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He did not realize it at first, that not missing people is something that should alarm him, sort of.
Junmyeon has met a lot of people all throughout his life. From elementary friends, high school buddies, and college constants, all of whom were from different walks of life. When he started working, he gained another set of friends. And then he moved on to the next work, and the next, and the next. In all of these workplaces, he had people surrounding him, flocking to him like pigeons would, when you are at the park and you have bread with you.
Might not be a good example, but it worked.
The thing is, whenever he leaves a stage of his life, people around him would tell him they’d miss him. In response, he’d say, “I’ll miss you, too” with a sad smile and empty heart. But after that, he does not give them much thought.
Out of sight, out of mind.
When he moved out of his parents house, he could go for weeks and months not talking to them, and it did not bother him one bit. The only reason he stayed in touch with them is his mother’s nagging. Just three days of not messaging them and she’d scold him. It wasn’t an issue for him though. He thought he was just too busy at work to remember.
It was only lately that he realized his little… problem.
His boyfriend, Yixing, went on a business trip to another town, one that required him to fly on a plane and stay there for a week.
"But I don't want to goooo," Yixing pouted like a child. He even stomped his foot for good measure. Junmyeon's eyes turned into tiny crescent moons as he laughed while patting his boyfriend's chest.
"Babe, it's just a week. You won't miss me that much."
"Nope, I will. I miss you every day even when we wake up next to each other. I miss you when I'm at work, I miss you when I drive from work to home." He squeezes Junmyeon's cheeks between his hands. "I even miss you even if you're just a room away!"
That is something he could not understand. How can Yixing miss him all the time when the only time they aren't together is when they both go to work? He can only shake his head.
"I promise, one week will be quick. Get busy and you won't notice my absence." He gave Yixing a reassuring smile and pecked his cheek.
There was a loud honk from the outside. Once again, Yixing stomped his foot one, two, three times. He is so cute, Junmyeon wanted to keep him in his pocket.
Yixing pulled his luggage outside the door where Jongin's car was waiting. Junmyeon followed him outside to greet his boyfriend's co-workers.
"Hey!" he greeted them all at once. Jongin just got out of the driver's seat while Chanyeol and Sehun helped Yixing put his bag in the trunk.
"Hey Junmyeon," Jongin greeted him back. Both Chanyeol and Sehun wordlessly waved at him.
He watched as the boys pulled Yixing away from his side and playfully pushed him against the car door, while the said man was whining and reaching out for Junmyeon. "Myeonnieee."
"Say goodbye, Yixing," Chanyeol grinned.
"Nooo I don't want to. Please leave without me, please!" he begged and everyone was laughing. If anyone were to pass by, they'd think Yixing is being kidnapped.
Jun shook his head and stepped towards Yixing. Chanyeol and Sehun let go of Yixing and allowed him to get closer to his boyfriend.
Yixing enveloped Junmyeon in a tight hug and buried his face in his boyfriend's neck. "I really don't want to go," he murmured against the skin.
Junmyeon sighed and hugged him back, his right hand patted Yixing's hair. "Babe, we can facetime after work you know."
"I know…" Yixing hugged him tighter. "I really am gonna miss you."
"Yeah, me, too."
But will he really?
Yixing planted a soft kiss on Junmyeon's lips and another kiss on his temple. He held his boyfriend's hand tightly and let it linger until it was time for him to go. Junmyeon waved goodbye as the car sped off.
Yixing's constant updates kept Junmyeon's attention on the phone. His boyfriend would often send pictures of the food he ate, the places they've been, and random stuff that he'd find funny. Junmyeon in turn would send him selfies, coupled with crying and heart emojis plus 'I miss yous' yet, he felt… nothing. Because he knows Yixing will be back in a few days, and there is no point in pining over him when they are practically glued together.
But what got Junmyeon worried was the first night. Yixing wasn't beside him in bed and yet… he didn't feel like he was missing anything or anyone. Yes, the bed was cold and empty, and there was no one cuddling him to sleep, but he felt nothing, that he was totally okay with this.
Yixing facetimed him before they went to bed, his cute and clingy boyfriend expressing how much he was missed, while the other guys are teasing him for it. He laughed as Yixing's face contorted in annoyance.
"Love you, miss you, wish you were here, or I was there," Yixing's head leaned against his arm while his eyelids drooped.
"You should rest now, baby," he told him.
"Later, I'm not sleepy yet," he answered as his eyes fluttered close.
Junmyeon smiled adoringly at his boyfriend. "I love you, Xing. I miss you." Or not. The 'miss you' part. Because no matter how much he tried, it just didn’t make sense to him.
And even if he tried, he couldn't understand it, much less explain it to someone. He couldn't bring himself to tell what he feels to Yixing, he wouldn't want to hurt him, bless his soft heart.
The days went by like a blur. Yixing's incessant messages of missing him were constant reminders that he does not feel the same at all. It bothered him so much, he started overthinking.
Did he not love Yixing? Was he heartless for not missing his boyfriend? Why was he not longing for him? Why could he feel no sadness for being left alone for a couple of days? Was there something awfully wrong with him?
At this rate, he might go insane for the wrong reasons. Not that there's a right reason but it just makes him mad.
"I'll see you tomorrow." A bright, bedimpled smile was plastered on Yixing's face.
"Can't wait, babe," Junmyeon smiled softly. He could feel Yixing's excitement, but he felt none of that. But he was happy that Yixing will finally be home, in his arms, tomorrow.
They ended the call and once again, the cold and empty bed was all Junmyeon had. He stared at the ceiling and tried to contemplate his feelings for his boyfriend.
He loves him. His feelings for him never changed. He just doesn't miss him.
The airport was as busy as ever. Left and right were groups of people bidding each other goodbye. Beside him, a man hugged his children and kissed his wife while wiping his tears, murmuring I love yous and I'll miss yous . He smiled fondly at the scene. If only he knew how that felt.
Junmyeon wanted that, too. He wanted to feel his chest constrict in knowing that he'd be far from his lover even if it were just a few days.
He wished to feel the longing, the pining, the wanting.
For once, he wished that he wasn't like this. He felt incomplete for not being able to feel this way towards anyone, towards Yixing, especially.
"Myeonnie!" a familiar voice stood out in the buzz of people talking, laughing, and crying. He whipped his head in the direction of the voice and saw his handsome boyfriend, waving at him with a huge smile on his face.
And then he ran. He ran like his life depended on it.
Yixing opened his arms and his body hit him so hard that Yixing had to take a step back to avoid falling. "Oof!" And he was once again enveloped in a tight, warm hug. "I missed you so much," his boyfriend whispered against his head.
Something bloomed in his chest, and he felt warm all over. When he finally saw Yixing, all the emotions he never felt when he was away came rushing to him like floodgates finally opening. The next thing he knew, tears were streaming down his face.
"I missed you, too. So much."
This time, it was true.