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crunchy chip cookie gets top surgery

Summary:

it’s all in the title boys

Notes:

i know spamtons typing quirk thing is wrong but i am eepy

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

one day in the Hollyberry kingdom wildberry and crunchy chip were passionately making out when crunchy chip was like “man fuck titties. wildberry can you drive me to the nearest hospital im getting these fuckers obliterated.” and wildberry was like “ok.”

on the road they see a dead raccoon and crunchy chip starts crying because he likes raccoons. then wildberry turns on cavetown (trans people music) and crunchy starts terribly singing along to devil town. crunchy chip would always remember that raccoon. that sweet, very dead raccoon. and then they hit something with their car and wildberry is like “oh shit please don’t be a person i do not want to be arrested for vehicular manslaughter today thanks.” they get out of the car. herb cookie is laying on the ground bleeding. “ew it’s the fucking hoo hoo man let’s dip.” says crunchy chip. wildberry agrees. they run him over again for good measure. 

they drive some more until they hear sirens and wildberry drives the car into a ravine because they’ll be harder to find on foot. then they run into SPAMTON G. SPAMTON from [DELTARUNE] 

“HEY-HE Y HEY GAY PEOPLE wanna join my sweepstakes for a free [top surgery]?”

They agree and join the sweepstakes because they spent all their money on sweaters for the cream wolves. SPAMTON G. SPAMTON from the hit indie game [DELTARUNE] then gets in their abandoned car and drives away.

“well uh we’re probably never getting that back. ooh look a banana. potassium.” says wildberry. they share the banana. 

they walk some more until they find the hospital and then walk in. “hi gay nerds what can I do for you today?” says dr bones cookie.

“im getting my tiddies eradicated off the face of the earth.” says crunchy chip. “also I probably need to be vaccinated for rabies.”

“ok just come into this room and uhh we’ll get that taken care of.”

crunchy chip leaves and wildberry sits awkwardly in the waiting room. he calls his mom to come pick them up because SPAMTON G. SPAMTON from the hit indie game [DELTARUNE] stole their car. also, in the likely case they do not get that free top surgery, hollyberry is a very fast driver. in the meanwhile though he goes to chick fil a out of spite as it’s just down the street from the hospital.

after crunchy chip gets his top surgeried sans cookie hands him the bill. “jesus christ on a bike.” says crunchy, as the american healthcare system sucks ass. “that’s cool but u still gotta pay it gay nerd.”

crunchy disregards this and instead jumps out a window onto a conveniently placed mattress. sans cookie shakes his fist at him as he runs away cutely. hollyberry pulls up to the curb with wildberry already in the back seat and they drive away as fast as possible. as crunchy eats his chicken nuggets he stares out the window and contemplates life. they hit herb cookie again and hollyberry flips him off. just as they’re about to get to the hollyberry kingdom they run over something again.

“jesus fuck mom you suck at driving.” says wildberry. hollyberry gives him a Mom Look and wildberry shuts up. they get out of the car to see SPAMTON G. SPAMTON from the hit indie game [DELTARUNE] laying on the ground, bleeding and sopping wet with milk. “what the fuck is that the sweepstakes guy?” says crunchy chip. “why is he covered in milk.”

SPAMTON G. SPAMTON from the hit indie game [DELTARUNE] jumps up, shaking off the broken bones. “HEY-HE Y HEY Aren’t You That Little [GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY] Boy From Earlier? Well Do I Have News For You! You Won My Very Cool And Legitimate Sweepstakes!”

they all exchange a look. “uhh a little late for that buddy. anyway um why are you covered in milk?”

“Well You See I Was Kidnapped And Then I Had Milk Poured On Top Of Me And Then I Was Hit Against A Wall Repeatedly.”

“and you’re just… okay with this?”

“Yes.”

“haha ok then well uh i gotta go. eat my lawn. wildberry get in the car.”

they drive away as fast as possible, leaving SPAMTON G. SPAMTON from the hit indie game [DELTARUNE] standing in the road, bleeding and still dripping with milk.

then they go home and have gay sex I guess idk the end

 

 

Notes:

i hate herb cookie 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