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What would be my next line again? What would be “correct” to say again?
You feel yourself tense as you zone back in. Madoka and Sayaka have been trying to get through your seemingly impenetrable barrier of thought, or more accurately, thoughtlessness. You apologize for zoning out, staring at Madoka. You feel your face heat up as she smiles at you.
While there is a lot I wanna say, the setting is wrong, is it not?
After school, just two people in the classroom. My head is getting all jumbled up…
You sit on the desk in front of Madoka as she takes a seat at her normal area. You try your best to help her with her math work without getting too close. It’s not doing much for either of you though, because Madoka is struggling to understand and your brain is struggling not to short circuit. Get yourself together, Homura! You can’t stop yourself from muttering about how cute her pout is, and, luckily for you, she doesn’t seem to hear it.
If I stabbed myself quickly, and strangled my throat– that’d be a big incident, would it not?
Before the special eyes of you, I am faintly trembling.
You can’t help yourself, stealing glances at Madoka as she struggles on the rink. You’re at her side almost immediately, helping her off, and out of her ice skates. She goes on and on about how well you’re able to skate though, and asks you to perform your routine for her. Your heart almost slams out of your chest, but who are you to say no? You hope she doesn’t notice how you fumble at every twist and turn, when she claps and cheers for you.
An orange light that sways in the lovely world.
I want to chat honestly with you.
I really want to chat honestly, but…
You think about all the possible ways you could confess to Madoka. You’re almost shocked she hasn’t caught on yet, because while you wouldn’t call yourself super obvious, it most definitely is not a secret. You also think about all the possible ways you could get outed before then. The idea scares you.
Since the signal that I’m out of time resounds–
“It’s nothing, I’ll see you tomorrow!”
So as to turn my back to run away
You walk home with Madoka. You feel so serene next to her, just walking comfortably in each other’s silences. You really want to tell her right here and now, no one else is around. But that’s exactly the problem. You don’t often get moments of silence like this, just the two of you simply being there. You figure it can wait a little longer.
“Really, it’s nothing,”
I look back, smiling, and make a silly face.
Was my respiration growing shaky? Was the way I walked correct again?
You seem to forget how to perform normal human functions when you’re around her, as of late. You’d say you aren’t quite sure what’s gotten into you, but you know exactly what the reason is. You, Akemi Homura, is the least competent person when it comes to hiding your feelings from yourself. You don’t even recognize your rosy cheeks when you look in the mirror nowadays.
Both my bright red face and my hot fingertips are like strangers, are they not?
With puppet strings that are easy to understand, the same words repeat.
Somehow, Mami managed to drag gather all five of you to the movie theater on Halloween to watch a scary movie together. Saying that the experience is better, or something like that. It’s not like you were even focused on the movie, not with the way Madoka gripped your hand like she was watching the world end. Her eyes were trained, completely zeroed in, her brows furrowed in frustration and fear. It was cute, but your palms were starting to sweat from the contact. You thanked the movie theater’s darkness for hiding how red your face was.
Rest your hands on the tops of my palms as you wish.
They just repeat.
I want to convey my thoughts to you.
I really want to convey my thoughts, but…
After the movie’s over, Sayaka and Kyoko head out early, and Mami manages to find herself distracted by the rest of the mall. That just leaves the two of youー you and Madokaー alone in the reception area. You want to tell her, you want to ask her out. Instead, the question that leaves your mouth instead asks her where she wants to go. You end up going on a shopping spree for the next hour and a half, but you don't mind as Madoka hauls you through several clothing stores. You're pretty sure you'd jump of a bridge if she asked you to.
I can’t say a line that’s not in the script.
What was my next line again? What would be "correct" for me to say again?
You help Madoka fold all the new clothes that you bought for her. She goes on and on about how she feels guilty for making you buy "all that", and it really is a lot, but you don't mind at all. You simply tell her she has nothing to be sorry for and continue folding. You're still mentally scolding yourself for not actually telling her how you feel earlier, but at least you get to spend time with her. If Madoka's noticed you've been making excuses just for the sake of being able to spend more time with her, she hasn't said anything. Actually, if she has noticed, you think you would explode, so you're thankful for the silence on that front.
While there is a lot that I wanna say, the setting is wrong, is it not?
"It's nothing, I'll see you tomorrow!"
When you arrive at school in the morning, which is always terribly early so you're the first one there, you decided to finally muster up enough courage to leave a note for Madoka. It's nothing extravagant, and you're pretty sure you forgot to put your name, but it's okay because you know her. You know she'll be there when the time comes.
So as to hide my fondness that overflowsー
So as to helplessly abide
You get there a little early, as to not make Madoka wait for you. That's bad manners, after all. You watch as all the other students file out of the school, even playing a game where you pick out all your friends from the crowd while you wait for Madoka to arrive. It's driving you insane, how all that anxiety makes your heart pitter-patter in your chest like your own personal maraca.
By this cruel plot that was already decided.
"Really, it's nothing,"
Eventually, you see Madoka making her way towards you. What surprises you is that she looks just about as nervous as you feel, considering you nearly shat yourself and went into cardiac arrest as soon as she came through the rooftop doors. A small bit of color returns to her face as soon as she sees you, and her expression relaxes into one that could almost be considered relief. She stops a few feet in front of you. Part of you hopes a sinkhole opens up under you and kills you instantly, but no such thing happens. Madoka fidgets with the hem of her skirt, her eyes determined to look everywhere but at you. "So.. uh... Homura. What did you want to talk about?" The words are almost too soft, and they take a moment to register in your mind. You feel yourself tremble a smidge. It's now or never, you suppose.
I look back, smiling, and make a silly face.
I make a silly face...
"I really like you, Madoka," The words tumble from your lips and you can't stop them. You hardly realize what you're saying until you look back up, your eyes meeting hers. They're a beautiful shade of light pink. Her bangs frame her face perfectly and she looks so pretty. The only thing that bothers you is the twist of your stomach when you see the expression of shock and confusion written all over her features.
.....
I want to chat honestly with you.
Madoka gives you a sympathetic look. The kind where your brows tilt and it makes you look a bit saddened. The kind you make when you see a bug that's drowning, or an animal in a shelter. And you know what it means. And then you know your answer.
I want to chat honestly with you...