Chapter Text
Lucerys remembered his dad telling him something ridiculously cheesy to him once when he was younger, “Find someone who would make you feel like you’re living on the beaches every day. Find someone who is an ocean.” Now that he thinks about it, it is cheesy, stupid, and irrelevant, but to be quite honest with himself, even when he was just ten he always thought of it as cheesy, stupid, and irrelevant because he was never one who believed in romances and love.
Reasons aren’t necessary.
Lucerys is ten and eight now, and although he still remembers how many years he’s been alive, he cannot remember how many beds he had slept in. Alone and with someone else. He had always thought that leaving before someone else woke up was the best choice, the most elegant way of sneaking into the dark and never looking back, this is a ridiculous notion, of course.
“How stupidly careless”, some whisper.
Indeed.
Some might say that leaving before someone else is awake and leaving after they’re awake makes no difference. You would’ve still left something in them, on them, and at them. Take it as you may, Lucerys always enjoyed experiencing a lot of things, and a lot of people. Some things are more complicated than others, and some people are more complicated than others. Some of them, people and things; are even more immoral than others. In Lucerys’ mind, most people would sleep in numerous beds because it makes them feel things, happiness, fulfillment, and the absence of loneliness, but for him, it didn’t make him happy. It didn’t make him feel anything, in a sense, actually, he felt emptiness and numbness every time he leaves someone else’s beds.
He slept in dirty and clean beds because it was pointed out to him that Lords and Ladies shouldn’t feel liberated when they’re being open in their sleeping arrangements. He felt liberated but he still had some concrete rules to make him feel better about himself. No more than one night, no more than once with the same person, always in their beds, never at his, and no act of intimacy. It was stupid, he knows this. Meaningless and just something to fill in the gaps once in a while. Sadly enough though, it never always fills in some gaps. Sometimes it widens it.
He knows it might seem disgusting, for some people, you know, the numerous beds, numerous liquids, numerous faces, and none that he can honestly remember and recount. But he does remember some things. They are always tall, handsome, pale, and long-haired. Some of their hair was lighter, some darker. Not everyone in Westeros can be light-haired.
It always bugged him. Why those people, why people that look like someone he is incredulously spiting? Why those that look like... Him. But then one day, his dad's words came to him, that cheesy, stupid, and irrelevant notion. He could recount that whole day in perfect sequence.
"Find someone who is an ocean"
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Lucerys knew that oceans and waves were always so mystical for him, it was in his blood, well sort of. Is that why the people he had laid in bed with looked similar to his mystical, beautiful, cold uncle?
He is exactly like waves. Lucerys felt like living near a beach when he is around. When you're at a beach, you'd feel content and comfortable but also scared and afraid, you might never know what's going to happen, especially with the waves. You want to dip your feet into the ocean and feel the sand crawling to your ankles.
He is exactly like the waves. Waves are important in an ocean. The current couldn't be too fast or too slow. Too fast and you might drown, too slow and you might never be able to move.
He is exactly like that. Perfectly right waves. Waves that feel calm and collected, content and full of bliss, but most of all, a word he had always avoided, comfortable. And yet, the calmness, the feeling of contentment and comfort can be demolished by fear. Because that's how you should feel when you're facing a life near the beaches and when you're living among the oceans. Scared and afraid. But if you're lucky enough, the calm waters at night might calm you.
Lucerys realized that for the very first time in his life, there was an error occurring in his routine. Lucerys didn't meet any bed, and Lucerys didn't leave at night.
He was too busy vomiting in his bathroom about the notion that his uncle was the ocean his dad was talking about.
That couldn't be right... right?