Work Text:
The truth in the dark
“You’re staying now, so what does it matter?” Eliza asked with a teasing smile. She was trying to avoid her own thoughts of how happy she felt, and why her heart had skipped a beat at the fact he wasn’t leaving.
“It matters to me…” William's deeply growled words lingered in the air around them as they held their eyes and waited for the other to speak or move first.
William could have kissed her in the street as they stood in the dim beams of the lamp outside Eliza’s office. For the first time in months, Eliza didn’t seem to be pulling away from his intense gaze, giving him hope that maybe underneath all her ambition regarding her business, she felt something for him more than the friends she kept insisting that they were.
It would have been so easy to just lean down and press a kiss against her inviting lips, and God knew he wanted to. Instead, he shifted his weight a little, removed his hand from his pocket and reached out to run a finger gently against her arm instantly revelling in the delicate feeling of her soft skin. She flinched a little at his touch and twisted her hand almost to meet his as he reached it.
The atmosphere seemed to crack between them as they held eyes, and neither moved for fear of breaking it or giving into it. Both were unaware of the noise of a passing carriage and horse hooves or the sound of a clock striking in the distance.
Eliza waited expectantly for the shuffle of his feet that always brought him a step closer to her, as she wondered what he would do next. Only William held back, he needed something from her, and he let out a sigh as he quickly realised, she’d never give in first.
When he finally moved, Eliza was surprised that instead of attempting a kiss, he simply reached out for her hand clutching her office keys and slipped them out of her grasp. Silently he smiled, with a twinkle in his eye as she let them go and he turned towards the street door that led to her office. Soundlessly unlocking it, she watched as he opened it a little while she remained frozen to her spot, uncertainty written all over her face.
He glanced over his tense shoulder, to see if she would follow him. For a moment, he sensed her hesitate, unsure if she should take a step forward or backwards. After all, there was a safety to being on the street where they could be seen, compared to being alone inside her office together without the possibility of interruption. Yet, he wanted her to follow, needed her to, because if she did it would give him more than the words, he was asking her to say.
Eliza watched as he took a step inside the doorway, while she was caught between what she should and should not do. There was a danger in following him, but then she never was one to run away from risk. So, with a bold breath, she took a step and then heard her heels delicately click against the paving stones.
William felt the apprehension drain from him as he heard her movement behind him. He started to walk inside and slowly took the stairs up towards her office. He smiled at the click of the front door being shut and locked behind them, and thoughts rushed through his mind that this had to mean something positive. This wasn’t going to end with one of them, mostly him, leaving in frustration this time.
Eliza said nothing as she held her skirt in her fingertips and slowly climbed the stairs, her eyes locked on William’s back as he moved towards her office door and without a word unlocked it as if he’d done it blind a thousand times.
The office was cold and still, with just the silvery white light of the full moon cutting through the windows towards Eliza’s desk. William removed his hat with a flick of his wrist, and hung it on the hooks, before effortlessly rolling his shoulders. His jacket slipped easily off, and he pulled an arm out of the sleeve, followed by the other.
Eliza had watched him do this so many times, yet somehow this simple action here seemed to heighten her senses as she drew in a breath watching his muscles flex while he hung the jacket on the hook next to his hat.
She stepped further into her office, attempting to appear normal, yet they hadn’t spoken, and she couldn’t think of an innocent reason for William to bring them in there. As she went to move past him, wordlessly he held his hand out to take her cloak.
Eliza finally looked at his face and gone was the mischievous smile that was on his lips outside, replaced with a look of firm determination that she didn’t fully understand. Yet, she knew he wasn’t asking, he was telling her to remove it.
When she’d chosen her beautiful blue dress for Hattie’s party, she’d felt happily daring wearing something so bold and unconventional. Ivy had been unimpressed and fleetingly told her how scandalous she was being not covering herself up as she should and where were her gloves! But then Mr Potts had knocked on the door to escort them to the party and her thoughts of what Eliza had chosen to wear immediately disappeared.
