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It all started around New Year’s. First, it was the late nights at the studio, which Byakuya didn’t think much of. Renji had a tendency to lose track of time when he was struck with inspiration and was known to hunker down until he got the song completely cleared from his mind. He’d be antsy otherwise. Too antsy to sleep.
They were in the process of building a home studio so he could stumble into bed when necessary, or immediately after finishing a song, but it was still a few months out from completion. The number of late nights began to increase significantly. What was once two or three a month turned into two or three a week. But Byakuya still didn’t really question it, beyond his general concerns for his partner’s health and well-being and the decrease in their sexual intimacy.
But then the phone calls started. It wasn’t unusual for Renji to finish a conversation and hang up when he was in the same room as Byakuya. He preferred spending time with Byakuya over scrolling through social media or talking with other people. But then he started ending his calls as soon as Byakuya entered the room, or if it was deemed important enough, he’d rush outside to finish the conversation.
That was concerning.
Despite his limited dating experience, he’d had enough friends and seen enough movies to know what those signs added up to. Initially, when the thought crept into his head, he shoved it out of the way and refused to acknowledge it. There was no way. Renji would never do something like that. But signs kept piling on top of one another and fear gripped his heart.
Was it something he had done? Was his workload consuming him, causing him to neglect their relationship? Questions filled his mind and he didn’t have good enough answers for any of them. He didn’t want to believe that Renji was capable of such a thing, but he’d been wrong about people in the past.
It was now a week out from his twenty-seventh birthday and he’d barely seen Renji at all. He didn’t want to assume the worst, but it seemed like Renji didn’t even remember the day was coming up. Byakuya wasn’t one to obsess over his birthday like other people they knew, but he did still enjoy a modest celebration. Renji, on the other hand, loved any excuse to throw a party and was usually bouncing off the walls with excitement at this point. But he hadn’t even mentioned it.
Byakuya sat on the couch in front of the fire, grasping a mug of tea with both hands, and stared at the flames licking the glass screen as his mind raced. The reality of the situation was weighing on him and turning his blood to lead. If his fears were correct, he had a decision to make. He could stay and try to work things out with him, but then he’d be willingly maintaining a toxic relationship with someone he’d probably never be able to fully trust again. Or he could walk. Walking away would allow him the space to process the pain and move forward. But he’d be saying goodbye to the love of his life.
He closed his eyes and sighed woefully. All of the things they’d been through together just to watch it crash and burn due to infidelity.
Shit .
Now that he’d let the word “infidelity” enter his mind, it was sure to linger until the truth came to light. How could Renji do something like this? Until now, Byakuya had no reason to believe their relationship was anything but loving and committed. They’d even purchased this home together at the end of the summer. They had hopes and dreams and goals they were working toward together. At least, that’s what he thought. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps Renji didn’t want those things after all.
Perhaps Renji didn’t want him .
He didn’t wait up for him to come home like he usually did. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach told him Renji would be late again, the fifth night in a row, and it was right.
It was around 4:30 a.m. when Byakuya felt Renji finally slide into their king-sized bed. He stayed completely still, pretending to be asleep. The anxiety in his chest kept him from rolling over to greet his partner. He didn’t know if he could say anything without the questions spilling out against his will.
It took everything in him not to jump when he felt Renji’s arms wrap around his waist and his warm body press up against his back. Lips ghosted over his shoulder, pressing feather-light kisses up to his neck. For three whole seconds, Byakuya’s world felt right, but then he said it .
“I love you so much,” Renji whispered into his ear, no doubt assuming Byakuya was asleep. He kissed the back of his head before snuggling his face into Byakuya’s hair and holding him tightly against his chest.
How dare he say those words so sweetly and hold him so tenderly after the night of deceitful fun he undoubtedly had? Byakuya’s heart ached and he fought off tears until he fell asleep.
When his birthday finally arrived, he contemplated staying in bed for the entire day. Weariness had settled deep in his bones from the past week of neglected nutrition due to the heaviness in his heart. There was no way he could eat while being quite literally worried sick. But he wouldn’t say no to tea.
Renji was already out of bed. When Byakuya finally decided to get up at around noon, he stumbled out to the kitchen in his boxers and one of Renji’s large sweatshirts. He barely felt alive and would continue to feel that way until he brewed a pot of his strongest green tea.
