Work Text:
Akaashi let out a deep sigh when the watch on his wrist struck 7:00pm. Once again he was working overtime in the office. It wasn’t like he enjoyed working so late but the longer he spent editing manga panels the longer he could put off going home.
He wasn’t even sure he could call his small apartment home, it was cold and uncomfortably quiet. It just reminded him of how small he had felt. At one point in time he had enjoyed the quiet, but he didn’t realize how much he found comfort in noise until it was gone.
Also, if he wasn’t working he had no excuse to not check his phone and he’d have to reply to the daunting messages he got earlier that day. His best friend or really only friend, Kenma, had texted him trying to get him to come to a get together that he and Kuroo were hosting. Akaashi hadn’t talked to anyone in his high school days, besides Kenma, in about four years. He knew that it would be unbearably awkward to show up out of the blue and pretend he didn’t ghost all the people there.
He could already feel the judging stares and quiet whispers that awaited him. Kenma told him years ago that this would happen, “The longer you avoid people, the worse it will be to reconnect with them.” Akaashi, although initially annoyed, was thankful that Kenma had stuck by his side and refused to be cut out from Akaashi’s life. It was the most Akaashi had ever seen him reach out socially and he felt very lucky to be one of the few Kenma calls a friend. That being said he knew that wasn’t his only reason for not going, if it was he could probably suck it up for Kenma. But no, it was much worse than that, he would have to see his first love.
He knew it was pathetic to still be in love with the same person for six years, especially when he cut off all contact with said person four years ago. But it was so hard to forget about him, Bokuto was like Akaashi’s sun, he gave him warmth and energy, a reason to live. Bokuto was everything Akaashi was not, Akaashi was dull and blunt. Bokuto could express millions of emotions and bring light to every room he walked into. Akaashi on the other hand struggled to express his emotions, he knew his cool demeanor turned many people aways from him. Akaashi came to peace with this fact when he graduated, in his own mind, his coldness would only hold Bokuto’s stardom back. And he couldn’t be that selfish to hold Bokuto back when he was born to be a star.
That’s why in his third year right before graduation he came up with a plan.This plan would entail Akaashi cutting off contact with Bokuto, so Bokuto could grow on his own. He would often decline Bokuto’s facetime requests and ignore his messages under the guise of having to study. Akaashi used his coldness to brush Bokuto’s friendliness off. It hurt him to see Bokuto so upset whenever he turned him away, even more so when he got messages from Kuroo, and later Kenma, telling him off for acting so harshly to Bokuto.
At one point, about a year into no contact with Bokuto, Akaashi broke. He finally confessed to Kenma what he had been doing and his true feelings for Bokuto. And of course Kenma called him a dumbass. He didn’t do much else though, of course he didn’t support Akaashi’s plan but he knew that he couldn’t get Akaashi to change his mind and pushing him would just weaken their own friendship. All Kenma could do for the last four years was invite Akaashi to get togethers that he knew Bokuto would be at and hope they would be forced to talk to one another. Akaashi, on the contrary to Kenmas remarks, was not dumb. He knew what Kenma was doing and would brush him off using work as an excuse.
Kenma: we’re having a small party on friday for kuro’s birthday
Kenma: you should come
Akaashi stared down at the message for what felt like the hundredth time. He felt guilt creeping up on him, he hadn’t spent many birthdays with either Kenma or Kuroo hoping to avoid Bokuto. He knew it was selfish to put his own problems above his friends’ special day.
Just before Akaashi typed out his response to Kenma, a knock broke the silence in his office.
“Hey Akaasi, I’m going to the bar down the street you should come with. And don’t tell me you have more work cause I know it's not due for another week and your way ahead.”
Akaashi pinched his nose bridge, it was his boss, and knowing him there was no way he could get out of this.
“Udia-san, I should really get these last few pages done first.”
“Nonsense, you work too hard, you could use a break.”
Akaashi looked back down to his phone, maybe alcohol would be a good distraction right now. Against his better judgement, Akaashi pocketed his phone and replied, “Fine, but I can’t stay out too late.”
The walk to the bar was a quick one, Udai would make comments about the people they saw walking down the street like, “Did you see her hat?” or “Damn wonder who pissed that guy off huh?” each time Akaashi would make a small remark or simply just nod, not wanting to entertain his boss too much.
The bar itself was small, he’d been here a few times with Udai and other co-workers. It wasn’t very noisy and most people knew Udai, so Akaashi supposed it was alright. He kept conversation with Udai short, not really in the mood to talk, he was about three drinks in when Udai’s rambling actually caught his attention. “Did you see that guy?” He said pointing to the TV, “He’s ripped, I’d hate to receive one of his spikes.” Akaashi looked up quickly only to be met with the one and only Bokuto Koutarou. The TV was showing reels from the latest MSBY game, “And the star player from tonight's match is number 12, Bokuto Koutarou. He brought energy to the court and scored the winning point with a cross court shot. He truly is the team’s Ace.”
Akaasi had to fight the smile begging to come on his face. It was so hard to be proud of him when all he wanted to do was forget him. Udai noticed Akaashi’s brief change in expression , “You a fan?”
“I guess you could say that. We played together in highschool.” Akaashi kept his reply short, not wanting to reveal the extent of his relationship with the Ace. “Akaashi you played volleyball? And with that dude nonetheless, you must have so many stories.” Akaashi simply nodded, not wanting to continue on with this conversation.
The sports announcer kept praising Bokuto and as Akaashi kept drinking; he felt the hole in his chest grow more and more. Just seeing Bokuto’s smile on the screen made Akaashi’s held feel light, he wondered what it would be like to have that smile directed at him again. Akaashi took a moment to truly admire Bokuto, he had grown a bit more since he last saw him. And his muscles, Bokuto, was much stronger than he was before, Akaashi let his mind wander a bit more and imagined what it would feel like to be held by Bokuto's large arms. He knew it was the alcohol making him think this way but he couldn’t help but indulge. Udai kept rambling on about his own volleyball days but all Akaashi could think about was Bokuto. Akaashi had missed him so much, he suddenly felt the need to see him.
Why had he been so dumb all those years ago? Why didn’t he just listsen to Kenma when he said his plan was dumb? A million thoughts raced through his mind, could he do it? Could he show up and see Bokuto once more? At this point Akaashi wasn’t thinking about what would happen after, how he would have to explain to Bokuto why he had done what he’d done. Would Bokuto want to see him? based on what Kenma and Kuroo had been telling him for years Akaashi really hoped he did.
Without stressing about it any longer Akaashi pulled out his phone.
Akaashi: I’ll be there, just give me the time and place.
Kenma: perfect