Chapter Text
Lucy loved Fridays. Friday meant sunset dinners and date nights. It meant cruising through the city, walks along their favorite trails with fingers laced together, or being tucked away in a booth at a restaurant engulfed in conversations that often felt more like foreplay than simple intellectual challenges. Friday meant long nights enjoying what happened after neither could take anymore foreplay. Friday was Lucy’s favorite day because it brought her home to Kate with the possibility of nothing but being immersed in her girlfriend for the weekend. That particular Friday meant wine and a dip in the hot tub. Lucy could barely control her laughter as she watched Kate haphazardly reach for the nearly empty bottle of wine. They were enjoying the hot tub on the balcony of their apartment on a cozy night. The couple was still in domestic bliss after moving in together and taking advantage of the beautiful evening. After a few glasses of wine and time exploring each other throughout the apartment, they ended up in the water, feeling quite tipsy and giggly.
“I still can't believe you got me in this thing. What is in this wine?” teased Lucy before taking another sip.
“Don’t you mean finally got you in this thing? I’ll have to thank Jesse for getting the cheap stuff.”
“I told him he didn’t have to get us anything for a housewarming gift but Heather wouldn’t let him hear the end of it if he didn’t. Hence, the cheapest wine he could find on the go,” said Lucy with a giggle. She noticed the way Kate was staring at her in the way that always made her blush under her gaze.
“What?” asked Lucy. Kate pulled her into her lap as the jets swirled water around them and the steam rolled off of it like waves. The music playing in the background mixed in with the sounds of the ocean in the distance to create a serene ambiance as Kate’s thumb stroked her cheek.
“I can't believe how lucky I am to have you,” confessed Kate. Lucy’s eyes locked with hers as her heart fluttered in the way only Kate could make it. In moments like that, she knew she wanted her forever and that moving in together was a big step toward making that a reality.
“I love you so much. I’m definitely the lucky one,” assured Lucy before closing the distance between them to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. The rest of the world faded into the background as they got lost in one another again. Lucy had experienced many blissful nights with her girlfriend, but none as blissful as the ones she got to spend with her in their home. To her, moments like that were perfect.
Jane was on high alert as she parked her car in the parking garage that was pinged on her phone. It wasn’t every day someone called her with such eerie instructions and even less likely that she would follow them, but when Diana Bardot asked to meet with someone, she left very little room for it to be seen as a request instead of an order. The statuesque woman was leaning against her car in her designer dark grey dress and black heels. Everything about her demeanor reminded Jane of Kate when the former DIA officer first arrived. She didn’t know much about Bardot back in those days but could tell how much of Kate’s mentor rubbed off on her.
“Deputy Director Bardot, what brings you to the islands? Kate didn’t tell us you were in town.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not here on vacation. It’s business. I personally wanted to handle it due to its sensitive nature.” Jane eyed her cautiously.
“What’s this about?”
“You know, Tennant, when Kate told me she had chosen to stay in Honolulu for good, I was surprised. I’ve watched her throughout her career and the moves she was making were impressive. Then, she came here, and apparently, whatever…or shall I say…whoever she found, made her reconsider her career path and choices. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about that. She is my protégé, after all, and I was worried about the path she was going down, but stayed out of it, until now.”
“Until now?” Diana opened the briefcase on the hood of her car.
“My team intercepted leaked intel that originated from the State Department.”
“What kind of intel?”
“The kind that if known by your agency, would’ve revealed a red flag and raised a lot of questions about vetting procedures. The leak exposes an old alias that may be of interest to you,” informed Diana as she held a folder out to Jane. The uneasiness in Jane’s stomach returned as she grabbed the folder and opened it. Her body went numb and brain stopped processing everything overloading it as she stared at the picture. Suddenly, the puzzle pieces started to make sense in ways that fit better when rearranged and studied from a different angle.
“I’m sorry, especially after everything that happened with Shaw. It’s a tough break.”
“How did you get this?”
“My team was looking into a case and our cyber intelligence specialist stumbled upon a previously classified piece of intel. Looks like her agency is burning her and it confirms what we’ve all known for a while. The State Department is playing on American soil in ways it assures us it is not. I figured you would like a heads up and to look into the matter yourself. If it was one of mine, I know I would.” Jane numbly nodded and turned to leave, but turned back around when Bardot called to her.
