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The strange feeling has been living in Kyo's heart for the past several days. And truth be told, he's not quite sure what to do about it.
It wasn't a medical issue, the institute's nurse had informed him when he'd visited, and he thanks the moon's blessings for that. The initial anxiety that the feeling had caused evaporates like steam, like drops of water suspended in the air. Kyo does not bother to grasp at it, letting it fade.
He'd tried sleeping it off, to no avail. There's a coldness to him as well, the feeling sticking to him like glue. He was naturally cold-blooded, so it hadn't bothered him as much as his chest had. The pounding of his pulse resonates in his ears at night like a badly beaten drum, as if someone had taken a pair of drumsticks and played a badly written tune with his heart.
(Thump, thump, thump.)
He eventually deduces it to a matter of the metaphorical heart, and he groans inwardly. He's never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and he knows his emotionally repressed self well enough to know that he probably wouldn't arrive to the solution by himself. Curse his human soul. The moon could have given him some semblance of emotional stability but perhaps, that was asking for too much.
What was his heart even trying to tell him? He muses, his mind racing and trying to recall anything that had been out of the ordinary, anything that could have caused such a reaction. Coming up with absolutely nothing, he can only continue to groan and lament inwardly. Feelings were not his forte. Never had been, never will be.
He'd normally go to Scarle regarding these things, but she and Ren were away for the weekend for some third years' trip and so, with a heart that feels like it's about to escape his chest, he's left with the others.
Aia and Aster hadn't been much help, much to his dismay. Their efforts in looking through mountains of books for a solution hadn't amounted to any results. Maria was in the same boat, but she had been kind enough to invite them to evening tea with her, claiming that a cup of tea would do them some good after she'd found the three of them holed up in Aster's room, surrounded by books that were practically archaic.
Kyo thanks the moon for blessing him with his friends. He doesn't say it out loud, though. Doesn't know if he even could, knowing how easily words get stuck in his throat. But he knows that they know.
(And isn't it a nice feeling, to be cared for?)
When Sunday night arrives, the feeling has made a home in his chest, happily festering away as Kyo tries to evict it with little success. He attempts to distract himself by studying but that only lasts for so long. Mind in a trance and chest in a cage, he perseveres regardless. He's in the middle of memorizing several constellations, the only sound in his room being his pen scratching against paper, when he hears a familiar knock on his door.
Three knocks, followed by two more and one final short knock.
Only one person knocks like that.
"Kyo!"
Ren's cheery face greets Kyo when he opens his door, the joy radiating from him in a way that could only be described as infectious. The alien prince is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, reminiscent of an excited child. Kyo can't help but quirk the corners of his lips up at the sight of him.
"Hey."
"Hey, yourself." Ren laughs, the sound stirring the feeling in Kyo's heart, disrupting its process of making a home in Kyo's chest.
"Welcome back. Did your trip go well?"
"It did!" Ren beams. "Can I come in?"
"Never stopped you before." Kyo shrugs, but opens his door for the other man, turning around to flop back onto his chair. "Make yourself at home, man."
Ren's grin widens as he steps into the room, carefully closing the door behind him and seating himself on Kyo's bed. As Ren makes himself comfortable and starts chattering away, the first year is momentarily distracted by how blindingly bright Ren's horns are as he talks to him.
If Kyo didn't wear his heart on his sleeve, then Ren wore his on his horns.
When Kyo looks at Ren once more, in all his galactic glory, he feels something in the world shift and with it, something shifts within him too.
Mutedly, he notes that the feeling in his chest is gone. It's moved out.
The heaviness in his heart eases up and he feels like he can breathe easily, like his lungs finally remembered hoe to function. It felt as if the clouds in head had finally gone away, clearing his head like a bright, sunny day. The coldness that had become a second skin to him melts in the same manner, like the final bits of winter making way for spring. The warmth seeps into him, like warm water soaking strained muscles. A feeling that sunk beneath his bones so intensely, Kyo felt like it could destroy him if it lasted for too long.
He thinks he'd allow it to do so, and that startles him more than anything.
( is this okay, is this okay, is this okay- )
It's like his heart had been wearing a shield to protect itself, only to lower its guard the moment it detected Ren's presence. Traces of blue taint his soul, remnants of the alien prince everywhere. In Ren's eyes, Kyo finds peace.
It's at this moment his conscience chooses to whisper to him, so quietly he almost doesn't hear it, that Kyo realises that he feels safe around Ren.
Only him, ever him.
And when he looks at Ren again -
Oh.
Oh.
Well.
He's fucked, isn't he?