even further with his investigation and checks another entry at which he seems appalled. "Oh, wow. Okay. How about you two sit down already?"
"What did you do," Sakura whispers, though it sounds like a demand more than anything, with a tight smile, though you can tell she's grinding her teeth together.
"Nothing. I'm innocent and gorgeous." Perhaps to be more convincing, you let out a whistle.
Sakura crosses her arms in front of her chest and sits in a desk near the room's corner, far away from most of the other students. There are plenty of empty seats and you examine them while rubbing your chin, probably simulating the act of thinking ― at least she assumes you're playing pretend since she doesn't deem you capable of thought ― until you make the deliberate choice of plopping your ass down right next to her.
"What!" she snaps again.
"Relax," you say. "You're gonna get TMJ if you keep doing all this." You then make an overly exaggerated angry face, and you kind of end up resembling a wrinkled thumb as you do so.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"...Because I find it funny when you're mad?" you say like it should be glaringly obvious by now.
"You're in-suffer-able."
"This is very impressive and all, but it's still not enough to win a spelling bee."
"I'm not going to a spelling bee, you moron."
"Not after last year, huh?"
"Shut up!" Sakura says before she takes a calming breath. Her jaw ticks again, and you almost click your tongue when she goes against your warning. Then, "Shut up."
You shrug and put your legs up to the table until they're roughly shoved away. Sakura glares at you in a way even you register as scathing, so you figure maybe you should lie off of her if you want to make it out of here alive because God knows Iruka won't help you when it's time to face your mortality.
At the rare moment of silence, Sakura uses this opportunity to scan the room. Naruto is here, and Sai. For Naruto, this was ordinary, though she's not sure why Sai would be here. "Hey," Sakura starts, which you find suspicious, since this is the second time today she has spoken to you of her own volition. "Do you know what Sai did?"
"Oh, I was there. He started theorizing that Mr. Hatake has a small penis in front of everyone, in the middle of class. It was thoroughly entertaining."
"Poor Mr. Hatake," coos Sakura. "He's just getting bullied all day today."
"You realize you're the one who socked him in the jaw, right?"
"I told you to shut up!"
Moody much? you want to ask, but you notice the others' heads are turning. Your bickering probably disrupted them from doing whatever they're doing. "If you don't mind, Haruno, your yelling seems to be assaulting everyone's ears."
Sakura clenches her fists tightly, but then she reminds herself of Iruka's existence and decides to spare you, at least for now. Seeing as this isn't going anywhere, she figures she can use her time here to do something more productive than talk to you, anyway, and so she searches inside her backpack until she finds the notebook she was looking for.
At the sight of it, once she pulls it out, you belch like you've witnessed something offensive. "You can't be serious!"
"What do you mean, I can't be serious?" she asks, annoyed. Hypothetically, she'd wonder why you feel the need to make a smartass comment about everything, but your observations often aren't even clever. She thinks you like hearing yourself talk.
At this, you cover your eyes as if you're mortified, which you might be. "You're... such a nerd. You're in here. Studying."
"This is a school. Of course I'm studying. How can you be so stupid?"
"Well. There are many things you can do in a school. Like punching teachers. God damn, his jaw was spinning."
"You're so repetitive. And, some of us like having important life skills such as being able to count, and also being able to read."
"I KNOW HOW TO READ."
"Pipe down, you wouldn't want to assault anyone's ears now, would you?" she says snidely as she jots down the beginning of an answer for a question included in her assignment for tomorrow. You roll your eyes at her remark. "So you're trying to tell me you just sit here for an hour and do what, exactly? Nothing? I mean, you get detention practically every day."
"Oh, no," you say, like the idea is laughable. "God, no! Usually I leave after you bring me here. Mr. Umino just lets me go because he 'doesn't feel like seeing my face'. But today I'll stay around, just for you, beautiful."
"For Umino-san's sake, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that middle part," says Sakura after taking yet another deep inhale. You briefly wonder if she's short of breath because your swagger makes her nervous, or because you're so smooth with your lines. However, your delusions of romance quickly shatter when she massages her temples. "Sometimes I wonder how you haven't gotten expelled yet."