Alone in her office with William, the idea of her dress revealing her bare neck, shoulders and arms made Eliza feel vulnerable and frighteningly like she’d allowed a large crack in her armour.
For once, William wasn’t allowing her to back out, as he tentatively reached for the end of one of the pieces of silk ribbon, wrapped it slowly between his fingers and tugged it, loosening the knot that kept it done up. He made no further move, instead, he waited, eyes locked on her, for Eliza to take it off.
Eying him with caution, and slight reluctance, Eliza finally moved her hand to untie it, and William let the cool ribbon slip free easily from his fingertips as she freed the two pieces from around her neck.
Awkwardly, she removed it from her shoulders under William’s gaze, suddenly feeling nervous with the cold air against her skin. She handed the cloak to William and as he took it their fingers brushed slightly, an unfamiliar spark flowed from her fingers through her body to the pit of her stomach. William attempted to hide his reaction to her skin being so exposed, but he couldn’t resist a not-so-subtle appreciative roll of his eyes over her, that almost stole his breath.
Seemingly not wanting to pull his eyes away, William turned slowly to hang her clock on the hooks, while Eliza quickly turned her back to him to give herself a moment to collect herself and settle the feeling in her stomach. She looked toward her desk and released a shaky breath while she rubbed her hands against her arms to warm her. She eyed the oil lamp on her desk and wondered if lighting it would release some of the thick tension, she felt between them.
Unsure of anything else to do, she stepped forward towards it to twist the tiny dial and shine a light in her office. Only William’s voice behind stopped her.
“Don’t…” The sound hung in the air.
It was soft, commanding, and so full of his Scottish accent, that Eliza didn’t even try to reply, as goosebumps reappeared all over her skin. She stood up straight and counted his four heavy footsteps as he slowly crossed the small office towards her. She couldn’t help but wonder why he would want them to remain in the dark, but there was a safety and a danger to it
She shut her eyes and sucked in a shallow breath as she felt him behind her, while he tentatively placed his right hand lightly on her side. She shivered with nerves and cold while she felt herself almost radiating towards the warmth of his body against her back, but she stopped herself. She wasn’t letting him win so easily. Her hands hovered uneasily at her side, as she briefly wondered what she was meant to do with them.
“What are you doing?”
She opened her eyes, surprised at the sound of her voice. It was timid and shaking, lacking her usual confidence, and giving her away her uncertainty at their situation.
William raised his left hand and slowly ran a finger from her shoulder down her arm. He smiled as he felt her muscles tense, goosebumps raised against his touch and her hand curl to a fist. Whilst there was a part of him that knew this was inappropriate, that somehow, she’d probably spin this into him taking advantage of her, it was just too tempting not to touch her. Her skin was so soft and inviting that he took his time to draw his fingertips down her arm.
He’d lost his confidence recently, both with Eliza and his job, but tonight, he felt it returning, after Fitzroy and his men had gone out on a limb for him and saved his job, and now here with Eliza not deliberately pushing him away. With the relief that he wasn’t leaving his home, and after months of awkwardness between them, he needed to feel her, hold her close, and just be.
“Nothing.”
It was a low growl, innocently breathed into her ear as he edged a little closer and moved his hand flat against her wrist and moved it up her arm to warm her. Her skin was so soft under his fingertips. He wanted more, so much more, but he knew if he pushed her too far that she’d bolt, so he purposely held himself back.
“It doesn’t feel like nothing…” Eliza whispered. She gulped, swaying slightly, fighting the feeling of wanting to close her eyes again as she waited for him to reply.
He said nothing though. William made her wait for his next move, as he wondered how far he should push his luck. In the moonlight, she just looked too beautiful, and when would he ever get this chance again?
Eliza was startled as William ducked his head and pressed his lips lightly against her shoulder as his hand reached the sleeve of her dress. He followed with another light kiss slightly higher, and then another while his fingers ran teasingly down her arm making her shiver once again.
