Chapter Text
You hadn’t wanted to tell Roxanne what you’d seen, because you knew if she knew, she’d make a face exactly like that.
“Are you sure ?”
“One hundred and twenty percent. He was watching you change.” Your friend’s face twists up in horrified disgust, and you look away, sad to see this woman that was so earnestly willing to see the best in people come against the fact. “He won’t do it again, though,” you promise, “Because he’s not coming back here.”
“He’s fired?” Roxanne’s expression falls to a more neutral, near pitying expression.
“Um? Yeah. ” Roxanne can’t help but huff a stutter of laughter at your tone, despite the topic, and you’re partially relieved. “This isn’t even the sixth time he’s creeped on you… you were way too patient with him…”
With a sigh Roxanne nods, placing a hand uncomfortably to the back of her neck. “Yeah…well.” Another sigh. Catching your expression, hers grows somewhat sheepish. “...I’m sorry I’ve worried you-”
“-Don’t apologize. Just look after yourself more, okay…?” Roxanne nods, then smiles. She lifts her arms for a hug and you give her a short squeeze.
“Thank you,” She says genuinely. She then raises a knowing eyebrow. “But that’s not the only reason you’re the only one here so close to going live, is it?”
“Nope.”
“You’re my new camera-”
“Yep.” She smiles, and you fake a cackle, steeple your fingers, and pitch your voice near a very familiar intonation.
“Finally. The position is mine.” Roxanne snorts at your impression and doubles over with laughter as you begin setting up your camera, a smile on your face as well. Pulling herself together as quickly as she can, Roxanne nods to you when it's time to get rolling. The lines she speaks about the opening of the Metro Man museum aren’t the most moving of poetics, but you keep your smile all the same; you recognize its her clumsy attempt at the genre. “Aaand, cut!” Roxanne grins and hands you the mic after you put the camera away.
“You did great!” She pats you on the back, and you tell her she did fine herself. “Thanks! …So, what did you think of my poem?” Your silence is telling, and she faux slaps your other shoulder. You turn away to hide your amusement, waiting for a further retort that doesn’t come- you turn to see her heels disappearing into the ether.
“-Hey!” Roxanne’s told you about the kidnappings- heck, you’ve watched parts of them on tv. You’d worried each time. She’s told you about how the city’s supervillain hasn’t actually hurt her, or even been particularly scary- you’d replayed scenes together, giggled at Megamind’s theatrical tendencies, over the variety of stamps on her ‘frequent kidnapping card.’ But…still. This is the same woman who waited until forever to turn in her workplace stalker! You lurch forward to grab ahold of her ankles; your knees bang against the unseeable side of the car, but you don’t let go. You’re pulled inside as well.
“Wha- whoa!”
“Ow,” Megamind’s Minion swiftly slides up the window. Before you can properly react, there is a canister in your face, and-
…
You wake to realize you’re tied up, with something wrapped around your head. Breathing in, you smell sugar and powder from the fabric. It takes you a moment to register the arguing.
“-Could have seen-”
“Well Roxanne was already using the bag but I did carefully wrap-”
“-With your apron?”
“That's all I had!”
“Mmph! - Mphm!!”
“Roxanne’s-”
“I know!”
“So do I take the bag off her head?” Silence. “Sir?”
“Yes,” the familiar voice from television sounds far less menacing in person. If anything Megamind sounds… frazzled? “Put Roxanne in the chair, we can-”
“Whu aboubt meuh…?” You quietly mumble into your sweet powdery vision prison, not expecting anyone to catch the rhetorical question. Yet Megamind goes silent. After a poignant period of quiet, you decide to test the waters. “...Helloh?”
“...Well.” Megamind muses, “The alligators haven’t been fed today, have they…?” Your heart leaps to your throat, and you’re struck silent.
“MMPH!!”
“Don’t joke, Sir?” And now you are confused. “The schedule doesn’t leave much room for-”
“Mmmphhhmp!”
“You brought another hostage!”
“Why do you always blame me? What was I supposed to-”
“Mmmph!! MMMPHH!”
“...Roxanne goes in the chair,” Megamind sighs, and you hear clanking, shuffling. Roxanne’s mouth must be uncovered, because she shouts your name, then-
“Megamind! What are you going to do with-”
“Miss Ritchi.” Even without vision, you can feel the tension in the room. Your heart still thumping from the earlier (joking?) threat on your life, you begin to wonder why Megamind doesn’t speak with his usual confidence. Plus, even though you don’t think this is live yet; rather than another ‘hostage,’ he still calls her ‘Miss Ritchi…?’
“What’s your plan?” Roxanne’s voice is strictly no nonsense, the likes of which you haven’t heard before. Her tone demands the attention of all in the room.
“...Well. The plan, yes.”
“If you hurt-”
“-Then what? Will you finally scream? ” You can hear the shifting of gears in Minion’s robotic suit.
