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Sanji had fallen in love a handful of times so far in his life. Well, he had fallen hundreds of times, almost every woman who walked through the Baratie he had fallen a bit in love with. But in truth it was a couple of times where it lasted long than five minutes.
His first crush when he was twelve.
The first woman who had let him touch her breasts when he was sixteen.
The second woman he had had the joy and privilege of making love with.
And the Merry. By the all blue, one step into her tiny kitchen and all previous loves were completely forgotten. “Hey, beautiful,” he had crooned. “Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Sanji, and I am hoping that you will allow me the privilege of claiming this space.”
“It’s a ship,” the idiot who had gotten himself carved in half had said and Sanji went to kick him, but Luffy asked for food and Sanji would provide.
He barely slept his first few days on the Merry, learning every square inch of the kitchen. The fridge, the cupboards, running his hands over counters.
Lovers who had been together decades didn’t know each other as well as he got to know the Merry in that first week. And he loved her more than anything.
He had just given her a scrub down for the night and went to the prow to have a cigarette before going to sleep. Sanji was running recipes in his head, planning what to buy whenever they had their next stop. He needed to get better at making bread, needed some rye flour, dense nutrient rich breads. Maybe get a starter going in the fridge.
“Hey, Sanji.”
“Luffy. Thought everyone agreed you don’t sit on the Merry’s head at night.” There had been an incident and Luffy had fallen into the drink, but luckily Zoro had dove in after him.
Less lucky was that it popped a few of the stitches and Sanji had to sew him back together because he had the steadiest hands. He really hoped they found a doctor soon.
“Zoro tied me to the horns, so I won’t fall in!” Sanji looked and sure enough, Luffy was lashed to the masthead. Fair. More brains than he expected from the mosshead. “Dinner was really great tonight, Sanji.”
Sanji was grateful the dark night hid how those words even a couple weeks in still had him blushing. Their small crew was stupid effusive with their praise and it made him feel the best he had in well, almost ever. “You don’t have to say it every time, Luffy.”
“Yeah, I do. Sanji is going to be the reason I become the king of the pirates - can’t be king if you aren’t eating right.” Luffy nodded, and looked up at the stars. “Sanji?”
“What?” He was busy trying to ignore how good it felt, to be valued like that. Sure Zeff had loved him and taught him everything, but this was his crew now. And they believed in him, liked him.
But he was pretty sure they were all fucking crazy.
“You love the Merry.”
“How can you not?” Sanji replied. He flicked the butt into the ocean. “She is a lady. I always love the ladies.”
“You touch her like she’s a lady. All polite and nice. Apologize when you get her dirty or hurt. That’s nice. Merry deserves good touches. She’s the best ship ever!” Luffy was giggling. “But sometimes,” more giggles, “it is like you are touching boobs, not a ship.”
That had Sanji spluttering a bit, because he wouldn’t have thought Luffy had even ever noticed breasts, let alone think about how to touch them. “Captain?” He wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“You know the way you clean her and rub circles and stuff. Like when you touch boobs. Sometimes you gotta be gentle and sometimes you gotta really go at them.”
“Sure,” Sanji agreed and stared at Luffy, tied atop the Merry grinning, thinking about his dream, food, or perhaps… “You like breasts?” He thought about it. “You mean like chicken breasts the kind you eat, or do you actually mean…”
“Breasts, tits, boobs, nip nops, bazooms, milk sacks, ta tas, what other names do you know for them? I think there should only be two names, since most people only have two. Some people have one. But still. I like the word boobs, because you can make it long. Boooooooobssssss. See?” Luffy began to cackle madly, and just say boobs over and over.
“I tend to use whatever word a woman prefers, but I guess I say tits? Sometimes boobs or breasts.” He thought of one pirate who had used to come to the Baratie and try to flirt with Zeff. “Knew one woman definitely classify those as bazooms.” They had been impressive. He had intended to go to bed, but this was weird and interesting. “You touched a lot of breasts, Captain?”
“Yup, love them, going squish.” More of that mad laughter. “Every chance I get, I touch ‘em.”
“Huh,” Sanji laughed. “Only had a few chances, but not going to lie because able to touch a woman’s breasts is one of the greatest privileges life can afford a man.”
“Or woman. Like Nami, she likes boobs too.”
Well there went that dream, but he’d love her a little always anyways. Because she was a fucking goddess. “Sure, but in this instance it is two guys talking. If you want to talk about it, that is.”
