Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Wait…” Nene read through the script, her eyes widening. “This play has three female leads! What do we do?”

“Fufu…” Rui gave Nene a mischievous, catlike grin. “You’ll see.”

The four members of Wonderlands x Showtime were preparing for their next show. Rui had taken his first spin at writing the script- something Tsukasa had found to be rather mortifying, especially considering Rui’s normally mortifying stage directions and blocking. But three female leads? With only two female troupe members?

“Ooh, is Rui going to be a pretty princess?!” Emu perked up excitedly, her pink eyes lighting up at the prospect. “Rui as a pretty pink princess! Yippee!”

“No, I’m not doing it. That would be simply absurd.” Rui’s yellow, catlike gaze suddenly traveled to Tsukasa. “I’m having Mr. Future Star over here take the third role.”

“What?! Me?!” Tsukasa yelped. “A princess?!”

“Yes, you. A princess. I’m sure you’ll find that you’ll fit the part quite nicely. I created the character with you in mind, anyways.” Rui pointed to the script Tsukasa was holding. “I’ll have you read for Yukio. She’s the princess I created for you.”

“Ugh, fine…” Tsukasa sighed, before perking up again. “A true star must be able to take on any kind of challenge, after all!”

“Yayyy! Tsukasa’s the pretty pink princess!” Emu whirled around, cannoning into Tsukasa’s side and knocking him to the ground. Tsukasa screamed with surprise, but Emu quickly wrapped her arms around him and picked him back up. She took his hands and pumped them up and down.

“I never said that he’d be pink,” Rui said thoughtfully, tipping his head to one side. “But now that you think about it…”

“Jeez…” Nene muttered. “One thing at a time- we haven’t even read through the whole script yet, you know.”

“O-oh! Right, sorry!” Emu bolted back to her spot, picking up the script that she had dropped in her impulsive decision to tackle Tsukasa. “Mhm. Script. Right.”

Tsukasa sighed, leaning down and picking up the script that he had dropped. He now felt a throbbing pain in his side, the side that had hit the ground first when Emu attacked him.

“Okay, now that we’re all ready…” Rui said, looking at the other three, “If we could start from page one, please.”

-

In the end, Rui had been right after all- Tsukasa did like the part he was given, and although it wasn’t a part he was really used to, he felt rather excited to play a female character. It was almost like playing a male character, except… not male. And a higher-pitched voice, according to what Rui had in mind.

Oh, and the costume was going to be wildly different.

And he was rather terrified of what Rui had in mind in that aspect. He could hear Emu talking Rui’s ear off behind him while he went through and began verbing his lines- Nene sat by herself a little ways away, also verbing her lines. She didn’t seem like she was struggling too much (of course she wasn’t, she was the current holder of the singular Wonderlands x Showtime brain cell), so Tsukasa left her alone. Instead, he focused on the conversation that Emu and Rui were having.

“What if it was pink! AND yellow! And had danglies! Like a whole lot of danglies! That go jingle jingle clack clack!” That was what Emu was saying when Tsukasa began listening.

“ I understand what you’re talking about, Emu,” Rui said to her, “But that doesn’t mean Mizuki will.”

Oh my goodness- he’s asking Akiyama about this?! The thought of Akiyama, that one kid with pink hair and pronouns, sent total fear rushing through him. Akiyama’s sense of style was so outlandish to him that he couldn’t even begin to comprehend what they might pull out of their ass if asked about costuming!

“You’re texting Mizzie?! I wanna say hi to Mizzie!” Emu plucked Rui’s phone out of his hands, clutching it close to her chest. “I looove Mizzie… Mizzie is super wow!!”

“I love Mizuki, too.” Rui reached between her hands, taking his phone back. “I’ll tell them you said hi. Now, if you’ll let me finish my text… hey, you still have text work to do.”

“Oh, you’re right! Sorry!” Emu rushed off, back towards her script, which was laying abandoned near the other side of the stage. Rui laughed to himself before typing a bit more on his phone. Then he placed it down.

“Tsukasa…” Nene’s quiet voice came from behind him. He turned around to see her holding her script, pointing at a highlighted line. “Can you help me figure out a verb for this line…? I don’t think I picked the best one, but I can’t think of anything better…”

“Oh, sure! A star will always help a pal out!” Tsukasa said cheerfully, leaning forward to read the line she had indicated. “So, I think if you-“

“Tsukasa!” Rui called from up ahead. “I have an idea!”

“Can your crazy ideas wait?” Tsukasa yelled back. “I’m working with Nene right now!”

“It’s not that crazy this time!” Rui protested. “Fine, come see me after.”

“Okay, thanks!” Tsukasa finished, turning back to Nene. “I don’t think the problem is the verb you used… it’s that the energy of the line changes halfway, so it’s not going to be just that verb. How do you think she would sound while saying this?” He pointed to the second half of the line.

“Well, her anger is over, so now she’s… sad. Oh!” A flash of realization bolted through Nene’s eyes. “So she’s mourning.”

“Yes!” Tsukasa said rather loudly, making Nene clap her hands over her ears. “You did it, Nene!”

“Not so loud next time,” Nene muttered. “But… um… thank you. I think I’ll be fine now.”

“Glad to hear it!” Tsukasa said, still loudly, but less so. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go talk to Rui.”

“Yeah, okay. Just… don’t get wrapped up in anything too crazy,” Nene called to him as he stood up, approaching Rui.

-

“Alright, so here’s the deal,” Rui told him as he approached. “Feminine clothing is wildly different from what you’re used to wearing. So I had an idea to help.”

“Is it to not wear feminine clothing?” Tsukasa asked hopefully, but Rui shook his head.

“No, that would be absurd. Saki wears feminine clothing, right?”

“Yes!” Tsukasa said loudly. “Yeah, she does! She wears it so well! My little sister Saki looks so good in every- hey, are you suggesting I borrow Saki’s clothing? ”

“Yup,” Rui said nonchalantly. “Not only do I like her sense of style, but it fits well with the general vibe we’re trying to fit with your character. It won’t be used in the final costume, obviously, but it’s good practice so you won’t be mortified by whatever Mizuki comes up with.”

“Ugh…” Tsukasa hated the idea of borrowing his little sister’s clothes, but he had no logical comeback to what Rui had said. Rui was- in fact- correct. “Fine. Do I have to wear it in public, though?”

“I’ll leave it up to you,” Rui nodded. “I trust your judgment.”

“Thanks for that…” Tsukasa muttered.

“Now go slay in those clothes, my pretty pink princess,” Rui laughed, pushing Tsukasa away.

“Never say that combination of words again!” Tsukasa called back as he walked away. Rui let out a small giggle.

“Fucking hell,” Tsukasa murmured to himself. First he was told he had to play a female character, and then he was told to borrow his little sister’s clothes! How much worse could this get?

Chapter Text

In the grand scheme of her life so far, Ichika knew today was going to be better than most days. She felt like it was something in the air- some aura of anticipation seemed to be surrounding her as she rifled through her closet, looking for her favorite gray hoodie.

Today, she was going shopping with Saki, Honami, and Shiho. It wasn’t something they did often anymore- with Shiho focused on improving her playing and Honami often away on housekeeper duties, they could never find the time for that stuff, even when there was no practice going on. That was what made this day so special to Ichika. It was a chance to do something that normal highschoolers did- a chance to relive their old normal lives, just for a bit. A day that special meant that Ichika should wear her favourite gray hoodie, obviously.

