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“Your arm is too low, raise it a little… No, not that much! You, mind your stance! Now, fifth position, relevé en pointe.”
That wasn’t initially her job: usually, Gu Hengbo would use all her time simply practicing. And, undoubtedly, Shen Qiao was always better than her when it came to teaching.
But he was also living with the damage made by serious and irreversible injuries, as well as with a mysterious illness. Hence Gu Hengbo had no choice but to cover for her brother.
Gu Hengbo was about to tell the class to do the center exercises when she heard the knock on the door. And, to her surprise, Yuan Zixiao was standing there.
“Oh.”
They hadn’t seen each other for some time. Gu Hengbo couldn't hide her reaction. She didn’t expect to have a visitor at all, much less her… Friend? What should they label their relationship like? Certainly she couldn’t address Yuan Zixiao as her girlfriend anymore.
“Your head is really in the clouds today…” Yuan Zixiao showed her the content of the ecological bag she was carrying: books. “I am a bit embarrassed, I thought I would find your brother here.”
Yuan Zixiao took a deep breath. She even rubbed her temples. She didn’t need to say which brother she was thinking she would find there.
“A-Qiao asked me if I could bring some books, and...”
“So you are using your librarian powers now.”
“Those are my books, actually, the most recent I’ve read. Mostly poetry and I know he likes it...”
Yuan Zixiao usually didn't talk that much. She bit her own lip and glared at Gu Hengbo — as beautiful as always.
No matter how complicated things were between them, Yuan Zixiao’s eyes were always mesmerized by Gu Hengbo, if she wasn’t careful enough — that’s why Yuan Zixiao put efforts into ignoring Gu Hengbo. And she knew it was the same for Gu Hengbo, who couldn’t take her eyes from Yuan Zixiao either, almost forgetting the students.
“Give me an hour and we can go visit him together.”
“Hm.”
“Do you want to join the students meanwhile?”
“Don’t joke around. Don’t be so silly.”
She intended to be harsh. However, something in Gu Hengbo always softened something inside Yuan Zixiao.
“Assist me, then. I am sure you remember at least the basics.”
Yuan Zixiao smirked. Was it her imagination, or Gu Hengbo’s voice was trembling?
“You really don’t like it, do you?”
“They are all too young and they like to slack off”, Gu Hengbo said, “I don’t have A-Qiao’s patience to deal with their imperfections.”
“You are just overwhelmed”, Yuan Zixiao muttered. “And I remember very well how patient you can be…”
“I am not overwhelmed.”
Just a look on Yuan Zixiao’s face was enough for Gu Hengbo to know that she would have to say what was going on.
“Yes, you are”, Yuan Zixiao insists.
"I am sure we both went through a lot in those last years..."
Yuan Zixiao kept skeptically staring at Gu Hengbo.
That was an old habit of hers, Gu Hengbo thought, to enrange other people with a single sentence and without even blinking. Yuan Zixiao, on the other hand, remained unfazed by Gu Hengbo’s cold gaze.
Things between them were always complicated. Or almost always.
Initially, Gu Hengbo was in awe while she watched Yuan Zixiao dancing, even with the first struggles to find the balance with her newly acquired pointe shoes. They were young, then. And Gu Hengbo still remembered how she wondered when the time to dance en pointe would come for her.
Later, they engaged in a sort of competition for who would make greater progress. But they couldn’t compete against each other forever, and learning from each other was more beneficial.
Eventually, it became something greater, almost uncontrollable that led them to kisses on the empty hallways of the dance company, under the trees in the garden, leaves raining upon them in the Autumn. By then, they were almost professional ballerinas.
However, Yuan Zixiao suddenly left everything — and everyone, Gu Hengbo bitterly thought — behind.
Gu Hengbo didn’t take the separation lightly. But there was Yuan Zixiao, meeting her again. And again. And again. It was almost as if they were fated to be around each other.