“What does it feel like?” William asked as his kisses reached her neck.
Eliza gulped knowing she really shouldn’t let him do what he was doing, that she felt she was being lured into a false sense of security. Unsure how to respond, she batted a ball back into his court.
“You said… we couldn’t be anything more than friends…”
She felt his lips curl to a smile against her neck as she threw his words from months earlier at him. He stilled his movements and pulled back a little, and Eliza felt the sting of the cold against the warmth that he was creating around her cooled with his movement.
“I said anything else made my position difficult…”
“You said untenable…”
“And I stand by that…”
“Yet here you are…”
“And so are you…”
She’d yet to tell him to stop or move out of his reach, so William smiled undeterred and grew once more in confidence. He resumed moving his hand slowly up and down her bare arm while he moved his hand resting on her waist forward gliding it over her stomach before laying it flat against her.
He moved his head to the right, placed a kiss just above her sleeve and started a slow line of kisses like he had the other side and was rewarded with a soft hum from Eliza as he moved his way closer to her neck.
He wasn’t playing fair, Eliza thought as she felt herself wobble, fighting for control of her body that wanted to fall backwards and rest against his chest.
“Why are you kissing me?” Eliza finally asked.
“Because I need to know,” William admitted.
As he got to the hollow curve of her neck, he waivered, letting his breath tickle and warm her skin before he pressed a kiss a little more firmly. He moved his fingers against her stomach gently dancing circles with his fingertips, hoping to gain a response from her.
“Know what?” Eliza hummed, and her eyes fluttered close, and she inadvertently moved her head, allowing William a little more access to kiss her just below her ear.
She’d never been this close to a man before, never felt her body so warm as he seemed to strategically attack all her senses with his ministrations. It was frustrating to have him touch her almost inappropriately but equally so incredibly innocently.
William hesitated to answer. What could he say? That he needed to know that she felt like he did? Telling her that meant acknowledging his feelings to her, and he wasn’t ready to say the words out loud to her before he got some crumb of admittance from her first. Carefully he plotted his next move.
“That I’m not standing out of this ledge waiting all by myself.”
“What are you waiting for?” Eliza teased, but she knew the answer. He was waiting for her to join him on that ledge, and she wasn’t ready for that. She couldn’t give up everything she wanted for him, not yet at least.
William chuckled and simultaneously stepped forward while pulling Eliza closer, as he nipped with his lips along her jawline. Eliza bumped into him and felt the slow rising and falling of his chest as he breathed against her back. She was suddenly grateful that she didn’t have to try and keep herself upright any further. She bit her bottom lip lightly between her teeth and turned her head just enough that if she tried, she could reach his lips. She could kiss him if she wanted, and something deep inside her surprised her with how much she did want to, no matter that she knew she shouldn’t.
Even in the dark, she could make out the cheeky glint in his eyes as William looked up. Their lips hovered just millimetres apart, and their warm breath mixed with the cool air around them. It would have taken nothing for either of them to close the gap, but they were both stubbornly waiting for the other to make a move.
Just when Eliza thought he would finally kiss her, William chuckled and broke away, moving to her left side and pressing more firm kisses into her shoulder. She knew he was teasing her like he probably felt she always did with him.
Eliza closed her eyes again and took a moment to simply enjoy his warm breath against her neck while his thumb that was against her stomach started rubbing delicious circles against her, and Eliza wasn’t sure how much longer she could put up a fight, against William and her own body.
William seemed to notice that he had her on the ropes, as he opened his mouth as he kissed her neck and proceeded to nip and lick at her. Eliza released a heavy sigh of appreciation, one that surprised her.
She’d fought a brave battle, Eliza told herself. Been gallant in her efforts to not fall for the tall, dark, and handsome Scot whom her father had brought steamrolling into her life all those years ago. Was it time to admit that those efforts were fruitless, and when it came down to it, it was always going to be him?
“Tell me you like this?” William asked, with a hint of necessity in his voice.