-

Ichika arrived ten minutes early to the meeting spot the four had arranged. It was outside one of the back entrances to the mall, a place where people rarely came in or out. The four should have been able to spot each other easily.

Despite that, Ichika still managed to completely miss the sneak attack launched on her.

She only noticed when a pair of hands went over her eyes. She yelped- however, Honami’s soothing voice was there, and she realized it was just her after all.

“Ichika,” Honami said softly, loud enough to carry over the voices in the background, but not much louder. “Guess who.”

“That’s Honami’s voice,” Ichika knew immediately. “But these hands… they’re warmer than Honami’s hands.” They were the warmest hands she had ever felt on her- she knew who those hands belonged to. “These are Saki’s hands.”

“Damn it!” Saki yanked her hands away, wrapping her arms around Ichika’s waist instead. “You figured it out, Icchan! You’re too smart!”

“I… don’t know how you thought that was going to work, Saki,” That was Shiho, who walked around the other two and approached from the front like a normal person. “Honami, why did you even play along?”

“I didn’t think Ichika would get it that easily,” Honami admitted. “I was wrong.”

“…Hello to you too, guys,” Ichika said, smiling awkwardly. “Sorry your plan failed.”

“I KNOW! I’m SOOO mad,” Saki joked, lifting her arms away and darting around to Ichika’s front, with Honami following not far behind. “I told Honami and Shiho that if you got it right all three of us would DIE.”

“Wait, why me?!” Shiho interjected, outraged.

Honami let out a small laugh. “We aren’t going to die, Shiho.” She took one of the bassist’s hands, caressing it gently.

“Ow, Honami, stop that, you’re reminding me of Shizuku,” Shiho mumbled, pulling away. “Can we just… go in now?”

“Yeah!” Saki said excitedly, before practically teleporting towards the entrance to the mall.

“Wait, that’s not an excuse to break universal speed laws!” Ichika yelped in a panic, running after her. Honami laughed and followed, holding Shiho’s hand as the four all took off.

-

“Look at this skirt, Shiho! It would look so cute on you!”

“Nope. Absolutely not.” Shiho pushed away the pink, frilly skirt that Saki was offering her. “Never in a million years.”

“Aww… not even for your super duper best friend?” Saki rolled up her bottom lip into a pout, giving Shiho her signature puppy dog eyes.

“No,” Shiho said bluntly. “If you want it so bad, try it on yourself. There’s no way I’m doing it.”

“Fine! I guess I will!” Saki huffed dramatically, walking away towards the fitting rooms.

“I don’t think she realizes that’s your ideal outcome…” Ichika murmured in a low voice. Shiho nodded ruefully.

The four of them had been checking out several different stores inside the mall so far. Shiho had gotten herself several new hoodies and a leather jacket, Honami had gotten an obscene amount of blouses, and Saki had been looking at several skirts, but couldn’t decide on anything and ended up getting nothing.

Ichika, however? Nothing had even struck her interest yet. Especially in the store they were in right now- it sold mostly skirts, and the few non-skirt items they had weren’t really in Ichika’s style. Normally Ichika would go and try on a few skirts with Saki, but she just… wasn’t feeling like it today. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had worn a skirt outside of school, really.

“Hey, Ichika?” Honami’s soft voice drifted into Ichika’s ears from an aisle away. “I found some skirts you might like…”

“Oh? Let me see.” Ichika walked out of the aisle she was currently in. To her surprise, Shiho ran after her, clinging to her arm.

“Don’t leave me there,” was Shiho’s vague explanation for that. “Don’t leave me in that aisle.”

Ichika laughed softly, turning the corner to where Honami was standing.

“Huh? It’s all plaid…” Ichika noticed, walking over to where Honami was sounding. Now saved from the pink frilly skirts, Shiho disconnected from Ichika’s arm.

“I know you’re into that kind of stuff,” Honami said softly, “So I thought I’d show you. What do you think?”

“Hm…” Ichika browsed the rack that Honami had indicated to her. She really wasn’t sure about the options- all of the skirts looked way too short for her liking. She sighed. “These are all really short. I’m not sure, Honami.”

“I’m back~!” Saki announced her entrance as she cannoned into the aisle. She was still holding the skirt, but it was back on its hanger. “The skirt was a little too big, but I still have some growing to do, so I think I’ll keep it!”

“True. You are very small,” Shiho said absentmindedly as she rifled through the skirts on the other side of the aisle.

“Shiho!” Honami said softly, as Ichika let out a small giggle. But Saki wasn’t even paying attention- she was gazing out towards a rack on the wall, filled with pink, cutesy, cropped hoodies.

“Icchan!” She said suddenly, grabbing Ichika’s hand and dragging her towards the rack. “Look at all of these!”

“Uh- yeah, I’m looking,” Ichika responded, but she knew immediately that she wouldn’t walk out of the store with any of the hoodies. They looked too small, and she felt like they would accentuate her chest and her waist a little too much.

“Aren’t they so cute?!” Saki continued. “I think they’d be a great replacement for the gray hoodie you have right now!”

“But…” Ichika mumbled, now self-conscious. She looked back down to her hoodie, which was oversized, reaching all the way down to her legs. If someone looked at her while she was wearing it, they wouldn’t even see any of her “feminine” features. “But I like this hoodie…” she said quietly.

“Nonsense, you can do so much better!” Saki chirped, seemingly not noticing Ichika’s saddened response. “Like, what if-“

“Saki…” That was Shiho’s voice. She had left the aisle she was lingering in, but was holding nothing but the clothes she had bought from other stores. Honami followed not far behind, also empty-handed other than her blouses.

“Hm?” Saki turned back, looking at Shiho briefly, before she finally noticed Ichika’s sad expression. “Icchan, what’s wrong?!”

“I don’t want one of those hoodies…” Ichika said quietly, keeping her arms close to herself and bundling herself in her gray hoodie. “I like this one. Very much.”

“Oh…” Saki finally seemed to notice that she had made a misstep, and as a response, she pulled Ichika into a hug. “I’m sorry, Icchan.”

“Good job, Shiho,” Honami whispered to Shiho, watching the two make up.

“Hm? I didn’t do anything,” Shiho whispered back.

Finally, Saki drew away from Ichika. “I’m going to go pay for this skirt!” She chirped, before moving off towards the register.

“Okay!” Honami called after her, before turning back to the other two. “Ichika, you’re the only one who hasn’t bought anything yet. Are there any specific shops you want to check out, maybe? Just so you don’t walk out of here empty-handed.”

“Hm…” Ichika looked out of the store window, towards the shop across from it. It was a shop filled with men’s clothes, and- luckily for Ichika- oversized hoodies. “…I want to go to that one.”

Chapter Text

Tsukasa sighed, dragging his pencil across the paper mindlessly. He had finished setting scene objectives and verbing his lines a while ago, so now he just sat with the paper, scribbling on it, waiting for Saki to come home from her shopping trip.

Dressing femininely, huh. What an idea. He had never really thought about it- he was fine with the clothes he already had, so putting on a skirt, a dress, or a crop top hadn’t really manifested itself as an actual idea. Still, his heart pounded thinking about it- was it really okay? He felt like Saki would laugh in his face if he told her he wanted to try on a skirt.

