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one.
The image of Sunoo wearing that peach costume for their Chamber 5 Halloween dance practice comes to mind as Sunghoon stares at him from across the lodge. Just like the said costume, Sunoo looks pink all over.
His nose and cheeks are kissed with a pink hue, and even the tips of his fingers are tinged with a similar hue. The harsh, cold air of Jeju literally colors Sunoo’s pale skin pink, and Sunghoon can’t help but notice how it suits him. He looks pretty.
They all think Sunoo looks pretty. His features are quite feminine compared to the other members. And there’s a particular youthfulness in his aura that makes his presence even brighter.
However, Sunoo looks gloomy at that moment. The weather must be affecting him since he’s quite sensitive to the cold. Instead of going around to chat with the staff and some of their members, Sunoo is huddled up on one corner, saving up some heat with the puffed jacket that Jay lent him.
He looks like a kid, especially when he starts pouting after hearing the staff say that they’ll be filming out in the yard, where it’s much colder.
Sunghoon can’t help but snicker at Sunoo’s state. He walks over to him and plops down on the empty seat beside Sunoo.
"You don’t look so well."
Sunoo’s pout grows even deeper. "I can barely feel my fingers, and they expect us to go outside, how do you think I’m supposed to react?"
Sunghoon laughs. "Is that jacket making you warm?"
Sunoo nods. "I can’t be picky. Jay-hyung is nice enough to lend me one."
"I could’ve lent you one if you asked," Sunghoon points out. He supposes he could’ve just done it in the first place when they were all packing for their work trip, but Jay volunteered first and he missed his chance.
Besides, he didn’t want to stroke Sunoo’s ego. Since they met in I-Land, Sunoo has been following an elaborate, hundred-step plan to get closer to him. He’s not opposed to getting friendlier with Sunoo, especially when they’ll be spending a minimum of seven years together as a group, but seeing the younger one make the effort to form a bond with him is entertaining, to say the least.
For instance, Sunoo makes it a habit to wake him up in the morning, like he’s Sunghoon’s personal alarm clock. They also coincidentally share meals together despite having different schedules on a daily basis. Sunoo manages to mention some things that Sunghoon likes (his favorite movies, favorite food, and favorite activities) in conversations to talk more with Sunghoon. And at times, he gets frustrated when Sunghoon gives him lukewarm responses. He gets fussy when Sunghoon teases him playfully.
In those moments, Sunoo would usually scrunch his nose or pout. And Sunghoon would get a kick out of it.
Sunoo is one eager kid, and Sunghoon admires him for that. He’s working hard to get closer to Sunghoon, so Sunghoon gives him more attention than usual to show Sunoo that his efforts aren’t going to waste.
He demonstrates it once they leave the lodging. The staff put red ties on their wrists to connect the members altogether. They have to work together to unravel their limbs. One of Sunghoon’s wrists is tied together with Sunoo’s. Without thinking much about it, he grabs Sunoo’s cold hand and squeezes it inside his jacket pocket while they’re waiting for the cameras to be set up.
Sunoo looks at him in surprise, but Sunghoon looks away and says, "Ah, so cold!"
two.
Being in the public eye is not the greatest thing in the world. It’s stressful, and most of the time, they spend their waking moments criticizing themselves. They have embodied the fact that they will never be good enough, no matter how hard they try.
Sunghoon accepted that fate. The trials are difficult, but the rewards that they reap are much more satisfying. The sound of the applause and the lovely messages that their fans leave on social media keep him going. And now, they’ve finally accepted their first win on Music Bank, solidifying their place in the industry.
Unfortunately, not everyone in their group has the same mindset.
Just minutes after receiving their win, Sunoo burst out in tears once they got back in the green room. Jungwon was the first one to notice and comfort him. Jay just watched awkwardly on the side. The other members all tried to console Sunoo in some way as well, but Sunghoon was the most clueless one. He’s not really the best at dealing with those kinds of emotions. But his chest aches upon seeing Sunoo’s innocent face get red with tears.
After a long and busy day, the other members retired to their bedrooms, exhausted from their music shows, rehearsals, and even celebrating their first big win once their schedules were over and they finally got back to their dorm.
