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The steam coming from Zeke clouded his vision for a moment as he was pushed into the room and quickly secured to one of its walls. He noticed they didn’t use chains, but ropes. Eren was sure that, even as tired as he was after having transformed three times in a row, he’d be able to break free of them if he wanted to. He didn’t. At least not for the moment.
The clinking of metal drew his attention to his left, to the wall opposite to his half-brother. His eyes widened slightly, and he felt something relax inside his chest.
It was her.
She wasn’t wearing her usual nurse uniform, but what used to be a white nightgown. The simple dress was now an ugly brown, almost black in some parts, and had been ripped at one of its sleeves and at the bottom. Eren noticed it was stained red near the collar. He followed the trail of color to its source, her jaw, which had an ugly cut that was yet to be treated.
Eren continued studying her. Her cheeks and forehead were red, and so were her hands and any part of her that wasn’t covered by her nightgown. She had clearly been burned by the explosion created by Armin. Nothing serious though, the heat hadn’t seemed to break her skin and she would surely recover fast.
She was sitting on the floor, her arms spread like his, with the difference that hers were raised. Her legs were stretched in front of her, revealing her bare feet, which were blackened with grime.
He looked at her face, noticing her panicked bloodshot eyes staring back at him, the only part of her that seemed to reveal any of the fear she was feeling. To the unknowing eye, she seemed completely calm and composed.
“Don’t worry, your friend is fine,” Levi said with his usual stone-cold look on his face. “We found her at the location you told us. Any injuries she has are thanks to you.”
He hummed in acknowledgement, his eyes not leaving her form, as if she was going to disappear if he stopped looking at her for a moment.
She tried to smile at him, but her face formed a grimace as soon as her lips had curled upward. He should have warned her better. It was luck that had allowed him to see her again. Had she been any closer to either him or Armin, she could have ended up dead.
And it would have been his fault.
"Eren..." her soft voice reached his ears from one of the nearby cells as soon as Hange left the area. “Are you… Are you okay?”
There was a moment of silence before he answered her.
“Of course.” He took a calming deep breath and continued talking. “How about you? How are your burns?”
“They are fine, they sting a little, but it’s alright.”
“It’s my fault,” he said, his voice much quieter and softer than when he had been talking to his commander. “I should have told you about Armin.”
He was expecting her to respond to him, to assure him that it wasn’t his fault. That he couldn’t have possibly known what was going to happen at the port (even if he did). But she didn’t.
Eren could hear her shuffling in her cell, the soft clinking of her chains echoing in the empty hallway.
They stayed in silence before he spoke once more.
“You shouldn’t be in here.” He tightened his fists around the bars of his cell. “They shouldn’t be keeping you here.”
“It’s okay, I understand.”
“I’m going to get you out of here. I’ll tell them you’re trustworthy and-”
“If you want them to listen to you, then…” she interrupted him, but seemed to hesitate to let her next words out. “Then maybe you shouldn’t go around threatening your superiors.”
Eren threw a look in the direction her voice was coming from as his face hardened. He didn’t want to deal with her reprimanding him about the way he had talked to Hange, no matter how much he cared about her.
He stayed silent.
“Eren…” her voice was small, and it held a tinge of something he didn’t like. “You’re… You’re scaring me, Eren.”
He pressed his body to the bars, trying to, somehow, get a look at her. But he could only see her hands, gripping the iron of her own cell, the white of her bandages contrasting with the dark metal.
He opened his mouth, about to say something to convince her that she was safe with him, that he would never let any harm come to her. All of it a lie, he knew he had to do everything in his power for things to work out. She started talking before he could.
“I didn’t think you’d be able to…” Her voice trembled, and she didn’t let herself finish the sentence. “I heard what you’ve done, Eren.”
“It had to be done.”
“No. It didn’t! There were innocent people there, Eren. There were children!”
Silence.
Eren felt something bubbling in his chest, the same feeling he had experienced with Hange minutes ago. He didn’t want to focus his anger on her, so he bit his tongue and clenched his teeth.