What are you talking about?! His brain snapped at him. Saki’s your number one fan, and you’re her number one fan! Don't second-guess your little sister like that!!

Still, his anxiety didn’t fully go away. Stars aren’t supposed to be anxious!!! he told himself, but yet it still didn’t go away.

Suddenly, he heard the door opening downstairs. “I’m home!!!” Saki called into the house, before the door swung shut with a loud thud.

“Ah! Saki!” Shoving his anxiety aside and putting on his best smile, Tsukasa kicked open the door to his bedroom, waltzing down the stairs with his usual pizazz. He didn’t want Saki to see him get embarrassed over a simple question, did he?

“Tsukasa! Yay!” Saki was standing near the door, holding several large shopping bags. “You’re home! I thought you’d be home later.”

“Oh, no! Rehearsals were a bit shorter than usual. We just got our new play!”

“Ooh, new play!” Saki dropped her bags, rushing over and hugging Tsukasa’s waist. “Let me guess- you got cast as the all-heroic, benevolent prince! Again!”

“All of that but the prince part!” Tsukasa said excitedly, ignoring how the anxiety began to slowly creep back. “I- uh- got cast as a princess.”

“Ooh! Even better!” Saki took a step back, gazing warmly at her older brother. A mischievous gleam suddenly crept into her eyes. “Oh… does that mean you have to look the part?”

“Yeah, actually! Rui was actually talking about how-“

“Oh my goodness, finally!” Saki seemed to ascend to Cloud Nine when Tsukasa said that. “I’ve been waiting for someone to try my clothes on for ages! Nobody else wants to do this! I told Shiho I would PASS AWAY if she didn’t try on this cute frilly skirt I found, but it didn’t work!” She grabbed her bags and rushed forward, grabbing Tsukasa’s hand. “Tsukasa, you have no idea how much I NEEDED someone to share my style with!” And just like that, she was now dragging him back up the stairs.

“I DIDN’T EVEN-“ Tsukasa yelped as he found himself going back up the stairs. But Saki shushed him, and just continued dragging him up, until suddenly he found himself in Saki’s room.

“Hmm… Let’s see!” Saki closed the door, before going to her closet and rifling through it. “What would look good on Tsukasa… What would look good on Tsukasa… Oh!” She ended up pulling out a mildly frilly blue skirt, and a white crop top to go with it. “See! Lookie!”

“That’s-“ All things considered, it wasn’t too bad. Tsukasa liked the color blue, and the frills were toned down, so he had no real issue with the skirt. It could have been much worse, he realized. “I actually like that!”

“Yeah, you better!” Saki said menacingly. “Here.” She pressed the skirt and the top into his hands. “Go scoot into the bathroom or something. Oh- and come show me when you’re done!”

-

He had to admit, putting on the skirt felt nightmarish at first. The concept of the zipper being on the back was a concept that completely eluded him at first, and it took him an embarrassingly long time to figure it out. But once he had it on… it felt good? It felt… freeing?

He spun a circle, in total awe with how smoothly the skirt flowed around his waist. It felt so loose and flowy- which was nothing like the tight pants he had been wearing up until now.

He couldn’t shake that strange feeling of freedom as he slipped on the top as well. It seemed to tie at the front, something he didn’t know shirts could do at all. It made him feel exposed- but in a good way, somehow! The top had a similar looseness to the skirt, a looseness which felt really strange, but if Rui was right after all, he would grow into it.

He finally realized… dressing feminine wasn’t a catastrophe after all!

He kicked open the door, practically skipping down the hall to Saki’s room. She had kept the door wide open, and was now sitting in the center of her floor, waiting for him. As soon as she saw him, his eyes lit up.

“You look so good, Tsukasa!!” She said excitedly, running over and hugging his waist again, jumping down. “And you’ve already seemed to figure out the perfect mannerisms and everything!! Hold on- this might actually work. I have more!” She ran back into her room, opening a bag and revealing a pink and extremely frilly skirt. “There’s also this. I got it at the mall today! It’s a little big on me, but I couldn’t stand to see someone else take it, so I bought it anyway. You can have it!” She tossed the skirt to him, and Tsukasa watched with awe as it practically floated down into his hands.

“What- a brand new skirt?!” Tsukasa yelped. “Saki, are you sure?!”

“Yup!” Saki said excitedly, stepping back into her room. “I- hope you like it!”

“I do! I do!” Tsukasa ran forward, hugging her one last time before he left her room, going back to his own. He left the pink skirt on his bedside, crashed on his bed… and smiled to himself.

Chapter Text

Ichika sighed to herself, flopping down on her bed. She left her bags on the floor, temporarily losing interest in them as she just stared blankly up at the ceiling.

What a day.

She looked down at the gray hoodie she was still wearing, curling herself up and soaking in its warmth. Was Saki right? Was her gray hoodie really that boring? Would she be better off in something cute and cropped like Saki had suggested?

She slid off of her bed, going to her closet. Saki had definitely bought her a couple of them previously, so Ichika was sure she had kept one or two. Ah- there was one. It was a plain white one, which was one of Ichika’s usual colors, so it would be a good test as to whether or not Ichika actually liked the style of it.

She sighed, going to the full-length mirror she kept on the back of her door. She slipped her gray hoodie off, quickly slipping on the white cropped hoodie right after. She then looked at herself in the mirror.

She hated it. She didn’t think she had ever hated a tangible object this much in her life.

It all felt so wrong. The cropping was weird. Ichika felt exposed in it- she knew that the hoodie covered all the parts it needed to cover, but it still felt like it was revealing way too much about her. Her waist, her chest, her hips- everything. She couldn’t stand looking at herself anymore. She hated that waist, that chest, those hips. She spun away from the mirror, taking off the hoodie as quickly as she could. She put the gray hoodie back on, sighing in relief when the fabric floated down below her waist.

After all, there was a reason the gray hoodie was her favorite. It was because she didn’t have to look at herself anymore.

-

Ichika spent the rest of the day in bed, wrapped up in her gray hoodie as well as several blankets. She was sweating underneath all of that- but to her, getting heat stroke was a more viable outcome than having to look at herself like that ever again.

Well, she would have spent the rest of the day in bed, if she didn’t get the random sudden urge to try on the clothes she had just bought.

It was so strange. She didn’t expect to find herself sliding out of her blankets, finally gathering the bags she had left by her bedside. She pulled one of her new hoodies, a dark red one, out of its bag. She went back to her mirror, taking her gray hoodie off, and slipping the red one on.

It was still too much. It was all too much.

Despite everything- how loose the hoodie was, how much it covered everything else- she could still see that chest of hers.

She didn’t want to see that chest anymore.

She sighed in defeat, walking over to her drawer. She fished a bra out of it and took the hoodie off, slipping the bra over the one she was already wearing. She then put the hoodie back on.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

Her chest felt uncomfortably tight, and she found herself struggling to draw breath as she looked at herself in the mirror again. Her shoulders ached, the straps of both bras now digging into her skin. But she couldn’t see it anymore. She couldn’t see her chest anymore.

