Chapter Text
Peter was so fucking mad at Sirius Black.
Why did he think he could do this? He was going to tear them apart. They were supposed to be best friends. They were supposed to be like brothers. And now Sirius was standing there, just smirking at Snape, while Remus changed in front of their eyes.
Peter had seen it before, so many times, but he still couldn’t watch. Moony howled and howled as his body lengthened, his clothes ripping off. Peter changed too, quickly, whipping his head back and forth from Sirius to Remus to James.
But there was Snape.
Through Moony’s howling, he could hear James yelling. Sirius’ grin was fading. Snape’s eyes were widening further and further, as if they might just fall out and roll onto the floor. He was slowly backing away from them.
“Sirius, what were you thinking? You idiot!” It was James. Peter practically sighed in relief that James wasn’t taking Sirius’ side on this, at least. Moony was almost completely transformed. They had to get Snape out of here.
“I– I didn’t think–”
“Bloody right, you didn’t think!” James shouted. Sirius flinched back. “Just– just keep Moony in line and I’ll deal with– with this.”
“Right,” Sirius whispered. His head had already fallen. Peter would have been sorry for him almost; he knew Sirius didn’t take scolding well, and he had valid reasons. The problem was that Peter knew Sirius had just changed everything. He knew that Snape could tell anyone, and he knew that Remus would never forgive Sirius. Where did that leave him? And James?
Snape and James were running out of the room, the door slamming shut behind them. Sirius, his head still down, seemed to shrink as he turned into Padfoot. Moony was howling so loudly, it seemed as though he knew something was wrong. Did he? Peter didn’t know exactly how all of it worked. What he did know was that Moony would practically tear the walls down if they kept him in here any longer.
Peter scurried through the hole at the bottom of the door out of the Shack and opened it from the outside as always. Moony tumbled through the door, Padfoot lagging behind. They ran into the woods. Prongs joined them sometime later, and Peter wondered what Snape was doing. Surely he wouldn’t be sleeping for weeks. Peter hoped so, but also, he could sympathize with that look of terror. Peter was used to Moony now, but if he couldn’t turn into a rat? He wasn’t sure he would ever feel safe in that position.
The woods tumbled around them as they ran and ran and ran, the moon above them. Peter took it all in; it was their last moon at Hogwarts this year. The O.W.L.s had been taken, their trunks would soon be packed, and this, as far as Peter was concerned, might be their last moon together, ever. If Peter knew anything about Snape, he knew that by morning, Remus would have to go. They would likely never see him again. Sirius would be devastated, but it was his choice. Peter didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t know how to feel about anything. That morning, when they all got back to the dorm, no one spoke a word. Peter fell into his bed, closed the drapes, set a silencing charm, and cried.
---
Their last two weeks at Hogwarts were torture. It felt as though all of them were on edge, just waiting for something to happen. Waiting for Snape to tell someone. Waiting for the year to be over. Waiting for Remus to speak to Sirius. Waiting for Sirius to stop trying to get him to.
Peter spent a lot of time with James in the library, or on the grounds, or at the edge of the Forbidden forest. Sometimes they even snuck out with the Map into one of the secret passages they knew so well. Neither of them could stand to be around Sirius, and Sirius seemed to be bothering Remus whenever any of them could find him, so they didn’t see much of him, either. Remus stays away from the dorm whenever Sirius is there. He goes to bed so late and wakes up so early that they never see him there.
Peter found himself longing for the days before this mess. It was hard to remember what it was like before he was worrying about Snape all the time. On the other hand, he knew it had been easy to just exist. Sometimes he even wished for the months before they had known Remus’ secret, although he knew that was selfish. It was only that they had had nothing to worry about. It had just been the four of them, and it always would be. Now, there was always something to worry about. Even when they left Hogwarts for the summer and the Sirius and Remus drama couldn’t concern them, there were still… other things. Bigger things, lurking outside the castle walls.
One afternoon, only a couple of days before the end of the term, Peter and James were walking about the castle, staying away from Sirius. Peter could tell it was hurting James to do so, but they had discussed it. What Sirius had done was inexcusable. Until Remus forgave him in some capacity, neither would they. They had walked into one of their favorite secret passageways to the sound of someone sobbing, quite loudly.
They paused. It was dark, and they didn’t recognize the sound as someone they knew. James lit his wand with a quiet lumos. They looked ahead to see Remus, arms around his knees, crying into his jumper.
James gasped a little, like he couldn’t imagine a worse sight. Peter nearly felt the same. They had never seen Remus cry, ever. Not when they discovered his secret, not after the first time they saw him change, not even at the end of school terms when they all had to leave for the summers. It was dreadful, it really was.