“They did the same thing to us nine years ago,” he growled lowly, trying to calm down.
“And that makes it okay for you to massacre half of Liberio?!” she shouted at him, taking him by surprise.
He had never seen her raise her voice before.
“Fuck…” she muttered before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It’s just… There… There has to be another way. I feel like… Like all that will come from this is history repeating itself. Over and over again. An endless cycle of vengeance and death.”
He stayed quiet. The only thing he could hear was his own heart, beating hard against his chest as he tried to calm down. That sound was soon overpowered by one coming from her cell, a soft sniffing noise.
Was she crying?
If so, that had been the second time Eren had made her cry, and he wasn’t so sure he could ease her pain the same way as the first.
He called out her name, delicately, any trace of his ire left behind.
“I’m sorry, but you know that-”
“Can we not talk about it?” she interrupted him, her voice shaking slightly. “At least not right now.”
“Of course.”
Silence once more.
“I feel like I should thank your friends. They probably saved my life.” She seemed more composed than before. “How did they know where to find me?”
“I asked Zeke to keep an eye on you,” he explained, deciding to indulge her and act as if their conversation a few moments ago hadn’t happened. “I also wrote them about you.”
There was a moment of silence before she spoke once more.
“All good things, I hope?”
“Of course,” his tone was lighter too, and he felt the urge to smirk, imagining her expression to his next words. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. “I had to leave out how beautiful you are, though I was tempted to tell them.”
“Eren!”
He closed his eyes for a second, picturing her flustered face. He let his mind wander, imagining himself with her. Eren could practically feel the coolness of her skin against his, her hair through his fingers, her soft lips against his…
The sound of a door opening and closing at the end of the corridor brought him back to reality. The noise was followed by several sets of footsteps, and a quick look allowed him to know they belonged to three soldiers from the Military Police.
He stared at them as they stopped in front of her cell. As if feeling his eyes on them, one of the soldiers, a woman not much younger than him, glanced at Eren nervously, before quickly straightening her posture and tightening her grip on the firearm she was holding.
The loud voice of another of the soldiers, this one much older than him, broke the tense silence in the room. The man called out her full name and ordered her to step back as he approached the bars of her cell.
He entered her cubicle, and Eren could hear him ordering her to kneel and put her hands behind her head. If he had to guess, he’d say they were taking her out of her cell. They were probably going to question her about Marley and her relationship with him, and then return her back.
If she didn’t come back…
Well, then the plan would simply have to start earlier than anticipated.
She stepped out of her cell, hands bound behind her back and head held high. He managed to catch her eye for a second before the older soldier shoved her towards the exit of the prison area.
She wasn’t wearing her nightgown anymore, but a gray shirt and a pair of white pants, the latter allowed him to know the clothes given to her were part of the military’s old uniform. He noticed she wasn’t wearing any shoes; her feet bare, if not for the bandages wrapped around them; the same as her hands and part of her jaw.
She looked into his eyes and her lips twitched upward momentarily in a reassuring way before she was forced toward the exit.
It was at least a few hours later when she returned, or at least, he assumed so, there was no way for him to tell the passing of time while underground.
He waited on his cot for the soldiers to leave before rushing to his prison bars.
Eren whispered her name, a tinge of worry in his voice, only noticeable by himself.
If they had even touched a single hair on her head, he would-
“I’m fine!” she quickly said, as if sensing the violent thoughts about to cross his mind. “I’m alright, Eren.”
He let out a long breath through his nose and could feel himself relax the slightest bit, and the knot that had formed in his stomach slowly unraveled.
He pressed his body to the cold metal of the bars once more, and as he looked her way, he could see her doing the same.
"What happened?" his voice was barely above a whisper, careful of the guards surely paying attention to their interactions.
“They simply asked me about myself and about your stay at the hospital.” She sounded calm, it reminded him of how she spoke to most of her patients. “They fed me and took a look at my injuries. I’m okay, really.”