“Why not? I’m not sleepy. And Zoro said he won’t be back for another hour to untie me.”
“I can untie you.”
“No, that’d ruin the challenge of it. I like squeezing boobs together. Oh and -“
Sanji listened to Luffy ramble about breasts and it wasn’t something he expected t have in common with Luffy but it wasn’t the worst to have someone to talk about this stuff with, reminded him a bit of the kitchen that he absolutely wasn’t homesick for, if anyone asked.
There were worse things than sailing under the stars and having a very piratey conversation with his captain, who he knew even after just a few weeks he would die for without question. And he knew then that they weren’t just crew - they were friends.
*
“Sanji done almost dying because he is seeing boobs again?”
“Yeah, Captain, all good,” he promised. “Back to normal levels of appreciation.” Fishman Island had definitely been a bit of a struggle on that front, after his life from the last few years, but he was mostly under control. “The New World, huh?”
“Maybe the new world will have new boobs for you! Maybe out there somewhere is someone with like three boobs! You hear lots of stuff about the new world, that could happen.”
Sanji lit a cigarette and laughed. “Suppose it could. You haven’t talked a lot but I mean you spent time on Amazon Lily, you have any fun?”
“Sure lots of fun. Made nice friends!” Luffy was grinning. “Even Hancock, though she talks funny.”
Of course Luffy was friends with the literal most beautiful woman in the world. “You get to touch at all?” He was dying to know. The world was probably dying to know that because Hancock never let any man near her.
“What? Hancock? No.” Luffy was sitting on the head of the Sunny. “But did touch some again. Finally. Training was too long and lonely.”
“Fucking hear that,” Sanji agreed. “Missed you. Hell, I even missed Mosshead.” It went without saying that he had missed the ladies who were even more luminous than they had been.
“Bigger boobs are both harder and softer, it’s neat!” Luffy was grinning. “Your grip sinks in a bit more, but you feel the muscle holding all that up. So bitable.”
Sanji wondered who Luffy had been playing with on Fishman Island. They talked a bit more, quieting when others came over or walked by, because these conversations were just for them. A small thing that was theirs. Silly, and yeah crass, but he thought they were mostly appreciative for the glory whatever god or gods had given them by creating people with breasts. And it seems in the time away Luffy’s appreciation for big breasts had grown, before it sounded like he preferred small. Sanji didn’t care about size just the way they felt against his hands, his mouth, when a girl hugged you from behind and you felt them press against you.
“Missed you, Sanji. Rayleigh didn’t like talking about boobs. Said I needed to focus on training not missing melons. Learned that word for them.”
“Hey I got a super old one for you.” It was another game of theirs, finding all the different words people had used over the course of history for breasts. “Bubbies.” That got the classic Luffy giggle, and fuck if he hadn’t missed that sound. “Also apparently Jugs is making a come back in some circles.”
“Jugs and cans are stupid words for boobs. They are hard. Boobs are soft.” Luffy nodded. “Even when firm they are soft. Best place for naps.”
“Yeah, they are.”
“Sanji? If you ever found the perfect boobs, I mean like for you. Though objectively they might be the most perfect boobs ever in the history of existence. If you had the perfect boobs, you’d want to see them all the time right? Like even if you couldn’t touch, knowing they were there, looking at them, that’d be awesome right?”
“Yeah, obviously,” Sanji agreed. “Kinda always pictured one day, cooking and having my wife, or partner if she didn’t want to get married, hanging out in the kitchen, still sleepy while I cooked her breakfast. Nightgown just slipping off her one shoulder, breast almost completely out, skin still having like blanket lines pressed against it. Just all soft and quiet. Stupid I suppose.”
“Nu-uh,” Luffy swore. “That sounds really nice, Sanji. Bet she looks at you like you are awesome, because you are awesome! You’d be such a good husband.”
“Thanks, Captain. One day. Maybe.” He doubted it though, he knew underneath it all, even after years of support and love, that the Vinsmokes had been right he wasn’t worth shit. But well, he was out here chasing dreams, maybe he could chase that one too just a bit. “But yeah, you find the perfect boobs for you, you should be able to see them as much as possible. Even if you can’t touch.”
“Yes! Right, good. That’s what I thought. Nice talk, Sanji. Can I have a snack? It isn’t snack time, but sometimes when we have these talks, you get me a snack after. It’s after, so there could be a snack now, Sanji.”
