Chapter Text
Kazuha returns to Beidou’s ship a changed man. She doesn’t know what happened, but her adoptive son’s demeanor isn’t what it should be. The last she’d seen of him was several months prior, when the Alcor had been stationed in Liyue last. He’d claimed a need to travel, which was nothing new, and she hadn’t batted an eye over it. With the promise to return the next time the crew found themselves in the harbor, Kazuha had left with a smile on his face.
He isn’t smiling now.
In fact, he looks quite troubled, though he hides it well under the placid glances he gives to Beidou and the others. It may be enough to fool her crew, but he is her son and she knows in her gut that something is wrong. He’s never hesitated to confide in her before and he’s never outright lied to her face. It seems there is a first time for everything.
The moment he’d boarded the Alcor, Beidou had zeroed in on him. Kazuha’s smile didn’t reach his eyes when he saw her, and that was the moment she knew something was wrong. She asked him what happened of course, but he denied anything occurring at all. She didn’t press for information at the time, but watching him lifelessly interact with her crew, she knows now that she needs to intervene.
Beidou had asked Ningguang to keep a subtle eye on him. Did that not happen? Or did Kazuha fly so far under the radar that even her wife’s influences couldn’t track him? She needs to ask Ningguang herself, seeing as how Kazuha is being so tight lipped over it.
With that in mind, she calls out to Juza, telling him to keep things under wraps while she’s gone.
A trip to the Jade Chamber is beyond due.
+=+=+
Ningguang’s golden palace in the sky is as clandestine and ostentatious as every previous visit. The Bai triplets keep Beidou plenty busy while she waits, talking her ear off while she signs paperwork related to Alcor tradings. Surprisingly, her wife keeps her waiting for less than an hour, ushering her into her private bed chambers. While normally Beidou would be all for taking a reunion tumble in the sheets, she isn’t in the mood right now. Neither, it seems, is Ningguang.
The Tianquan looks far from her regal self, so much so that it gives Beidou pause. Her clothes are creased and rumpled as if they’ve been slept in. Her hair, usually immaculate, is tied hastily back in a bun. No makeup is worn either, allowing Beidou to see the dark circles under her beloved’s eyes.
Beidou is kneeling before her in mere moments, hands reaching out to clasp Ningguang’s as she looks up at her.
“What’s happened? Please tell me.”
Her wife is silent for a long while, staring down at Beidou with unconcealed exhaustion. She’s prepared for the worst - a death, an assassination attempt, anything but–
“I lost Kazuha.”
That doesn’t make a lick of sense. So much so that Beidou lets out a disbelieving laugh.
“But he’s on the Alcor right now–“
“Beidou.”
She goes silent. It’s rare for Ningguang to use her name like that, flat and serious. It worries her. She knows she doesn’t yet fully understand the situation, but the foolish part of her still wishes to brush off Ningguang’s concerns. She wants to pretend that everything is fine, that Kazuha is fine.
“My people were watching over him in the city as you requested. Kazuha left the city proper, went through Lisha, and headed into Minlin.”
“Minlin? But that’s–“
“The home of the Adepti. Yes. It seems he knew he was being trailed and lost the Millelith along the way. He was gone for months Beidou. I thought he–“
Her eyes widen as she watches the strongest woman in Liyue shed tears. Beidou reaches up, gently wiping away what she can.
“What was that fool thinking?”
“I don’t know.”
Ningguang’s voice is quiet, hushed in secrecy despite their secluded location.
“When he returned to Liyue, I went to see him myself. He seemed... haunted. The way he was the first time you brought him to me. I convinced him to come up for tea with the intent to interrogate him, but we ended up sitting in silence instead. It’s.. as if all of his words as a poet have left him.”
Minlin is a place that no human should traverse. Home of the Adepti, to trespass is to ensure a tragic fate. Kazuha knew this, Beidou had warned him more than once that anything beyond the Dunyu Ruins and Luhua Pool was off limits to mortals. So why had he gone? It was unlike him to break a land’s customs so recklessly.