Eren let out a shaky sigh and rested his forehead against the cool metal as he closed his eyes, and, taking advantage of one of the rare moments where there was nobody around him that could see it, allowed his cold mask to fall for a second.
The jingling of her chains caught his attention, as well as her gentle voice calling out his name in a tender tone. He turned his head in her direction, and the sight he was met with made him feel as if someone had shoved their hand inside his chest and were gripping his heart.
Memories of his last moments with his mom flooded his mind as he stared at her.
She had squeezed her arm through her cell’s bars and stretched it towards him. He did the same, the metal digging painfully into his ribs. She smiled fondly at his own efforts and extended her arm even more, until their fingertips were almost touching. Yet, they never did.
“I’ll get you out of here,” he mouthed, and something in her shifted.
Her outstretched arm seemed to recede slightly, and the muscles on her face turned taut, the dimple on her left cheek disappearing completely.
She knew. She had understood what he had meant. A word to the wise is sufficient after all.
She knew he was going to escape.
“It’s time,” the soldier who brought him his meals every day whispered. “Everything is ready.”
He nodded slowly and stood up from his seat on his cot, waiting an instant before saying her name. It took her a few moments to respond, her voice laced with sleep. She had probably dozed off; he knew she had been having trouble sleeping since she had arrived at Paradis and felt sorry for having to wake her up.
“Get as far away from the wall closest to my cell as you can.” His voice reverberated in the empty hallway
“What?”
“We’re getting out of here,” he simply responded.
Before she could say anything else, he brought his hand to his mouth and bit down hard as he pictured what he would need to get the both of them out and then seal the exit he created.
He felt the familiar rush of energy of a transformation course through his whole body, before settling in his arms. The cracking of thunder resonated in the underground prison and, after a blinding flash of light, a gigantic pair of arms appeared.
The left arm of his titan had broken through the walls between his cell and hers, while the right had made a hole that revealed the exterior of the building. He blindly reached for her small form, carefully moving his enormous hand around the space of her cubicle. Once he found her, he wrapped his fingers around her with care and brought her toward him.
Once outside he quickly detached himself from his titan and pulled her toward him by her hand, ignoring her protests and hurriedly leaving the area to meet with his followers.
Eren could practically feel her gaze burning holes on his back as he talked with Floch. She hadn’t uttered a word since he had gotten them out of their prison, but she was clearly unhappy about what he had done.
She was a few steps away from him, body tense and looking as if she was ready to run away at a moment’s notice. Eren kept his attention on her as he continued talking with the redhead about Zeke’s possible whereabouts.
He noticed how her expression softened when a woman, not much older than her, approached her and offered to change her bandages, which she accepted. She seemed distracted as the other woman tried to make small talk with her, her eyes scanning her surroundings until they met his for a second. Eren felt his chest tighten at the harsh look she sent his way.
He knew she had wanted to talk things out with the military and that she believed they would end up forgiving his insubordination. She reminded him of Armin, both gentle souls born in a time of war.
But it would all soon be over.
They wouldn’t have to fight anymore.
Even if the night was almost over and none of those present had barely slept, the spirits were high. The Jaegerists were celebrating his escape and the successful assault to the military headquarters.
Eren could hear it before he saw it. First, Floch’s voice, saying something that brought laughter and cheers from the rest of his followers, and then her voice, raised and aggressive, a clear contrast to the way she always talked.
“Most of those traitors you so proudly shit-talk about were innocents. The only sin they committed was being born in a world where everyone, even those like them, hated them.”
Eren entered the room silently but in a hurry, in time to see Floch reach for the gun strapped to his belt, and he quickly strode toward the two of them. As he made his way to their figures, he couldn’t miss the way she stepped closer to the redhead, teeth bared in an angry snarl, seemingly uncaring of the danger she was putting herself in.
“You know, you sound an awful lot like those sons of bitches back at the headquarters, maybe I should just shut your Marleyan ass-kissing mouth for good.”