Eliza had almost forgotten how to speak, as she concentrated on keeping her breathing slow and even. Instead, she just purred, and William continued his kissing with slow necessity.
She lifted a hand from her side and felt for William’s hand that was playing against her stomach. She ran her fingers against his and felt him smile against her neck. He lifted his hand to hers and their fingers danced together, enjoying the feeling of warm bare skin against the other. Ivy was right, Eliza laughed to herself, this dress was scandalous.
“You shouldn’t be doing this,” she told him.
William carefully enjoyed that Eliza was in some ways allowing him to do this, but equally was not about to cross any line with her. Eliza wasn’t just some woman, and he wasn’t about to bring her into disrepute.
“Do you want me to stop?” William asked as he stilled himself.
Yes, she told herself because that’s what she should say. No, she already missed his lips on her skin and his body on her back as he moved slightly away.
“I don’t know….” She said breathlessly.
She was so confused as she waged a war in her mind. What she wanted flipping between the appropriate and the indecent.
“Do you want me to kiss you?” William asked breathlessly.
“You’re asking my permission,” Eliza whimpered softly with surprise.
“I don’t want you to slap me this time…” William admitted.
Eliza released a slow breath with a smile.
“I make no promises…” Eliza teased, as she turned her head towards him and blinked her eyes open to see him.
She heard him breathe a laugh, as he held her a little tighter and swayed them slightly. She had to admit to herself, it felt good to be in his arms. Safe and warm, dangerous, and disreputable. She hated to concede it, but … perhaps for the first time, she felt loved. Not the kind of love she remembered from her father, or Ivy, but that kind of love that made you do things that your sound mind wouldn’t allow in the harsh light of day.
“Tell me what you were going to say before?” William asked, before resuming his kisses along her shoulder.
Eliza sighed and pulled her gaze to the floor. Could she give him the words he was asking for? Could she tell him how the idea of him leaving, of not seeing him practically every day scared her no matter how crazy they drove each other? Admit that she didn’t want him to leave London… To leave her?
“I’m happy you’re staying in London,” she said finally. It wasn’t exactly what she’d been thinking, but she gave him just enough.
“Because?” he asked. Was she happy for his benefit, or her own he wondered? Was it still the ambitious nature in her that was just pleased he would be there to help her with cases?
“I didn’t want you to leave…” She whispered, letting the words hang in the darkness.
“Why not?” William asked hopeful, but still unsure of her reasoning.
Why not, she wondered? Did the why really matter? She wasn’t entirely sure. They’d orbited each other’s lives more in the last year than they had in the previous ten. She didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t sure she knew how to be without him anymore. That as much as she knew deep down, though she didn’t need him to survive, she was just starting to want him in her life. That despite the daily irritation they caused each other, she couldn’t imagine him gone.
Couldn’t see not turning up unannounced at Scotland Yard because he wasn’t there and someone else would be in his office. Just seeing his empty office had shocked her to the core. Would she never look up from her desk or her seat by the fire expectantly while her door opened to see him enter with his familiar heavy footsteps as he removed his hat?
Could she say that without him, she’d feel totally alone? Probably not, because that would be handing him far too much power over her.
“I don’t know…” She lied because it was easier.
“Try,” William pushed, as he pressed a light kiss to her temple, encouraging her.
“I… despite how much you annoy me… I like knowing you are there when I need you…”
“I’m not always there…” William joked a quick objection. He knew he could do more, but if he did, she’d never let him hear the end of it. Yet he would always do enough to keep her safe.
“Yes, you are,” Eliza smiled knowingly. Despite his protests, she knew he was there for her when push came to shove. She knew he had a fondness for her father, and he would never let him down by leaving her completely.
“You know I care for you, right?” Eliza asked softly, resting her head a little against him.
“Do you?” William queried. If she did, then she was doing well to keep it to herself, since most days it didn’t feel to him like she cared about him at all.
