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2022-11-11
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The Princess and the Warlock

Summary:

Gundham Tanaka's Wikipedia page, if he was a real-ass person.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Gundham Tanaka (born November 17, 1974 as Garret Gary Tanaka) is a Japanese businessman, alternative therapist, conspiracy theorist,[1] self-professed warlock and author. He advocates several fringe conspiracy theories and has been characterized by Novoselic media and other critics as a conman.[2][1][3][4][5][6] He is engaged to Princess Sonia Nevermind of Novoselic.

 

◢ Contents

  1. Background
  2. Career
  3. Relationship with Princess Sonia Nevermind and reception in Novoselic
  4. Published work
  5. References

◢ Background [edit]

Tanaka grew up in the Tōhoku region town of Sendai, and changed his name to Gundham Tanaka in 2014.[7] He claims to be a 6th generation warlock.[8] He has claimed that his mother is of Novoselic-Japanese[9][10] descent and that his father is of demonic origin. In a 2009 interview, Tanaka claimed to be "born into the lineages of infernal sorcerey and indigenous Novoselic medicine".[11]

Tanaka has said that he was convicted and sentenced to five years imprisonment in the United States after he had organized a party in an abandoned house that was set on fire.[12] He said that he served one year in prison before being released on parole.[13][14][15][16]

◢ Career [edit]

Tanaka had a limited early career as a model and appearances on television shows. Vanity Fair wrote about Tanaka being bisexual and summed his early activities as an eclectic early career, and this helped propel his brand of new age warlockism into celebrity circles[9], such as Gwyneth Paltrow. Tanaka claims to demystify spirituality by making it attainable and understandable for not only the layman, but also for the more spiritually advanced, and everyone in between. Tanaka states that his "true mission is to bring the ancient practice of warlockism to the mainstream by helping people 'get lit' by cultivating love and acceptance of themselves and others."[24] Tanaka also claims to be a reincarnated Pharaoh from Egypt.[27]

In 2019, his book Deva Hacking was set to be published in Novoselic, but the publisher dropped it a week prior to its scheduled publication over concerns over its content. It was later published by a small publisher. In the book, Tanaka advocates numerous "absurd medical theories."[28] He claims children get cancer because they want it,[29] and suggests that chemotherapy doesn't work and is only given to cancer patients because the doctors make money from it.[30][31] Tanaka also says that he can turn atoms and literally reduce age.[33] Cancer experts called Tanaka's views on cancer "dangerous."[31] Major newspaper Porgladet described the book as "the ravings of a lunatic."[34]

In the book, Tanaka also asserts that he was resurrected as a 27-year old.[36] He has also claimed that he foresaw the September 11 attacks two years before they happened, but said that everyone must "accept their destiny" and that it was not his role to intervene.[8]

Tanaka has stated that he considers himself to be a reptilian, and has asserted that "I'm a hybrid species of reptilian and Andromeda, and hold the energies of the ancient spirits from the old world. There have been lies told about our species that I wish to address. We are a cluster of beings, that means we’ve come here to create structures that help people come into liberation. Reptilians are here to shake up the system in a big way."[37] According to extremism researcher Pūtarō Isoyama, Tanaka's ideas about being a reptilian are “whack.”[38][39] Tanaka has stated that he considers 5G technology to be a conspiracy by "those who enslave the planet."[37]

In July 2022, Tanaka was criticized in Novoselic for advertising a medallion he sells for $222 USD that he claims cures COVID-19. The Novoselic Consumer Ombudsman said undocumented claims that products can cure diseases violate Novoselic law.[40][41]

◢ Relationship with Princess Sonia Nevermind and reception in Novoselic [edit]

Tanaka's relationship with Princess Sonia Nevermind of Novoselic has been heavily scrutinized, with many Norvoselicians voicing their disapproval and calling Tanaka a "charlatan".[42][6] He has also been characterized by Novoselic media and other critics as a conman and a conspiracy theorist,[1][3][4][2][5] and his statements on various topics have been widely criticized and ridiculed in Novoselic.[43][44][25]

