Chapter Text
(In top 10 group chat)
schn the cool clown: so my servant saw kayden, and bitch he keeps getting up my nerve
schn the cool clown: istg that asshole better @#%# or i will *&%$) up his A$$
(Schneider and Roist texts)
Schneider: The grain family dares to call my disciple a grain??? and who the fuck has their family name as grain
Schneider: I will grind their asses and eat it for oatmeal
Schneider: ROIST QUIT CLOWNING AND GET YO ASS HERE
Roist: dad ugh how many times did i say it's Not A Phase!!!
Schneider: Who tf moved my foot cream, i need my foot cream
Roist: old man, where did you put my balloon costume? i need thm for my lab tomorrow.
Schneider: You can be a doctor, a lawyer or a FAILURE
Roist (sobbing): but I got an A* in clown college
Roist: i choose option no4, a clown (future clown president)
Roist: AM I NOT GOOD FOR YOU?????
Schneider: I have something to tell you, YOU'RE ADOPTED (insert funny clown sounds)
Roist: i cant turn into the failure clown like you, i wonder how you do it father? (insert the clown honk)
Roist: (Juggles in an emo manner)
Schneider: Look at your cousin Julian, Look what you could've done if you didn't go to clown school. (at this point roist is at the verge of roasting julian.)
Schneider: Roist you could've been HUSBAND MATERIAL for someone if you weren't literally a fucking clown!!
Roist: but dad, he ain't getting no bitches 😒(walks with squeaky clown shoes)
Schneider: Okay roist what bitches do you mean and where
Roist: I uh.. they go to another clown college!!
(insert simps as bitches for Roist)
Schneider: There's only ONE CLOWN COLLEGE HERE!
Schneider: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE CLOWN IN THIS HOUSE
Roist: oh well u can be the failure clown
Roist: I went to a clown school exchange program, ya know i am an excellent good grade student. it is very possible for that to happen
(Schneider proceeds to whine more on the top 10 group chat)
(roist convinced julian to dress up like a clown to support his clown dreams)
(Roist writes a time capsule letter to “Future Roist, CEO and Founder of clown Academy,
Did i become the clown president?”)