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Madness is like a hungry beat.
Once it tastes your skin, it wants more.
It moves to your muscles, to your bones, slowly crawling to your head. And once it reaches your heart, there is no going back.
Xiao knew that, madness was an old friend of his.
Bosacius, Indarias, Bonanus, Menogias. They were all consumed by madness and insanity. Receiving so many Karmic debt through decades only sped up the process, and one by one they left Xiao alone in a land he did not belong. A land where once born, it was known that death would come someday. A land where you don't have to fear for nightmares every single day. Liyue couldn't welcome Xiao, but it was his duty to protect it.
As the Yaksha sat by a tree, yellow leaves carried by the gentle breeze fell on the grass he sat. The city was on his horizon, all its joyful lights filling his sight. The cold wind of the night hit his skin as he pulled his legs closer to his chest. It was one of those days where his heart reminded him how alone he was. He missed that one song he once heard from a bard many years ago. Xiao couldn't bring himself to hum along to his memory, his rough voice was unworthy of such peaceful melody.
He had just arrived from the memorial he made for Bonanus and Menogias, it was the anniversary of their last battle. He couldn't understand how it all happened, perhaps he wasn't insane enough to comprehend it. He brought flowers that day, they were blue and yellow. Usually Xiao would've talked to them, commentated on how his recent battles were or how Morax was doing. That time, however, silence took over the shrine. It took over Xiao ever since he stepped foot there, and didn't show any signs of leaving soon. Not that it mattered, no one would talk to him anyways.
Lost in thought, Xiao didn't notice the approach of another man. He had indigo hair and wore a dark grey kimono with an exquisite hair from another nation.
"Hm, I guess my idea of sitting under a tree wasn't that original."
The Yaksha snapped back to reality, turning around to face the stranger. He was leaning on the tree with his arms crossed, how long was he there for?
"Who are you?"
"Does it matter? I'm just another person feeling miserable wanting to watch Liyue."
"I am not feeling miserable."
"Are you sure?"
His last question made Xiao quiet once again. He usually doesn't put much thought on his own feelings. Of course he can tell when he's happy or sad, but not any specific labels. The wind once again blew on the two as they remained silent.
"...Answering your question, my name is Kunikuzushi. And you are?"
"Alatus."
Kunikuzushi nodded at his straightforward response. Xiao was bothered by the fact he still stood there, not saying anything.
"You can also sit under the tree, I don't care."
Although he offered it, Xiao had hopes he would turn it down and finally leave. He did care if someone would sit there, he wasn't in the mood for a conversation about how miserable he is or whatever he wants to assume about his feelings.
"Don't mind if I do then."
Unfortunately for Xiao, Kunikuzushi sat next to him. He did remove his hat before doing so, which was a bit more acceptable to the Yasha.
A long time in silence passed, they were just staring at the city from a distance. Xiao's mind was a mess, he couldn't understand what that man was doing there, or why he would even feel alright sitting next to a stranger.
"Alatus, right? Why are you sitting here?"
"Why not?"
"You could be in Liyue Harbor, drinking a warm cup of tea."
The idea made Xiao sigh, he knew he wouldn't be able to do it.
"I don't belong there."
"How come?"
"Why aren't you there?"
"Same reason as you."
Kunukuzushi chuckled as he turned his gaze to Xiao.
"And you're just proving my point, you do feel miserable."
"I thought we were over this."
The Yaksha stretched as he stood up. He had enough of this stranger bothering him.
"I'll be going, goodbye Kunikuzushi."
The black aura consumed him until he was gone, leaving the other man sitting by himself.
"Quite the interesting one we've got here..."
He said to himself before taking his leave as well.
--
On the following day, rain poured down as Xiao opened his window at Wangshu Inn. The sound of the drops hitting the wood muffled all the ongoing conversations at the hotel lobby. His eyes then moved to the mountains covered by a fog as white as the clouds above. Rainy days never meant any good, if anything more people would need help to run from monsters.
Xiao stretched his arms before putting a beige tank top, he then passed his cold fingers through his green tattoo, analyzing every inch of it in the mirror. He noticed he was melancholic those past days, reminiscing about his past whenever he had his thoughts on himself. Perhaps the anniversary had moved his mind somewhere else and now he drifted through his memories before returning to reality.
Instead of reality, his thoughts brought him back to the encounter he had on the past evening with Kunikuzushi. Xiao immediately shook his head remembering how his smile looked when he said the word 'miserable'. Was he really like that? He had the blessings of Morax and a few humans he could consider something similar to friends, what else was needed to bring him out of said misery?