“Jane, you know the rumors about how leaks work with them. Whatever feelings you may have right now, just keep that in mind.” Jane nodded again before heading back to her car with the picture in hand. As soon as she was inside, she stared at the picture of Lucy. She was wearing a wig and her face was partially covered, but she could see her junior special agent through all of it. Lucy Tara worked for the CIA and she had no clue how to process that information.
The next day, when Tennant texted Lucy and requested for her to come in on a Saturday they were all told they would have off, Lucy was confused but didn’t think much of it. They just finished up a case that had more paperwork than any of them wanted to do, so she figured her boss wanted her to get a head start. She snuggled up to her girlfriend as long as she could before getting out of bed and leaving Kate to her sleep. The bullpen was still dark when she arrived on base and the only lights on were in Tennant’s office. Lucy gulped as she noticed Jane’s stiff demeanor. The special agent in charge was sitting at her desk, seemingly waiting on her to arrive on that early morning. Lucy gave a small smile and looked around.
“Where is everyone else? Everything okay?”
“Have a seat.” Lucy slowly nodded as she sat down across from her boss.
“Kind of feels like getting called into the principal’s office,” she tried to joke, but Tennant didn’t smile. Instead, she sat back in her chair and eyed her carefully.
“How did you get so much training before you even arrived on base?”
“I didn’t. I’m just a fast learner, been that way since I was a flyer.”
“Cheerleading and hand-to-hand combat are very different.”
“You must’ve never been to a high school football game in Texas.” She gulped when Tennant didn’t even crack a smile.
“You’re very good at that. I’ve never really noticed. Then too, I didn’t really need to, did I?”
“Good at what?”
“Saying a lot without saying anything at all, it’s a neat trick. It allows you to be charming, come off as social, approachable without giving up a single piece of relevant information. It keeps people from getting to know you.” Lucy frowned.
“You know me.”
“No, Lucy, I don’t. I know you come from oil money. I know you have a sister and two brothers and that you were a cheerleader in Texas throughout high school, but that’s about it. Oh, and you hate the water. Am I missing anything?”
“What’s going on? Did I do something wrong on the case?” Jane picked up the folder and slid it across the table to Lucy.
“Not on this one, no,” said Jane as she watched Lucy closely. The petite brunette opened the folder and gulped when she saw the picture. It was taken a year before she joined the team during a mission on the mainland.
“I can explain this,” she assured.
“Why were you sent, Lucy?”
“Tennant…”
“And if you lie to me one more time, it will be the last lie you tell with that badge on,” warned Jane. Lucy sighed in resignation and gave a small nod.
“For Shaw. I was sent for Shaw.”
“Of course this has something to do with Maggie. It seems most of the things that have gone wrong lately do. Why?”
“We knew she was rogue and couldn’t exactly tie her to Bao, but we knew she had secrets, access, and resources that could do a lot of harm in the wrong hands, like MSS.”
“So from the beginning, you were here to run a job on me?”
“To run a job on her. Shaw was in the wind. She was one of the best, you know that, and only found if she wanted to be found, so we had to wait for her to resurface and take her down for the crimes she committed.”
“So I was the bait.”
“It wasn’t my call to make. You know how this works. I was just following orders, but I couldn’t anymore. Tennant, I chose you and this team. I chose you and…” Tears filled Lucy’s eyes and Jane crossed her arms.
“And Kate, right? She have any idea who you really are?”
“I’m still me.”
“No, Lucy, you’re a spy who was sent here to use me, this team, and our lives in some sort of chess match with Maggie, a chess match that almost cost me my job.”
“I would’ve never let that happen. I told Carter that was part of the deal.”
“Carter? Hayes is behind this? I’d heard he’d gotten his claws into the brass and was running things behind the scenes. I never approved of his tactics and am surprised the brass allows him to use them in the first place, especially for interagency warfare. I didn’t know him well during my time there. He was a recruiter back then and joined after I did.”
“He recruited me and assigned me to the mission, but we had an understanding once I realized that this is where I wanted to be. I would finish exposing Shaw and complete this last mission before staying on with the team. I expose Shaw and you get cleared of any wrongdoing on her part. The investigation was a technicality.”
“Well aren't I special,” mumbled Jane as she shook her head in disbelief.
“Maggie was the best of us. She was a legend and she betrayed not only the agency but her country. The worst part was that she was getting away with it. Carter knew she was up to something, but she always covered her tracks well. We tried other tactics and using this one was a last resort, but we couldn’t let her keep feeding intel to the Chinese government for her son.”