“...Don’t test me. I’ll do it.”
“Ohoho!” Megamind’s laugh contains a hint of interest, and something near glee. “So…if I do this -” You hear a creek, but see nothing of your possible fate.
“Don’t do it.”
“I will!”
“...You won’t.”
“Want to bet? ” Megamind’s voice is dark, promising… something unpleasant, perhaps. Or maybe…? The tone reminds you of theater kid showmanship more than ominous threat. Before you can decide if you’re really afraid or not, Roxanne screams.
“Metro Ma- mmph! ” Swift footsteps before Roxanne’s voice is muffled.
“No no the plan isn’t ready,” Megamind insists, and Minion clears his throat.
“...Actually, Sir, we go live in-”
“Right! Quick, Minion, places!”
“What about-” But Minion need not have asked; thin arms grasped you by the torso and lift you nimbly off of the cold metal floor, to set you in a surprisingly comfortable chair. A quick rattling of rolling wheels, and you are apparently out of sight of Megamind’s intended kidnapping setup.
“Megamind, ” Roxanne growls, and the man clears his throat somewhat awkwardly.
“Let’s ignore this…little hiccup,” his voice teeters oddly, as though between faux and true apology, sarcasm and genuine regret. You’re listening carefully, but as you don’t know Megamind, you are still left with little true grasp on his behavior. Minion’s gears whir, and Roxanne makes a nonverbal fuming sound.
“Let my friend go, or, I’ll make this difficult!”
“Listen, we really don’t have time right now,” Megamind explains.
“Alright,” Roxanne retorts with false brightness, “then there’s only time to quickly release-”
“-Really out of time,” Megamind mumbles, barely audibly.
“Good!” Roxanne’s voice is tinged with the notes of a forced smile. “So let-” Megamind makes a noise of frustration and desperate disappointment.
“Ugh, whatever . Minion, hand me that.” Megamind’s voice is closer than before; you barely have time to realize this before your head is freed of its saccharine enclosure. Megamind stands right in front of you, a moue on his face. He’s barely looking at your way, and his hand is held out to his side. You make eye contact with Roxanne over his shoulder right before a familiar canister is lowered to your face.
Adrenaline kicks in. In the second available to you for reaction, you’ve headbutted the blue man at his wrist.
“Wha-ow!” He stutters, fumbling the canister of gas.
“...What?” The flat low timbre voice echoes slightly around the room, and Megamind’s eyes widen. He drops the canister in your lap and turns from you, leaping to the side with a swish of his cape.
“Wow ,” He intones to the screen you now see, “What a turnout! There are plenty of adoring citizens gathered to witness your last day as Metrocity’s hero! ” Roxanne glances back and forth between Megamind’s performance and your tied up position, eyebrows raised, expression overall perplexed. Between that and Megamind’s enunciated chuckling, you have to fight down a hysterical giggle.
“It’s pronounced Metro City,” Metro Man counters, “and you’re confident as usual, though you know you’re heading back to prison.” Megamind’s joyful, mocking reply of a laugh strikes you as silly as it is daunting, and this time you can’t hold back a tiny laugh of your own. Megamind stiffens momentarily, smile frozen in place, still staring at the screen. On it you can see one of Metro Man’s eyebrows is also raised.
“Whatever evil scheme you’ve planned, Megamind, get to the point.” Megamind’s flash of teeth grows bolder as he narrows his large green eyes, steeples his fingers.
“As you wish, Metro Mahn.” With a short, dramatic pause during which he wavers his eyebrows, Megamind then cackles as he gestures to Roxanne in her chair. “If you do not leave the city, this is the last anyone will hear of Roxanne Ritchi! ” Metro man gasps in his microphone.
“Roxanne- ” he begins, but she’s already talking, speaking over him.
“The abandoned observatory, go!” There is a pause of seconds in which the hero and villain work their way around the shift between their usual dynamic.
“Roxy-” Metro Man begins, as Megamind speaks fast and loudly,
“I don’t know what she’s talking about!” the villain claims, and Metro Man finishes his sentence with gravely gravity.
“-I’m on my way.” The hero disappears from the set screen.
“Metro Man approaching, Sir,” Minion says with satisfaction.
“Ha,” Roxanne says.
“Ha ha,” Megamind replies.
“Ha ha ha!” Roxanne crows, at which Megamind laughs deep and self assured. Roxanne’s eyebrows go up again. An inkling sets itself in your mind, just then. You take a better look around, and wonder how there is so much technology set up here in the little bit of time between Megamind’s latest jail sentence and this scheme.
There is a bang, and Metro Man appears again on screen.
“...Hold on a second.” Metro Man’s voice comes clearly from the audio feed. Roxanne blinks, confused.