He had to clear his mind, and there was only one way of doing so. Karmic debt brought him such discomfort his mind would be clear for the next hours. It wasn't his preferred method of coping, but Xiao didn't want to drink, last time he drowned himself in alcohol he became a complete mess. He couldn't smoke either, the effects wouldn't be as nearly as effective as killing something.
The urge of killing brought disgust to Xiao, he knew that those thoughts were what went through the head of his fellow Yakshas before they drove themselves to suicide. Before he could think too much on his desires, he gripped tightly onto the jade spear lying on the corner and began to make way towards a camp of Hilichurls.
As he arrived, he could see five of them dancing around a totem, mumbling songs that were lost to time. There was a Mitachurl as well, carrying an axe that was the same size as Xiao, if not bigger. With no time to lose, he ran towards them and stabbed his spear through the first one, seeing the despair of the others through its open neck. They all dashed at the Yaksha with wooden bats, but their efforts were useless. Xiao fluctuated above them with Anemo, and plunged onto the ground, such impact made some of the Hilichurls die. The two left ran towards the Mitachurl, who jumped like a beast with its axe in hands. The Yaksha dodged the first swing, stabbing the chest of the Mitachurl. As it fell to the ground, Xiao turned back to the survivors, making sure none would get out alive from that place.
As the last Hilichurl grunted in pain as his final words, slow claps began to show from Xiao's left. He could recognize that silhouette anywhere.
"You're quite talented with your spear."
"Kunikuzushi?"
He asked in disbelief. What would anyone be doing outside during such a terrible day, specially nearby a Hilichurl camp? Most importantly, how did they find each other again?
"Glad to see you remember my name, Alatus."
"What... Why are you here?"
"Look around."
The fog hindered his vision, but he could see dozens of dead Hilichurls around him. Way more than he had killed.
And way more Karmic debt he was expecting.
"Fuck."
"They were already dead, I was just..."
"You need to leave."
Before Kunikuzushi could finish his sentence, Xiao cut him off. He knew that too much at once wouldn't put him at ease. He would become a monster, just like the ones he had killed.
"Alatus?"
No, he wouldn't become.
"Are you even listening?"
He was already one.
"Ah, shit..."
There was nothing he could do to save himself from his defined fate. Xiao grabbed his Yaksha mask and placed it on, not paying attention to his surroundings. He could see, smell, feel blood all around him. He could even taste it in his mouth. Just like he could taste all the souls he stole. His mind was impure, filled with thoughts of violence and his past. Xiao even forgot that Kunikuzushi was right there.
"I can hear them..."
He whispered to himself, kneeling down to the floor. He covered his head with his hands, trying to make them stop. It was useless, and he knew it. All he could do was pray that it wouldn't last for too long.
"Alatus, what are you...?"
The other approached his hand, but Xiao pushed it away in self-defense.
"Away from me!"
"...Alright."
He sighed and sat down in front of Xiao, analyzing his mask carefully. He knew it was best to not interact with him at such delicate moment. He waited for a few minutes, but they felt like hours.
As the Karma was consumed, he could hear him whisper his story, his fears, his feelings. After all, the Yaksha was nothing but a scared creature that was left alone.
When it was gone, Xiao opened his eyes to find Kunikuzushi staring at him.
"Were you here the entire time?"
"I suppose so."
The rain around them was weaker than earlier, and the fog was down. It was just the two of them sitting in the middle of the Hilichurl camp. The top of the towers was now visible, with pieces of wood sticking out from its top. the red cloth was now more than a red blur in the horizon, and the simplistic drawings gained shape.
Xiao placed his head between his knees in embarrassment, he didn't want for anyone to see him in such state. He couldn't look weak in front of a human, the kind he swore to protect with his life. He had betrayed one of the promises he made to Morax, and there was nothing he could do about it.
"You don't need to be ashamed."
"I'm not."
"Then show your face to me."
"..."
Kunikuzushi leaned back on his hands, slightly tilting his head to the right. He knew that it was a lie, but the other would never say it out loud.
"...I won't show my face to someone miserable."
"What?"
"You're miserable."
These sudden words took him aback. Xiao didn't even flinch while saying that to him.
"I'm miserable?"
"Of course you are miserable."
"So are you then."
For the first time, Kunikuzushi heard him laugh. It wasn't loud, or joyful. It was a weak giggle, and he finally looked up to Kunikuzushi with a fainted smile on his face.
"You never told me why you felt miserable."
"You didn't either."
"You heard everything, so I did tell."
"...You never asked me."