“Come on. Show everyone how much of a devil you really are.”
“You little wench, I’m-”
“Floch. That’s enough.”
Eren's voice stopped him from completely taking the gun out of its holster, and at his presence, the small crowd that had begun to form scattered, everyone hurrying back to their posts.
“But Eren, she-”
Eren stood behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder and softly pulling her away from the other man. He repeated the order, this time with a much stricter tone.
“Enough.”
Floch huffed angrily and walked away from them, shoving past one of his comrades and snapping at them. Eren took his eyes away from him once he disappeared from the room and turned to look at her.
She was eerily quiet, her usual calm and sweet demeanor gone, replaced by clenched teeth and stiff shoulders. She shook his hand off of her and turned around to glare at him.
“Thanks. But I didn’t really need your help.”
Her first words to him since they had escaped.
They were bitter and felt like a stab between his ribs as she stared harshly into his eyes.
He let out a sigh, trying to ignore the feeling, and spoke as calmly as he could.
“You shouldn’t say those kinds of things around Floch.”
“If you didn’t want me speaking my mind, then maybe you should have just left me in the cell.”
He clenched his teeth hard, so hard he felt the muscle at his jaw jump.
“You didn’t seem to have a problem staying quiet back at Marley,” he replied before he could stop himself, his own anger fueling his words. He felt regret almost as soon as they left his lips.
She seemed shocked, but her expression quickly turned into something broken. She suddenly looked much older than she really was, much tired, her eyes losing the fire they had held only seconds ago.
“I was afraid. I was so scared, Eren, I didn’t dare open my mouth.” She avoided his eyes, one arm curling around her form, shame dripping off her tone. “I can’t go back to that. Not ever again.”
Eren rested his hand on her shoulder once more, squeezing softly, and he felt her relax into his touch.
“That’s why I joined the hospital. I wanted to help my people, but I was so afraid to do anything.” Her hand joined his, brushing her thumb over his knuckles in a soothing motion. “I still remember what they did to my parents. What they promised they would do to me if I even dared to think about betraying Marley.”
“You are safe here,” he said softly. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
A lie.
“But how can I trust you after what you’ve done, Eren?”
She let her hand fall from its place on top of his and took a step away from him.
Something snapped in his chest and he saw her lips moving, forming words he wasn't able to hear over the ringing that filled his ears. He watched her turn and walk away, leaving the room hurriedly, in almost as much of a haste as Floch had done minutes before her.
Eren found her hours later where he had hoped she would have run away to; the garden at the back of the building the Jaegerists had made their hideout out of.
After she had left, he had taken deep breaths and tried to ignore how the image of her leaving the room had matched one of his inherited memories, one of the closests to the beginning of the end.
The sun was rising, and the first morning lights made her skin glow. It seemed like she was made of a precious metal instead of flesh and bone. It was when Eren looked at her in moments like this that he became more certain that the Eldians weren’t the evil ones, for how could a devil look so heavenly?
She was sitting beneath the shade of a big tree allowing the sunrays to warm her like he had seen her do many times before. He longed to see the usual smile that had painted her face in those moments.
All in all, she seemed blissfully unaware of the soldiers watching her with distrust. Eren waved them away as he approached her, and they entered the building he had just left.
After sitting beside her, he plucked a small blue flower from the ground. He contemplated the tiny bud before carefully cupping her face with his left hand while using the other to place it behind her ear. The memory of him (this time one of his own) trying and failing to do the same back at Liberio made Eren want to smile.
She closed her eyes for a second; it seemed he wasn’t the only one who'd been reminded of their time at the hospital, the same gentle gesture now seen in a different light
He brushed her cheek with his thumb tenderly and slowly brought her face closer to his. But before their lips could meet, she turned her face away and opened her eyes.
Their gazes met. Both of them shone; his with dejection, hers with cold fire. Their eyes reflected the sadness the two of them felt.