Sanji flicked his cigarette into the ocean. “Coming up, Captain.”
*
It was weird. At first he hadn’t thought much of it, but it was getting hard to not notice. Mosshead since they had all be reunited went even more frequently without a shirt. He had regularly worked out without one, but usually had thrown it on after even if it wasn’t done up. And in battle, lots of times sure shirts get torn, but now, it seemed like every battle, shirts got torn, or in Wano, the gi was always slid off his arms and boom, shirtless Moss.
On the Sunny he tended to walk around shirtless even when it was freaking snowing.
As they left the pirate festival through a column of fire, Zoro stood there, idiotic jumpsuit half off, tied around his waist, his stupid bandanna around his arm. “Hey shithead, what’s with the clothing these days?”
“Eh?” was the response he got.
“How come you are always like that?” Sanji gestured. “Since we’ve been in the New World, you ditch your shirt every chance you get. What’s up with that?”
“What do you think is up with it?” Zoro rolled his eyes. “Hey, that was Ace back there, even if it wasn’t Ace Ace. You think Luffy will be okay?” He was looking at their captain, worried and Sanji softened a bit.
“Yeah, it was probably good that glimpse. Unlike me, who is suffering seeing your idiotic pecs way more than I need to.”
“We bunk together, we’ve seen each other’s everything. All the damn time. And this is your fault anyways!”
“How is swords out, tits out my fault?” There was no way that could be pinned on him. Why the fuck was the idiot saying that, other than to bicker. “Just put them away for fuck’s sake.” He winced because guaranteed he wouldn’t get dressed now and sure enough Zoro didn’t wear a top for a fucking week.
*
“Hey, Pirate King, why you looking so glum?” Sanji had lost track of time, working on recipes, perhaps writing a letter to the woman he was trying to convince he was sincere about courting her. It had to help her family’s objections that he was the personal chef of the Pirate King and as they wound their way around the world one last time, would soon enough be head chef of the Baratie. Zeff was already in the process of moving the restaurant to the New World but it would take some time, and there were places to revisit, friends to see.
But he emerged into the dark, lights on up in the crow’s nest, and Luffy sitting on the head of the Sunny. Not even tied to the ship like he was supposed to be at night. “What the fuck, get down from there.”
“No. I’m thinking.”
“Shit, we’re all going to die.” Luffy thinking was bad. Really bad. Especially if he was thinking while looking glum. “What happened?” He reached over and hauled Luffy off the Sunny’s head. “Come on, let’s get you a snack.” That perked him up a bit and they went to the kitchen.
Sanji poked in the fridge and called back. “Meat or treat?” There was no response. “Hey Luffy, what the fuck, get away from that!” Luffy was poking at Sanji’s journal and had found the letter he was writing. “That’s private.”
“You write nice letters Sanji,” Luffy was mouthing the words. “Will it help if I say I approve? I’m a king now it might help!”
He could only be so mad at his captain. “Might,” he agreed and gently pulled the letter away, folded it back into the journal and moved it away. “Meat or treat?”
“Both? Pirate kings should get both when they are this sad.”
Sanji was getting worried and grabbed an emergency stash of maple candied bacon he had done and handed it to Luffy who ate the four strips and seemed to perk up a bit. “Want to talk about it, oh strong and mighty pirate king?” Shit Luffy didn’t giggle when he teased. He always giggled when teased about being his status as king. “Luffy, what’s up?”
“I’m not allowed to touch Zoro’s boobs for three whole days!” was wailed and Luffy flung himself against the table. “Three whole days Sanji I’m being punished. I tried to say I’m the King of Pirates you can’t deny me your boobs and he growled and said if I pulled that shit it would be three weeks. I would die dead of lack of Zoro boobs so apologized and got it at the three days but what will I do? Sanji, I’m suffering.”
Sanji nodded. “Excuse me for a moment.” He stood up calmly and went outside and stared at the ocean. He only allowed himself three cigarettes a day, was trying to cut back, because it would ruin his flavour palate soon enough, but he thought this warranted cigarette number four. He smoked and stared at the ocean painted black by the night sky.
“Hey, where’s Luffy?”
“In the kitchen, crying that he can’t touch your boobs for three days. Mosshead, what the fuck?” He could not look at the man. “What the fuck?”