“Of course, I do,” Eliza confirmed fiercely, but without looking at him.
“As a friend?” William confirmed with disappointment in his voice.
Eliza drew in a long breath and finally turned in his arms to face him. He said nothing, but his eyes were challenging her to say otherwise. He relaxed his arms around her back and waited expectantly for her to respond.
Slowly she moved a hand to his chest and leisurely rested her other hand on his shoulder. She cared for him more than just as a friend even if bravado would not let her say it out loud. How much more was the question? She still couldn’t help but think he needed to earn her. Respect her completely, both for her work and as a woman in her own right. She wanted to be his equal, not his to do with as he pleased. How to verbalise that without an argument Eliza wasn’t sure, because it had gone so badly all those months ago in her drawing room.
“I don’t know what we are….” She admitted cautiously. “But I do know that you are someone, I want to keep in my life,” Eliza assured him. She held his eyes and all he saw was for once the truth.
Underneath her fingertips, she could feel his heartbeat strong and steady beneath his shirt and waistcoat. His arms moved a little tighter around her waist as he sighed. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but it would do for now.
Perhaps they couldn’t be what he wanted just yet. He realised that this truce between them was likely for one night only, for now at least. Tomorrow they would most probably be back to their usual arguing, annoyance, and irritation as if this moment here never happened. Perhaps they would never speak of what was happening between them in broad daylight. Here and now in the dark, in the warmth of their arms, it was just the calm they needed.
Slowly William leaned down and closed his eyes, he pressed his lips softly against hers, and for the first time, she gave no resistance and let him. She seemed to welcome the tentative and slow kisses that quickly built between them. There was no pressure or insistence, just acceptance of the inevitable.
Eliza closed her eyes and let herself go. She allowed herself some indulgence as she ran a hand over his broad shoulders and felt his strength as he moved his body in a little sway. She let her fingers dance across the skin on the back of his neck since it was all that was on offer to her. She didn’t want to say it aloud, but she liked this, kissing him. She liked the feeling that he wanted her and that he might love her.
William gave in and took all he could get, as he let his hands wander, feeling her bare shoulders and arms, before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into his body. He’d kissed women before, but never like this, never with a need to have his kisses returned and mean something more than a flirtation. He let his hand graze down her back and then gripped a fist full of a layer of her skirt to avoid any further inappropriateness.
They kissed till they were breathless, pulling away and gasping for air before returning for more. They pulled each other as close as they dared, and as carefully as they always did. The push and pull between them, different yet strangely familiar, like they had been kissing like this all their lives. Drinking each other in, knowing that it couldn’t last.
Whilst some part of Eliza wanted to stay in his arms forever, she knew she couldn’t. That they were already treading on the invisible fine line between them, almost in a dream and if she were to stay any longer, she could feel that they would spiral beyond what she could control.
No matter how she felt, or how enjoyable it was with William, she had to pull herself away. She had to be the one in control, her independence depended on her being able to do what she wanted without fear of losing what mattered most to her. Deep down she knew what William wanted, and she couldn’t give it, not yet.
Finally, she moved her head back slowly, even as William once more tried to kiss her. She dropped her head, and his lip could only reach her forehead, and she instantly sensed his disappointment without needing to look at him. She lightly drew her hand over his beard, attempting to offer a little comfort to him. She turned and rested her head lightly against his shoulder before placing her hand against his beating heart while she closed her eyes.
He knew that this night had gone further than he could ever have thought it would, but Eliza Scarlet was like a drug, and one drop just made him want more. He wrapped her tightly in his arms, for warmth and just to hold her, as he breathed deeply to regain his composure and control of his body. His fingers danced over her bare shoulder with a need to feel connected to her still because an opportunity like this was fleeting.
Quietly they remained entwined, lost in their thoughts of what would come next. Neither wanted to leave, to return to the outside world, away from this dream-like bubble. They could have stayed like that forever, but it was inevitable that one of them would break the spell.