“Was he tricked? Are there any signs of foul play, that he was lead there, anything–“
“No. No he... when I asked him, he said he went of his own volition. I followed up regardless and came up empty. He wouldn’t tell me what happened. I couldn’t get through to him, I’m so sorry I–“
“Baobei, shh.”
She reaches up, gathering Ningguang in her arms.
“Whatever happened, it’s not your fault. You already carry the world on your shoulders, do not try to carry our burdens as well. Let me help.”
Her heart breaks as she feels Ningguang sob into her shoulder. This isn’t what she was supposed to come home to. She expected a Kazuha who spouted nonsense at her and a wife with biting comebacks to her banter. Instead, things have broken while she was gone, and now she is left trying to pick up the pieces.
Kazuha will have to wait.
One problem at a time.
She scoops Ningguang up, cradling her close before gently depositing her on the bed.
“Stay right here for me, okay?”
Beidou heads for the door, calling through the wood for Baishi and telling her to draw a bath and to be discrete. The last thing the Jade Chamber needs is for everyone to know that its master is running at less than one hundred percent. She glances back at Ningguang, seeing the exhaustion lining her frame. Right, definitely no work for her either.
When Baishi comes through, she lets her know to tell Baixiao to clear Ningguang’s schedule for the next few days, and to have Baiwen arrange for food to be brought up. Beidou is going to have to put all of her efforts into making sure her wife is alright before even considering the entire Kazuha situation. Whatever is wrong with him is likely long term, whereas she can hopefully ease Ningguang back into her role as Tianquan.
Just as Baishi is about to leave, Beidou slides a small note to her for Juza. She won’t be back to the Crux for a few days. Her crew will assume they’re up in the sky fucking like rabbits and that’s fine. Better they think that than know that her wife isn’t perfect at the moment. Not for their sake, but for Ningguang’s. This won’t ever leave her room, as a matter of pride.
She returns to the bed and trails a hand through Ningguang’s hair. Her heart hurts to see her like this.
“Come, the bath is ready.”
Ningguang simply nods, letting Beidou lead her to the adjacent chamber. She takes her time unclothing her wife, beginning first with the elaborate hair pins and setting them aside on the sink. She gently brushes out the tangles before plaiting it into sections and pinning it back up and out of the way. The intricate clasps on the dress come next, which she removes with practiced and careful ease. Piece by piece is removed and folded for Baishi to collect later, and then Beidou helps her wife settle into the bath.
Ningguang is silent through it all, letting Beidou take care of her without protest. The silence is tense with unsaid words, but Beidou works through it regardless. She takes a towel and gently washes Ningguang’s skin, kissing her knuckles when they are within reach. This grants her one of her wife’s rare smiles, and it makes all of the effort worth it.
Once the bath is finished Beidou dries her off and helps Ningguang into fresh robes.
“Come sleep. Today’s problems will still be here tomorrow.”
“You let Baishi know to postpone my meetings?”
“She’s already on it. Those three are plenty capable of handling things on their own for a few hours. If things become too much, they’ll call on Ganyu to help.”
Beidou sheds her outer layers, changing into a similar robe before going around the room and blowing out all of the candles. She joins her wife in bed and holds Ningguang close, lips pressed to the back of her neck.
“Sleep, Baobei.”
“Mmm Beidou?”
“Yes?”
“…Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Tomorrow they will handle Kazuha. Tonight is for them, the eye before the storm. Beidou doesn’t know what the coming hours will hold, but she knows it won’t be easy. Just as a captain examines the hull of her ship for damage, she will have to handle her son with care. She will assess the harm done and repair what she can on her own.
The rest will be up to Kazuha.
+=+=+
“Talk to me, kid. You can’t just shut me out like this and pretend things are fine. What were you thinking? ”
Kazuha sits across from Beidou on the Alcor in the captain's quarters where they won’t be disturbed. She’d stayed with Ningguang for a few days before returning, and the first thing she did after checking in with Juza was drag her son in for a chat.
So far, it’s been a rather one sided conversation. She feels as though she could talk herself blue at this point and Kazuha still wouldn’t respond. There’s a mist over his eyes as if he’s somewhere far away from here. Whatever happened to him in Minlin must have been horrible for this to be the result.