At her clear rejection he backed away, giving her space, and instead placed his hands inside his pockets.
“These flowers used to grow near my home,” Eren said, trying to break the silence and ease the tension in the air. “They are called Dickson’s Gold.”
“ Campanula garganica ,” she added after humming. “Disappointment and loss. Isn’t it ironic?”
Their gazes met once more.
It really was ironic.
Eren looked away, trying to ignore the shame filling him, and instead forced his mind to focus on the plan, on how everything he was doing was necessary for them all to be safe.
For her to be safe.
Eren was glad of the knock that interrupted Floch from his passionate talk about him and his accomplishments for the oh so great Eldian Empire. He appreciated his enthusiasm, as it made everything he had planned so much easier, but there was so much he could deal with from the guy.
“She’s gone, sir,” a young cadet announced, voice trembling with fear as they stood at attention and avoided both their superior’s eyes.
“Who?”
“The nurse, sir, the one from Liberio.”
His blood turned cold and his heart seemed to stop for a second as he registered the words.
“That little- Eren, I told you she-”
“Where did she go?” he spoke to the cadet, ignoring Floch, as he slowly stood up from the couch he had been using to rest.
His hands were shaking, so he shoved them into his pockets to hide it. However, his face remained expressionless, he couldn’t let out how worried and angry he felt.
“W-We don’t know, sir,” they stammered, their stance faltering slightly for a moment as Eren approached them. “But we suspect she may be trying to get into contact with the headquarters.”
Snap out of it , an inner voice seemed to tell him, You already know where she is. Just remember.
He closed his eyes and took a moment to compose himself as a rush of images flooded his mind. A white tablecloth stained red, tall glass windows, blue eyes burning with anger, gunmetal ones shining with unshed tears, a now familiar face staring down at him…
Future Memories, he called them, scenes in his life that hadn’t taken place yet, but he could see thanks to his predecessors.
Eren sighed, and the soft sound caught Floch's attention, who turned to look at him. His angry expression shifted into something else, his lips stretching into a much-too-wide smile at his idol’s determined face.
"Floch. Let's put things in motion."
The other man let out an excited sound and left the room, the cadet following him as he started shouting orders.
Eren let out another sigh.
The beginning of the end was near.
His lungs expanded as Eren breathed deeply while walking toward the room he knew they were all in. He cut his palm open and tried to focus on the pain rather than on what he was about to do.
He didn't have much time left, so the hurtful things he was going to say were necessary. He didn't want them to miss him when everything was over. He had been selfish enough by trying to keep her by his side.
But maybe…
Maybe there was hope. Maybe the two of them could have a future together, no matter how short. Maybe he could spare her the pain he was about to inflict on those he cared about most.
One of his followers opened the door and he forcefully shed whatever doubts he had.
No.
There was no hope.
It had to be done.
The door barely made a sound as it opened, and he went unnoticed by those in the room as he stepped in. He allowed himself a second to observe them.
There were four people sitting around a table: Armin, Mikasa, Gabi Braun and the nurse. Armin had a tired look on his face as he talked to the young girl in front of him, while Mikasa looked with sad eyes at the blond.
Lastly, he looked at the nurse, and noticed the glint of worry in her eyes as she stared at the blood coming out of Gabi Braun's nose that had been smeared across the girl's lower face. As she turned toward the brunette, he noticed crimson staining her shirt, the area of her shoulder covered with the unmistakable color of blood.
He felt his own blood rush to his ears, and for an instant all he could see was red at the thought of her getting hurt.
But then he realized who she was with: Armin and Mikasa.
They wouldn’t hurt her. They weren’t monsters like him.
His nurse reached toward Gabi, and he took it as his cue to step toward the group, finally catching their attention. Their faces showed the shock they felt by seeing him there, Armin's lips curved in a smile for an instant before noticing the blood dripping from his friend’s hand and to the floor.
Eren watched the blond’s face contort with fear and betrayal.
