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“Flight SK67 departing from Seoul, South Korea to Beijing, China has gone missing. We pray for the passengers and their loved ones.”
Sehun shut off the television set with blurry eyes and shaking hands. No. no, no, no, no. All he could think about was that one repeating syllable as he called the leader of his team.
“Suho?” Sehun asked once the caller picked up. Sehun petted his sweaty hands alongside his jeans and willed the hot water not to fall from his eyes as he bit his lower lip.
Suho could hear Sehun’s rocky voice through the phone and immediately felt concerned. “What’s wrong, Sehun?”
“What flight was M on?” Sehun asked while he balled his hands into a fist and sucked in a deep breath. He couldn’t feel anything except a restriction in his chest as if his supply of air would be cut off.
“SK67 I think, why is this important?” Suho replied.
Sehun hung up.
EXO-K and fans of EXO stayed up all hours of the night waiting to hear news of the flight. They wanted to know if it was at all possible if any passengers made it. K stayed up together in the living room and Sehun stole some of his friends’ pillows so he could smell them. It brought some kind of comfort to him.
Tears rolled down all of their faces as they stayed huddled in the middle of the floor. Their company cancelled their schedule for a week for the time being, assuming everything would be back to normal in time.
Jongin had his back slumped against the couch and Kyungsoo rested his head on the younger’s lap. Suho had his shoulders slumped forward but he did not shed a single tear. Sehun admired Suho for his bravery and placed his hand over the leader’s. Suho smiled at him.
Chanyeol was in the kitchen shouting profanities at whatever. Everyone has different ways with dealing with stuff. Sehun thought as he saw Chanyeol throw dishes to the ground and slowly sank against the counter with his hands covering his eyes. His face soon met his knees and he started wailing into his hands.
Baekhyun sat drearily next to the television set with his eyes glued to the news. The news about Luhan, Kris, Tao, Lay, Xiumin, and Chen missing were everywhere. There were reports of fans doing profound things and some came together to do prayer circles. It warmed Sehun’s heart.
It was around 2am and most of the members went to sleep hours ago as they were too tired from the day’s events. Sehun, however, could not, no matter how much he tried, go to sleep. He found that he wasn’t the only one.
Suho laid next to him and extended his hand. “Hey, Sehun.” Suho greeted in a defeated voice. Just the sound of it let Sehun know he broke during this crisis.
“Hi, Suho.” Sehun smiled weakly at him, grabbing his hand and wrapping his slim warm fingers around his.
“How are you holding up?” Suho asked and his voice cracked. A small tear made its way out of Suho’s eye, but neither of them acknowledged its existence.
“I’m okay.” Sehun lied.
“You know, Luhan’s biggest fear was heights.” Suho tested out the joke and coughed a little. Sehun smiled sadly.
“Yeah I know.” Sehun gulped loudly and turned with his back to Suho. He didn’t want to talk about them. He didn’t want to talk about him.
“Luhan will be okay, Sehun,” Suho placed a hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “Don’t worry.”
Sehun was the only one who hadn’t cried. Jongin had shed the most tears and Chanyeol accompanied him. Chanyeol was scary when he cried. Most of the dishes in the kitchen were broken and there were cuts on his arms from the broken glasses. Suho had to clean up the mess when Chanyeol apologized.
“I don’t know why we fucking sit around here doing nothing.” Chanyeol complained as he sat up and gestured towards the TV, “They never tell us anything new.”
The rest of the group stared at him.
“It’s not like they could land anywhere but the ocean!” Chanyeol exclaimed throwing his hands in the air. His eyes were wide with terror. “There is no way they could have swum from where they crashed to a safe place.”
“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun chided him, but everyone else remained quiet.
“They’re all fucking dead, guys.” Chanyeol resolved quietly. Nobody said anything.
Sehun got up and left to his room.
“Hey, you’ve called Luhan! I’m not here at the moment so leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back ASAP!”
Sehun could practically hear Luhan smiling in his voicemail. He ended the call and dialed his phone number once more.