James knew what to do, though. Of course he did. Peter loved him for that. He quietly walked over to Remus and slid down the wall of the passage to sit next to him.
“Remus,” he said softly.
“James,” Remus whispered between his teeth, choking out another sob. “Please leave me be.”
Peter shifted softly on his feet, uncertain, but opted to slide down the wall opposite James and Remus. He wouldn’t leave his friends like this.
“Remus,” James said again. “I just want to be here for you, okay? You don’t have to talk to me and Pete, we’re just here for you.”
Remus sniffled some more, still without lifting his head. Peter knew, a bit, how he felt; crying in front of people was horrible. The weakness it made him feel–he wanted to be strong for people, especially for his friends. But he understood why Remus was crying.
“Moony, mate,” Peter said, “I would be crying too, alright? It’s–this is shit, is what it is.”
Remus snorted just a little. “Too bloody right.” He still doesn’t lift up his head.
James glances at Peter for just a second, them puts his arm around Remus. Remus flinches a little as James’ arm settles across his shoulders, but he leans in a moment later. Peter gets that, too. James is always warm. His hugs are perfection.
“You know, we’re not going to talk to him until you do, mate. It’s your call.” James looks a little pained to say this.
“I’m never going to talk to him,” Remus says back, a little childishly. “Do you even–He could have–I could be killed for this. I could go to Azkaban because of his stupid fucking prank. He thought it was a joke or something, but it’s not, it’s my life.” Remus seethes. James rubs his back. Remus adds, quietly, “I would think he, of all people, would understand.”
Peter doesn’t know exactly what Remus means by that, but it’s breaking his heart to hear Remus sound so dejected.
“You’ll have the whole summer to yourself, though,” Peter adds, trying to help. “You can visit us, for sure! You know my mum thinks you’re so clever.”
“Yeah, we can play quidditch out back at mine!” James says in a slightly cheerful tone. “And my mum and dad love to see you too, I’ll get mum to make that chocolate bread you like so much.”
“James, you know how much I hate quidditch,” Remus says. Peter thinks he might be smiling a smidge.
“Oh, right.” James’ face falls as if he really had entirely forgotten. “Well, we’ll still have you over. You can watch Pete fall off his broom and eat chocolate bread.”
“Hey!” Peter says. “I hardly fall off more than you, with all your stupid moves.”
“Well those stupid moves make me the best chaser in the school,” James replies. Peter sees Remus’ head shift up to look at them, just a little.
“Maybe since Frank has gone, but you’ll never be as good as him.”
James’ face visibly reddens. “Oh, sod off, Pete. You know I know that.”
Peter smiles softly. “Yeah, I know.”
Remus has properly lifted his head up now. “Well, you lot have the map, right?” His voice is a little crackly. James and Peter both nod. “Great. Please tell me he’s not in the dorm so I can pack up?”
James wrenches the map out of his pocket, glad to be of help to Remus. Even in the relative darkness of the passage, Peter can see that his eyes are terribly red. His face looks thinner, too. Can a person lose weight in a week and a half? He must have. James murmurs to the map, and their elaborate ink design swirls away from the tip of his wand. He carefully looks it over.
“He’s not in the dorm, or the common room,” James starts. His eyes continue to search the map. Remus’ are as well, almost hungrily. Peter is too far to read any of the names, but he notices when their eyes both stop in one spot. They don’t say anything.
“Well, where is he?” Peter asks, curious.
“He’s with Mary,” Remus says. The disgust in his voice and face are clear.
James just sighs, perhaps in disappointment. “Well, let’s go then, shall we?” He stands up and offers a hand to Remus. Remus doesn’t take it, which doesn’t seem to bother James; Remus really isn’t one for that kind of physical contact anyway. Peter joins them, and they exit the passage to head to the dorm.
---
The end of the year feast seems subdued, but Peter suspects that’s probably just him. Their other friends seem to pick up that something is wrong, but obviously they don’t know what. Lily usually steers clear of James and opts to sit near Remus, and that hasn’t changes. Marlene usually sits near her and Mary, though, but now Mary is sitting with Sirius, nearly all the way at the other end of the table. Marlene looks torn, but sits next to Lily all the same. Better that than third wheeling, as she points out. This makes Remus look down at his plate and push his food around. James keeps stealing glances at Sirius and Mary. Sirius looks a little… less, as well. Peter is sure he isn’t excited to return home, and on top of this… well, it’s sure to be a bit of a rubbish holiday for all of them.
At one point during the feast, Lily sighs in exasperation and sets her fork down. No one has said anything for the past five minutes, terribly, so everyone looks at her. “Is one of you three going to tell us what happened? You four are normally inseperable. I wouldn’t worry so much, but… well, it seems serious.”