He ignored how his heart constricted at this.
Then he heard her whisper his name, a tone of disbelief in her voice. He tried to pay no attention to her but couldn't help but flick his eyes in her direction for a moment.
Eren felt his heart grow inside his chest as their eyes met, only for it to tighten once again. Her eyes held hope. A hope he was about to shatter.
He raised his hand, like one did to greet old friends, and revealed the wound he had inflicted on himself. Eren took his eyes away from hers, not wanting to see the effect he had on her.
His fists hit his best friend’s face over and over again, blood covering his knuckles quickly with each strike. He was able to feel the sting of the single punch Armin had managed to land on him, his cheek throbbed, and he could already feel a bruise forming. Armin wasn’t the strongest, not even as a titan shifter, but apparently, he could pack one hell of a punch.
He could hear Mikasa crying out his name, begging him to stop, but he didn’t listen, had to force himself not to.
Suddenly he was pushed off of the blond by a body shoving itself into his. He took his eyes from Armin to look at his aggressor.
It was her; she had wrapped her arms around his middle and, with surprising strength, had shoved him away with the force of her full body.
They both fell to the floor hard, and he could hear her let out a pained sound as his elbow connected with her on their way down.
She lifted her face from his left flank, where she had pressed it as she had shoved him away from Armin to prevent Eren from rendering him unconscious.
He was met with her eyes, hard and cold, so different from the moments they had shared together at the hospital. Her face was contorted in worry, either for Armin or for the way he was acting. There was also something else on her face. Anger. That one clearly toward him.
“Eren. Stop it.”
The way she spoke made it sound like a command, gone was the soft tone she used to talk to him. He wondered if their conversation under the tree would be the last time she would use it.
In some way he almost hoped it would. It would save her so much suffering.
But he was selfish, and he wanted so much to hear it again.
And so, he simply stayed put as she let go and pushed herself off him.
Eren watched her walk toward Armin, kneeling down next to Mikasa, who had wrapped a protective arm around him, where he had collapsed after a hard hit on the stomach.
He watched her reach for his best friend’s face, looking at the bloodied mess, and caressing it soothingly. The gesture should have made him feel jealous, but he could only feel a warm sensation fill his chest, something good.
He was glad she would have Armin and Mikasa when he was gone. The three of them would care for each other.
The prospect of a happy and safe future for his family gave him the final push he needed to continue with the plan.
She looked at him once more, her eyes showing how hurt she felt.
He pushed himself off the ground and stared at the three of them from above.
“Like I said before, all you have to do is tell us where Zeke is. Then we won’t need to fight. So behave and come with me,” Eren turned toward the two soldiers who had entered the room due to the commotion of the fight. “Take 'em away.”
“Yes, sir.”
“The kid who killed Sasha, too.”
“Is that it? Is that all you came to say?” Armin’s weakened voice reached his ears, and he turned to look at him. “That you wanted freedom just so you could hurt Mikasa? Tell me: who's the slave that bows to a piece of shit again?”
Eren could feel his face twist in anger, his eyes prickling with tears he wouldn’t shed. Tears he wouldn’t allow himself to shed.
“Who you calling a slave?" His voice came muffled through his clenched teeth. "Let’s go.”
“Where?” Mikasa asked, her voice tiny and quiet.
“To where it all started. Shiganshina.”
Eren closed the door behind him carefully. His eyes were fixed on the figure in front of him. He had managed to separate her from the rest of his friends, who were being moved into holding cells a level below them right at that very moment.
“I was worried about you,” he said softly, walking toward her. “When they told me you were gone… I didn’t know what to do for a second.”
He reached to touch her, but was stopped by her. She slapped his hand away and took a step backward, away from him.
“Please, I know you’re angry, but-”
“I’m hurt ,” she interrupted him. “You’ve hurt my feelings, and not only mine, but Mikasa’s and Armin’s too.”
He stayed silent. He didn’t know what to answer. Should he be selfish and tell her the truth? Or should he continue hurting her for her own future benefit?