After they visited Shen Qiao, the two of them had tea together. It was a pleasant end of the afternoon, and being outside, watching the sunset, was delightful.
However, Gu Hengbo couldn’t help but ask the question she had never made in years.
“Why did you leave?”
For years, this was the only question she wanted to ask, despite all the letters they exchanged, the phone calls… And, eventually, text messages, until Yuan Zixiao finally got back to her homeland.
“You know why, meimei, family affairs, and...”, Yuan Zixiao finally stared at Gu Hengbo. “Professional dance is no place for someone who hates the stage and the spotlight.”
"Don't try to fool me."
"You know, when I was overseas, there was this infamous director that was constantly pushing all the ballerinas…”, Yuan Zixiao paused. “Maybe you know Sang Jixing’s reputation. Constantly telling everyone to lose weight and it was the least damaging thing he has done... I guess it was when I realized I have had enough. When I came back here, I just… couldn't dance anymore."
Growing up, and even when they were at a professional level, Qi Fengge never weighed his company’s dancers. He wholeheartedly believed that a dancer’s body was sacred — force it against its nature and you will lose both body and soul, Gu Hengbo remembered hearing those words from her father.
She could only imagine how difficult it must have been for Yuan Zixiao to adjust. All things considered, it was not a shock that she decided to pursue another career.
"You never mentioned it."
"There was no need. Anyway, this is in the past already”, as if to confirm her point, Yuan Zixiao smiled, “but I wish I could bring back certain things to the present.”
“How come?”
“You and me.”
Large was the silence between them.
However, Gu Hengbo grabbed Yuan Zixiao’s hand, and they glared at each other.
“I need to attend a ball with the new sponsors. Care to come along?”
Yuan Zixiao muttered a complaint. She thought that days — and nights — spent in events with sponsors were over to her. However, it could be interesting to go with Gu Hengbo.
They never did it before because, back then, Qi Fengge’s company survived on wealthier students’ fees and profit from the performances, without interference of any sponsor.
“What is the dress code? It has been a while since I went to such events, and I put on some weight, and…”
“Still talking nonsense about your weight? Just go with whatever pleases you. I don’t care about what that bunch of old men think.”
“Then you won’t complain if I suddenly show up in a suit.”
Gu Hengbo chuckled.
“I already said it, do as you please.”
Yuan Zixiao showed up in a suit. Being who she was, the fabric was the finest, and the cut suited her perfectly. Gu Hengbo wore a light green gown.
Gu Hengbo was not so used to large events like this — but Yuan Zixiao was, and she dragged her friend away whenever she perceived Gu Hengbo's discomfort.
“Thank you”, Gu Hengbo kept repeating, inconvenient sponsor after inconvenient sponsor.
She couldn’t fake a smile any longer.
“If we don’t leave right now, I swear I will step on the feet of these men”, Gu Hengbo whispered to Yuan Zixiao’s ear.
“Actually, I am very impressed that you still didn’t. I see you have a much better self-control now.”
Gu Hengbo was flushed. And, as always, Yuan Zixiao was laughing at her expense.
“Don’t worry. It will end soon. Before that…”
Yuan Zixiao reached Gu Hengbo’s hand. And, then, gently grabbed her arm. Before Gu Hengbo could react, she was wrapped in an embrace.
“We deserve one more dance, on our own terms, don’t you think?”
"Didn't you say you wouldn't dance anymore?"
"Only when it comes to dancing on a stage", Yuan Zixiao answered, "but with this audience I can deal pretty fine."
At one point, Yuan Zixiao’s head was resting over Gu Hengbo’s shoulder — maybe it was time to go home. And so they did.
The two of them, walking and holding hands, evocated something familiar — a feeling that would never die, as they were perfectly complimentary in life's pas de deux.
They would still need to catch up. But, for the night… There was nothing planned but kisses and the quiet company, and eventual small-talk, they offered each other. Everything else could wait for the morning.