James snorts. Remus looks at him sharply. Peter can’t help but grin as well, and he makes eye contact with James. Remus looks at them both and rolls his eyes so hard Peter is surprised they don’t stick.
Lily frowns. “What is so funny?”
“Well, you see, it is serious. Or, Sirius, that is,” James drawls. Peter actually lets out a snicker. Lily throws her hands up in the air. This makes Remus chuckle a little. That makes Peter smile even more. It’s the first time he’s seen him laugh since the prank. And without a moment’s notice, the three of them are laughing the hardest they have in weeks. It’s so lovely. Marlene and Lily try to ask them what’s actually happened, but they have no luck getting through. It’s just as well, really, because they couldn’t tell them anyway. The three of them only quiet down when they’re forced to by Dumbledore standing up to speak.
“Well, another year come and gone,” Dumbledore begins. “I trust that each of you learned something this year, if not from a teacher, from a classmate, or a friend.” Peter, James, and Remus all look at each other with wide eyes. It’s as if the old man can read their minds, every year.
“Outside of these walls, you are sure to learn even more. Times are changing, as you all well know, in many ways. I would urge you to stay alert and careful. Keep those you love close. I hope to see you all return safely next year, ready to learn once again. But as it is, enjoy the holidays. I know I will.” Dumbledore winks twinkly, his spectacles gleaming in the candlelight, and walks away from his podium. The students clap wildly, no doubt excited for the break from school. Peter, James, and Sirius know better; there are things stirring in their world. It might be best here for them.
---
The next morning the three of them walk to the train station together. The grounds are absolutely stunning, and Peter will miss them. He loves Hogwarts more than anything, mostly because at Hogwarts, he knows he will always have support. He will always have his friends. Lately, that hasn’t been as true as always, but things will go back to normal. Peter can feel it. For now, they have to take their time. Sirius has to learn. Remus has to heal.
The train ride is rather quiet, even though their compartment has five people in it, rather than only four. Lily and Marlene have taken the place of Sirius, for now. James hasn’t mentioned once that it’s Lily’s first time riding the train with him; in any other scenario, Peter thinks he would have driven her mad out of the compartment by now. In any other scenario, he would be thrilled. Things just haven’t been feeling right to any of them recently.
There’s a long stretch of time when Lily, Remus, and Peter are reading, James is just staring out the window, and Marlene is twirling her wand. Marlene breaks the silence by asking, “Things aren’t going to be the same, are they?”
They all look at her, surprised, but no one argues. It’s unclear what she’s talking about, because it could be so many things: Sirius, the war, Hogwarts… Peter understands, though. Somehow, he knows exactly what she means.
“I’m afraid not, Marls,” James replies. He’s still looking out the window. London is visible in the distance now. In half an hour, they’ll be separated once again, leaving to go home to different places. It aches Peter to know he won’t see them for months. It just makes him all the more grateful that he and James live so close.
Lily sighs. “I just hope we can make it through it.” It’s unclear what she’s referring to as well. It could be anything, but they all just hum in agreement.
“We will,” Marlene declares steadily. “We’ll grow old and tell stories to our kids about all fun we had and the pranks we pulled–”
“You mean the pranks we pulled,” Remus corrects her with a smirk.
Marlene rolls her eyes. Lily pipes up, “I’m not telling my children about your pranks. I don’t need to deal with that disaster all over again.”
“Oh, please, Evans,” James chimes in, “You love our pranks. Who would we all be without them?”
“Boring, that’s who,” Peter says.
“Peter, that’s not even grammatically correct,” Lily says with a frown. Remus laughs. It’s a nice sound.
“Well, Boring, what do you say we come back next year with some plans? I can think of a few Slytherins who could use some laughs.”
Peter grins. “Oh, I agree. We’ve lots of work to do, Prongs.”
Marlene groans. Lily says, “As a prefect, I really can’t condone that.”
“As a prefect, I insist you take the summer to stop worrying about it,” James responds.
Lily narrows her eyes, but smiles at him, just a little. “Yeah, well, next year…”
“Next year we’ll be so good you’ll never catch us.”
“They never catch us anyway,” Remus muses.
“They never will,” James proclaims.
The Hogwarts Express pulls into the station. They all say goodbye. Remus rides off with his mother. Peter and James walk around the building and disapparate with their parents. Next year, Peter thinks, maybe things will be normal again. Maybe it will just be the four of them again, like old times. Maybe they can figure things out.
He can’t stop worrying about it, though. Peter sleeps over at James’ house that very first night.