Oh god, it hurt so much…

Chapter Text

“That was a super WOW rehearsal!” Emu said excitedly, running up and hugging Tsukasa around the waist. “Tsukasa is a super wow pretty princess!”

“Ah- I-“ Tsukasa struggled against Emu for a moment, before giving up and letting her just hug him. “I must be great, after all! A star must look good in any part!”

“Yeah, you sure look good…” Nene murmured.

Tsukasa had the grace to be shocked for a moment at that comment. Nene would have normally spat out some witty insult! Did he really look that good in Saki’s old clothing?

Of course he did, what was he thinking?! He didn’t spend half an hour in front of the mirror wondering whether or not Wonderlands x Showtime would like his “new” clothing, just for him to absolutely flop! Of course he looked good!

“I agree,” Rui pitched in. “I think Tsukasa’s wardrobe change definitely helped. It’s like wearing the clothing helped you find all the right mannerisms and ways of saying Yukio’s lines.”

“True!” Emu finally disconnected herself from Tsukasa, standing in front of him and jumping up and down. “Aaand he looked super duper wow while he was doing it!”

“Who looked super duper wow?” A familiar voice came from the pathway.

Tsukasa whirled around. He had already known who it was going to be just from the voice, but he still wasn’t any less surprised to see Akiyama Mizuki standing on the pathway leading away from the Wonder Stage.

There were a few moments of silence.

“MIZZIE!!” Emu called excitedly, leaping off of the stage and into Akiyama’s arms. She jumped up and down in front of Akiyama, and at one point jumped high enough to plant a kiss on the cheek of the much taller pink-haired person.

“Hello to you too, Emu!” Akiyama crouched down to meet Emu’s height, planting a kiss on Emu’s cheek as well before standing back up.

“A-Akiyama?!” Tsukasa yelped, still in utter shock at the sight of the person with the pink hair and the pronouns. “What are you doing here?!”

“Just call me Mizuki, please. Being on a last-name basis with people is too boring and formal, and I foresee us getting closer, so there.” Akiyama- no, Mizuki- yawned.

“That- didn’t answer my question!” Tsukasa pointed out.

“Ohh, right! Sorry!” Mizuki laughed softly, brushing one finger across a long pink eyelash before refocusing their gaze on Tsukasa. “I was looking for you. I heard from Rui that you were playing a female lead in the next show, so I thought I’d pop over and give you a little taste of the kind of fashion I’m into. Juuust so you’re not mortified by whatever I come up with for the final show, obviously.” 

“So what I’m hearing is you’re taking me on a shopping spree?!”

“Yeah, once you get around my fancy words, that’s pretty much it!” Mizuki gave Emu one last kiss, sending her scampering back onto the stage. “Besides, I’m sure you’d rather be wearing new clothing instead of hand-me-downs from your sister. Or… hand-me-ups, whatever the hell we’re calling them.” Mizuki turned to Rui, a questioning look crossing their face. “Can I snatch your pretty princess for a few hours? Please say yes, I’m dying to do this.”

“Of course, Mizuki,” Rui said, almost lovingly, as he gazed back at Mizuki. “I leave Tsukasa in your capable hands. Provided he says yes to this as well.”

“Yes!” Tsukasa said immediately.

“Oh, that was fast,” Mizuki admitted. “I thought I’d be dragging you along kicking and screaming.”

“Nope! Not anymore!” Tsukasa said excitedly, sliding off of the front of the stage and approaching Mizuki. “Where are we going?”

“The mall, dumbass!” Mizuki took his hand, leading him away from the Wonder Stage.

“Rui, what did you do with the real Tsukasa?” He heard Nene mutter as he left.

-

“C’mon, admit it~! This skirt would look so good on you!” Mizuki pressed another skirt, this time a white one with pearls dangling off of it, into Tsukasa’s hands.

“Mizuki, you’ve bought me ten skirts already!” Tsukasa protested. “You only have so much money, you know!”

“Budget is never an issue when you’re with me, I promise!” Mizuki stated vaguely, browsing a few more skirts. “Okay, I think that’s good. Ten skirts is enough, right?”

“Yes!”

“Great! Good!” Mizuki laughed. “Let’s buy this one and get out- then we’ll look at some cute tops, hehe!”

“We’re not done?!”

“No, silly!” Mizuki laughed again, as if that information was completely obvious. “There’s more to outfits than just skirts. I would rather die than walk out of my house without a fully complete outfit!”

“I think that’s just you…” Tsukasa muttered. “Fine, all the power to you.”

“Great!” Mizuki yoinked the skirt out of Tsukasa’s hands again, running to the register.

-

“Ack… now I can’t pick! This shirt would look so cute on Emu with that skirt she bought, but this one would look so cute on Tsukasa with the white skirt! Ahhh!” Mizuki’s brow furrowed as they glanced between the two shirts. “Agh, screw it. I’m getting both!” They lifted both shirts off of the rack. “Alright, that makes five shirts, which I think is a pretty sufficient amount, right?”

“I don’t even think I owned more than five shirts before this?!” Tsukasa was in total shock with Mizuki’s spending habits. Did they buy this much on every shopping trip? How were they not in crippling debt by now?

“No wonder you wear that weird fish shirt everywhere,” Mizuki grumbled. “No matter! We’ll buy all this and get out, then I’m gonna buy you some makeup, hehe~”

“We’re still not done?! How much money do you have?!”

“Unimportant!” Mizuki said vaguely, before they vanished around a corner, striding confidently towards the register. Tsukasa swore he saw the young woman at the register shudder- was Mizuki a regular here or something? What a reputation…

-

“Wow, what a trip!” Mizuki unloaded all of the bags into Tsukasa’s arms, save for the shirt they had bought for Emu. “I hope you have so much fun with all of this stuff, y’know! Just- promise me you won’t fuck up trying to match it!”

“You’re all about matching colors, and yet you made Rui’s stage outfit,” Tsukasa muttered.

“Admittedly, I cried while making it!” Mizuki said excitedly, not missing a beat. “He said he wanted green at the bottom of his purple jacket and I swear I nearly hit him in the face, but I was kinda scared he’d hate me forever for that.” They laughed awkwardly. “Whatevs! Just experiment a lot with the clothing you have now, and- uh- make it work! By your standards, because I think you’re done with hearing my opinion.”

“I am, you’re right!!”

“Glad to hear it!” Mizuki bumped Tsukasa’s shoulder, before turning the other way. “Well, I gotta get home soon, before I make mom worry about me.”

“Of course! I gotta get home too, or Saki’s going to freak out.”

“Ah, Saki!” Mizuki let out a little chuckle. “Say hi to her for me. Bye-bye, Tsukasa!” Mizuki waved to him one last time, before beginning to walk off in the other direction.

Tsukasa was left standing there, holding the bags. He sighed, looking down at them with a small smile.

Here’s to another night of that feeling of freedom.

Chapter Text

It had been a few days since the shopping trip. All four of the girls had been busy with school (provided they had gone shopping on a Sunday), and barely had time to spare during school hours. In those little scraps of time, they had arranged a time for their next practice.

Which was meant to start in half an hour, in the SEKAI.

Ichika sighed, slipping a tighter bra over her shoulders. That feeling of painful breathlessness came back for a moment, before Ichika took a few breaths in, and it was gone. She took another one of her new hoodies, a navy blue one, and slipped it on, along with a pair of jeans. She took a good, hard look at herself in the mirror, sighing. Despite all of her efforts, everything she hated was on full display. But, at this point, she had stopped caring. What was she supposed to do?