He still functions as a human being. He eats, occasionally talks in short sentences, and has enough sense to stay out of the crew’s way. But beyond that, he is a vacant shell of himself. Juza told her as such when she asked him about how Kazuha was faring.
It’s been an hour, and she hasn’t gotten a single word out of him.
“That’s it, I’m too sober for this.”
She stands, striding to her liquor cabinet and picking out something strong. Leave it to her son to act so recklessly. She can hardly believe that this is her life right now. She pours a pint, considers the glass for a moment, and then takes both the glass and the bottle with her. She slides the pint over to Kazuha and keeps the rest for herself.
“Drink. Maybe it’ll loosen that tongue of yours.”
Kazuha stares at her blankly and for a moment she thinks that this new tactic will be yet another failure.
“…You know I’m not a fan of drinking.”
“And he speaks! Amazing how alcohol will do that.”
“I haven’t had any.”
She smirks, leaning across the table to swipe the glass back.
“No, but it’s gotten you to speak anyways. Tell me what happened. Why did you go to Minlin?”
She knows that interrogating him outright could backfire, but she’s tired of this game. In truth, she’s pissed at Kazuha for having gone despite her warnings. From anger, comes fear and care and dread. She’s doing her best to focus on the caring side of things, at least for now. Showing Kazuha her anger will do more harm than good.
Beidou will ensure that he is okay first, and then let him have it later. She has plenty she wants to yell at him for, but he’s not in a state to hear it. He lied to her, ignored her advice, worried Ningguang, and refused to talk to her about it.
The silence stretches between them once more, and Beidou is seconds away from getting up and walking away.
“There was something in the wind.”
Now, she’s used to Kazuha’s eccentricities. Usually, whenever he says that the wind tells him something, she believes him wholeheartedly. His skill with the weather has gotten them safely to shore more than once. As far as she knows, the wind has never led her son astray. But this time it has, and it sparks the anger she’s been trying so hard to keep down.
“So you ignore everything I’ve said to you because the wind told you to? “
“That’s not what I–“
“That’s exactly what you’re implying. I told you not to go to Minlin. The wind told you to go, so you went.”
She grabs the pint glass and swallows the alcohol like it’s a shot before slamming it back down.
“I don’t tell you things for fun. You worried Ningguang sick because she couldn’t find you. Four months! You were gone for longer than half the time I was away. Did you even consider how your actions would affect others?”
“Mom I–“
“I’m not done! Was it worth it, whatever it was you found there? Whatever it was you saw in Minlin? You look like you’ve seen a ghost and you lie to my face about being alright. Ningguang cried when I saw her. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
She stops, fuming as she drinks directly from the bottle. She’ll probably come to regret her words later but for now, she’s going to stick to them. If soft words of encouragement won’t work, maybe this will. Kazuha looks deflated, and that haunted look is back in his eyes as he looks at her.
“Yes.”
“What?”
“Yes, it was worth it.”
Oh.
She quiets, clutching the bottle in her hand tighter than necessary. She feels as if a wave of cold water has splashed over her. This is her son. He isn’t reckless. The actions he takes aren’t without meaning. He said it was the wind, but there’s more to it than that. There has to be.
“Tell me what happened, Kazuha.”
For the first time since returning to Liyue, Beidou hears her son speak as a poet should. Gone are the stilted words and half stops. Gone is the stifling silence between them. It brings her some sense of relief, knowing that Kazuha is still here and not lost to the world.
“I never intended to travel further than the Guili Plains. The architecture there fascinated me and I wanted to take time to truly appreciate the beauty of the past. I was in little danger there as most of the treasure hoarders have learned to leave me be - in addition to the not so subtle Millelith tail you and mother insisted upon.”
Beidou will have to speak to Ningguang about that. Keeping an eye on their son in theory is a good idea. But in practice, anyone less than a vision user is incapable of providing any sort of assistance. Case in point, the soldiers sent to keep an eye on Kazuha had been nothing short of useless.
“You knew you were being watched and yet still made your way into Minlin.”