“Hey, you’ve called Luhan! I’m not here at the moment so leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back ASAP!”
Sehun ended the call again and his eyes became blurrier.
“Hey, you’ve called Luhan! I’m not here at the moment so leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back ASAP!”
Luhan sounded livelier every time he listened.
“Hey, you’ve called Luhan! I’m not here at the moment so leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back ASAP!”
Once more.
“Hey, you’ve called Luhan! I’m not here at the moment so leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back ASAP!”
Sehun left a message this time between the gasps in his breath and his shuddering body. His voice cracked in the beginning. “Hey, um, Luhan.” Sehun started out. “This is so stupid, but I miss you.” Sehun started pacing around his room. “I want to know if you’re alright.” Tears flowed freely from Sehun’s eyes. “I want to hear your voice.” His voice croaked and he tried not to sob into the phone. “I love you. Bye.” Sehun hung up and plopped himself on his bed and stayed there for the rest of the night.
Sehun was woken up at 4AM by Chanyeol. Sehun was confused as to why he was there, but said nothing as the other boy sat on the edge of his bed.
“I’m sorry, Sehun.” Chanyeol explained. “I didn’t mean those things.”
Sehun sat up in bed groggily. “It’s okay, Chanyeol, I understand.” Sehun smiled at him. “They’re going to be okay.” Sehun guaranteed and Chanyeol flung himself at Sehun with a huge hug. Chanyeol ended up bawling into Sehun’s shoulder.
They both curled up together and fell asleep.
Kyungsoo and Jongin were always together. They were always together before the accident, but Sehun saw how it made them closer. Jongin’s arm was always wrapped protectively around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. Sehun envied their relationship.
“Luhan would have been proud of you.” Kyungsoo tried comforting Sehun late at night when Jongin was asleep next to him on the couch with his arm dangling to reach Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“I know.” Sehun replied.
“Not only Luhan, either.” Kyungsoo smiled at Sehun. “Kris would be happy that you’ve matured so well. Yixing and Xiumin would be, too. Xiumin would say you’ve grown up so well. Tao probably misses you a lot.” Kyungsoo smiled feebly and looked down at the ground.
“They’re okay, Hyung.” Sehun promised and Kyungsoo just nodded his head.
“Wake up, Sehun!” Jongin rocked Sehun’s body with his free hand. Sehun fell asleep on the floor next to Suho while the group watched the news.
“What?” Sehun asked sleepily when he woke with Jongin’s face a centimeter away from his. Sehun instinctively backed away.
“They have news! They found the debris!” Jongin had a smile on his face. “And it’s not even in the ocean!” Jongin laughed and he saw all the other members with smiles on their faces. “It was found in northern Japan! They could have landed in Japan! They could be okay!” Jongin wrapped his arms around Sehun in a hug. Sehun was shocked at first but gradually wrapped his own arms around Jongin.
“They estimate a it’ll take them at most a day to find the others!” Baekhyun happily announced while scrolling on his phone.
Everyone celebrated. Sehun found that he could not celebrate until he knew where the other members were.
They were in an airplane in nearly eight hours. Baekhyun sat next to Sehun and squeezed his hand tightly.
“By the time we land they could’ve found them.” Baekhyun anticipates and smiles while he swings his feet.
“Maybe.” Sehun doesn’t want to be wrong. He wants Luhan to be waiting at the airport for him. He wants Tao to take him back to his hometown. Sehun shuts his eyes and wills sleep to come.
76 of the 156 passengers were found in a forest area of northern Japan. K hastily rented a van and sped their way to the site they were all being kept at. They all clasped their hands together in prayer as they drove.
The local hospital was in chaos. News casters were reporting from the scene and cameras were set every 10 feet. Volunteer doctors and nurses arrived along with the van and spectators looked on across the yellow line.
The security guards allowed K through because mostly everyone has been following their story as a band broken apart by a tragic incident. Sehun didn’t even have to present and I.D. He just walked pass the yellow type with his eyes intent on the hospital.
The first one Sehun met was Zitao. He was spread out on a gurney and watching Sehun with dark eyes as the other walked over slowly.
