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"Caitlyn, babe, you can't keep pulling out of them," Caitlyn's best friend said, sipping her drink. "Soph, I don't you understand. I can't do it. The looks and comments are just…." Caitlyn sighed. "They hurt, Soph," She finished. "Then tell him," Caitlyn looked away. "Ali, you've gotta tell him something. The poor thing must think you don't wanna do stuff with him, period. If you tell him why he'll understand." Sophie replied. "No, he won't. He's never been a tiny bit overweight, nevermind my size,"
"You won't understand either," She muttered.
~
"Hey, babe! I'm home!" Caitlyn forced a smile on her face and walked downstairs. "Hey Jake, how was work?" She asked. "Tiring," He replied. Caitlyn gestured to the kitchen, "I made dinner. Chicken pasta ok?" She asked. Even though it was carbs, it was significantly better than a different meal. "Ooo, I love your chicken pasta," They sat down and ate in silence. "Oh, there's family day in two weeks, I was wondering if you wanted to come? I don't know if you've got time off," Caitlyn bit her cheek. "Um..." She was going to say I've got work, or I'm with my parents as she usually did... but then she thought back to earlier that morning with Sophie. "Sure, I can swap shifts with somebody." Looking up from her plate, she saw her boyfriend's eyes light up and his face break out into a smile. "Amazing! Oh, you'll love it! I can finally show off my beautiful girlfriend,” He kissed her hand.
Later that night, when Jake was showing, Caitlyn looked at her clothes. The numbers 18, 20 and 22 glared at her.
She pinched the fat on her stomach painfully.
~
The day of family day came, and Caitlyn had forced her anxiety away for the day. She'd be mingling in front of complete strangers, Jake's colleagues. It was essentially her debut as Jake's "official" girlfriend.
The day after was when the nasty comments began. Caitlyn had been mindlessly flicking through Jake's Whatsapp (having access of course) and saving some of the best photo's for her albums when a few piqued her eyes. A few comments from his friends, obviously not meant for him to see.
Oh my god, is that Jake's girlfriend? Why is she so fat?
LMAO, has she ever heard of a gym?
Maybe cut down on the burgers lovely x
She should try some of his workouts, maybe then she'd be Nat's size.
Why is he with her? She's like 3 times his size.
Tears burned in her eyes, but she couldn't stop reading.
How big is her stomach! Lol! You wouldn't know if she was pregnant!
Fat.
Ugly.
She should kill herself. Then a reply. Lol, she'd need a steak knife to cut through her fat.
Caitlyn dropped the phone with a wet gasp. She wiped her eyes furiously. A few of Jake’s closer friends had replied to some of the nasty messages defending her. But they were right: Caitlyn was fat. She was gross, and horrid and fucking obese.
Caitlyn hated herself. She'd debated cutting herself before but stopped as close as having the blades pressed against her skin, yet not enough to puncture it.
She'd thought about slicing her fat off with knives, and she'd debated paying for surgery to get rid of it. She'd even debated locking herself in her room and throwing the key out the window.
Caitlyn tried to tuck her knees up to her chest, but she couldn't because of her fat fucking stomach. She only cried harder. She pressed her face into the pillow and sobbed.
A few hours later, Caitlyn woke up to somebody touching her legs. For a split second (only a split) she thought someone had broken in. But they hadn't. It was only Jake readjusting her fluffy socked feet on his own legs. She didn't make it known she was awake and listened to who he was speaking to. “I dunno what to do mom… she's seen the msssages” Ah, so he was talking to his mom. "Some people are fucking despicable." He spoke, and Caitlyn was shocked at the angry tone. "No, I came back from the gym and she was asleep with the chat page open," He paused, and Caitlyn heard him sigh. "I just wish she wouldn't do this to herself. Some people out there just wanna be horrid, just cus they can." Another pause while his mom spoke back. "Maybe... maybe I can set her up with my counsellor. D'ya think that'd help?" He put the phone on speaker as he began to flick through some more pages. "Potentially. You've gotta be careful though. Don't force her, she might not be as willing as you Jake." Jake sighed. Caitlyn decided right there and then that she'd give it a try, if only for Jake. "I know, I know. Anyway, listen, I'm gonna go. I've gotta get ready for work and help Ali do dinner, I'll see you at the weekend still?" He put the phone back to his ear, and Caitlyn opened her eyes.
"Hey," She whispered. "Hey yourself sleepyhead," He said back, putting the phone back down. She leant up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Neither of them spoke. She just breathed in his comforting aftershave smell. "I'll give it a go," She whispered quietly. "Give what a go?" He asked back, just as quietly. "Your counsellor." She replied. Jake pulled away for a minute with a small smile. "Really? I hate seeing you do this to yourself, and being unable to help." Caitlyn nodded fiercely. "I'll give it a go... I can't promise I'll stick at it, but I'll go." She said unsure who exactly she was reassuring.
"Thank you," He kissed her head, and they hugged quietly some more.
~~
OK! Peeps, here's the A/N.
Everything from "Caitlyn"'s perspective about how she feels about her overweight-ness is exactly how I feel. There isn't enough awareness to ED's regarding overweight-ness. Sure, there's purging, but that's on the extreme level. Not feeling happy in your skin, and wanting to physically lock yourself away from food just to have a chance at a normal body fucking sucks. Especially since I myself, I'm not sure about others, want to get a knife and slice away any fat I have.
It sucks, and people need to be made aware.