She went to her playlist, hitting play on needLe.

The mysterious world of her SEKAI swept her away before she even had time to think, or feel, or process what was going on around her. And in a moment, she was standing in the familiar classroom of the SEKAI.

Only Shiho and Saki were there. Which made sense- Honami said she would cut it close to the scheduled time, because she also had housekeeping duties with Yoisaki that day.

“Ah! Icchan! Just in time!” Saki waved from her spot in a chair across from Shiho. “Shiho and I are talking about band image while we wait for you guys.”

“She’s showing me pictures of cute clothing and trying to convince me to like them,” Shiho corrected. “But if you want to call it that, sure.”

“Hm? Count me into this discussion,” Ichika said hastily, inching forward to sit on the floor between the two.

Later, she would come to regret that decision.

“Icchan, lookie!” Saki flipped around her phone, revealing an image of a girl, around Ichika’s age, wearing an extremely short pink ruffled skirt and a rather revealing pink crop top. “This is so cute, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you wear it?”

Ichika knew she wouldn’t wear it just by looking at it. All of the girl’s parts were on full display. There was so much skin showing- the shoulders, the entirety of her arms, her waist, her thighs. It was all so much.

“Absolutely not,” Ichika whispered.

“THANK YOU,” Shiho pitched in. “I would not go out in public like that, thanks.”

“Huh?! You guys are so weird!” Saki spluttered, flipping to the next image. It was nearly the same as the first outfit, except the revealed bits of skin were covered by a white bodysuit. “What about this? That’s better, right? You wouldn’t get dress-coded!”

“…Still no,” Ichika admitted, even though the despaired look on Saki’s face totally crushed her. “I… uh… don’t want myself on display like that.”

“What?! But it’s not revealing!” Saki protested. “It’s super cute! Will you at least try it on with me, Icchan?”

“…I don’t want to.”

“Wha?! Why not?!” Saki was indignant now. “You can’t just go around wearing hoodies all the time! Why would you do that, anyways?”

That definitely hit home.

“Why can’t I?!” Ichika snapped, making the other two jump. “What’s wrong with not wanting my full body and all my parts on display?! I like my hoodies like you like your skirts! My style is mine, and your style is yours! For fuck’s sake, can we just keep them separate?!”

“Icchan-“ Saki recoiled, clearly hurt and shocked by the venom that was being directed towards her. Shiho also looked genuinely shocked to her core- neither of them had ever seen Ichika get mad before, let alone mad at her friends.

“Can you let me finish?!” Ichika snapped. “Just fucking listen to me for a moment! I don’t want to wear a skirt, or a crop top, or anything like that! Wearing that stuff makes me sick! There! I said it!” On a sudden, impulsive thought, she whipped out her phone, opening it to her playlist. “That’s all I needed to say! Thank you so much for listening!”

And then she hit pause on needLe.

And then she was gone.

Once again, Saki and Shiho sat alone in the room. Once again, the room was filled with silence. But not the comfortable kind. The shocked, sickened kind of silence.

That was, until they heard a whoosh at the corner of the room. Hoping it was Ichika, both girls craned their heads, but instead it was Honami.

Honami took a good, hard look at the two of them. She quickly noticed their shocked expressions, then the reddish tinge at the corners of Saki’s eyes, then the way Shiho’s hands seemed to tremble.

“What happened to you two?” She asked, not meaning to be harsh. She said it as softly as she could, hoping she wouldn’t startle the other two.

The room once again fell into silence. Neither Saki nor Shiho could seem to come up with a coherent response to her question.

Then Honami noticed the obvious as well.

“Where’s Ichika?”

Chapter Text

“I’m home!” Tsukasa called out into the house, waiting for the familiar voice of his sister to echo back. His own voice bounced off of the walls, revertibrating back to him.

If Saki heard his voice, she gave no reply.

“Wait… I think I’m an idiot,” Tsukasa realized. “Saki should be at practice, right? What am I doing calling out to her?” Now feeling humiliated, even though he knew nobody heard his mistake, he sullenly walked up the stairs, still holding all of the bags.

It was only when he dropped the bags in the center of his room, and the house settled into silence again, that he heard the muffled sobbing filtering through the thin wall to his right.

To his right… That was Saki’s room! What was she still doing here- crying, as a matter of fact!

“Saki!” He yelped, immediately forgetting the bags. He skidded out of his room, running down the hall to Saki’s door.

“T-Tsukasa?” Saki’s weak, resigned voice came from inside her room. Her voice sounded heavy with tears, as if she had been crying for a while. “You’re back?”

“Yes! I’m back, Saki!” Tsukasa’s voice was strained with desperation by now as he stared at the door. He couldn’t stand to hear his little sister talk like this- where was her happiness? Her cheerfulness?! Tsukasa had to help her! “Please- can I come in?!”

There was silence for a few moments. Then Saki spoke again, her voice even weaker. “…Open the door.”

Tsukasa sighed with relief, turning the knob on her door. It opened outwards, a detail he had forgotten, and he whacked himself in the face with the door. Normally he would have laughed it off, but he couldn’t find it in himself to laugh. Instead, he neatly stepped around the door, skidding into Saki’s room.

Saki lay face-down in her bed, her sheets askew. Her phone lay nearby, open to her playlist- he recognized most of the songs, except for one, called needLe. Saki herself was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling with a pent-up feeling of pressure.

“Saki! What happened?!” Tsukasa knelt by Saki’s bed, and when she reached out and gripped her bed frame, he laid his hand on top of hers.

“Everything,” Saki whispered, rolling herself over onto her side. It was then that Tsukasa noticed how absolutely beaten and defeated she looked. Her face was pale, save for the splotches of red on her cheeks and in the corners of her eyes. Her cheeks were wet with tears. “It all went wrong. I made her mad, Tsukasa.” Saki moved her hand on top of Tsukasa’s, tightening her grip on it.

“Who?” Tsukasa had the sense to lower his voice, so he wasn’t yelling into poor Saki’s ear anymore. “Who made you cry like this? I’ll give them a piece of my-“

“Don’t…” Saki said weakly. “I care about her deeply. But I fucked up, and she yelled at me, and I…” Saki heaved another painful breath, her eyes glazing over. “I was so scared, Tsukasa, she’s never yelled before! What if- what if I lose her?”

“You won’t!” Tsukasa raised his voice slightly, making Saki shudder slightly. “You know why?! Because you’re so kind, and caring, and if you’re talking about who I think you’re talking about, she’ll apologize and you can apologize and get everything fixed in no time!” He gave Saki one of his signature bright smiles.

“But- but what if-“ Saki stuttered. “What if we don’t? I’ve never had this kind of problem with her, so I just- don’t know what to do!”

“I know you can do it, Saki!” Tsukasa nudged his sister playfully. “Hey, can I let you in on a little secret, actually?”

“Hm…?” Saki whispered. “What kind of secret…?”

“Well…” Tsukasa admitted, “I actually went through something similar with Emu, Nene, and Rui. On our debut show, Nene made a mistake, and I got so mad… I said so many things to her that I shouldn’t ever say. Nene and Rui left the troupe after that, and I was so scared, and I hated myself for saying those kinds of things. But… I fixed things with them by being honest with them.”