Sunghoon tries his best to succumb to sleep as well, but he feels restless for some reason, especially when he sees Sunoo’s empty bed across the room. In the end, he groans and pushes himself off of his bunk and slowly walks out of their shared room and into the living room, where Sunoo fails to suppress his whimpers.
"Hey. Are you okay?" Sunghoon asks with a croaky, tired voice.
Sunoo startles and tries to quickly wipe his tears away, as if Sunghoon hasn’t seen them already. "I’m okay," he replies as he straightens up on the couch.
Sunghoon sits on the other end and makes sure to give Sunoo some space.
He notices the glass of cola in Sunoo's hand. He sips it like it’s alcohol, making Sunghoon smile slightly to himself.
"You can’t sleep?"
"I guess I’m a little bit overwhelmed about everything too," Sunghoon confesses. It hasn’t been a year since they debuted, but since they’re on one of the major labels in the K-industry, they’re always thrust into the spotlight, always trying to live up to great expectations.
But frankly, the reason for his restlessness that night wasn’t because of those things. It was because he wanted to comfort Sunoo, but he didn’t really know why.
He feels that it’s a natural feeling to have—to be worried for his bandmate. It’s normal to feel like he can do something to make a friend feel better. Yes, he can use that word now. Whatever ritual Sunoo followed to get Sunghoon closer to him apparently worked. Now, Sunghoon looks out for him a little bit more than he should.
"You know… you can talk to me, too, right?" Sunghoon says awkwardly between them. "I mean… I’m your hyung, too. I know Jungwon is reliable, but I’ll do my best to shoulder some of your burdens as well."
For the first time that night, Sunghoon sees Sunoo smile genuinely at him. His cheeks and eyes are puffy from crying all day, and they somehow make him look more like a baby than he already is.
"I know, hyung," Sunoo says. "I can say the same. I know I’m younger, but I can lend an ear to you as well."
Sunghoon feels his chest squeeze at that assurance. He knows he needs that kind of support as well, and he’s glad that Sunoo is willing to give it to him.
"What’s bothering you, then?"
Sunoo shrugs like he’s finding the right words to say. "I guess I’m just a bit scared."
"Scared of what?"
Sunoo chuckles. "I’m scared that I’m not good enough? Everyone in this group is so talented, and I feel like I’m the most lacking among us. I feel like I’ll never catch up to you guys, and I’ll somehow sabotage all the good things that happen to us."
Sunghoon also had those fears. He has them. But hearing that confession from Sunoo awakens some kind of protective side in him. Perhaps it’s because Sunoo is younger than him and has less experience as a trainee. Maybe it’s because they’ve become closer throughout the months. He doesn’t really know. He just wants to make sure that Sunoo knows he belongs where he is now.
"Our group is not perfect. None of us are, Sunoo-ya," Sunghoon says affectionately. "But we’re all working hard to be the best versions of ourselves. You’re here for a reason. Enhypen wouldn’t be Enhypen if you weren't part of us."
He hates sounding so serious or cheesy, but Sunghoon feels like Sunoo needs to hear those words right now. His hunch is confirmed when he looks up to see Sunoo’s eyes sparkle much brighter than before.
Sunghoon feels his chest squeeze, and something awkward creeps beneath his skin, so he coughs and looks away in an attempt to escape the tense moment.
"We should probably get some shut-eye," Sunghoon reminds Sunoo. "Busy day tomorrow."
"Okay."
Sunoo puts his glass down and follows Sunghoon into their shared room, whispering awkward "good nights" to each other.
three.
They push and pull like the moon and the tides of the sea. It may be chaotic from an outsider’s point of view, but Sunghoon finds this dynamic that he has with Sunoo quite harmonious. It’s natural, inevitable, and it works. It’s like their love language is joking around and trying to push each other’s buttons to see nothing in particular happen.
He can’t pinpoint when it truly started. Maybe it was because Sunoo has already accepted his role as the cute and innocent one in the group, and Sunghoon has already accepted the fact that he’s the entire opposite of that. They keep each other at bay so as not to give into their own narcissism.
But one thing’s for sure: they’re comfortable bickering with each other 24/7 because they have grown much, much closer than before.
They rarely have awkward moments together. And even if they find themselves in such situations, they'll always dispel the heavy atmosphere with jokes or teases.
"Mint chocolate tastes like toothpaste."