“So you used my team to do your dirty work for you?”
“We couldn’t get to her, but you could, even if you didn’t know that. I never meant to get so close to all of you in the process, but you showed me what it means to actually be a family, so after the Shaw case, I told Carter I was done. He didn’t like it, but I thought he accepted it until now. How did you find out?”
“You need to tell Kate or I will.”
“Tennant…”
“Special Agent Tara, you are suspended indefinitely until I figure out a way to handle this mess without it blowing back on the team. I’ll tell them why you’re gone. You need to remove yourself from this base immediately.”
“Jane…”
“I’ll give you a chance to tell Kate yourself before I tell the team. I suggest you take it. You’ve done enough damage. The least you can do is make sure she hears it from you.” Lucy wanted to protest. She wanted to explain why telling the team wasn’t necessary, why it was all in the past and behind them, but the look Tennant gave her said it all. It wasn’t a negotiation.
“Yes, ma’am,” she conceded as she stood up. She shoved her hands into her pockets as she spoke up again.
“I know you’re upset with me, but I need you to know that I chose this team because I believe in it. I believe in us and everything we do here. I’m sorry.” With that, she turned to leave and Jane pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. After Maggie Shaw, she vowed to never be in such a situation again. And yet, she found herself wondering who she could trust and who she had let into her home and family once again.
As Lucy tried to remain calm and focus on driving back to her apartment to speak to her girlfriend, her mind wandered back to the last time she saw her old boss. It was the last time she expected to ever see her mentor, especially after their last, very tense conversation. The last time she saw Carter, he could sense a change in her even over the phone and came to check in. She was jogging down her usual trail and spotted him passing by. He gave her a smirk and wink and she sprinted to catch up with him before slowing down to a jogging pace again beside him.
“Is this safe?” she wondered out loud as she looked around the brush and wooded area.
“Tennant is out of town. She’s the only one who could even potentially recognize me. So, give me an update. How is the case? Still no sign of Shaw since she visited?”
“No, are you sure she wouldn’t recognize me? I know we never worked together but…”
“I wouldn’t have put you on the case if simply seeing you would spook her. Relax, we’re playing the long game with this one,” he said as he slowed to a walking pace. She sighed and put her hands on her hips to catch her breath as she nodded.
“I know, sorry, I’m just…”
“You’re distracted. I can tell.”
“Am not,” she said even too quickly for her to truly believe it. He chuckled.
“Oh, you are definitely distracted. Alright, fess up, who is she?”
“No one.”
“Am I going to have to send Alexandria to dig into things or are you actually going to come clean?” She threw her hands up in exasperation.
“Fine, yes, I’m casually seeing someone. Nothing major, just something to pass the time and lately I don’t have the time so I’m a bit frustrated you know…sexually…” He scrunched up his nose at the comment.
“Okay, that’s enough of that.”
“Really? You sure? I could tell you about my menstrual cycle next, how we’ve synced up just after a few dates together.”
“Cute. Any updates on Shaw?”
“She may be back soon, seemed pretty comfortable coming and going.”
“Probably because she doesn’t think we would make a move with Tennant around and she’s right…technically.”
“Well, I’ll be waiting when she comes back.”
“I know you will. Remember, everything by the book on this one. Let NCIS take the lead, find the evidence, and get Shaw off the streets.”
“Understood.”
“Good and take this woman you’re seeing on a date soon. You seem stressed.”
“I’m working on it,” she called as he jogged away with a wave. She sighed in relief and took in a gulp of air. That was the first time she had ever lied to her mentor, but she feared it wouldn’t be the last time she would need to lie about her relationship with Kate Whistler.
Lucy shook her head as she thought about that day. She was stressed about trying to get Kate to go on a date with her and Carter being in town didn’t help. She decided to take his advice though and focus on finding a way to make the date happen. Kate made it clear she wasn’t interested in being seen out together and while Lucy was suspicious of her reasons, she was relieved it would give them both cover from prying eyes. She knew even back then that Kate was special to her and it scared her just how much, but as she pulled in front of the apartment she shared with her girlfriend, she was terrified to think about the conversation they needed to have. She took her time heading up to the home they made together and cursed when the elevator doors opened onto her floor. When she entered, Kate was in the kitchen humming along to one of their favorite playlists and cooking herself some breakfast. Her eyes lit up when she saw Lucy.