“Look shit cook, somehow he got hold of one of Franky’s magazines - and before you are an idiot and ask me which, it wasn’t the mechanics ones.” Sanji had to snort at that. “Guess a few of the pictures, gave him ideas. Ideas he didn’t consult me about first. I objected and well it spiraled.”
“Why was he trying out porn moves on your pecs, Zoro, is my big question?” Sanji flicked the butt into the ocean and it was all he could do not to light another one. “Why, why dear all blue, why?”
“Come on,” Zoro rolled his eyes a bit. “You know how he is about my chest, all weird and shit. Told me you too bond over your love of chests, said he’s always bragging about my ‘boobs’ to you. Years of pleasure brought to me by you having to hear Luffy go on an on about loving my body.”
Yeah, he was having that other cigarette. “I didn’t. He always called them boobs! He didn’t say chest or pecs!” Sanji thought of hundreds of conversations. “They were all about you?”
“Of course, been together since Syrup Village, though it was casual until we got back together in Sabaody. Then we did the promise forever and all that shit. He swears he’s getting me a crown since I’m the royal consort or whatever but like fuck I’ll wear it.” Zoro moved closer. “He really that upset? Well, you know him, he doesn’t learn unless it is a good punishment. We can survive him not -“
“That’s why you started going shirtless all the fucking time in fights. He wanted to see your boobs.”
“You don’t get to fucking call them that. But yeah, said you agreed that it was important people in serious relationships saw the chests they were obsessed with whenever they got the chance. Not going to deny my captain.”
“Years, and it has always been about you.” Sanji nodded. “I have spent years bonding with him over a love for breasts and it was yours.” And now he was looking at Zoro’s chest. He supposed if he didn’t hate the guy (and he didn’t hate him but bickering with Zoro was one of the pillars of life for him), he’d say they were pretty spectacular tits. “I am going to pretend I never learned this.”
“You didn’t know?”
“Nope and I don’t know shit currently. Get it?”
“Sure. You won’t…he likes the stupid boob conversations with you. Knowing it is my pecs he’s talking about, you won’t stop right?”
“You love him. Like love love, not just vice captain loyalty?”
“Sanji, I let him call my pecs boobs.” He was given a look, and which, honestly fair. “I love him.”
“I won’t stop,” Sanji promised. “No one else knows you two are together right?”
“Cook, everyone fucking knows. You are just that much of a fucking idiot.”
He kicked Zoro and went back to the kitchen, and Luffy had raided the fridge because he had forgotten to lock it when he had gone to contemplate the reshaping of the world around him. “Right, stop that.” He cleared the food away. Sat across from Luffy. “You’ll survive three days. What did you even do?” Luffy pulled a torn magazine page out from a pocket and showed him. “Yeah, you don’t spring that on a pair of tits without warning.”
“Learned that,” Luffy muttered. He picked his nose. “Learn from me, Sanji, if she says yes to you courting her, learn from me. You two will need separate quarters on the ship!”
Sanji wanted to point out that at a certain point, he wouldn’t be sailing with Luffy anymore, but now wasn’t the time. That was months even a year or two away. His king had him for a while yet. “No stealing anymore of Franky’s magazines for you.”
“Saw a new name in there. The upper deck. That’s a good one.”
Sanji laughed. “It is.” They talked until Luffy didn’t look glum anymore and Sanji sent him off to bed.
Four days later when Zoro was working out shirtless, he could see several hickeys and teeth imprints on his pecs. He began to laugh, because he had seen that many times over the years and had honestly thought it was from fights.
“I’m an idiot.”
“I’ve been telling you that for years,” Zoro called out.
Sanji just flipped him off. He went to the kitchen and wiped down the counters, carefully, politely. The Sunny wasn’t a lady like the Merry but deserved the respect. For a moment out of the corner of his eye he pictured the woman he loved sitting at the table.
“Zoro, let me bite you!” he heard shouted from the deck.
Luffy had all his dreams, no reason he couldn’t have his too. He pulled the letter out of his journal and went up to the main deck, hit the whistle for a coo and sent the courtship letter off. He turned around and saw Luffy’s face buried in Zoro’s pecs. Zoro laughing and shit that was love he was always looking at Luffy with. They were cute together.
Not that he’d ever tell them.
Sanji thought of every conversation with Luffy over the years and realized he had the means to make Zoro’s life hell.
That would distract him well until there was a reply to the letter. “Hey Mosshead,” he shouted and headed over to make some trouble.