Chapter Text
“This is the part where I
Start losing my damn mind
This house is way too quiet
And I know the walls would never tell
But lately I’ve been talking to myself”
Beatrice
Days since defeating Adriel: 11
Beatrice moved slowly through the little apartment, trying to ignore the flashes of Ava in the corner of her eye. She spoke softly to herself, trying to distract herself from the emptiness of the room, from how hollow it felt without Ava’s voice to fill it.
Beatrice didn’t want to come back here, she wanted to be where she had been for the last eleven days — sat in front of the Arc waiting. Camila had suggested Beatrice’s return to the Alps, and, though Beatrice had argued and detested the idea, once Mother Superion agreed, nothing Beatrice could say would change it.
Letting Ava go was the hardest thing she’d ever done, and she hated herself every day for not telling her she loved her sooner. Moving back in to their shared apartment was a close second. Ava was everywhere here, she was behind every corner just a breath away. Her dirty clothes were still in the hamper waiting to be washed and her toothbrush was in the cup next to the sink, the apartment showed no sign that Ava wasn’t living there and Beatrice could almost convince herself she was just out for the night. Almost.
Beatrice found herself turning to talk to Ava, found herself keeping a list of things she wanted to tell Ava, found herself speaking under her breath as if she were talking to Ava. She missed her.
Beatrice hated the apartment. She had hated it when they first moved into it, the decor was tacky, the furniture cheap, and it was small. Ava had complained it was too small for the two of them, there was only room for one bed and it wasn’t even in a bedroom. There was no privacy, you could see every corner of the apartment from the front door, with the exception of the bathroom, which was the only room with a door, and Ava had detested it. It had been the topic of many an argument between them, Ava wanted her own space, wanted a bigger apartment, but they couldn’t afford it on their bar salaries and they definitely weren’t going to start spending OCS money when they were supposed to be in hiding.
Beatrice hated it more without Ava, the apartment that had felt too small for the two of them felt far too big for just her. Despite all the arguments they’d had over the space, it was their home, it was the place they’d shared meals and laughs and a bed.
//
Ava
Days since crossing over: 151
Her body still ached when she moved too fast, the scars a nasty reminder of her desperate attempt to kill the man who called himself an angel. Reya had been kind to her, helping to remove the divinium from her dying body and ensuring she was cared for while she recovered. Their relationship was peculiar, Reya calling on Ava no more than once a week to check on her progress but the goddess never once responded to Ava’s comments on returning home. To Beatrice. Bea who made Ava’s heart race and palms sweat and made her feel safer than she ever had before, even in the face of death, Ava never felt unsafe if Bea was beside her.
Ava had asked Reya when she could return to her world no less than twice each time they had met, and every time Reya would respond in turn with a question about Ava’s recovery. Ava had been telling Reya for the last twenty weeks that she was fine to return, but Reya wasn’t willing to send her back. Ava knew she could, she knew it was entirely possible for her to return Ava to her world just like she had with Michael, and she couldn’t figure out why Reya wouldn’t send her back.
Reya had explained how time passed differently here, how days here were just hours back home. Ava thought it was supposed to bring her some comfort, but it didn’t bring any comfort, if anything, it almost made it worse to know that she had spent months here and it had only been days for Beatrice. How old would Ava been when she returned? What if she was gone for years and when she returned it had only been a few months? How long would Bea wait for her? How long until Bea gave up on her and moved on?
Ava needed to get home. She even found herself missing the shitty apartment they had shared, she missed always having Bea close and always knowing where she was. Sometimes, if she closed her eyes and held her breath, she could convince herself she was standing in the kitchen and Bea was just around the corner in their bed.
~*~
”I could replay all your voicemails
But it's not the same
But at least then I could always hear you say my name”
Beatrice
Days since defeating Adriel: 26
There was a brief moment every morning where Beatrice forgot Ava wasn’t lying in bed next to her. Sometimes, if she woke before the sun had completely risen, she could convince herself that the pile of clothes on the couch was Ava. The younger girl had come home many times and passed out drunk on the couch. When Beatrice had asked why she didn’t just climb in bed with her, after all, the bed was right next to the front door, Ava had told her she didn’t want to wake her. Thinking back on it now, Beatrice realized that was one of the many ways Ava had told her she loved her without ever uttering the words.
But eventually, Beatrice would notice how impossibly cold it was in their bed and how the clothes on the couch were nothing more than clothes. Ava was still in another realm with a goddess they knew nothing about, and Beatrice didn’t know if she was dead or alive.
Beatrice had a voicemail that she listened to every day, the only voicemail she had from Ava. Ava had left it the first time she’d gotten drunk after they’d moved here, she’d gotten lost after she’d insisted on walking home instead of taking a cab like she had promised Beatrice she would. It was Beatrice’s only condition upon agreeing to Ava’s night out.
“Beeeeeea,” Ava giggled over the phone, “I am maybe… sort of… a little bit lost. I wanted to walk home, but,” another giggle, “I forgot where that was. If you could maybe come find me, I’ll be home soon. I miss you.”