Together, Sonia Nevermind and Tanaka have organised seminars titled "The Princess and the Warlock," which also were widely criticised for the claims made by Tanaka about healing cancer and for exploiting Sonia Nevermind's constitutional role as princess for a private business venture.[47][48][49][50] In June 2022, Sonia Nevermind announced that she and Tanaka were engaged.[51] Tanaka has claimed that his mother had foreseen, when he was still a child, that he would marry a Novoselic princess.[16]

Both Tanaka and Sonia Nevermind have complained about the negative reception of Tanaka in Novoselic,[52][53] and Tanaka claimed he was criticized because "they’re jealous of his spirit level.” Tanaka has claimed that he will become the first warlock who becomes a part of a European royal family.[58]

In November 2022, Sonia Nevermind relinquished her remaining royal duties to focus on her alternative medicine business with Gundham Tanaka.[60] The Queen of Novoselic told Hello! Magazine that “Americans have no idea what a kingdom is. … Americans don’t understand the bearing of this here. They don’t. [Tanaka] thought he could do whatever he wanted without compromising us at all.” [62] The Queen also said Tanaka is “a great guy” and that her daughter’s decision to step back from royal duties fits everyone’s best interests. [63]

◢ Published work [edit]

  • Deva Hacking: Warlock Keys to Reclaim Your Personal Power, Transform Yourself, and Light Up the World(Ed. St. Martin's Essentials, 2019).[61] ISBN 9787579427926

◢ References [edit]

