Chapter Text
Dear MC,
I didn’t understand it when I was younger. Why people would cheat, that is. It was demonic. A crime worthy of punishments belonging to the same ungodly calibre of the action itself. That was until it happened to me. So by now I’m sure that you understand where I’m going with this. It hurts me to write you something like this, but I’m left with no choice. I can’t possibly bear to face you right now knowing that his hands have rested where mine are second to discover.
Even in our formative years, Lucifer had the tendency to be arrogant in nature. In the Celestial Realm he was often overly-competitive and blunt for the sake of concealing his own vulnerability. At times his focus seemed to be solely engineered on the art of winning and upstaging everyone around him, including myself.
Though subtle, he and I have always had our little competitions from time to time. And in good old Lucifer fashion, there was never a time where he was on the receiving end of a century long losing streak.
For Instance, by the time he was 7 he was able to flawlessly play any tune on the piano after listening to the melody just once. And when he was only 200 he had completely mastered his angelic abilities. That was a whole 150 years before even Micheal was able to dream of accomplishing such a feat. He made it his life’s goal to be better than everyone in his life, and he did it all with a stolid face.
During the nighttime he purposefully avoided being seen near us brothers under any circumstance where our closeness was unnecessary. Yet as soon as the sun had risen, he'd become a ruthless dictator, reprimanding anyone who’s beliefs diverged from his own. But back then, he was said to have done it out of love. A deep desire to see his brothers do exceedingly well no matter the task or trial.
He even said it himself. “Belphegor, I know it seems unlikely… but I will always be there for you. Even when you’re at your lowest, remember this: You can always look to me whenever you feel like the world has turned its back against you. Because I’ll always be right behind you.” And in those days I believed him. But in reality, he was always just one step ahead.
I wanted his words to be true more than anyone else, but now I realise that they were all lies and empty promises. To this day, he continues to deceive me and everyone around him, because when it comes down to it, he’ll do whatever it takes to keep anyone other than himself from winning. For centuries it was the same principle each and everyday; whatever he wanted, he made sure that no one would stand in his way of achieving.
But when you came, there was finally something that I had which he couldn’t. I didn’t love you because I knew that Lucifer did as well. Nor did I manipulate you into believing that what you felt towards me was love. Somehow, you stumbled to me under your own will and softly pressed your lips against mine to let me know that from then on I was yours and that you were mine.
But still waters run deep, and if it was you who my brother’s heart desired the most, he would make it his only goal in life to steal you from me. Before, these were only intrusive thoughts. They were only unreasonable nightmares that would attempt to drown me in cold sweat before I could pull myself out of slumber. Though I had tried to silence the endless onslaught of thoughts and doubts in his mind, I was only successful in lowering their volume.
There were days when I’d watch as his fire for you grew wild and untameable. As difficult as it is for a demon to control their own desire, I watched him do it everyday. At breakfast I’d observe how his black leather gloves deliberately grazed the back of your hand before he had finally rested the silverware onto the placemat in front of you. After that, your entire demeanor changed. You were suddenly stiff and apprehensive, your teeth deeply sinking into the flesh of your bottom lip.
On other days, I’d watch him caress the back of your head and bring his face dangerously close to yours while drawing in your sweet scent. And at the same time you’d close your eyes and allow dark patches of pink to spread across your face. That was when I knew you were slipping into his grasp. And all along I never acted because I didn’t want to lose you to my unreasonable insecurities.
Greater still, I didn’t think that Lucifer was the type to do what he did. It was unlikely that a secret romance of any degree would be going on between you two. He’s my brother after all. Even now when I try to justify my naivety, the pieces of the puzzle are there but the image they put together hurts me more than it should.
When I saw you and him… there… together… with his hands in your hair knowing that his eyes have beheld all the dips and grooves of your body that were meant for mine only, I knew it for sure. That night, I cried. For the very first time in a long time, I cried until my body begged for water to keep me from drying out. I continued to replay that scene in my mind over, and over, and over again. I can’t forget how he touched you. Even as I write this, it makes my heart ache as if I were nearing death.
I can still remember the smile he bore on his lips when he and I met eyes. How delighted he was to know that once again he beat me, and there was nothing I could do about it. Seeing your bare body bent over his office desk with your facial expression completely contorted by pleasure, told me everything I needed to know.
I love you, and I don’t want you to forget that. But I know that you don’t love me as much as I love you. As long as he’s my brother, there will always be something better for you than me. So at last, I give to him the only thing that I’ve ever loved, and that only thing that I will ever love. You.
With My Everything,
Belphegor