Work Text:
I wish I could be so beautifully placed in your brain as you are in mine.
Every night I pray to a god I don’t even believe in just to have a glimpse of what it would be like to be truly and deeply loved by you, but love hurts and, unfortunately, the pain is not nearly as pretty and poetic as society made us believe it was.
you are like a sad love song, the lyrical acceptance that it is okay for you not to want me and that one day I will move on but an instrumental so heavy and simply gut wrenching that leaves me wondering if words have any meanings when reality knocks on your door with feelings.
“I want to be somebody’s first choice.”
your small voice echoed through my mind like a million knives stabbing my heart. Am I nobody to you?
“yeah… you are.”
the urge to scream and cry because you would never see me as someone worth belonging to hits me yet again, but I won’t do neither of those because I love you way too much to see you hurt because of my feelings.
"no, I know what you’re saying… I'm not james's first choice"
you don’t know what I am saying at all, but when your grey eyes glistened with unshed tears, the raw instinct to hold you and wipe your tears appeared again.
"I know, but you are someone's first coice..."
I only smiled sadly, looking down at my own hands that rested on top of the cheap wooden table, skin against the rough material, it almost felt like my love for you eating away all of me.