“Zitao?” Sehun choked, he missed Tao a lot, he was one of his best friends.
“Sehun?” Tao asked in a raspy voice, looking more confused than ever.
Sehun ran to Tao’s bedside and put a hand on his shoulder after seeing how bruised and battered the other one was. Tao looked like a zombie. His hair stuck up every which way, his arms and legs were covered in multiple colors including red, purple, and brown. Tao looked up at Sehun and winced when his neck moved.
“How are you?” Sehun tried not to look too impatient with all the other patients whirling around on gurneys. Sehun heard desperate cries from behind curtains. He looked back to Tao.
The corners of Tao’s lips tilted slightly upwards. “I’m alive.” Tao tried giggling but it quickly progressed into a cough. He noticed Sehun fidgeting.
“Where are the others?” Sehun asked while looking around the room. There were bloody bodies everywhere and screaming children in the distance.
Tao didn’t answer for a long time. He stared straight ahead before answering, “Yifan, Yixing, and Luhan were all seated in coach.” Tao stopped after that and Sehun asked him to continue. Tao turned to face Sehun with an emotionless stare, “Only first class was found.”
Sehun ran out of the hospital. He heard someone, probably Suho, call his name and suddenly felt hands on his shoulders and he was tugged against someone’s chest. It was then Sehun realized he was openly sobbing and clutched onto the person’s shirt.
There were search parties going out later that night. Sehun convinced Suho to let him go only if the older would go with him. Sehun got lost from the group, but he didn’t notice. He didn’t know where he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to care because his brothers were out here in pain.
He tripped on leaves and he heard weird animals throughout the night. He hadn’t had dinner and he didn’t think to bring along water. He was exhausted and it was nearly 2AM. Sehun decided to take a fifteen minute break.
Sehun didn’t stop yelling. “Luhan!” He started, “Yifan! Yixing Hyung!” he yelled until his face was red. He felt hot tears prick at his eyes but Sehun needed to be brave and he would be. That meant no crying. There were voices calling for other loved ones in the distance and Sehun knew he wasn’t too far away.
He got up from the stump he sat on. He heard a sound. It could have been a twig breaking in the distance, but Sehun stayed
still and listened again.
He heard it again, it sounded like a cry from the opposite side of the search party. “Suho!” Sehun screamed and soon Suho appeared shaken, asking Sehun why he called him.
“Follow me.” Sehun listened for the sound again and walked towards it.
It took hours to reach the source of the sound. A little girl was in the middle of the forest screaming her head off. Sehun ran to her immediately and yelled at Suho to get the others. Suho obeyed.
Sehun didn’t know what the girl was saying. She was crying and Sehun hugged her. The others soon arrived and somebody that could speak the girls language tried communicating with her.
“Where are the others?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should head back, Sehun.” Suho suggested, “It’s not healthy for you to be out like this.” Sehun continued climbing deeper into the woods and ignored the older.
“I’ve got to find him.” Sehun muttered under his breath. His foot got caught in the leaves and he fell to the ground. He tried getting back up, but his arms were jello and his legs wouldn’t support him any longer.
“Stop it, Sehun.” Suho demanded, “you’re not finding them like this. Even if you did, what would you do? Carry them back? You can’t do that right now. Let’s just go back to a hotel and get some sleep.” Suho pleaded.
Sehun realized he was holding Suho back. Sehun looked at Suho. The older had dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks were hollowed in. He looked exhausted and Sehun complied. “He always found me. Now I can’t find him.”
When they made it back to a small hotel on the edge of town near the makeshift hospital Sehun plopped down on the couch and took a nap.
He dreamed of Luhan.
A small figure stood by a lake covered by mist. Sehun recognized it immediately as Luhan and ran towards the figure. The boy turned towards Sehun before he could reach him. Luhan looked sad.
“Luhan!” Sehun screamed and threw his arms around the other boy. Luhan did not respond and Sehun pulled away. “Aren’t you happy to see me?” Sehun asked sadly as Luhan held his hand.