"Eating beef is not a personality trait."
"Don’t you feel embarrassed with all the aegyo?"
"Don’t you think you’re going to be a literal protein monster soon?"
Those were some of the many things that put them at ease, no matter how weird they may sound to others’ ears.
"Ugh! I’m getting chills!" Sunghoon says into the mic when Sunoo shows off his cute charms for the camera. He’s doing a lot of that during their guestings, and another radio show isn’t an exception to that.
Sunoo pretends to be shy about it, but they all know he’s not, hence Sunghoon’s faux-disgusted reaction. But then, Sunoo sends him a subtle look—one that tells Sunghoon that he might be pushing too far. So, Sunghoon quickly changes routes and says, "Ah, cute."
Some may think that he says those things for the sake of saying them, but he knows that deep down, he does find Sunoo adorable. He can't stroke Sunoo's ego too much or he'll miss out on seeing him upset—yet another cute side of Sunoo—so he throws some lighthearted teasing into the mix.
There are times when he takes things too far and genuinely upsets Sunoo. And when those things happen, he’s usually nervous about apologizing because he doesn’t know how to start or how to assure Sunoo that he doesn’t mean to be mean .
"Sometimes, I feel like you really do not like me," Sunoo tells him one time when they had a more serious argument.
"That’s not true," Sunghoon disputes. "I… I’m sorry. I know I should be more careful with my words. I’ll do better next time."
Sunoo stares at him for quite a while. Sunghoon thought he’d die right there and then. Then, Sunoo says, "Admit that mint chocolate ice cream is superior, and I will forgive you."
Sunghoon let out the breath that he'd been holding upon hearing that because he knew that he and Sunoo were going to be fine. Sunoo doesn’t hold grudges, but he promises to really be better and keep the warm bond that he made with Sunoo safe.
"You’re the one bullying me right now."
Sunoo’s bravado soon falls, and he giggles with a twinkling sound that makes Sunghoon flush.
No matter how entertained Sunghoon is upon seeing Sunoo pout, seeing him smile is an entire galaxy of feelings on its own.
four.
"What’s up with you? You’re always fussing over Sunoo," Jay nonchalantly asks during dinner. It was just the two of them at the company canteen—Jay and Sunghoon.
Sunghoon almost chokes on his chicken. He looks up at Jay, expecting to see a wolfish grin on his face. He thought the other one was teasing him, but to his surprise, Jay looked serious.
"What do you mean?"
Jay subtly raises an eyebrow. "On that radio interview we did the other day, you were visibly upset about what the MC told him." This time, Jay looked more sheepish.
"Which one?" Sunghoon knows exactly what it is, but he continues to feign ignorance to preserve his pride.
It’s true that he and Sunghoon have become much closer than before. They spend most of their time together since they have similar schedules. And though they don’t usually post or mention it on social media, their members and managers know they’re quite attached at the hip. They watch dramas together. Sunoo teaches him about skin care. There are times when they don’t even do anything in particular, just having pointless banter that usually ends with Sunghoon patting Sunoo on the head to let him know that he’s just joking.
So, maybe in some way, Sunghoon should admit to himself that he can be quite protective of Sunoo and a little bit possessive. He just can’t imagine Sunoo doing the things that they do with other people.
Jay smirked, amused by Sunghoon’s visible puzzlement. "It’s fine, Sunghoon. You know it happens."
"What happens?" This time, he really doesn’t know what Jay is telling him.
Jay shrugs. "You know… People in this industry spend time with the same people for years. It’s okay to admit that you’re a bit possessive. It happens. And I think Sunoo doesn’t mind. I don’t even think he knows you like him."
"What?" Of course he likes Sunoo, but not in the way Jay is implying. They’re just close friends. And he just likes being in Sunoo’s company most of the time. Yes, he gets upset when people get closer to him than they should, but isn’t that normal between friends?
"Don’t deny it," Jay pushes. "I mean… I can relate a little bit, I guess."
It was Sunghoon’s turn to raise an eyebrow. The quick spread of red on Jay’s cheeks gives Sunghoon a hint about what he’s talking about.
After all, he has seen Jay staring at a certain someone in a fond way on more than one occasion. Sunghoon’s not saying that Jay had a hand in rigging their roommate system, but that’s exactly what happened.