Kunikuzushi shrugged his shoulders, giving a side glance to the grass next to him. Xiao stopped hugging his knees and sat down placing his hands on his tights.
"I am asking now."
"Well, from what I heard you're quite loyal to Morax, aren't you?"
Xiao nodded.
"Imagine if a woman as powerful as him betrayed you. And that... traitorous bastard took everything from you, ruined your entire life and..."
"So you dislike her?"
"I hate her."
Kunikuzushi covered his face with his hands, letting a disappointed sigh out of his mouth.
"I wish I could scream how much I hate that woman."
"No one is here."
He looked around, and Xiao's point was proven to be right. He couldn't see the nearest city from where they stood. The camp they were at stood in the middle of a forest of Sandbearer tree, and no one was there. No one would listen to them.
Kunikuzushi removed his hat, stood up and began to scream.
"I hate you! I fucking hate you! I want to see you dead, with no power left! You were my creator! You... You were my fucking mother! Why did you do this to me?! Just why?!"
The Yaksha remained in silence as he watched the other pour his heart in the rain, a mix of tears with raindrops falling from his face. To think he didn't know his name until yesterday, and now he just stood upon him, completely vulnerable.
Slowly his eyes moved to how Kunikuzushi's hair looked when wet, his slim hands moving it away from his face as he looked up. He looked exactly like a marionette, the ones he saw years ago presented by humans. His pale skin as fragile as crystal, contrasting with his dark garment.
When he stopped shouting, he looked back at Xiao.
"Is there anything you want to scream at?"
"Myself."
"You blame yourself too often."
"I am one to blame."
"Nonsense."
Xiao looked up at the sky, a glimpse of blue began to show as the clouds moved away. Oddly enough, it looked like a healing wound amidst the mess.
"Alatus, can I meet you again?"
"Call me Xiao, and I'll be there."
And so, every time the word 'Xiao' was said, he would come to meet Kunikuzushi. Their meetings started off as casual encounters, they would sit by a tree or an abandoned camp and have small talk. As time went by, small pastries began to show up often, brought by both Xiao and Kunikuzushi. Xiao found it odd at first, but sweets could also taste as soft as almond tofu sometimes. It was also learned by Kunikuzushi that this was his favorite dish, so every once in a while he would bring it too. The first time Xiao brought sweets, he was so shy he couldn't look into the other's eyes when eating them. After the fourth time, he was finally able to act normally when doing so.
They learned about Liyue, Inazuma, and much more. Xiao learned how to eat Dango with milk, and Kunikuzushi learned how to find the best Zhongyuan Chop Suey. Xiao taught him about the history of Liyue, how the mountains and lakes were formed. Kunikuzushi taught him about the Shogunate and the dance of swords, although it was different with a spear.
Before they knew it, they were close friends. Their bond became somewhat unbreakable, and slowly Xiao began to appear without being called by Kunikuzushi.
"Xiao!"
Kunikuzushi called for him, holding Jade Parcels on his hands. The Yaksha materialized before him, and immediately sat down in front of Kunikuzushi.
"How have you been recently?"
"The usual, you?"
"I've been quite busy with my work..."
Xiao couldn't help but be surprised but his sudden revelation.
"You have a job?"
"Oh, I didn't tell you before?"
"What is it?"
Scaramouche scratched his wrist looking away. Xiao was confused by his hesitation in replying.
"It's... Uhm... I'm a diplomat."
"From Inazuma? You must really like it there."
"It's wonderful, but our ruler is..."
"Is?"
"Ah forget it. We used to be... Really close until she drifted away."
He took a bite from one of the Jade Parcels, brushing off the concern on his face.
The rest of their encounter was rather quiet other than memories from their past times together and small information about cultures and plants. Regardless of the situation, both still enjoyed each other's company while it lasted.
--
A year had passed with their weekly, if not daily, encounters. Kunikuzushi's workload increased by the second, to the point where most of the times they met, it would be either fast or with dozens of books surrounding them, while Xiao patiently observed the other as he studied about Archons, Gnosis, and any kind of information related to visions. Kunikuzushi knew Xiao was an Adepti, but refrained from asking any personal questions regarding the matter.
At one point, a small whispered called.
"Xiao?"
He immediately appeared from behind, a small smile showed when Kunikuzushi's face turned to him.
"I am here."
"I'll leave to Inazuma for a short while. I promise I'll be back."
His smile didn't last long. If anything, it shattered at that instant.
"Why?"
"I need to resolve some matters with my job."
"...I understand."
He didn't understand why it hurt so much, but it was necessary.