“I… I know.”
He felt as if his mind wanted to split in two. Reiner’s face flashed in his memories.
The two of them were really the same after all.
“I can’t believe what you did to Armin. What you said to Mikasa!”
He refrained himself from apologizing to her, even as much as he wanted.
A sigh left her as she rested against one of the stone walls of the room. She brought one of her hands to massage the bridge of her nose while closing her eyes. The gesture brought him a memory of his parents. His mom used to do the very same when she argued with his dad, right at the very moment before either of them would apologize for whatever had caused the dispute, and they would make peace. Eren would scrunch his face in disgust as the two of them shared an embrace, or even sometimes a kiss, which made his young self stick his tongue out.
Eren decided to take his parent’s actions as an example.
“I’m sorry.”
She opened her eyes, and turned her face to look at him, his words clearly taking her by surprise.
"I- You better be! I expect you to apologize to them."
He said nothing.
He had no intention of apologizing to his best friends, even if he wanted to. It was better that way.
Eren stepped toward her again and felt his body relax the slightest bit when she didn't move away.
Once he reached her, he cupped her face with both of his hands and stared into her eyes. They shone so bright as she looked at him, there was still some anger and hurt in them of course, but a different feeling prevailed over the other two.
He let himself smile for once, just the tiniest smile, and only for her.
His gaze wandered to her lips, which mirrored his own smile. He knew this because of the sadness he saw in it.
Eren looked at her; she was so beautiful, even with dark bags under her eyes, her jaw marked by a nasty gash and her hair disheveled. His eyes drifted to her mouth once more.
He wanted to kiss her so badly.
He leaned into her slowly, giving her the chance to back away from him.
Their lips met, and Eren could feel himself melt when her hands traveled to his neck and pressed him closer to her. There was hunger in the kiss, only overpowered by the longing they both felt.
Before anything else could happen, he parted from her, but pressed another small kiss to her lips. One she gave back.
He pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes while taking a deep breath. His hands traveled from her cheeks to her waist, where he rested them, squeezing softly before pulling her into an embrace.
Her arms wrapped around him quickly, almost desperately, and pressed herself to him.
"Stay with me," he whispered so softly he wasn't sure she'd hear him.
Eren felt her body tense at his words, and her reaction was enough to let him know what her answer was going to be.
"I wish I could."
He tightened his hold on her, and she did the same to him.
At the feeling of her face moving away from his, he opened his eyes, only to find her already looking at him.
"I know you won't apologize to Mikasa and Armin," her voice sounded tight, full of emotions she was suppressing. "And I know you will carry on with whatever it is you have planned. No matter who stands in your way. You have to continue moving forward."
She put her hands on his cheeks and looked deep into his eyes. She smiled at him, that soft smile he loved so much, only it wasn’t like other times. That smile showed a sadness so deep as his own.
"That's why I can't stay with you."
He understood, of course he understood, but her words still pained him. Although, a part of him was happy with her choice. Glad that she would stay with his friends rather than with his followers.
Eren frowned and at that, she let out a soothing sound as she brushed her thumbs over his cheeks. Her caresses brought a soft blush to his face, and he looked away. He was still new to all these feelings, even if they felt familiar in some way.
He took a deep breath, calming his heart before turning to face her once more, a cold mask now hiding any bashful feelings he had.
With one last look, he stepped away and raised his arm to point at the door.
“Go with them then.”
Her face went serious, as if to mirror his own, and she nodded before walking toward the exit. She seemed hurt by his words, as if she had expected him to change his ways because of what she had just said and done.
He wished he could.
But he couldn’t.
And so he wouldn’t.
As she reached for the doorknob, he felt something in him stir, urging him to stop her, to make her stay by his side, even if for just a little longer.
“Wait.” The word came out before he could stop himself.
She stilled, her hand gripping the doorknob and her back turned toward him, tense.
