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My clenched fist stopped in mid-air, hovering a few centimeters apart from the door of Henry's apartment. It was late and I didn't even remember how I got here. It was late and I didn't know what to do. It was too late, so I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and turned away, heading now back towards my dorm.
I lied down on my messy bed, face to the pillow, but then a sudden wave of pain flew through my entire face. Barely an hour ago I had it almost crushed by Mona's boyfriend who I didn't even know existed and first thing I could think of was Henry.
I buried my face in my hands, feeling the heat radiating from the black eye. I was afraid to look in the mirror but I wouldn't even see much as my room was pitch black. The night was exceptionally dark; no stars, no moon. The only sources of light were street lamps in the distance and a few dorm windows of people who couldn't sleep like me.
A moment passed until I realized what have I done or, more precisely, almost have done. I came to Henry's place, uninvited and beaten-up. Blush started to creep up on my cheeks, my whole body felt hot. What was I thinking? That he would welcome me with open arms in the middle of the night?
If I was Camilla, he probably would, I thought.
*
I was on my way for today's classes with Julian, trying to ignore people looking at me suspiciously. I knew that my black eye looked pretty bad as I saw myself in the bathroom's mirror by accident while brushing my teeth. I was desperate to avoid facing the reality and pretended that my face looked totally normal by maintaining my usual routine. I didn't even bother to ask Judy for some make-up to cover it up a little bit. I just hoped everyone would ignore it.
My hope died as soon as I entered the office. Everybody, except for Julian, was already there and their eyes were fixed on me. "Hello", I muttered, avoiding their gaze and as I was about to take a step towards my seat, Henry lept to his feet from his chair. His suddenness startled me and I couldn't help but look him in the eyes. Everyone's gaze now turned to Henry and then again to me. After a few uncomfortable seconds of absolute silence, Henry rushed out of the room, leaving us, and me in particular, utterly confused. I gave them an awkward smile and took my place.
"Richard? Oh my god, what happened to your face?" Camilla finally broke the silence and I could breathe normally again. I thanked her in my head and began to explain to them the whole situation, changing or omitting some, in my opinion, irrelevant details.
Henry came back after a couple of minutes, together with Julian. He looked composed, like nothing had happened. He didn't even spare me a single glance and seemed completely uninterested when I was repeating the same story of the origin of my black eye to Julian. Disappointment set at the bottom of my stomach like a heavy rock. It was hard for me to focus during the class, my mind wandering elsewhere all the time. Julian seemed to notice this at some point and I sent him an apologetic look. He answered with a smile and didn’t try to ask me any more questions until the end of the classes.
Just when I was about to get out of the room to finally be on my own, Henry gently grabbed my arm, led me through the door and started to go down the stairs with me. I looked around in confusion, again, but no one seemed to pay any attention to us.
"Dinner’s at my place today. Will you come?" He said without looking at me and released my arm to pull out a tiny, leather-bound book out of the pocket of his dress pants. I studied the side of his face as it would help me read his mind.
"Sure", I answered, furrowing my brows for a second. We usually met at the twins’ place but I didn’t question it further since a change of scene would do me a favor. "I’ll get going. Got some work to catch up on." I gave him and awkward smile even though he wasn’t looking at me. We were outside already, the cool spring wind blew through my hair, making some of my curls fall on my eyes and obscure my vision. As I involuntarily brushed them away from my face, I accidentally touched the sensitive area of my black eye and gasped, feeling the pain vibrating from it.
Henry’s eyes darted from the book to me and I felt my face getting warm. "Be careful", he muttered and disappeared around the corner of the building and I was just standing there, abashed.
*
And here I was, in front of the door of Henry’s apartment for the second time in the span of 24 hours. This time however, I didn’t hesitate and knocked on the door. After something that couldn’t be longer than three seconds, the door opened and I could see Henry, who motioned me in.
To my astonishment, the apartment was empty. We were the only people in a painfully quiet space. I came a few minutes late intentionally, assuming that at least the twins would be here already. I gave a nervous laugh and caught myself thinking why do I feel this way. "The rest hasn’t arrived yet?" I asked, taking a sit on a couch and Henry did the same.
"They called and said they couldn’t make it." He explained, crossing his legs at the ankles. His body was stretched comfortably on the couch and I could admire him in all his glory. His crisp white shirt fit closely on his shoulders and the sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. The specs sat lower on the bridge of his nose and gel didn’t hold his hair in place anymore, so there were more loose strands covering his forehead.
"Oh, all of them?" This was all I could manage to say and I shifted on the couch so my entire body was facing him now. "That’s a shame." I shrugged my shoulders, sensing a strange tension building up between us. The air was feeling heavier and heavier and I was desperate to say something to force my running thoughts to stop. The silence between us has always been a comfortable one but today something changed and I wasn’t sure what it was and how to fix it.
"What were you doing here last night?" Suddenly, I heard Henry’s voice and my body froze. Oh no. No no no.
I cleared my throat and shook my head. "What do you mean?" I desperately tried to keep my cool and not give myself away. He cannot know. How would he know? It was literally the middle of the night. It was dark in his apartment.
"Well, I saw you. I finished my work and was smoking in the kitchen with the window open." He fixed his glasses and crossed his arms. I started to sweat. "I heard something at first, thought it was a stray cat, but then I looked out the window and saw you, already on your way back. Why didn’t you knock?"
He was looking at me again, examining my face in the way he never had before. I felt bare and ugly with my bruised face. But why did I suddenly start to care how I look before him?
"Why did you storm out of the office this morning?" I blurted out, as if I activated my defense mechanism and wasn’t really controlling what I was saying.
Henry sighed and looked at the ceiling. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. The silence set between us but it felt almost electrifying. I couldn’t take it anymore and gave up.
"I didn’t know where else to go." I lowered my head and from the corner of my eye I could see that he was looking at me again. "My head hurt like hell and all I could think about was you."
"Who did this to you?" Henry asked almost immediately, shifting on the couch to sit closer to me. I was surprised to see him so agitated because of me. He had always been a perfect example of stoical behavior, even during our toughest times.
I remained still, the only part of my body moving was my chest with every careful breath I took. I swallowed hard and wanted to lie about it, but then Henry reached forward and gently brushed my cheek with his hand. His fingertips were cold and I moved away, startled.
His hand was still hovering in the air for a brief moment until he withdrew it. He looked like he wanted to apologize for that but remained silent. I took it as an invitation.
The lump in my throat only grew bigger and I knew I was hopeless with words at that moment. This is why I leaned towards Henry, breathed in his cologne that intoxicated my mind even more, and connected our lips in a kiss. It was supposed to be a gentle kiss but I unintentionally did it with too much force and our teeth almost collided. I supported myself by grabbing his arm which flexed under my touch. My whole face felt hot when Henry returned the kiss and put his firm hand on the nape of my neck.
After a few seconds that felt like eternity, I broke the kiss to catch my breath. Henry drew apart too, licking his lips. He had a satisfied smirk on his face and it was the first time I saw him smiling like that. I wanted to go outside and start screaming. Instead, I pursed my lips and drank in the view right in front of me.
"So, you need a cold compress for that?" He pointed at my black eye and I nodded, this time failing to hold back a wide smile creeping across my face.