“You sure slept late, birthday boy.”
He looked up to see Renji seated at the island counter, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book.
So he did remember.
He looked as beautiful as he always did in the mornings, with his red dreadlocks falling in ropes over his bare shoulders and tattoos on full display. Mornings used to be his favorite time to spend with Renji because the man had a certain airiness about him that wore off over the course of the day. Now he just dreaded them.
“Baby, come here,” Renji said softly, beckoning him closer.
Too anxious to refuse, Byakuya let his feet carry him over to where Renji sat. The man dog-eared his book and closed it so he could cup Byakuya’s face in his hands. Worried brown eyes scanned his face.
“Is your insomnia back?” he asked, brushing his thumb under one of his eyes. “The circles under your eyes are crazy dark.”
Byakuya hummed in response. “Something like that. Nothing tea can’t fix.”
“Well, I hope Dragonwell Green is alright because I have some freshly brewed for you.”
Byakuya hadn’t noticed the teapot and extra mug sitting on the counter. “How long has it been steeping?”
“The leaves aren’t steeping anymore, but I didn’t let them soak longer than two minutes, just how you like it,” he assured. “I started it a few minutes before you woke up.”
Renji reached for the pot and poured the steaming green liquid into a cup and handed it over to Byakuya. Taking a hesitant first sip, Byakuya found the tea was steeped to perfection. He’d trained Renji well, which made this all the more painful. How dare he attempt to disarm him with tea and caring touches.
“Listen, I hate to do this, but I’ve gotta run out for a bit, but I’ll be back in time to pick you up for the 5:00 p.m. reservation I set at that Korean place you love,” Renji said, pressing a kiss to the side of his face before grabbing a hoodie from the hall closet. “I love you, and make sure to eat at least something for breakfast.”
“I will. Love you too,” Byakuya replied monotonously as Renji left out the front door.
Once it latched shut, he fell into one of the chairs at the island. He left. On his birthday of all days. He already knew the man lacked shame in general, but this was a new low for him. He stayed seated at the counter, numbed out and not even drinking his tea until 3:00 p.m. when he walked to the bathroom to take a shower.
Perhaps he should’ve confronted Renji when he had the chance, but he didn’t want his birthday to be forever tainted by a breakup. He would do it tomorrow. He couldn’t put it off any longer because he wasn’t sure how much more of this he could handle. As he looked in the mirror, he realized Renji was right. His dark circles betrayed just how many sleepless nights he’d suffered over the past month.
He looked like shit.
The shower brought some color back to his face but did little else to revive him, but he continued to drift through his post-shower rituals on autopilot. When Renji walked through the front door at 4:15 p.m., he sat ready and waiting at the counter dressed in all black.
His partner gave him a once over and whistled lowly, approaching Byakuya to slide his hands around his hips. “I can’t believe you’re still all mine,” Renji groaned. “You’re so outta my league.”
Byakuya huffed a laugh at the irony of that statement and pulled out of his embrace. “Let’s go. If we can’t beat the traffic, we’ll certainly be late.”
“Yes, sir,” he replied, trotting along behind him. “I’m driving though.”
Byakuya didn’t put up a fight, locking the front door behind them and taking his position in the passenger seat of Renji’s Audi. Despite Renji’s several attempts to strike up conversation, silence continued to surround them. After about thirty minutes of driving, Renji took an early exit.
“You got off the freeway too early,” Byakuya said. “The restaurant is off exit 150, not 147.”
“Oh, yeah, I know,” Renji said with a nervous chuckle. “I just gotta pick up something from a venue.”
Byakuya sighed and leaned his head against the window. They would be late for the reservation at this point. When Renji parked the car, he turned to look at Byakuya.
“Babe, are you sure you’re feeling alright? I can tell something’s up.”
Byakuya closed his eyes and furrowed his brow with a sigh. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
He felt Renji’s fingers brushing against the skin of his face. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right Byakuya? I’m always here for you.”
Byakuya nodded. He just wanted to get this day over with so he could resolve this situation tomorrow. “I know.”
Renji didn’t look convinced but didn’t press him further. Instead, he pressed a kiss to his mouth and got out of the car. “Come on. I need your help with this.”