Eren let his body act on its own, his hand reaching toward her. Before he could touch her, he hesitated, his hand hovering over her shoulder.
“I just... I just wanna look at you.” One last time , he almost added.
She silently nodded, and Eren put his hand on her shoulder, gently guiding her to turn around in order to look at him.
His eyes roamed her face, taking her in like he had in Liberio, the night of the festival. It had only been a few days ago, but so much had changed since then. She had changed too.
Her eyes shone just like that day, only they seemed sadder. Her face revealed how tired she really was; darkness laid under her eyes, and her skin was still a reddish tone from the burns from Armin’s attack on Liberio's port. The cut on her jaw stood as testimony of that night, and would probably continue doing so for the rest of her life.
She was examining him too, he knew it, so he tried to keep any feelings from showing. It was hard, much harder when he could feel her leaning upward, even if he was practically a master at keeping his emotions at bay by then.
Eren moved closer to her, as if pulled by an invisible cord.
Their lips met once again, and he tried not to let her know it would be the last time they would. He was certain of it, if he tried to conjure up any more future memories in which she appeared, he came empty-handed. There was just one more left, and he was quite sure it had only been a dream, not a memory.
Eren almost didn’t let her part from the kiss, putting his hand on her nape and pulling her in when she tried to back away. Their teeths clacked together and she let out a pained sound. She patted his chest twice, and he finally let go of her.
She parted from him, and he could practically feel the words burning on the tip of his tongue. Three words he felt with his very being.
Three words he longed to say to her.
Three words he wouldn’t speak.
It would be cruel of him, and he was being cruel enough to her just by kissing her.
She smiled at him once more, looking even more sadder and disappointed than before. It was as if she knew that last kiss had been his way of wishing her goodbye.
With one look, she turned around and opened the door, her back facing him as she offered herself to the pair of soldiers guarding the door of the room they were in.
Eren watched as she was taken away from him. She turned her head to share one final look with him before turning a corner and disappearing from sight.
He could feel his heart break, and all he wanted to do was mourn the loss of what they could have had, what they could have been.
Eren closed his eyes and called upon one of the first memories he had of her. Memories of his own, not inherited from his father, but his. Memories he cherished and kept close to his chest like a treasure.
He evoked the way her arm had felt around him as she had helped him stand up. Her eyes had shone with compassion, just like in his Future Memories. That look in her eyes and the feeling of safety she had brought him had been what had prompted him to tell her who he really was. That, and the fact that by the time Eren had first seen her, he had already known her thanks to the previous Attack Titans.
As he inhaled deeply, the smell of jasmine flowers reached him, as well as the phantom feeling of her hands softly caressing his face. He exhaled, breath trembling and fragile, and the illusion broke.
He had to do it.
He owed it to them, to her.
Eren wanted them all to have a future, to have children and carry on with their lives. He wanted to be part of that future as well, of course he did! But knew it couldn’t be, and as much as it hurt him, he had to accept it, even if it was the last thing he desired. Even if what he wished for, longed for , was to form a family of his own. A family with her, children of his own to watch grow as he himself grew old with her by his side, children that would play and laugh and live and be happy and not care about the world’s problems with the children of his friends.
As he thought about the way she had looked at him while leaving the hospital, the image of her begging him to stay came to his mind.
Oh how the tables turned…
This time it had been him with desperation in his heart, him who had pleaded for her to stay, him who had watched her leave.
Eren brought his hands to his head, gripping his hair tightly as he squeezed his eyes shut.
He would carry on with the plan. All the pieces were starting to fall into place.
It didn't matter if he lost it all in the process. He would continue moving forward, even if all he wanted was-
No.
He didn’t want anything.
His hands fell from where they had been pulling at his strands of hair, hard enough to bring tears to his eyes. Or so he tried to convince himself of.
He was just there for one sole reason.
To destroy the world and all their enemies.
To wipe out every last one of them.
All of it to make that cruel but beautiful world a safe place for his people, for his family.
And nothing could change it.