You put your hand over your chest and appear somber at your declaration. "I think it's because Tsunade is in love with me."
"Sure she is," Sakura tells you sarcastically, pursing her lips at your audacity to call the principal by her first name.
"Or better yet," you say, switching to a look of slyness, and suddenly it occurs to Sakura that maybe you'd been waiting to bring this up all along. You lean closer, draping your arm over the back of her chair. "Maybe it's because a certain member of the student council has been covering for me? I heard they insist on dealing with me every time I get in trouble as well."
Sakura blinks at you owlishly, and this time her cheeks flush in embarrassment rather than anger. You think the last time this had happened was six years ago when you gave her a gift for Valentine's day, but then you went through puberty and turned into a shithead, and after that she got her act together. "I can't believe Ino-pig would do that."
"Ino isn't even on the student council!"
"Then I can't believe Hinata would do that," Sakura insists.
This is the first time she has caught you off-guard in maybe your entire shared history. "And I can't believe you just threw Hinata under the bus like that," you say with wide eyes, but then you get back on track. "Anyway, I figured you'd like someone like Uchiha Asshat-"
"Sasuke-kun isn't an asshat! He's the vice president of the student council and he has perfect grades. Also, he's on a sports team," she interjects, though you ignore her spiel since you have an agenda to promote here.
Rather smugly, you continue, "-but really, you don't need to abuse your power over something as silly as this. After all, if you wanna spend time with me that bad, all you have to do is ask." Even if she had just listed all the ways how stupid fucking Sasuke is better than you, but whatever.
"Who even told you that?!" she asks with furrowed brows, but then she realizes she basically confirmed everything you said.
Unable to stand the self-congratulatory expression on your face as you humiliate her, Sakura huffs and averts her gaze to the desk like it has wronged her, blush still splattered over her skin. Then her cognitive abilities seem to catch up to her, and haughtily, she throws her hair over her shoulder. Even though it's kind of short, it still smacks you right in the face.
"Well, speaking of wanting to spend time together, a little birdie told me a certain worthless idiot in this school pulls pranks just to get someone's attention. This, I think, is way dumber than whatever the HYPOTHETICAL student council member did."
"Naruto, I'm going to kill you!" you yell suddenly, once again causing a commotion and making everyone turn towards you. You fling the first thing within reach, which happens to be Sakura's homework, right at him.
Rubbing his head, Naruto asks, "What'd I even do wrong now?"
"Everything?" you offer like you're disappointed in him for not being aware of this already.
As randomly as it had sparked, however, it seems like whatever pushed you both to act like this has dissipated. Sakura doesn't even berate you for weaponizing her school materials, and you sit next to her wondering what you can even say at this point.
You swallow dryly and in a way that's not at all unnatural or painful, you tell her, "Soo... The time after detention, huh?"
"What about it?" she asks with a frown.
"Do you maybe want to... go somewhere?"
You're wincing. Sakura almost feels bad for you, but then again she wants to prolong the first few moments before she caves for as long as possible, so she feigns annoyance. "Why?"
"'Cause you're hot? Like, the hottest girl in school? I don't know."
"Seriously! Is this all you have to say about me?!"
You raise your hands in mock surrender and back away from her. "You didn't really expect me to say something romantic, right?"
"Oh, but I did," she says with one of those tight-lipped smiles of hers, the ones she makes before she punches Sai silly for being socially inept, for example. Then she grabs a hold of your ear ― something you're familiar with ― and all but rams your face into hers, cheekbones clashing against each other in a way anyone with functioning pain receptors would know stings, and a lot. "And I'll continue to expect that. We're going to work on that."
You smile at her. "Alright... Sakura."
"Thank you... [Y/n]."
"And also, another thing we can work on is your ability to touch me without breaking my bones."
She almost rips her hair out right then and there, pushing you away with maybe too much force. "You know what? I really hate you!"