“Hey, I thought you had to go in. Done already?” Lucy captured her lips in a dizzying kiss full of all the love, passion, and devotion she felt for the woman she wanted to spend her life with forever. Kate melted into her embrace and moaned as Lucy wrapped her securely in her arms to press closer and kiss deeper. She nuzzled Kate’s neck and peppered kisses along it as the blonde leaned into her touch, but sighed.
“What’s wrong?” asked Kate. Lucy swallowed hard.
“How do you know something is wrong?”
“Because you’re kissing me like you’re trying to forget something.” Lucy shook her head in disbelief as she thought about the situation she found herself in.
“It amazes me how well you know me even when I fight like hell to hide from you,” she confessed. Kate’s forehead was etched with concern and she ran a hand through Lucy’s hair as their eyes locked.
“Luce, what is it?” Lucy looked down and took in a shaky breath as she tried to find her resolve.
“Tennant called me in to talk about something and I want to talk to you about it too,” she admitted as she sat down on a stool. Kate slowly nodded.
“Okay, what’s up?” Lucy took in a deep breath and tried to find the words. She had rehearsed them more times than she could even count over the months since they reconciled in the backyard of Jane’s home. The words always seemed easier in her mind than out loud.
“There’s something you need to know about me, about my past. It shouldn’t be an issue anymore. I thought it was handled, but Tennant just found out and I’m worried that trouble could be coming if she was able to find out something like that.”
“Something like what?” questioned Kate as she sat down beside her.
“Kate, I haven’t been completely honest with you. I wasn’t assigned to the Pearl Team by coincidence. It was intentional.”
“Okay,” said Kate as she slowly nodded.
“My boss made sure I was assigned to Tennant’s team. It was the only way I could get close enough to keep tabs on Shaw,” she confessed. Kate frowned in confusion.
“What do you mean keep tabs and who was your boss? Lucy, what are you talking about?”
“You asked me before why I felt so connected to Tennant. Well, the reason is she feels kind of like a kindred spirit, especially since we both started off the same way.”
“The same way? With NCIS? No, Jane started with the…” Kate stopped midsentence as realization dawned on her. Lucy sighed and nodded the moment it did.
“I know, baby.”
“That’s…that’s not possible.”
“I was assigned before we even met and had been working with the team before I saw you at that bar. Shaw was rogue, she was a very big threat to everyone around her and there were suspicions about her ties to Bao, but no one could prove it.”
“Lucy, what the hell are you saying?”
“I’m saying I was sent here to make sure she didn’t get away with it, to make sure Shaw didn’t get away with harming people.”
“You’re CIA?”
“Was CIA, not anymore. I knew I didn’t want that life anymore and I’ve been done with it ever since we caught Shaw. I chose to stay in Hawai’i, I chose to stay with you,” she explained as she reached out for her hand, but Kate stood up as she shook her head.
“No, no, no, that’s not possible. I vetted you. Tennant vetted you.”
“I expected to be vetted by both of you. Tennant first and then you when I realized you were DIA. I know this is a lot to take in, but I chose you. My old boss, he hated it, he even threatened to come get me, but he knew doing so would blow my cover. Something must’ve changed. I don’t understand. I had a feeling when I thought my house was being watched but…”
“Whoa, wait, hold on, you thought your house was being surveilled?”
“Yes, but…”
“Is that why you had to move? Is that why you moved in here? To hide out from someone?”
“What? No! I…”
“You gave me so much crap for talking about it being financially responsible, but you were only moving in because you were worried someone was after you and…”
“I was worried they were after you!” Tears filled Kate’s eyes as Lucy let out a sob and continued.
“I was worried they would target you to get to me. You aren't the only one who never expected to find love, Kate. When I took this mission, it was pretty simple, but meeting you at that bar complicated everything for me. I’ve never been one to believe in fate, but meeting you changed all of that. For months after you started with the DIA, I was terrified you either already knew who I was or would find out.”
“You mean the whole time you were telling me to open up and not hide myself from you. Do you realize how hypocritical that is?”
“I meant all of it and it isn’t the same. Yes, I hid my past from you, but I didn’t have someone else ready to hop on a plane to show up at my door, like Cara.”
“No, you just had an entire agency ready to do that for you, right?”