"I'm sorry."
"See you soon."
He prayed it wasn't a goodbye.
The following days were empty and numb. Xiao got used to the warmth of someone around him often, and now that he returned to his usual life, he felt like something was missing. He couldn't understand why he couldn't appreciate life alone anymore. He lived like so for thousands of years, what changed now? He couldn't wrap his head around such loneliness.
He spent one week inside Wangshu Inn, reading by the reception, listening to the conversation of the others. They weren't as interesting as him. He even tried attending one day, but he couldn't feel the same happiness he felt talking to him.
At some point, Xiao met with an old friend of his for some tea in Liyue.
The smell of black tea took over the small room, and two delicate cups were placed in front of Xiao and his friend.
"How long has it been since we've gathered together Xiao?"
"A while definitely."
A deep and fainted laugh came from the other man. Morax was still the same as he ever was.
They sat inside the staff's lounge inside the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, it was small and crowded with papers and pencils. The small window on top of the right wall allowed for the dust to shine through, and the compact table they sat on could barely have the two cups together.
As Morax, or Zhongli as he now called himself, sat down, a tired grunt came out of his mouth.
"You sound old, Morax."
"Six thousand years is quite a lot of time."
"And many yet to come."
"Hopefully."
Xiao tapped his two fingers on the table before taking the first sip. It slightly burned his mouth, but it didn't matter. Zhongli was next to take a sip, slightly nodding as the flavor took over his mouth.
"I heard you made a new friend."
"I did."
"Where is he?"
"In Inazuma. He has been there for 9 days now."
"Counting the days, huh? He must be very special."
"He's just a friend."
Zhongli looked at Xiao, his expression showed something he was unused to see in him. Xiao looked sad.
"Are you sure it's not like a... Best friend?"
"Whatever you want to call him."
"Oh please. You've been seeing this boy nearly every day now for over a year."
"A year?"
He didn't realize how much time had passed since they met. Over 365 days. Time went by so quickly with him. Years were not that long for humans, only a few of them before they died. He had already spent an entire one with Kunikuzushi, how many did he have left?
"You look distressed."
"He will die soon."
"Don't say that."
"He's a human."
Xiao looked down at his cup of tea. The realization that Kunikuzushi was human didn't hit him earlier.
Someday he will vanish, like a leaf taken by the wind. He will fly away from Xiao, leaving him once again alone. His life will be an endless trip to Inazuma without him.
"Xiao, look at me."
He was so used to following the orders given by Morax that his gaze immediately went back to him.
"Humans come and go. That is a fact. But that doesn't mean that you should avoid meaningful connections. The memories are what matter, not the eternity."
The Yaksha nodded as he heard the words from his Archon. He knew that Zhongli had a great relationship with a human, so these words were not only directed to him.
"I've taken this advice from an old companion. You know Shogun Ei from Inazuma, no?"
He began to ramble over his old memories with the other Archons. This time being the Archon of Eternity.
"...And then she created a puppet for herself sometime around 500 years ago. It was a pretty one, indigo hair, dark blue eyes...."
Xiao held his breath as he heard the description, finally paying some attention to his story.
"Indigo hair?"
"Ah yes, looked really nice. I haven't seen him in so long, she probably discarded him. Poor one."
Suddenly, everything he knew fell into place. The woman he hated, the woman who left him. The woman who hurt Kunikuzushi was right in front of him that entire time. His hands trembled as he held the cup of tea. Xiao felt betrayed, confused, deceived. Moreover, he needed to know why he was in Inazuma.
"I have to go."
He placed his cup down and rose from the table, the black aura slowly building up around his body. Zhongli looked at him in confusion.
"Don't tell me your friend is..."
"I'll be back later."
And so he vanished, as quickly as he arrived.
"Xiao... Always getting yourself in trouble."
Zhongli laughed as he stood up, he had to write a letter to a friend before it was too late.
--
As Xiao familiarized him with his surroundings, he speeded towards the city in his horizon. He couldn't sure if Kunikuzushi would be there, but he had to find him no matter what. He walked through the streets, seeing hundreds of unfamiliar faces. Hundreds of humans around him. He finally stopped in an alley, looking at the people rushing in the main street. Xiao knew how Liyue worked, but that time he was completely alone.
Was he too impulsive in rushing to Inazuma? He was so worried over Kunikuzushi he didn't even think twice about coming to an unfamiliar nation with no mora or guidance. He couldn't remember the last time he was so irresponsible over his own actions. And now there he was, standing next to boxes filled with something shaped like chess pieces, and empty bottles of saké broken on the floor.