Byakuya followed silently. When they were just outside the doors, Renji stopped and turned to Byakuya.
“Okay, I wasn’t sure when to give this to you, but I think now is probably best,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck as he pulled a small wrapped gift from one of his cargo pants pockets and handed it to him.
Byakuya turned it over in his hands, noticing Renji’s signature shitty wrap job. “What is it?”
“Open it and find out.”
As he ripped the paper, he realized it was a CD case. When it was free from its paper prison, Byakuya looked at the abstract doodled album cover before reading the title. “This album is called Creative Director ?” he asked.
“Yep. Look closer.”
Along the spine of the hard plastic case, there was an artist listed. Two actually.
“Abarai and… Kiedis,” he read aloud, looking up at him. “Renji, what is this?”
“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been kinda absent this month,” Renji started.
Well, that was a gross understatement. His stomach flipped.
“The reason for all the crazy hours is this album. Long story short, I accidentally met Anthony Kiedis at that Christmas party you couldn’t make it to, and we got to talking. I told him how big of a fan you are of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and knowing your birthday was coming up, I asked if he’d be willing to help me out with a gift. So, here it is. Your gift. A one-of-a-kind album containing fifteen never-heard-before songs written and performed by yours truly and Anthony fucking Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. There is only one CD in existence, and you’re holding it.”
Byakuya’s knees felt weak as he listened to the words coming from Renji’s mouth. “You wrote and produced an entire full-length album in a month? With my favorite musician of all time?”
Of course he did, because this was exactly the kind of thoughtful, heartfelt gift that only Renji Abarai could come up with. He felt like a fool. The entire month he had been doubting his faithfulness while Renji was toiling away to create something special for him.
“Oh Renji,” he whispered, clutching the album to his chest and looking up at his partner, eyes glassy.
He threw his arms around him and buried his face in his chest, back heaving with a month of suppressed tears. Renji’s arms held him tight, secure like he never wanted to let him go. After several minutes of crying, Byakuya looked back up at Renji and smiled softly.
“This is the best gift I’ve ever received,” he said. “I love you more than words can describe, Renji.”
He grabbed his face and lifted his heels to press a kiss to Renji’s lips. Renji laughed quietly and kissed his forehead.
“I’m so glad you like it, baby,” he replied. “And I don’t want to seem like I’m pestering you, but are you sure you’re okay? I haven’t seen you cry like that in a very long time.”
Byakuya sniffled and laughed sadly, shaking his head as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “I’m ashamed to admit this, but I genuinely thought you were seeing someone else behind my back.”
Renji’s eyes widened and he frantically picked Byakuya up, guiding his legs around his waist as he hugged him tightly. He buried his face in his neck and Byakuya could feel the heat from his breath warming his shoulder.
“Holy shit, I’m so sorry, Byakuya. I didn’t even think about how it would look from the outside. I did not mean to scare you like that,” he apologized. Leaning back, he brushed a stray hair out of Byakuya’s face. “I would never cheat on you. I love you too goddamn much and I also kinda think you’re borderline crazy for choosing to stay with my punk ass, so I’d never press my luck. I do not deserve you at all.”
“Well, that is categorically untrue,” Byakuya replied with a dimpled smile. “And I’m the one who should be apologizing. I never should have doubted you. You’ve never given me any reason not to trust you.”
Renji laughed softly and kissed him deeply. All was right in Byakuya’s world again, and somehow it felt even better than before. He could feel the spark of love reigniting between them as their lips slid together. Pulling away, Renji rested his forehead against Byakuya’s.
“We should get inside. We can’t keep the Peppers or the Korean takeout waiting for that much longer.”
Byakuya gasped. “Are the… no. No way.”
Renji chuckled and nodded. “What kind of surprise party would it be without live music from your favorite band of all time?”
“So they’re just waiting in there… for me?”
“Yep, and last I checked, Shinji and Shu were talking with them.”
Byakuya’s eyes widened. “We definitely need to hurry. Shinji is not to be trusted near anyone of importance.”
Renji laughed again and set him down, but not before stealing another kiss. “You ready for the best day of your life?” he asked.
Byakuya grabbed his hand and wove their fingers together. “As long as you’re by my side.”
“Forever and always, baby,” Renji replied, kissing his hand. “Forever and fuckin’ always.”