Chapter Text
The Isle of Dawn is a peaceful place where people from everywhere in the Sky world come to relax. However, the most well-known location is a small cave hidden from plain sight: the Cafe of Prophecies. Let me tell you the fabled story of this bustling cave.
One day, the Prophets had gotten bored of sitting around and teaching. They wanted to help out the Isle of Dawn more. So, they all worked together to form a coffee shop. The Prophecy Guide took the orders while the Prophets gathered ingredients from their respective trials.
The Trial of Water had the water needed for the coffee, the Trial of Earth was where the coffee plants grew, the Trial of Air air-dried the coffee beans, and the Trial of Fire boiled the coffee. All in all, it was a successful endeavor, and people from all ages and backgrounds came.
By now, you might wonder how Ancestors drink coffee in the first place if they don’t have mouths. The answer is simple: they simply absorb it using their masks. I don’t know how, but don’t get me started on biology.
Although the coffee shop was doing well, the customers complained that the coffee shop was very plain-looking. “I don’t want to look at brown walls as I drink my coffee!” said the Hiking Grouch. “I want a well-decorated space!” The Prophets responded to this concern by hiring the Nodding Muralist, who quickly got to work sprucing up the place. After a few weeks, the Cafe of Prophecies received a much-needed renovation. Everyone loved the new changes, and the Nodding Muralist became a Cafe regular.
The Muralist was well known for their unique choice of coffee. Every day, they’d go and order a fabled drink called a “clean iced extra light half-raw roast under extracted black”. I’ve deciphered this strange terminology, which supposedly means just barely roasting the coffee beans, then grinding it up and putting it into a tiny drop of cold water. One person was so mad at this type of coffee (now known as the Muralist Roast) that they sought revenge against the Nodding Muralist. The person? Why, none other than the Crab Whisperer.
One fateful morning, the Crab Whisperer asked for coffee beans. Just plain, fresh coffee beans. They began to eat it, saying “The Muralist Roast is like raw coffee! You’re just eating plain beans at this point! Where’s the taste?! Where’s the flavor?!”
Thus, a bitter rivalry formed between the Crab Whisperer and the Nodding Muralist. They both began making more and more terrible drinks to disgust the other person. But the Nodding Muralist had the upper hand. They would create the worst coffee of all time.
The all-powerful legendary artifact is nearly impossible to find nowadays. Nobody knows what actually happened between the two of them. However, I gained a strip of barely legible paper that showed what the Nodding Muralist made that fateful day.
“This will be sure to drive the Crab Whisperer out of here! This coffee monstrosity is the most repulsive thing I have ever made. It is a crab boiled in coffee for 2 hours, then served on a baguette. I will present it in front of the Crab Whisperer tomorrow.”
What happened next is entirely unknown. Some say the Crab Whisperer and Nodding Muralist began a divine fight. Others think the Crab Whisperer retreated into the Trials, where they hide to this day. I personally believe that the Crab Whisperer was vaporized when their eyes met the legendary dish. No matter the theory, the Crab Whisperer was never seen again.
Anyways, after this legendary event, I decided to take a trip to this wonderful Cafe myself. I flew to the Isle of Dawn and immediately noticed a swath of Skykids quickly running in and out of the cave. At least it’s efficient, I thought.
Inside, there was nobody sitting around. Everyone was either waiting in line silently, or immediately drinking their standard coffee and leaving. There was no Ancestor in sight, they had all seemingly left.
I decided to have an interview with the Prophecy Guide themselves. Here is a record of it.
Little Prince: Hello, dear Prophecy Guide, owner of the Cafe of Prophecies. How are you doing?
Prophecy Guide: Well , well! You’re the first non-Skykid to come here in a while.
Little Prince: Yeah, I noticed that. Where did they all go?
Prophecy Guide: Uh, they all went to some other hole-in-the-wall underground trendy place. But for popular coffee, you must come to this place!
Little Prince: How do you manage all these customers? There’s a line going out of the Cafe!
Prophecy Guide: Well, let’s just say we’re efficient. We have Skykids collect ingredients from the four trials, allowing us to make coffee faster. The Skykids pride themselves on efficiency and speed; they call this activity ‘coffee running’.
Little Prince: That is not a great use of these children. Coffee should be an art form! The Muralist Roast may have been disgusting, but it was creative! You’re stifling Skykids by making them do coffee running.
Prophecy Guide: Alas, that is the nature of coffee running. Superficial and exploitative is what these Skykids have become. And we profit out of these low-quality coffees, so it doesn’t matter!
Little Prince: There’s more to life than running around and gathering coffee! These Skykids need to know the beauty of the old Cafe of Prophecies! The beautiful murals and well-made tables have been torn down for the sake of “efficiency”!
Prophecy Guide: …
Little Prince: The coffee shop used to be a community hub, now it is a soulless place! Children should learn the beauty of this world, not the means the exploit it! I’m leaving!
And thus, the end of the Cafe of Prophecies had occurred. Is this the nature of people?