The door next to him suddenly opened, and a man rushed out aggressively.
"Those little motherfuckers..."
"Childe?"
"Oh, what the hell do they want from me now..."
He rolled his eyes before realizing who was in front of him at that moment.
"Well, isn't that Zhongli's kiddo! Xiao, am I right? What brings you here, buddy?"
"You shouldn't treat me like a child."
Xiao crossed his arms, he was at least two millennia older than him. The only issue being that he was considerably shorter than Childe, who was laughing at his commentary.
"Couldn't help it. But what are you doing in Inazuma?"
"...Do you know anyone named Kunikuzushi?"
"You mean Scaramouche?"
"What?"
"A little taller than you, dark blue hair or whatever they call? That's the number six of the Fatui Harbingers."
So that's what he meant by diplomat. Xiao was getting sick of all those revelations of Kunikuzushi.
"Where is he?"
"Wait, I'll call him outside..."
"No need."
Xiao burst through the facility, all the men from Snezhnaya looking down on him as he ran looking through the doors. All of that didn't matter to him. It didn't matter if Kunikuzushi was the puppet of Shogun Ei. It didn't matter if Kunikuzushi was a Fatui Harbinger. It didn't matter if Kunikuzushi was probably hiding half of his life, what mattered was that Xiao never had to fake a laugh with him, pretend to smile when he was near him, go against his own will to please him.
And that only proved itself to be true when he reached Kunikuzushi shouting at a tall, blonde woman.
"I don't give a shit if you want to fight the Raiden Shogun, I will go back to Liyue before that."
"Don't make me laugh Scaramouche, that little boyfriend of yours couldn't give two fucks if you died right here! Where is he now, huh? You've been gone for 9. Fucking. Days. 9 days and he still didn't talk to you! Is he going to pick you up now before you cry?"
"Shut up. I am leaving."
"No way in hell you are you son of a bitch. Let's see, you're only leaving if that little boyfriend of yours shows up."
"Rosalyne..."
"I've said the same thing yesterday. No sign of him."
Xiao knocked on the door, he couldn't contain his anger for another second.
"I'll be taking him."
"Alatus?"
Without a response, Kuniuzushi was dragged by the Yaksha outside of the facility until they reached the outskirts of the city. Xiao finally loosened the grip on his sleeve.
"...I would go insane if you stayed any longer here."
"How did you find me?"
"You're the puppet of Shogun Ei?"
"Ah..."
"And a Fatui Harbinger?"
"...Surprise?"
Xiao squatted down to his knees covering his face with the palm of his hands. He couldn't even be mad at Kunikuzushi.
"I didn't want for you to hate me!"
"Why would I ever hate you?"
"Because I am against an Archon?"
"I don't care."
A moment of silence passed by. Kunikuzushi looked down at Xiao, being unsure of what to say.
"...So, you're immortal?"
"Huh? Yes, I suppose so."
Xiao stood up again. He was now face to face with Kunikuzushi.
"Don't look at me like that."
"Like?"
"Like you're either about to kill or kiss me."
"Kiss you?"
"No, I mean..."
"You mean?"
"Can you stop repeating everything I say?"
"...You say?"
"God, Xiao! Can you just shut up..."
"And kiss you?"
Kunikuzushi froze, he didn't expect such approach from Xiao. It's not like Xiao did either. Maybe it was the adrenaline of finding out that he was also immortal, so he had no need of feeling guilty if he feel in love, which he had done long ago.
"...I guess you can do that."
Xiao then placed his lips on top of Kunikuzushi's, closing his eyes as he asked for permission to go inside. He wrapped his arms around the other's waist, pulling him closer to his body. Kunikuzushi then held Xiao's shoulders passionately, trying to keep him there as long as possible.
When they were done, a small feeling of uncertainty passed through Xiao. Did he just get his, he supposes now boyfriend, fired? What would they do now? Are they going to be together forever?
"You have that look you have on your face when you think too much."
"Do I?"
"I've known you for a year now, you obviously do."
"A year won't matter a lot soon."
"I like your thinking."
And Xiao was right, as far as eternity goes, they would spend an infinite amount of time together. Doesn't matter if something bad happens in one particular day of their lives. They will forget about it in a year or less. But they knew that this one memory was unforgettable: The memory of falling in love.
In the end, Xiao's worries could be easily erased with someone by his side. Madness was just a tiny angry animal that would annoy him for 1 minute and leave, and 1 minute wouldn't change his life. Unless this minute was spent with Kunikuzushi.
He really hoped most of them were from now on.