"It’s not like that."
"Oh. Then, you’re fine with Sunoo really hanging out with that guy? They exchanged numbers, didn’t you know?"
"They did?" Sunghoon tries his best to keep it cool, but something bubbles deep inside his chest. It’s uncomfortable. It’s like an annoying bug chewing at his organs. "Good for them."
He knows it’s childish when he avoids Sunoo at the dorms later that night. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it anyway. He’s just a bit ticked off that Sunoo forgot to use the new face mask that they bought the other day because he was too busy laughing at a phone call.
Jay catches Sunghoon glaring at Sunoo, but Sunghoon rolls his eyes and yells for Jake. "Jake! Jay is going to eat your last ramyeon!" It was a lie, but Jake came running out of their room in an instant to scold Jay.
Sunghoon retired to his room earlier that night and did his best not to think about how brightly Sunoo smiled during that phone call. The annoying bug in his chest keeps growing and growing, and soon enough, that bug grows into a monster.
five.
The bug-turned-monster in Sunghoon’s chest has caused more damage than he expected. Not only did it put Sunghoon in a bad mood all the time, but it also caused unnecessary tension between him and Sunoo. And oftentimes, he gives in to irrationality, making impulsive decisions that make it awkward for the both of them.
He got clingier and more possessive of Sunoo in a way that he can’t quite justify. But that only meant pettier fights between them.
Whenever Sunoo gets preoccupied with his phone, Sunghoon is quick to snatch it away, prompting Sunoo to chase him around the dorm. When Sunoo feels sleepy during their drama nights, Sunghoon tells him off, resulting in them arguing about a completely separate thing. Even their work is affected. They can’t finish a dance lesson without the two of them bickering.
Sunghoon should’ve seen it coming, but he still felt surprised when Sunoo obviously kept his distance even more. Sunghoon’s attempts to keep Sunoo closer to him inevitably failed, and he’s found himself in a much more difficult dilemma. They don’t share meals anymore. They don’t shop for skin care stuff anymore. And Sunghoon eventually drops the drama that they were both excited to finish.
He releases his frustrations by going to the gym and punching the dummy set up there. He used to think it was all the guys who had not-so-subtly asked Sunoo out, but it didn't take long for him to think it was himself.
He’s the problem.
He knows that his jealousy is misplaced. He doesn’t have the right to make Sunoo feel bad for being close to other people.
Despite the anger that he feels for himself, there’s also a tinge of worry that eats him up. His conscience knocks at him in the middle of the night because he knows he won’t be able to run away from the truth forever.
Jay was right. It happens. No matter how much he tries to deny it, he likes Sunoo. He likes Sunoo very much, to the point that he wishes he could just have him all to himself.
But he can’t be selfish. Sunoo might not feel the same way, even though he thought so at first. Sunoo was the first to take a step forward and admit that he wants to get closer to Sunghoon. Sunoo was the first to confess that the reason for it was because he found Sunghoon attractive. Sunoo was the first one to set up those drama nights and their skin care routines.
And now, Sunghoon is mindlessly punching a dummy because he’s too much of a coward to admit his feelings.
"Sunghoon-ah, here’s our schedule for Germany," Sunghoon’s manager approaches him after his workout. The older man hands him a piece of paper, which Sunghoon quickly scans. "Let me know if you have any questions or if you have any other requests.
Sunghoon’s eyes go over the accommodations and see his assigned roommate, Sunoo. He panics for a bit and asks his manager who made the assignment.
"Oh, it was randomly selected. We wanted to give you separate rooms, but there were issues with the hotel." Then, his manager pauses and smirks at him knowingly. "Ya, you should stop fighting with Sunoo."
Sunghoon looks at him in surprise. "We’re not fighting."
The manager scoffs. "Yeah, right." He pats Sunghoon on the shoulder. "Trust me. I’m sure Sunoo doesn’t feel good about what’s happening between you either."
plus one.
Sunoo is not dumb; he knows that something’s up with Sunghoon, and whatever it is, it has something to do with the fact that he’s hanging out with other people.
Sunoo from the past would’ve thrived if he knew that Sunghoon is affected by the people he’s interacting with. But after almost two years of living together and getting closer to each other, Sunoo just found it quite an inconvenience.
