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“Who would have thought that me getting a little injury would be the thing that made you leave serenity and settle down.” Wash leaned over the console of their car (painfully) to give Zoe a kiss
“You had a Reaver harpoon shot through your chest,” Zoe snapped “that’s hardly what I call a little injury.” She whispered into his kiss.
With a grunt Wash sat back into his seat, “Now take us home dear.”
“Okay, let’s take it slow though okay?”
Wash grunted again “Slow” he scoffed “I’m a leaf on the wind…”
“ Don’t,” Zoe cut him off “Don’t ever say that again. Ever.”
Wash smiled sweetly, “Watch me soar”
Zoe slammed the car to a stop and turned slowly towards Wash and flicked his forehead hard. “Don’t ever.” She admonished
“Okay dear.” Wash said, giving his wife a cheeky grin. “Now let’s go home.”
“Honey,” Wash yelled “Where is the apple peeler?”
“We don’t have one dear, just use a knife!” Zoe yelled from her spot on the couch.
Wash stuck his head through the kitchen door to give her a scolding stare, “The horror.” He said “You’re joking. Now where in the gorram ‘Verse is my apple peeler.”
“If you want one so bad we can get one tomorrow.” Zoe said not moving
“No,” Wash said grabbing his coat “I am not putting up with this blasphemy for another day, we shall leave right now to get an apple peeler.”
Zoe raised an eye brow, “Right now. After we just got you home form the hospital.”
Wash put on his sexiest smolder, which looked more painful than sexy, and sauntered up to her, burying his face in her neck and sprinkling it with kisses. “Yes my love, my world. My universe.”
Zoe rolled her eye and chuckled while steering Wash to the couch and leading him on it, “I am sorry love but that is not going to work, you need rest.” She stood up and left Wash lying on the couch looking put out. He got up, grunting as he did so and holding onto his side. He started to painfully lift his arms up and down, and jumping.
“I’m going to do jumping jacks until you take me to get my apple peeler.” He challenges.
“Wash don’t you dare,” she sighs in defeat “If we go get your apple peeler will you promise to rest?”
Wash is panting from exertion and now only has one hand going up and down in the air, the other holding his side again. But he still managed to give her an irritating grin “Only if we get a lot more apples too.” He said smugly.
Zoe groaned and hugged Wash’s arms to his body while keeping him from jumping anymore, “Yes we can get more apples as well as long as you stop doing that! You are going to pull something.”
“Or pop my stiches.” Wash speculated “And spill my organs out all over the place. Or have a heart attack and die! We better get all kinds of apple s to make sure I have enough different kinds to occupy me in my wound instigated boredom.”
“Yeah let’s not do any of those things, we go on one condition. You can go to pick out the apple peeler but you have to sit in the car while I get the apples.” Zoe insisted
Wash seemed to contemplate the offer. “Hmm, deal.” He said “but I have two other conditions”
“You’re not really in a position to negotiate.” She said
“One, you get multiple kinds” he continued ignoring her holding up one finger “and two,” another finger flicked up “I get a kiss to make me feel better.”
“You are such a fucking nerd, you know what? Deal!” she pulled him in and planted a big kiss on his cheek. “Now get in the gorram car and I’ll grab my keys.”
She moved to turn around and go into their room when she heard wash laugh quietly. “Uhh, sweetie?” he asked
“Hmm?” she said
“I think I pulled something. I’ll need help to get to the car.” He said sheepishly.
She shrugged “Well now you are going to have to wait, I will help you in after I find my keys.”
Zoe exasperatedly turned around and continued to her room, her sweet, lovable, idiotic husband laughing quietly behind her. She smiled “Thank God for Simon” she thought. She couldn’t imagine what she would have done if Wash had died…
Zoe was just going to drive to the nearest grocery store to find the most generic apple peeler but Wash was not having it.
“No Zoe we need to go to the house store thingy in the mall that Inara took you too, to get one there. They have a wide selection.” He emphasized.
Zoe growled and turned around, just to get her husband, who she loved dearly she reminded herself with gritted teeth, to shut up.
“Zoe look it is one like Badger had!” Wash exclaimed.
“Wash do we really need one that… complex? How about this one, it is small and functional and doesn’t look hard to clean.” She held up the least expensive apple peeler she could find.
Wash looked like he had insulted his dead mother. “But this one not only peels,” he said as if explaining it to a 2 year old, “but cores and FREAKING SPIRAL SLICEs!” he realized as he turned the crank to show his wife the pure genius that is the apple peeler. “We defiantly need this apple peeler!”
A very irritated Zoe grabbed the apple peeler wash was insisting on and stalked to the cashier.
When Zoe got back in the car after her long and treacherous journey to the grocery store, she plopped the bag of apples in Wash’s lap and smiled smugly. That was before Wash opened the bag of apples and then stared at her in disbelief.
“The pink apples Zoe.” He said astonished “Where are my pink apples?”
“Right there” she pointed to a very nice, juicy looking bright red apple. “Pink yellow and green, all the kinds.” She said smugly.
“No Zoe, those are clearly red apples.” Wash crossed his arms as if to pout.
“Wash stop being a baby, I got you 3 kinds of apples and that is enough.”
Wash looked offended. “But pink are my favorite?”he begged
“No.”
“Please.”
“No.”
The smack of a hand hitting the top of their car made them jump “We got a wave saying our favorite pilot was out of the hospital.” A familiar voice said
“Mal make her get me pink apples”
“Zoe, get him some pink apples. You know he won’t stop until he has his apples.”
Wash piped in “He is right you know dear, I won’t.”
Zoe just smirked, “I know Captain but I am not getting him any more apples. He has enough and it is a Reaver whore house in there.” She said
“I’ll get them.” Sweet Kaylee said, and practically skipped into the store. Zoe’s head slowly lowered to rest on the steering wheel.
Wash was grinning from ear to ear, “You know what Zoe, I am feeling much better now.” He managed to lean over enough to kiss her head. “Thank you.”
Zoe just fixed him with a stare and undid her seatbelt. “Doctor,” she said “You’re it.” She tossed him the keys, grabbed the multiple terrain vehicles and took off in the direction of the house.
Simon was still staring at the keys confused when a cocky voice they all missed for the months it was in a medication induced coma, said:
“Jayne check out my new apple peeler.”