“By being honest…?” Saki murmured. “So I should tell her how I feel? How I’m sorry for what I said?”

“Yes! Tell her that!” Tsukasa beamed. “I’m sure she’ll understand! You’ll get this patched up in no time, I promise!”

“I see…” For the first time since Tsukasa had walked in, Saki began to smile. A real, genuine smile. “…Thank you, Tsukasa.”

Then she sat up, leaning over the edge of the bed and hugging Tsukasa tight, as if she was scared she would never hug him again. Tsukasa wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes and smiling.

He didn’t want to let go.

Chapter Text

It had been five days since the incident with Saki.

Ichika had missed school on Thursday and Friday, and laid in bed the entirety of Saturday and Sunday. She couldn’t bring herself to open her phone, to see the explosions of texts from Saki, Honami, and Shiho. She couldn’t bring herself to look at them.

She knew it was pathetic, to be hiding from them. But she was too scared to do anything else. She was terrified of how Saki coped after, how she might feel about Ichika now.

She was scared of losing Saki.

Hah. It was middle school all over again, wasn’t it?

That thought had sent Ichika into a spiral. So she had gotten up, tried on the rest of her new hoodies, and mixed up her outfit combos until she felt better. What once tore her up inside now became rather… therapeutic. It was a good distraction. She liked looking at herself in the mirror, watching herself transform into a boy when she experimented with her choices.

According to absolutely no sources other than herself, those were strange thoughts to be having.

She knew none of her friends had ever wondered about being a boy. They all seemed so comfortable in their own skins- especially Saki, Ichika noticed.

Ichika wasn’t like that. She stared at herself in the mirror, wishing her feminine hips and her feminine chest would go away, and it never did. She had looked at getting a chest binder, but had shied away from it at the last moment, even though she knew she needed one. Even though she hated herself as she was, the thought of changing scared her too.

Looking back on it, Ichika’s true feelings should have been obvious from the start.

-

On Monday, Ichika finally decided to drag his ass out of bed and go the fuck to school. He knew his problem wasn’t going to be solved by sulking in bed. If it was that easy, that would have been two middle school years of heartache down the drain.

He knew what he was going to do today. He was going to be honest with Saki and the others.

Because God knows they deserved it.

-

“Icchan!”

And, just like that, all of Ichika’s worries were thrown out of the window as Saki came bounding up to him.

“I missed you, Icchan!” Saki took Ichika’s hands, squeezing them aggressively. “When you didn’t show up on Thursday we all got so worried! We texted and texted but you never responded back- I’m so glad you’re okay!” Saki drew away suddenly, her panicked pink eyes gazing into his. “I’m super sorry for what I said back then! I know it was wrong now, and I promise not to say stuff like that again!” And just like that, Saki buried her face in Ichika’s chest. Ichika was glad to know that the chest he hated so much was a good pillow for Saki.

Ichika laughed, stroking the top of Saki’s head. “Well, it did hurt in the moment, buuut I did realize something super important because of it, so I forgive you. And… um… I’m sorry for snapping at you like I did. I was in a shitty headspace and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have.”

“I’m just glad you’re fine!” Saki’s voice barely reached Ichika’s ears. “Seeing you raise your voice was scary, but I’m fine now. Oh- wait- what was that important thing you mentioned?”

“Later,” Ichika said, a sudden prick of anxiety twisting his belly. That was an issue he had completely forgotten about until right now- he hadn’t exactly told Saki his true feelings. In a healthy manner, anyways. But that was something to discuss over lunch. “I’m saving it until lunch hour, so I can tell all three of you at once. It’s very important.”

“Rahh! You can’t do that to me! Now I gotta know what it is!” Saki joked, before breaking down into giggles. Ichika found himself smiling at her for a moment, because in all honesty, he was just glad she was okay.

-

The morning went by without an issue. Haruka had briefly spoken to Ichika, wishing him well. Of course she had been the first to notice the two school days Ichika was missing. But other than that, nobody really confronted him. Haruka and Saki helped him get caught up on the schoolwork he missed, but that was it.

It was lunchtime when things started to get complicated. Firstly, it took Saki five minutes to find Honami, and Ichika ten minutes to find Shiho. Meeting up afterwards took another five. And after those fifteen minutes, when all four were gathered on the rooftop, Ichika felt anxiety surge inside him.

He took a good, hard look at the faces of his friends. Saki’s grinning, joyful face, Honami’s gentle, smiling face, and Shiho’s lack of a smile at all. Would those faces change if Ichika was honest with them? That was what he was scared of.

“So… um…” Ichika was at a loss for words after that. “Ack, where do I begin…”

“When I explain things,” Shiho offered, “I normally start at the hard part, and the rest fills itself in.”

“Oh… that’s not a bad idea, actually,” Ichika admitted. “How do I say this…” He fumbled with how to approach the phrase. He sure as hell didn’t want to dance around it or sugarcoat it, but he still found himself a bit scared of telling them.

You came this far with them, his brain reminded him. You trust them with your life, don’t you? You can do it, I believe in you.

Somehow, those words lent him strength. He closed his eyes briefly, and let the words slip out of his mouth.

“I’m a guy.”

The rooftop was dead silent for a moment, and with each passing second Ichika found himself becoming more and more anxious. But then he looked back at his friends, and noticed- although they all had glimmers of shock in their eyes, the rest of their faces remained unchanged. Ichika let out a breath, sinking down into a sitting position. “That’s it. That’s all.” He awaited the response of his friends, his muscles getting more and more tense.

There was another moment of silence.

Then Saki finally broke it.

“Okay, Ichisan!”

“Wh-what?” Instantly, Ichika’s muscles felt lighter. Saki didn’t give a shit at all, did she? She had even gone as far as to come up with a new nickname on the spot!

“I mean, if you’re a guy, I should call you Ichisan, right?” Saki seemed baffled by Ichika’s response. “It’s the best suffix I can think of, and it’s cute.”

“Saki…” Ichika smiled, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

“That was fast, Saki,” Shiho commented. “But… seriously… thank you for trusting us enough to tell us.”

“I agree!” Honami added. “I could tell it was eating away at you for a while. So… um…” She smiled sweetly at Ichika. “I’m glad you found the strength to talk. I know it was hard.”

Oh, hell yeah it was. Honami was definitely right about that. Ichika had spent too much time staying silent about who he was, and what his needs were. He was done with that now.

“Um… guys,” Ichika said finally. “Can I… um… hug you guys-“ he didn’t even get a chance to finish before Saki cannoned into his side.

“Yippee! Ichisan hugs!” Saki’s warmth was like a bright sun shining through the fog in Ichika’s mind. Although her impact was shocking at first, Ichika found himself smiling like an idiot once the two were actually hugging. Ichika felt someone hugging him from behind as well, and was shocked to discover it was Shiho.

“Don’t tell anyone I did this,” Shiho whispered into Ichika’s ear. “Shizuku will never shut up if she finds out.”

Ichika laughed softly. He felt Honami sliding into his right, and soon all three of his friends were hugging, and he felt warm from the inside out. It was as if the cloud in his mind had finally rained itself out, leaving nothing but bright sunshine in his thoughts.