“Of course.” He voice felt like the most beautiful symphony Sehun had ever heard. Luhan’s eyes turned urgent. “Sehun, I do not want you to look for me anymore.”
“Why? Don’t you want to be found?” Sehun asked. He could feel his voice breaking. Luhan looked so sad.
Luhan looked away, “You can’t find me. Please don’t find me.” Luhan pleaded and Sehun nodded.
“Okay, Hyung.” Sehun agreed. “I miss you so much.”
Luhan chuckled a bit before bringing his free hand that wasn’t holding onto Sehun’s hand to brush strand hairs away from Sehun’s face. “I miss you, too.” Luhan whispered before pressing his lips against Sehun’s. Sehun felt his breathing stop. Kissing Luhan was one of his favorite things to do, but it felt so wrong this time.
“I’m so sorry.”
Sehun woke up to Suho making calls on his phone and Jongin sitting on the edge of one of the couches. He looked completely drained of all energy. Kyungsoo stood at one of the windows looking outside with his back turned to Sehun.
“Guys?” Sehun asked. Everyone turned to him with downcast faces. They started walking towards him.
Realization hit him. “No.”
“No.”
“NO!” Sehun screamed before he ran out the door and sprinted to the nearest open space. The ground was covered in snow. Sehun sank down and covered himself with the whiteness. He cursed everything. He cursed his mother for bearing him, to God for letting this happen, to Luhan for stepping on the plane, to Yixing and Yifan for doing the same.
He screamed until his throat turned sore. Then he fell back into the snow and gave up. He couldn’t keep up with this anymore. Sehun wished he could go home, but the only home he knew was in Luhan’s arms.
A few days later a funeral was organized. Sehun flew from Japan to Yixing’s hometown of Changsha, to Guangzhou, to finally Beijing. Luhan’s parents greeted him like he was their own son and Sehun promised they would not lose contact. Sehun promised to write to them and always visit when he goes to China. Luhan’s parents were pleased.
The funeral was hard. Sehun had never gone to many of these until that week. Hearing from Luhan’s friends about what a good friend he was and about his dreams was too much for Sehun and he had to step out for a minute or two.
Luhan’s pictures were plastered everywhere and Sehun couldn’t seem to escape him. He didn’t want to escape him, not really. He wanted to run to him, to say “I’m with you, Luhan, never leave me again.”
But he couldn’t. He watched whole nations grieve over the loss of the band members and Sehun couldn’t add to the tragedy.
Jongin came out of the doors when Sehun was banging his head against a wall. Jongin took Sehun and told him that they’re leaving. Sehun was okay with that. Luhan would understand.
The band broke up. It wasn’t that much of a surprise to anybody. None of them felt like singing anymore. Sehun prayed it wouldn’t last for any of them. They all had such bright futures, it would be shameful to throw it all away.
“It be would a shame for you to throw it away, too.” A voice in the back of Sehun’s head told him.
Sehun moved on. He got into architecture and established a great career. He had a nice wife and a few kids to carry on the family name. He found his eyes crinkling along with his smiles more and more.
“That’s my favorite smile.” Luhan never went away. Sehun always had his memory in the back of his mind and would tell his children stories about the boy that would find him before performances when he was hiding because he was scared. He told them about the brave leader that knew how to speak four different languages. He told them about the generous man that had dimples that went pinky deep into his face.
Sehun found himself at the misty lake again. He saw the same small figured boy waiting for him, this time joined by two bigger figures. Sehun knew who they were right away and ran to them, throwing his arms around all of them in a group hug.
“I missed you guys so much.” Sehun cried out and the rest of them laughed. Sehun looked at Luhan who still looked as beautiful as he did fifty years ago. Sehun stifled a giggle. He felt so young.
Luhan grabbed Sehun’s hand and smiled at him. “We’ve missed you, too.”
Yixing and Yifan walked across the water, floating on air. They ran off into the distance, leaving Sehun with Luhan.
“Can we be together now?” Sehun asked earnestly.
Luhan nodded and lead him to the lake.