“Oh, good heavens… you didn’t think we were in the real observatory,” Megamind quips, “ Did you?!” His expression is overjoyed, until-
“Right,” you mumble, “We’re in-” Megamind’s hand is over your mouth before you can finish saying ‘your lair,’ and the last words are spoken against his glove. You’re unaccustomed to the sort of focus visible in his eyes as he blinks, staring into your eyes.
“You,” He mutters lowly, “...be quiet.” He pushes you and the chair back slightly as he turns away again. “Ready the death ray, Minion!”
“Death ray readying.” Minion agrees ominously.
“Over here, old friend…” Megamind greets his rival, “in case you haven’t noticed, you’ve fallen right into my trap.”
“You can’t trap justice,” Metro Man argues, “It’s an idea, a belief!”
“Even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time.”
“Justice is a non corrosive metal.”
“But metals can be heated by the heat of revange!”
“It’s revenge , and its best served cold!” You meet Roxanne’s eyes again, your own eyebrows raised from your rollercoaster of reactions.
‘Is this really how they-’ you mouth, even as Megamind declares that revenge can be easily reheated in the microwave…of evil…? Roxanne sees your expression, your puffed up cheeks. She mimics you subconsciously, the amusement contagious.
“Well I think your warranty is about to expi-” Metro Man is cut off by you and your friend bursting into laughter. The hero and villain both blink, poleaxed.
“...Rude,” Megamind manages, which sets the two of you off more.
“I just-” Roxanne cackles, “I mean- you always -” Megamind stares blankly at her, and she curls up on herself, laughing from her gut. You watch Megamind, and unexpectedly… his expression shifts. He looks…hurt? Before you can react to that, Megamind has turned again, towards his Minon.
“Just…fire the death ray,” He mumbles, and Minion points to a screen.
“It’s…still warming up, Sir,” he admits.
“Come again?”
“Warming up Sir.”
“Warming up! The sun -” Roxanne is still laughing. Megamind goes suddenly quiet, and his shoulders droop. You’ve stopped laughing entirely at this point, having been witness to Megamind’s spiraling mood. You feel…bad, actually, for laughing at him at all… which you didn’t expect to feel for a known villain at all. Especially Roxanne’s frequent kidnapper.
“...On my way, Roxy,” Metro Man repeats, awkwardly. He gets ready to fly through the abandoned observatory’s roof, and- dents it, falling back to the ground. He rises again, flies again, falls again. “ Forking dumb crab nuggets!! ”
“...What…did he just say?” Megamind is pulled from his mood in mild shock.
“...Crab nuggets…?” Minion offers, and his tone seems to bring Roxanne back to the moment.
“FORK- FISH CRAB-” You don’t understand the rest of the words coming from Metro Man’s mouth as he sails against the building’s sides and collapses to the floor. “Good lord…I’m trapped!” Metro Man announces.
“...What kind of trickery is this?” Megamind demands.
“You mad genius,” Metro City’s hero speaks, voice wobbling, “Your dark gift…has finally…paid off!”
“It…it has?”
“This dome…is obviously lined… with copper!”
“Yeah? …So?”
“Sir, ah…” Minion’s interjection goes unnoticed.
“Copper…drains my powers!” Metro Man cries out in apparent anguish.
“Your weakness is copper? You’re kidding, right?” You were barely conscious of the countdown in the background, until-
“Full power.”
With a blast so bright you continue to see it through closed eyelids, the death ray slashes through the sky and slices into the abandoned observatory. The explosion is multifold. You hear waves of crashing and ricocheting, pulverized metal crack and fly away from the impact. The air coming off the event is hot , and it strikes like a fist. It’s all you can do to lower your head, brace your neck, and wait for it to be over.
Then, with a final, forceful bang that rattles and topples you from the spinning chair, …it is. As they groan and cough, you open your eyes to see Megamind and Minion rising from where the blast had thrown them.
“I don’t think…” Minion manages, “even he could survive that.”
“Well . Let’s not get our hopes up just yet.” The floor of the false observatory is blackened, and pieces of detritus litter the ground around you. You feel yourself hyperventilating, and try taking deep breaths. Metro Man would be here soon.
“Look!” Minion cries.
“Metro Man.” Roxanne’s relief is plain in her voice.
“Ah, Metro Man. …METRO MAN!”
“AAH!” Megamind and Minion flail and stumble around in fear, and your breathing begins to even out. Your city’s hero was on his way. Everything would soon be ok.
Megamind grunts heavily as the caped figure strikes him to the floor. He draws back his head, raises a hand and-
A skull clatters to the floor as he leaps back, screaming. Roxanne gasps in horror, and you forget to breathe altogether.
“W…ell… you… did it, Sir.” Minion’s voice sounds far away.
“I did it?” Megamind’s incredulous reply echoes in your head, and your ears crackle, shriek harshly with static. You can’t hear anymore of what is said.