He sighed softly, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to leave that warmth behind.

Chapter Text

“Quick! They’re coming!” Emu darted back behind the stage. “The people are coming! Get into position!!!”

“What she said, but quieter,” Nene whispered, sliding to the left and out of sight as she vanished backstage.

“Are we ready?” Rui took Tsukasa’s hands, helping him up and guiding him backstage. Despite everything, Tsukasa nearly tripped over the one-inch heels he was wearing.

In the end, Mizuki didn't come out with anything too disastrous. It ended up being a tight, long, frilly pink ball gown-type dress- something that Tsukasa knew his old self would have hated. But now? He felt comfortable in that kind of clothing, despite the slight difficulty he still had walking in heels.

“I sure hope we are,” came Nene’s quiet mutter to Rui’s question from backstage.

-

“Ichisan! Ichisan!” Saki continued to drag Ichika down the path, towards the Wonder Stage- a path that Ichika had treaded multiple times, on his way to see shows from Wonderlands x Showtime. Despite how bad he always seemed to feel, the pure energy of the four troupe members always seemed to lift his spirits.

“Ack- Saki, I’m going!” Ichika picked up his pace, trying to keep up with Saki.

Honami, who was a bit farther behind Ichika, let out a small laugh. “Saki’s so excited, isn’t she?”

Shiho sighed. “Tsukasa’s on that stage. If we were going to see a performance involving Shizuku, I would be excited too- I mean- what?” She shut herself up quickly, acting as if nothing had happened.

“Shiho, it’s okay to like your sister, you know,” Honami said quietly.

“Nevermind Shizuku!! We’re going to see Tsukasa~!” Saki picked up her pace even more, and Ichika found himself being dragged along, unable to keep up with Saki’s excited pace.

“I’m aware of that! Please just- slow down-“ Ichika stuttered.

“No!! Never!!!”

-

“The audience is filling up,” Nene murmured, poking her head out from backstage. “Tsukasa, you best go out and welcome them soon.”

“Hold on!!!” Tsukasa called from the back. “I’m still looking for Saki! She said she would be here!”

“She’s coming,” Nene called back to him. “I see her. She has Ichika by the arm and is practically dragging her at this point- ah, there’s Mochizuki and Hinomori as well. Shocker.”

“Hona?!” Emu let out an excited gasp, her eyes lighting up. “Honaaaa! Yay!!!”

“Keep it down…” Nene whispered.

“Haha~ I see everyone’s excited, then.” Rui gave Tsukasa a friendly nudge towards the light that Nene was peeking out of. “Well, O Great Leader, go knock their socks off.”

“Please never say any of those words in that order ever again,” Tsukasa nudged Rui back, but detached himself from Rui’s arm so he could walk towards the stage on his own.

Tsukasa stepped out onto the stage, bathing in the daylight of the open. He relished in the cheers and claps of the audience. That feeling certainly never got old. But there was something new- murmurs, whispers, underneath the hollering.

“Mommy, why is that guy dressed like a girl?”

“He looked better before, I think.”

Tsukasa tried his best not to be hurt by the words he overheard. If he had gone this far, done this much only for the audience to hate it? That would suck… But he looked back, and saw Saki sitting near the back, beaming at him. Her excited smile lent him strength.

Finally, the cheers fell silent. Tsukasa stood alone on the stage.

“Hello, everybody!” Tsukasa said in his well-trained high-pitched voice, taking a small curtsy. “Thank you so much for coming out to see the debut of our new play!!” Even if his voice sounded different, his obvious excitement still leaked through.

“Why are you dressed as a girl?”

The question was so sudden, and it slammed his thoughts into complete darkness for a moment. I didn’t expect- did a small child just ask me that?

-

“What?! Did someone just say that?!” Saki grabbed onto Ichika’s arm, shaking it back and forth. “Someone asked why he’s dressed as a girl!! That’s so weird!! Why can’t people wear whatever they want??”

Ichika decided to ignore the horrifying irony behind that last sentence, instead focusing his attention back on Tsukasa. He was standing all alone onstage in a gorgeous pink frilly dress, something Ichika had never seen him wear. But he had owned it. Even in something that probably embarrassed him a little bit, he still never dropped his signature smile. He looked so confident and dazzling up onstage, and Ichika began to envy him. He wished for that confidence, to be able to wear whatever he wanted to wear without fear of judgment.

So when that question from the small child pierced the silent air, Ichika found himself admiring Tsukasa’s ability to keep himself collected.

Tsukasa simply laughed his signature laugh (although higher-pitched). “I am not a boy dressed in a girl’s clothes! I am a girl, as simple as that.”

The phrasing was so simple, and yet it still blew Ichika away. The play hadn’t even started yet, and it had already struck so close to home.

I’m not a girl dressed in a boy’s clothes. I’m a boy, as simple as that. Ichika smiled as his own mind echoed back to him, repeating Tsukasa’s words in Ichika’s voice. And Ichika believed it.

“So, I hope that clears things up!” Tsukasa took a second curtsy, beaming at the audience. “Now, let’s get this show on the road!”

More claps and cheers ensued as Tsukasa pranced offstage, keeping surprisingly good balance in his high heels.

-

Tsukasa couldn’t get the starstruck faces of the audience out of his mind as he slipped offstage, into the darkness of the curtain wings. Even from where he was standing, he could see Saki and co. sitting house left, diagonal from where he was standing stage left. Of course they were all clapping- even Shiho, who he had never seen smile, had the faint hints of a grin as she clapped along. But the one face he couldn’t get out of his mind was Ichika’s.

A new expression had replaced Ichika’s normally calm, mellow, standoffish expression. Now she looked extremely emotional- she seemed to be welling up at the edges of her eyes, but she too was smiling. Had Tsukasa’s words moved her to tears? How did he do that? That was a complete mystery to him, but in all honesty, he was just glad he made her smile. That was what he had set out to do, right?! What was the point of all of this if nobody smiled?!

Right. Right. The audience must smile. That’s what the whole shebang was about, right?

Right.

“Good job,” Tsukasa felt a pat on his shoulder, soon noticing it was Rui. He had to crane his neck to look up at the much taller man.

“Ready!” Emu’s excited voice called from backstage.

Rui chuckled. “Ready.” He shoved Tsukasa’s shoulder playfully. “Go get ‘em, superstar.”

“Stop with the cheesy phrasing, please…”

-

Tsukasa, playing Yukio, stared after the vanishing figure of Emu, playing Hiiro. Yukio turned back to the other two, disappointment clear in her eyes. “Hiiro’s way out of my league, isn’t she?”

“Are you kidding me? Like, are you actually blind?” Nene, playing Ai, nudged Yukio sharply. “Can’t you see? She’s practically waiting to fall into your arms.”

“She’s not! She acts that way towards everyone!” Yukio snapped. “I mean, she’s way too cute to like someone like me- I mean she’s too cute- I mean too cute- I mean- You get the idea!” Yukio ended her speech by stomping her foot angrily.

Ichika let out a small giggle under his breath. Tsukasa seemed to work so… so naturally in the role he was given. He stepped up to that role with so much confidence… confidence Ichika wished he had.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Ai muttered absentmindedly. “Listen. You gotta make your move soon, you know.”