It’s not because Sunoo’s initial feelings for Sunghoon changed. No, he’s very much still infatuated with his bandmate even though he knows that the concept of them being together is close to nonexistent. No, he’s not completely annoyed that Sunghoon is acting all possessive toward him.
He’s just a little bit sad that Sunghoon thinks his position as Sunoo’s friend is being threatened just because Sunoo’s being friendly to other people. Hasn’t he done enough to show Sunghoon that he’s more special than he thinks he is? Are those drama nights and the pathetic excuse of a skin care routine just to get physically closer to him not enough to hint at his feelings?
Perhaps not. Or maybe Sunghoon is just painfully oblivious.
Well, he can’t dwell on those thoughts much because, at the end of the day, whatever’s happening between them is becoming more and more destructive.
Sunoo can’t count how many times he has had to backtrack from doing a certain thing because he knows it involves Sunghoon. The things that he used to like are getting fewer as well because they always remind him of Sunghoon. He wants their problems resolved.
He just wants to be with Sunghoon again, even if that means staying only as friends for the rest of their lives.
Luckily for him—though he knows it will be painfully awkward for the both of them—they’re going to be roommates in Germany. Maybe they can actually have a chat about where their friendship stands while they’re at it.
"One bed?" Sunghoon asks in disbelief once they arrive at their accommodations. Even Sunoo’s eye bulged out of his head at the revelation. But their manager just smirks at them shamelessly.
"They don’t offer separate beds. Sorry," he says. Their manager doesn’t offer any assurance that they can get a special request for a separate mattress because he’s out of the room as soon as he says those words.
Sunoo and Sunghoon stare at each other for a moment, but Sunoo was the first to break away in a cough. "I’ll take the right side," he says, hoping that it’s casual and nonchalant enough to hide his rampaging heartbeat.
They don’t have any other choice. It’s a good thing that they’re both busy preparing for their performances, leaving their shared hotel room empty for the majority of their stay in Germany.
But schedules come to an end, and night always falls.
After dinner, Sunoo finds Sunghoon napping on the bed, still in his clothes from earlier. Sunghoon excused himself from dinner, opting to rest first before their performance the next day.
Sunoo can’t stand seeing Sunghoon in uncomfortable clothes. His skin will also break out if he doesn’t wash the cosmetics off of his face. So, despite being full of nervous energy, Sunoo sits on the side of the bed and pats Sunghoon awake.
With a gentle voice, he says, "Hyung. Sunghoon-hyung." Sunghoon grumbles. He opens his eyes slightly, but doesn’t really react much when he sees Sunoo. "Wash up first before you sleep."
Still in a haze, Sunghoon nods and lazily goes to the bathroom.
Now alone with his thoughts, the sudden realization that he’ll be sharing a bed with Sunghoon, with whom he’s not really on the best of terms, hits him like a truck. He supposes that they’ll just be sleeping beside each other, but it’s quite different to share an intimate space with Sunghoon when they have unresolved issues.
Maybe he can still switch rooms with one of the members?
Before that plan comes to fruition, Sunoo is already face-to-face with Sunghoon, who is fresh out of the shower. They look awkwardly at each other, so different from how they used to interact.
"My turn." Sunoo hurriedly goes to the bathroom and washes up as well, hoping that it would buy him some time to calm himself down.
He could only do so much, of course. After a few minutes, he goes back to their shared room and slowly walks toward his side of the bed. Sunghoon is scrolling through his phone, feigning ignorance about Sunoo’s existence.
Maybe it could work. Maybe they’ll just have to ignore each other for the rest of the night.
"Sunoo-ya." Nope. That’s a big no, then.
"Hmm?"
"Can we talk?" Sunghoon asks with a tinge of obvious hesitation in his voice. But he puts his phone on the nightstand and waits for Sunoo to sit beside him.
Sunoo nods and pulls himself under the covers, focusing on the soft blankets instead of Sunghoon. "Sure. What is it?”
Sunghoon doesn’t speak for a moment, as if he’s weighing the words in his mouth. "Well… Uhm…" If it were Sunoo, he wouldn’t know how to start either. "We’ve been in this weird situation lately, and I feel that it’s all my fault."