“I should take you home,” William finally said with reluctance. His voice was deep and velvet-like, full of his accent, and Eliza smiled at the sound as it reverberated in his chest. He cleared his throat with a cough, but he made no move to release her from his arms, so she knew he didn’t mean it.
“Why?” Eliza questioned. For once she was comfortable and content here with him and unwilling to lift her head or open her eyes. Did they really have to leave her office so soon?
“Ivy will be worried,” William said, not quite believing his excuse. “She was concerned when we couldn’t find you at the party. I told Mr Potts to take her home and to wait for us there, that I’d find you and bring you back.”
“How chivalrous of you,” Eliza teased.
“It’s a difficult cross to bear,” William joked back, and Eliza chuckled, before seeming uneasy.
“We’re… okay right?” She finally asked, opening her eyes, and waiting on tenterhooks for his response, unsure where they went from wherever they were.
“We’re okay,” William nodded. He kissed her head once more and ran a final sweep of his hand down her arm, before attempting to move them forward.
As the clock tower in the distance began to strike the bells announcing midnight, the two of them reluctantly slipped out of their embrace, and William moved away to retrieve Eliza’s cloak from the hooks. Eliza waited as he picked it up, moved towards her and as if a magician, he waved it out around her shoulders.
“You should be careful, a gentleman could take advantage of you in that dress,” he told her seriously, appreciating the view one last time with a twinkle in his eyes before he folded the ribbon and pulled it close around her shoulders. He knew would remember the sight of Eliza in this dress in his dreams.
“A rogue perhaps… A gentleman knows his boundaries,” Eliza replied, equally mischievously.
William chuckled, unsure if she was referring to him as a gentleman for once, before reaching for her hand and placing a kiss on the back of it. He quickly collected his jacket and hat and held her office door open. He wouldn’t let go of her hand, and Eliza was in no hurry to reclaim it from him.
They remained quiet in the carriage to Eliza’s home since no more words were needed between them. They sat next to each other, closer than they ever had before. A few secrets had been released and a few lines were crossed. It didn’t change anything, not yet anyway, but created a little unspoken understanding between them. They were home far too soon.
With his hand deep in his pockets to stop himself from touching her, William followed Eliza inside. He was hoping to take a little of Ivy’s gratitude at returning Eliza safely home, only it was quiet and still in the candle-lit hallway. The low light in the drawing room through the crack of the open door suggested someone was in there despite the late hour, yet they both wondered why the house was so silent.
Quietly they made their way towards the drawing room, and Eliza gently pushed it open. They were surprised to find Ivy and Barnabas sitting on the settee sleeping soundly. Ivy’s head rested on Barnabas’s shoulder, and his head rested against hers, their hands carefully interlinked. Eliza thought it was a sweet picture, and she was glad that Ivy had someone for company, even if she didn’t quite understand the attraction to the mortician.
“We should leave them to sleep,” William whispered.
Eliza nodded her agreement but was sure Ivy would probably have told her to wake them, as she’d be more than a little embarrassed in the morning. Smiling, she turned to dim the gas lamp a little more before they both crept out of the room and pulled the door too.
“So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Eliza asked as they approached her front door.
“I guess you will.”
William smiled, knowing he would see her the next day, and the one following that, and probably every day after that too, and if he was honest, he was fine with that.
They both lingered in the hallway, unsure if they should acknowledge the events of their evening further, but equally having no words to verbalise it.
Carefully, keeping his eyes locked on Eliza’s, William slowly took his hand from his pocket and reached for her hand once more. He leaned in a little to place a long lingering kiss on her cheek. He watched the smile on Eliza’s lips grow and light up her eyes before he let her hand go and she dropped it to her side.
Finally, with a tip of his hat, he bid her good night, and Eliza watched him leave, feeling happier than she had since he’d told her about having to leave for Glasgow.
She picked up the candle from the dresser in the hallway and slowly made her way upstairs, knowing she would sleep well tonight with thoughts of William keeping her warm.
The End.