“I never intended to go there. To be quite honest I wasn’t sure where I was until it was too late.”
“Because you lost the people tailing you so they couldn’t warn you away from idiocy.”
Useless Millelith.
“To be fair it wasn’t that hard to lose them. I’d been going intentionally slow before so that they wouldn’t lose sight of me. I’m fast even when I’m not in a hurry. Besides, I hardly need a babysitter.”
She gives Kazuha the best deadpan stare she can manage.
“You’re the son of the Tianquan now. I don’t care how skilled you are in battle, dying is the least of our worries. Though I suppose getting lost in Minlin is now at the top of the list.”
“I handled my own in Inazuma before joining you, I don’t see how my wanting to be alone and unsupervised is a problem.”
Calm.
Remain calm.
“We’re getting off subject. Just help me understand how observing structures in Guili turned into a field trip to Minlin.”
Beidou hates that far away look Kazuha keeps getting. It’s unsettling, like she’s watching him fade away in front of her eyes. She doesn’t know how to keep him in the present.
Silence stretches between them and she stands, heading for the couch. She leaves the bottle of alcohol behind.
“Come here.”
Surprisingly, he listens. Beidou reclines back, pulls Kazuha onto the couch with her, and wraps an arm around him. The gesture is meant to be comforting, and she sighs in relief when he relaxes against her.
“You know you can talk to me right? I might be your mom but I was your friend first. Whatever crazy shit happened to you, you can tell me. I just need to know you’re alright, and that this won’t happen again.”
“I just.. don’t have the words for what happened. I’m not sure I will for a long time.”
“Well, let’s try at the very least. You were in the Guili Plains and something caused you to lose the Milleleth tasked with following you. What was it?”
He looks up at her with a grateful smile, and Beidou knocks her head gently against his while she waits for him to gather his thoughts.
“When exploring the ruins... I felt something in the wind. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was a pull stronger than any I’ve ever had before. It’s never led me astray, and I know you told me about Minlin, but it was as if your words faded from my mind. I followed the wind west, skirting around Cuijue, and kept going.”
“Archons, Kazuha. You didn’t stop to think that maybe it was something bad tricking you?”
“I’m familiar with how Yōkai feel in Inazuma. This wasn’t anything remotely like them.”
This kid is going to be the death of her.
“You didn’t consider that malevolent spirits in Liyue might feel different from those in Inazuma?”
“Mom, please listen.”
One day, she’ll learn not to bulldoze over others with her own words. She squeezes Kazuha’s arm lightly in apology.
“Go on.”
“What I felt was.. not quite desperation. I think the closest description would be anguish. There was salt on the wind, so strong that I could feel it despite the several days' travel between us. The wind called on me to help, so I went.”
“What did you find, Kazuha? What was in Minlin?”
She knows she keeps asking, but she has to know. She fears if she doesn’t get it out of Kazuha soon, he may never discuss it again. It’s clearly a sore subject, and getting it all out in one go will be better than in increments.
“When I arrived at my destination, I didn’t know what I was looking for. I knew I was in the right place, but the only thing there was a small pool of water. Everything was silent. Not even the birds dared to call and break the stillness of it. And then... I heard someone crying.”
Beidou sucks in a sharp breath but doesn’t speak. She’s heard stories of all sorts that could begin like this.
All of them have tragic endings.
“I kneeled next to the pool, trying to identify where it was coming from, and that’s when I saw it. There was a figure that wasn’t my reflection, kneeling just as I was. They were crying and didn’t seem to notice me. I reached out and touched the water, trying to make contact, and I fell in.”
“Kazuha-“
“When I emerged, it was on the other side.”
Oh, her stupid, stupid son. Her lovable, idiotic Kazuha. He hadn’t felt any sort of danger, had he? And yet he’d walked right into what was surely an Adeptus’s domain.
“Where did you go?”
He smiles at her, and it breaks her heart to see the pain he’s in. There are shadows haunting her son, dogging at his heels. He holds trauma that Beidou suspects she won’t be able to heal.
“You won’t believe me if I tell you.”
“I fought a sea monster and lived. Try me.”