Sunoo doesn’t reply. In a way, it is Sunghoon’s fault for being weird. But at the same time, Sunoo was the one who actively avoided him, leaving less room for them to interact.
"I… I’m sorry for being so annoying lately. And for being clingy. And for snapping at you when there isn’t really any reason for me to do that." Sunoo sneaks a glance at Sunghoon and sees his hyung looking so guilty. "I must have hurt you, and I… I hate that I’m doing it. I’m still childish, and I don’t know how to deal with all these feelings."
"Feelings?" Sunoo’s heart skips a beat. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but the way Sunghoon looks at him with surprised eyes—as if he just divulged something he shouldn’t have—leaves him hopeful. Hopeful, perhaps, that Sunghoon sees him not only as a friend.
Sunghoon swallows. "I mean…"
"Hyung…" Sunoo interrupts before taking a deep breath. "I… I feel like we’ve been holding back a lot of things. I don’t think we’ll ever resolve this if we don’t become truthful to each other."
"I’m being truthful, Sunoo," Sunghoon insists. "It’s just difficult for me to deal with this. I mean… You… I don’t know." Sunghoon scratches his head and groans in frustration as he hides behind his hands. Sunoo finds it quite endearing, but he keeps that to himself.
"What is it, hyung?"
"I think you already know."
"What if I don’t?"
Sunghoon glares at him lightly, prompting Sunoo to give him a small smile at the amusing display of conflicting emotions.
"You know, don’t you? You have an idea of what I’m going to say?"
Sunoo shrugs. "I don’t want to assume things."
"Fine," Sunghoon groans, giving up. "I did those things because I was dumb. And seeing you so happy with other people, people who don’t know you as well as I do, ticks me off. It makes me…" Sunghoon hesitates. "Jealous."
Sunoo feels like throwing himself off a cliff. Not in a bad way. More like in a Sunghoon-hyung-may-have-a-crush-on-me-too-and-I-can’t-take-it kind of way.
"Why?" Sunoo pushes on. "Why would you be jealous?"
"Sunoo…"
"What? I told you I don’t want to make assumptions; that’s why I’m clarifying."
"You’re just teasing me," Sunghoon says while rolling his eyes, a habit that he picked up from Sunoo. "But fine. Whatever. I like you. There. I said it." Sunoo holds his breath at how bluntly Sunghoon confessed to him. It’s unlike the many scenarios that he imagined in his head. "You don’t have to like me back. In fact, I get it if you think it’s weird because we’re both guys. But whatever. I just have to say it."
"Wait, what?" Sunoo asks, taken aback. "What do you mean by that? You’re really clueless, aren’t you?"
Sunghoon really doesn’t have a clue how Sunoo feels about him, and Sunoo takes some offense. He’s done everything that a dumb kid would do to get closer to their crush, and yet Sunghoon has no idea.
"You’re having these conflicts without even thinking that maybe I like you too?"
Sunghoon’s eyes widen. "Do… Do you?"
Sunoo looks at him in disbelief. "You can’t seriously think those meals were coincidental, hyung. Even the fact that I approached you on I-Land is a big clue."
This time, Sunghoon sits up and faces Sunoo. "Wait, wait, wait! You… What? You like me?"
The way Sunghoon looks so surprised but also relieved rips out a hearty laugh from Sunoo. He can’t believe they’ve liked each other all this time, but on one hand, he should’ve considered this progression as well. It’s just stupid that they keep having petty arguments for no reason.
"Yeah."
Sunghoon exhales like he’s been holding his breath for a million years. Then, he slowly lays down on the bed again. "Okay. Wow. You like me. I like you. We like each other. And we’re sharing a bed."
Sunoo’s cheeks burn. He slaps Sunghoon on the arm lightly. "Hey, don’t think about weird things. I know hapkido, and I will not hesitate to use my skills to break your arm if you do something dumb."
"I’m not thinking about anything weird." To emphasize his point, Sunghoon moves to the edge of the bed and puts a pillow between them. "See? You can rest easy."
"Okay." Sunoo lays down as well and waits for his heartbeat to calm down, which is quite an impossible feat for the night.
"So, are we good?"
"Yes," Sunoo answers.
"Alright." And despite the distance between them created by the soft pillow, Sunghoon manages to find Sunoo’s hand beneath the covers and tangles their fingers together.