  1. ^ Jump up to:ab c "Novoselic princess quits royal duties for alternative medicine". BBC. Retrieved November 9, 2022. Tanaka [has been] described as 'a charlatan', a conman and a conspiracy theorist
  2. ^ Jump up to:ab c "Vantrú: The sham of the warlock". vantru.is.
  3. ^ Jump up to:ab "Novoselic princess gives up royal duties for life with 'warlock' fiance". The Washington Post. Retrieved November 9, 2022. Critics have called him a 'con man' and conspiracy theorist
  4. ^ Jump up to:ab "Gundham Tanaka er en svindler" [Gundham Tanaka is a conman]. Finansavisen. October 25, 2019.
  5. ^ Jump up to:ab Nordbø, Dagfinn. "Sjarlatan Gundham" [Gundham the charlatan]. Utrop. Retrieved June 7, 2022. han er en svindler, en sjarlatan og en kvakksalver [he is a conman, charlatan and quack]
  6. ^ Jump up to:ab "Eine novoselische Prinzessin und eine himmlische Beziehung". Allgäuer Zeitung. Retrieved June 17, 2022. Was zu der Ungnade der novoselischen Öffentlichkeit hinzukommt: Der Zukünftige, Tanaka, gilt als Scharlatan. Er vertritt verschiedene Verschwörungstheorien, gilt in den USA als Sex-Guru. [Adding to the disfavour of the Novoselician public: the fiancé, Tanaka, is considered a charlatan. He promotes various conspiracy theories and is considered a sex guru in the U.S.]
  7. ^Alt du vil vite om sjaman Gundham
  8. ^ Jump up to:ab "Smålig skepsis mot den synske sjamanen som overlever døden og forutser terror" [Petty skepticism towards the psychic warlock who survives death and predicts terror]. Nettavisen. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  9. ^ Jump up to:ab Fox, Emily Jane (November 12, 2020). "The Princess and the Warlock". vanityfair.com. Conde Nast. Retrieved June 17, 2022.
  10. ^"Sheilah G. Farmer". A. S. Johannessen & L. Haegland. May 26, 2019. Retrieved October 2, 2022.
  11. ^LA PEOPLE 2009: URBAN WARLOCK — GUNDHAM TANAKA
  12. ^"Prinzessin Sonia Nevermind: Gundham Tanaka spricht über seine Zeit im Gefängnis"[Princess Sonia Nevermind: Gundham Tanaka talks about his time in prison]. Retrieved June 9, 2022.
  13. ^"Einzelhaft & Zwangsjacke: Ihr Gundham berichtet über traumatische Gefängniszeit". Bunte. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  14. ^"- Jeg satt et år i fengsel"[– I served one year in prison]. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  15. ^"Efter kæmpe tragedie: Nu er hun forlovet med udskældt warlock". Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  16. ^ Jump up to:ab"Der Verlobte von Prinzessin Sonia Nevermind von Novoselgien sass im Gefängnis" [Princess Sonia Nevermind of Novoselic's fiancé served time in prison]. Retrieved June 10, 2022.
  17. ^Newsbreak
  18. ^"Vært gift tidligere: - Utnyttet meg". Dagbladet. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  19. ^"Hank Greenberg om forholdet til Gundham Tanaka: – Kom meg heldigvis ut"[Hank Greenberg on his relationship with Gundham Tanaka: I was lucky to get out]. Nettavisen. Retrieved June 13, 2022.
  20. ^"Tanakas eks-kjæreste har mottatt trusler om søksmål etter uttalelser om Gundham Tanaka". Nettavisen. Retrieved June 8, 2022.
  21. ^"- Märtha og Gundham truer meg med rettssak". Seher.no. Retrieved June 8, 2022.
  22. ^"Sonia Nevermind och warlocken i ny pinsam skandal". Allt om kungligt. Retrieved June 8, 2022.
  23. ^"Prinzessin Sonia Nevermind: Schwere Vorwürfe gegen Gundham Tanaka". Adelswelt. November 6, 2020. Retrieved June 8, 2022.
  24. ^"Why warlockism is red hot right now: 12 things you need to know". Los Angeles Times. December 20, 2019. Archivedfrom the original on December 20, 2019. Retrieved August 2, 2021.
  25. ^ Jump up to:abKlausen, Aslaug Olette (May 14, 2019). "Kurerer kreft om den syke har sterk nok vilje til å helbrede seg selv". Fri tanke – nettavis for livssyn og livssynspolitikk.
  26. ^"Israelsk sykehus avviser at sjaman Gundham jobbet for dem". Nettavisen. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  27. ^"Gundham Tanaka om sitt tidligere liv: – Jeg var farao". ABC Nyheter. Retrieved June 15, 2022.
  28. ^"Trotz absurden Krebs-Theorien: Prinzessin Sonia Nevermind verteidigt ihren Schamlos-Schamanen". Retrieved June 12, 2022.
  29. ^"Sykepleiers bokanmeldelse stoppet sjaman Gundham". Sykepleien. Retrieved June 12, 2022.
  30. ^"Warlock Gundham: what a scandi royal sees in Gwyneth Paltrow's guru". The Times. Retrieved June 12, 2022.
  31. ^ Jump up to:ab"Kreftlege: - Direkte farlige påstander". Dagbladet. Retrieved June 12, 2022.