“Kate, I love you. I left that world behind because being with you and being here with this team showed me that I didn’t have to be under Carter’s control to be an agent and help people. You have to believe me. I love you,” assured Lucy as she took a step closer to her, but Kate took one back. Lucy could feel her heart breaking right then and there as it felt like a warped sense of déjà vu. In the bullpen all those months ago, she had taken a step back from Kate, trying to create the distance she assured herself she needed to keep the woman she loved safe and the cover she’d fought like hell to protect. Now, as Kate looked at her with heartbreak and distrust in her eyes, Lucy felt the weight of their past decisions crushing them both once again.
“Kate…”
“I didn’t get it that night. I didn’t get how betrayed you must’ve felt and how much it must’ve hurt to put yourself out there for someone, to be fully vulnerable, and have them not be the person you’d fallen for…”
“Please don’t do this.”
“…but I get it now. I’ve spent so much time trying to be good enough for you, open enough, vulnerable enough, and the entire time, you had no intention of ever being that for me,” cried Kate.
“That’s not true.”
“And what could you possibly know about the truth? I made a mistake with Cara. I should’ve told her the truth and made our breakup official instead of running from you both, but that whole time you were assuring me secrets were a deal breaker, you had plenty you never looked in the mirror long enough to tell me about.” Kate shook her head in disbelief and angrily wiped away her tears as the truth sunk in. She headed for the door and Lucy rushed after her.
“Where are you going?”
“None of your business, Lucy! I guess I finally get it now. This is what it feels like when someone isn’t a bet worth taking anymore.” Kate stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door. The sound of the slam and silence that followed were deafening. Lucy wrapped her arms tightly around herself to keep from falling apart. Her worst nightmare was coming true and the world she built for herself, the relationships she cherished and people she loved, were finding out the secret that she always feared would come back to haunt her. She gritted her teeth in anger and paced back and forth as she tried to weigh her options. Lucy was very good at staying ahead of problems and she was dumbfounded by how she managed to get blindsided by such a big one. After taking a moment to collect her thoughts, she headed out of the apartment and down to the parking lot. She knew Kate’s usual spot beside her would be empty and her girlfriend was long gone by the time she got down there. She got into her car and immediately reached under the steering wheel for a small compartment between the floor and the dashboard. It was where she kept an emergency burner phone, one she hoped she would never have to use. She dialed a number and wasn’t surprised when her old mentor and handler immediately picked up.
“Well look who has finally come to her senses.”
“What have you done?” she practically growled.
“Today? Made sure to eliminate yet another threat to our country, you? Done playing cops and robbers and ready to get back to work?”
“You really want to play dumb with me right now? We had an agreement! I get you Shaw and you leave me the hell alone!”
“Our agreement was that you get me Shaw and I take the heat off of Tennant, which I did. Everything else always remained on the table until I said it didn’t anymore, including your usefulness to this agency, but what’s your point?”
“You burned me,” she said in disbelief as the reality of the situation set in. Both were quiet for a moment before he spoke up again.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know, I was always told to watch my back around you. That you had a reputation for using people and exploiting them, but I never wanted to believe it. I can't believe you did this after everything I’ve done for you!”
“Done for me? I taught you everything you know!”
“And you used it to betray me!”
“Oh, you want to talk about betrayal? Fine, let’s talk about it. You really think you could just walk away and that your past would never come back to haunt you? I taught you better than that. This was bound to happen once you decided to choose them over us.”
“You son of a bitch, I did everything you’ve ever asked of me and…”
“I warned you about this, Lucy! You are only safe within these walls and I won’t protect you outside of them. Once you chose to stay with their team and defect from ours, there are only so many obstacles I was willing to go through to protect you. So, how about you come back where you belong? I can smooth over any feathers you may have ruffled in your absence.”
“I’m starting to see what Shaw meant about you. We’re all just pieces in whatever chess match you need to play.”
“Shaw was a treasonous traitor who deserved everything she got. You, on the other hand, still have an opportunity to make amends. Come home, Lucy.”
“You’re out of your mind if you think that will ever happen. I’m not the only one who can be burned, Carter. You want to ruin my life? I will stop at nothing to return the favor.”
“Don’t make threats you can't keep.”
“Oh, I can keep them. You of all people should know that. After all, you taught me well. You may have started this, but I’ll be sure to tell you how it ends.”
“You really don’t want to poke this particular bear,” he warned.
“You already did.” She quickly hung up and tossed the phone aside before placing her face in her hands. She had a feeling her world would crumble the moment she had everything she wanted, and yet nothing could have prepared her for the pain.