She was listening to it for the fifth time when a knock sounded on the door. She raced to the door, hoping it was Ava on the other side of the door.
“Ava?” Beatrice gasped, tears pricking her eyes as she swung the door on its hinges.
“I’m sorry, Bea. It’s just me,” Camila answered, her eyes dropping to the floor, “Mother Superion wanted me to check in.”
Beatrice tried to hide the disappointment on her face, but she’d never been good at hiding how she felt when it came to Ava. Beatrice turned, dragging herself back to the couch, the disappointment made her legs feel like cinder bricks.
Camila followed, stepping over the dirty clothes and take away rubbish covering the floor. She had never seen Beatrice like this, she had always been the most put together and organized person Camila had ever met. Camila’s heart ached for Beatrice, but she didn’t know how to help.
They sat on the couch for a few moments in silence, Camila just a whisper of space away from Beatrice, waiting for her to ask for help.
//
Ava
Days since crossing over: 365
Ava awoke with a start, the scream tearing through her chest and echoing about the room. The Halo illuminated the room with a warm glow, the same way it had every night since she first awoke in this realm. One hand gripped the sheets as the other massaged the scars on her abdomen. Normally, the scars didn’t hurt like they did those first few weeks, but when she first woke up, they always hurt like they did that first morning.
The Halo-Bearer choked back a sob, biting her tongue to keep from crying out for Bea like she had every night prior. Ava threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood, moving to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror while she waited for the shower to warm, Ava spoke quietly to herself, whispering the words she would say to Bea, if they were together.
~*~
“Like a movie
That you can quote almost every line
Like a t-shirt
That you have washed bout a hundred times”
Beatrice
Days since defeating Adriel: 31
Camila hadn’t left, no matter how many times Beatrice had told her to. Camila had cleaned up the apartment and started making Beatrice a home cooked meal at least once a day, ensuring Beatrice was still taking care of herself. She slept on the couch, Beatrice had awoken from a nightmare one night to Camila asleep in bed beside her and had lost it.
Camila learned quickly that it was best to let Beatrice work through the nightmares on her own, trying to help her only made things worse. But, try as she might, Camila couldn’t ignore Beatrice’s sobs every night. She swore it was getting worse, the nightmares waking Beatrice more often, taking longer to work through.
Beatrice barely left the bed anymore, curled into a ball with her back to Ava’s side of the bed. She’d been watching Matilda on repeat the last two days, Camila had asked about it but she didn’t receive an answer. Matilda was Ava’s favorite movie, she knew every word and Beatrice had caught her more than once mouthing along when they had watched it. Beatrice knew which parts Ava laughed the hardest at and she found comfort in watching the movie that had brought Ava the most joy, she was trying to convince herself she was watching it with Ava when Camila began cleaning the last pile of dirty laundry on the floor.
Camila didn’t even notice when the hat hit the ground, she hadn’t heard it or seen it fall from the clothes. But she did notice how Beatrice rocketed out of the bed and dropped beside it, how she touched it like it was glass, lifting it gently from the ground before she raised it to her face. Camila noticed the tears streaming down Beatrice’s face as she buried her face in the hat, noticed how Beatrice’s body shook with the weight of her sobs.
//
Ava
Days since crossing over: 425
Ava was tired. She had met with Reya over 60 times in the last 13 months and she was ready to go home.
Ava was tired and she was angry. Why wouldn’t Reya let her go home? Why wouldn’t she answer her questions about when Ava could leave? It was the fiery heat that carried her into the goddess’s meeting room, that pushed Ava’s legs into long, quick strides that put her in the center of the room. It was that burning heat that forced the words out of her mouth, not even bothering with a greeting.
“I’m going home, Reya.”
Her voice was strong, her face unwavering as she stared the goddess down. Reya hadn’t been expecting Ava, they had just met two days prior to go over the young woman’s progress and Ava wasn’t supposed to show up uninvited. The goddess watched the tiny woman, took in how her shoulders were squared and her feet were planted like she was ready for a fight, she observed silently as Ava stood unflinching while Reya’s guards drew their weapons and surrounded her.
“Enough,” the goddess’s voice echoed through the room as the guard closest to Ava raised his sword to strike her. “Give us the room.”
Ava clenched and unclenched her jaw as the guards left the room, the last one closing the heavy doors behind him. Reya stood, motioning to the chair opposite her for Ava to sit. Ava ignored her, standing unmoving just a few steps in front of her.
“Sit, child. We have much to discuss,” Reya’s voice made Ava’s chest rattle, despite the fact the goddess wasn’t speaking much louder than a whisper. Ava didn’t move, her glare trained intently on the goddess’s face.
“I control when you leave, and I won’t discuss your departure until you sit and we speak, Halo-Bearer.”
Ava swore she could taste the disdain in Reya’s voice over the name, but she moved to sit in the chair regardless.
Ava won, she was going home.