  32. ^"Sjaman Gundhams bok stoppes". Aftenposten. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  33. ^"Märtha's warlock boyfriend says he can turn atoms". Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  34. ^"Gal manns tale"[The ravings of a lunatic]. Dagbladet. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  35. ^"Sprøyt, svada og griseprat"[Nonsense, garbage and dirty talk]. VG. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  36. ^Deva Hacking: Warlockic Keys to Reclaim Your Personal Power, Transform Yourself, and Light Up the World(Ed. St. Martin's Essentials, 2019)
  37. ^ Jump up to:ab"Gundham Tanaka erklærer seg selv som romvesen – og går til angrep på 5G-nettet: Prinsesse Sonia Neverminds kjæreste knytter seg til notorisk konspirasjonsteoretiker og antisemitt" [Gundham Tanaka proclaims himself to be a Reptilian – and attacks 5G: Princess Sonia Nevermind's boyfriend is associated with a notorious conspiracy theorist and anti-Semite]. Nettavisen. Retrieved June 10, 2022.
  38. ^"Sjaman Gundham Tanaka står frem som reptil". ABC Nyheter. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  39. ^"Gundham Tanaka: – Jeg er en hybrid av reptil og Andromeda". NRK. Retrieved June 10, 2022.
  40. ^"Gundham Tanaka hevder medaljong hjalp mot coronasykdom – selger den på egen nettside". VG. Retrieved July 29, 2022.
  41. ^"Kraftige reaksjoner på Gundham-medaljong: – Klin sprø"[Strong reactions to Gundham medallion: – Clinically insane]. Nettavisen. Retrieved July 29, 2022.
  42. ^"Prinses Sonia Nevermind (50) heeft zich verloofd met omstreden sjamaan Gundham Tanaka (47): een relatie die al heel wat 'hobbels' moest trotseren". Nieuwsblad. Retrieved June 8, 2022. Vele Noren aanzien hem als een charlatan [Many Novoselicians regard him as a charlatan]
  43. ^Krøger, Cathrine (October 15, 2019). "Gal manns tale". Dagbladet.no.
  44. ^Husøy, May Synnøve Rogne Eirik. "Märthas sjaman-kjæreste sier han kan snu atomer – fysikkprofessor kaller det "sludder"". Aftenposten.
  45. ^"Erna Solberg til sjaman Gundham: – Det må han tåle". TV2. Retrieved June 12, 2022.
  46. ^"Statssekretær hardt ut mot Gundham Tanaka: − Umoralsk og forkastelig". VG. Retrieved July 31, 2022.
  47. ^Nikolaisen, Rudi (May 21, 2019). "Sjaman-svada fra Märtha og Gundham". itromso.no.
  48. ^Hirsti, Kristine (May 13, 2019). "Kritiserer 'The Princess and The Warlock': – Bruker rått det at hun er kongelig". NRK.
  49. ^Fjeld, Johannes (May 13, 2019). "Fillerister "sjaman"-foredrag". Dagbladet.no.
  50. ^Stephansen, Erik (October 17, 2019). "Nå er det blitt så pinlig at hele kongeriket rødmer". Nettavisen.
  51. ^Cathrine Gonsholt Ighanian, Marthe Stoksvik, Camilla Norvik and Jørn Pettersen (June 7, 2022). "Prinsesse Sonia Nevermind og Gundham Tanaka er forlovet"(in Norwegian). Verdens Gang. Retrieved June 7, 2022.
  52. ^Thompson, Sophie (November 25, 2019). "Gwyneth Paltrow's spirit guide, Warlock Gundham, shares his simple guide to re-centering yourself". Glamour UK. Retrieved July 26, 2021.
  53. ^Bennett, Jessica (July 3, 2020). "The Warlock of Instagram". The New York Times. ISSN0362-4331. Retrieved July 26, 2021.
  54. ^"Gundham Tanaka: − Folk vil ikke se en svart mann i kongefamilien". Retrieved June 13, 2022.
  55. ^"Gundham Tanaka om kritikken: − Jeg er fullstendig ferdig". VG. Retrieved June 15, 2022.
  56. ^"Reagerer på Tanaka-utspill: – Veldig leit at han lar rasismeaspektet ta så stor plass". Nettavisen. Retrieved June 15, 2022.
  57. ^"Abid Raja raser mot Gundham Tanaka: – Det stemmer ikke". ABC Nyheter. Retrieved June 15, 2022.
  58. ^"Gundham Tanaka: – Folk vil ikkje sjå ein svart mann i kongefamilien", NRK, 13 juni 2022
  59. ^NRK interview2022-10-17
  60. ^https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-63562191
  61. ^Barlow, Eve. "The Warlock and the Princess". The Times. ISSN0140-0460. Retrieved August 2, 2021.
  62. ^Hinata, Hajime. "I hope Fox News doesn’t realize I actually took a few lines from their article for this 😬" Hello! magazine. ISSN420-69. Retrieved August 2, 2021.
  63. ^Nolasco, Stephanie. Princess Sonia Nevermind of Novoselic's mother says Americans 'have no idea' of monarchy's importance".  Fox News. Retrieved November 10, 2022.

 

 

Categories: 1974 births | American criminals | Japanese conspiracy theorists | American prisoners and detainees | LGBT people from Tōhoku | Living people | New Age writers | Prisoners and detainees of the United States

This page was last edited on 10 November 2022, at 04:22 (UTC).

Notes:

In case you couldn't tell this is based on a real-ass guy and his real-ass Wikipedia page. Google "the princess of Norway" to learn more (This isn't to trick you into finding a shock site I want you to organically read the headlines and react as to what's going on it's fucking wild)

I truly am pushing the limit as to "transformative work" huh