“I don’t want to!” Yukio snapped. “What if I blow it? What if I say the wrong thing and she thinks I’m weird and what if-“

“Yukio.” Ai laid a hand on Yukio’s shoulder, turning her slightly upstage so she could peer into her eyes. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. It’s better than letting the chance pass you by, anyway.”

“SAYS WHO?!”

“Says me!” Ai snapped.

“Listen, I just-“ Yukio sighed, defeated. “I don’t feel ready yet. I don’t think-“

“Oh my god, why can you never be ready for anything?!” Ai slapped Yukio across the arm, spinning her around to face the audience. “Sometimes you just have to do stuff and hope it works. If everyone kept waiting until they were ready, nobody would be doing anything! So why don’t you take that anxiety and shove it up your-“

“Ai, please just shut up!” Yukio snapped, talking over Ai. “You’re right. But this is big, and if I screw this up, it could ruin whatever relationship I had with Hiiro! So please just-“

Ai sighed, taking a few deep breaths in. “Sorry. Um… impulse. Got emotional.” She sighed, looking away quickly. “Jeez.”

“Don’t you ‘jeez’ me now…”

In the slight pause that followed, Ichika took the time to gather his thoughts.

Well, shit, that got personal, he realized.

“Sometimes you just have to do stuff and hope it works.” Ai’s words were still ringing in his mind. If Ichika had known that earlier, some heartache would have been saved.

Some? More like a lot, actually.

Ichika had used to have a mindset like Ai’s. But it had vanished, along with his initial friendship with Honami and Shiho. He had spent a lot of time second-guessing and doubting himself. He was sick of it. So fucking sick of it.

-

Yukio pouted, standing slightly stage right, opposite to where Ai was standing, completely faced away from her.

“Listen, I… I’m sorry,” Ai was apologizing, but Yukio continued looking away, not wanting to even set her eyes upon the other girl. “I got wrapped up in my emotions, and…”

Yukio picked up the skirt of her dress, lifting it slightly, taking her exit offstage. As she went, she could hear Ai calling out for her to come back, but it was no use.

Tsukasa, now enclosed in the safety of the curtain wings, let his skirt drop as he navigated backstage. He heard Rui and Emu both whispering congratulations into his ear as he took his place on the complete other side of the stage, opposite from where he had exited.

And… now.

Hiiro burst onstage, running up to Ai, who was standing center stage completely alone. Akira followed soon after, taking much more care to make sure his suit didn’t get dirty as he followed his light-footed sister.

“Ai, are you okay?!” Hiiro was cupping Ai’s face in her hands. “I heard you and Yuyu arguing and it sounded really bad and I just want to know that you’re okay ARE YOU-“

“Calm down, Hiiro.” Akira butted in next to his younger sister, who let out a huff and walked away slightly from the two. “I heard yelling. Are you alright?”

“I’m… fine.” Ai obviously wasn’t fine.

“C’mon. Who do I have to square up to, Ai?”

“ Nobody. ” Venom dripped off of Ai’s words. “Akira, I’m fine. ”

“No, tell me what happened.” Akira took Ai’s hands. “And I’ll unleash the drone army and the giant lasers and all of the robots and…”

“No, none of those. Please.” Ai was on the brink of tears by now. “I just…” she sighed. “It hurts.”

Akira nodded, gently clasping Ai’s hand. “I know it does.”

The stage fell into silence for a moment. Tsukasa gazed offstage, towards the audience, carefully gauging their faces. He could see Saki and co. still near the back- Saki was smiling, but Honami’s face seemed to waver, Shiho was completely deadpan, and Ichika looked like she was on the brink of tears.

They’re not smiling anymore.

“I think I should apologize,” Ai murmured. “To Yukio. I said some harsh things, and… she didn’t deserve it, really.”

“If that’s what you want…” Akira said softly, “I’ll call her.”

Ai nodded solemnly. “Please do.”

-

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

Ichika’s mind was a torrent.

The play… struck him, kind of like a train, but emotionally.

It hurt. The lines had connected with all of the right nerves, creating the horribly familiar sense of sadness inside of him. He… he felt for Ai, and for Yukio, knowing he had been just like both of them at one point or another. It was completely different from the fantastical plays he normally saw. These characters were real, and tangible, and he wanted to reach out. To touch their hands, to hold them, to tell them that things would be okay.

“Ai. Hiiro.” Yukio’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. She had walked back onto the scene, Akira following behind, with none of her previous vigor or pizazz. She looked completely and utterly defeated.

“What?! Why my name?!” Hiiro yelped. “What’d I do? Are you okay?!”

“Please read the room…” Ai muttered.

“Oh…” Hiiro piped down a bit, sighing. “Sorry, Yuyu…”

“Okay…” Ai murmured. She took a step forward. “I just wanted to say that… well… um…” she paused. And, without saying anything further, she reached out her arms for a hug.

Yukio hesitated for a moment. But then she walked into it, and soon the two were wrapped up in the tightest hug Ichika had ever seen, as if neither wanted to let go.

The lights cut to black.

And just like that, Ichika found himself rising to his feet. He began to clap, and it felt extremely loud and uncomfortable with nobody else clapping- but soon Saki stood up and began clapping, then Shiho, then Honami. Ichika saw others beginning to stand up, clapping along with the four. The lights lit up as the four troupe members stood onstage, all linking arms as they took one big bow. People began cheering. Ichika heard the characters’ names called out a couple of times, and he barely held himself back from calling out their names as well.

“Thank you!” Tsukasa called out to the crowd while everyone was still clapping. “Thank you so much for coming to see our debut show today! We hope you enjoyed it!”

“Blind again, I see,” Nene joked. Tsukasa elbowed her in the ribs.

“Tsukasa!!!” Saki called out. She was now jumping up and down excitedly, clapping probably twice as fast as anyone else.

Ichika watched as the clapping died down, and people began to leave. He heard strangers whispering to each other about how good the play was- except for the part with the man in the dress.

Because even now, after all of that, they couldn’t get over it.

-

“Yippee!” Emu cannoned into Tsukasa’s arms again as soon as the four were safely offstage. “Debut! Debut! Debut!”

“Where do you get all your energy from?” Nene seemed to be practically dragging herself down the steps towards the audience seating. “But… regardless, I think we did good.”

“Good is an understatement,” Rui pointed out. “Even without all of my usual ‘weird’ stage directions, and without all of the special effects we normally have… we made a play worth watching.”

“What happened to the special effects, anyway?” Nene muttered.

“Low budget.”

“Ah. Touché.”

“Yeah, even our amazing director has to run out of yen at some point!” Tsukasa pointed out.

“Holup!!!” Emu yelped, skidding in front of the other three. “Hona and Saki and Ichi and Shiho are STILL THERE! Do you guys want to TALK TO THEM?”

“Of course,” Rui beamed. “They’re all our biggest fans, numbered one through four in no particular order. I’m sure they’d love to say hi.”

That definitely became clear when the four stepped out into the sunlight. But to Tsukasa’s shock, Saki went and veered straight towards Emu instead- as did Honami, while Shiho went to talk to Nene and Rui. Left awkwardly by herself, Ichika hesitantly approached Tsukasa. But… there seemed to be some determination in her eyes as she looked Tsukasa up and down.

“Um… can we talk…? In private?”