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Language:
English
Series:
Part 4 of the internet in space
Stats:
Published:
2022-11-22
Completed:
2022-11-28
Words:
6,482
Chapters:
5/5
Comments:
128
Kudos:
242
Bookmarks:
32
Hits:
2,224

Death and Tax Schemes

Summary:

You have four (4) unread messages.

 

A story of misunderstandings and understandings missed, told by the most reliable of narrators: technology.

Notes:

i missed html so i'm trying out a long-form style with an even longer css work skin because why not. also yeah sorry this concept is very usamerican lol

Chapter 1: Ahsoka

Chapter Text

Coruscant Sun

Bits & Bobs

by Gregor Fett

First, the 'bits, which is what we at the Coruscant Sun like to call the obituaries! We've received complaints before that our deaths section was too dreary, so here's a shot at lightening things up. After all, life is too serious for a little thing like death to bring us down. So, onto the deaths!

Sadly, one of our tight-knit community's oldest residents passed away this week. Sid Palpatine, 98, Skeevy Sheevy to his friends, was hit by a bus earlier this month. Old Mr. Grump Grumps, as he was affectionately called by the youths he frequently harassed at the skate park, miraculously survived the bus incident, but suffered from several broken bones. Of course, a little thing like a fractured pelvis couldn't stop old Sid Vicious, as he was known to the county cookoff judges after one too many complaints that his famous Three-Alarm Jumpin' Jambalaya was 'too spicy for any human to reasonably enjoy.' His various casts and slings did slow him down though, enough that he was an easy target for Zillo, the eagle who lives at the local nature preserve, on one of his daily swoops through town. Sources say good ol' Zillo just mistook Palpy Poopatine, as he was (affectionately, of course) called by his chess club due to his tendency to be a sore loser after chess matches, for a nice piece of driftwood. That darn eagle is always building up his nest and who can resist a good, weathered, dried out chunk of bark?! Not this newsman, I'll be the first to admit! But just imagine, folks: hit by a bus and clawed by a vengeful eagle in the same week! What are the odds?!

Sid Palpatine died due to complications from pneumonia. There are no funeral services currently planned.

And now for the bobs! All those joyous moments that have taken place in our lovely little town recently that are like the fishing bobber that floats on the water, just happy to be there and having a great time as well. It rises to the surface, hiding the hook and lure below, and says, "Isn't it great to be alive? Isn't it great to be out on the water, enjoying the sun and fresh air?" Well, this reporter sure thinks so! He's also thinking he should call in sick tomorrow and go fishing, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, on with the announcements!


MARRIAGES

A. TANO, R. FETT

bros before hos

Today 7:09 AM
dumbass #2
www.coruscant.sun/article/342984
ahsoka
ahsoka what is this
WHAT IS THIS WHY DOES IT SAY YOURE MARRIED????
uh oh
dumbass #2
UH OH IS RIGHT YOUNG LADY
EXPLAIN
NOW
ok so it's not what it looks like
dumbass #2
oh thank god. 😅😅🤣 oh sweet baby jesus thank you. so you did NOT get married??? 👰👰💒💒💒💒 married to rex?????? because that's who i'm assuming the "R" is right??? am i incorrect for assuming these things my dearest little sister????? you're saying that didn't happen though?? you DID NOT get MARRIED to him??? it's just some other "A" 🤗 and who happens to have your last name and some other "R" 🚳 who happens to have the last name Fett???? that's what you're saying??????🙏🙏🥰😻
ok so it's sort of what it looks like
Read 7:14 AM Today 7:54 AM anakin?
did you die
dumbass #2
Good Morning, Ahsoka! 🌞 This is Padmé.
Anakin is asleep. After he read the paper this morning he went for a run and then went back to bed. He was pretty agitated. 🤔 I suppose I see why now...
sigh
why does he have to be so dramatic
it's really not that big a deal
dumbass #2
...No comment 🙊



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bros before hos

Today 8:36 AM
Obi-Wan
Oh, dear. Well, I can't say I'm surprised.
As an aside, did someone change the group title again? I almost blocked it as spam when I got out of my yoga class just now.
dumbass #2
😱
NOT SURPRISED?????
⁉️⁉️
Obi-Wan
Have a nice nap, Anakin?
dumbass #2
i did actually but that's not the point??
Obi-Wan
You're right, of course. It's a shame, really.
The town chess match finals are on Saturday. I was going to wipe the floor with Palpy Poopatine.
dumbass #2
AHSOKA GOT MARRIED‼️
WITHOUT TELLING US????1!!!!!
Obi-Wan
And I'm sure she has a perfectly reasonable explanation for that.
Right, Ahsoka?
um so....
hold please



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bros before hos

Today 8:49 AM
ok fine
so this is totally NOT a big deal. like not even a little bit.
but rex and i got married yesterday
dumbass #2
YEAH WE GOT THAT
Obi-Wan
Continue please, Ahsoka.
so you know how rex just got that new job. it's like his dream job whatever but it doesn't have insurance and rex is a baby who can't handle the unknown in life and my job has super great benefits. remember when i almost died from appendicitis?? not the point. anyway etc. we've always had this pact that if we were still single by the time we're 40 we'd get hitched like haha funny joke right? so like one thing led to another and we were kind of day drunk and apparently you can just get legally married at the courthouse like no questions asked same day delivery kind of deal but now i'm going to kill gregor because he wasn't supposed to print that like he specifically agreed not to do his stupid little announcements section on this and yeah that's pretty much it
Today 9:02 AM
dumbass #2
but you're not 40???
neither of you are even close to 40
Obi-Wan
I don't think that's the point, Anakin.

Padmé

Today 9:46 AM
I just wanted to say congratulations! 🎉🍾💒💝
If you want, we can have a little party to celebrate soon. Nothing fancy, I know how you dislike "over the top" formalities, but I think it would be nice to be able to get together and maybe have a ceremony.
Of course, you already had a ceremony probably! But this time we could all be there. No pressure though!
I'd be happy to plan it all!
I'm sure Rex's family would enjoy it too. You know, give them all some context maybe for the suddenness?
Not that I think this is sudden!
I know how close you and Rex have always been. To be honest, I always thought you two would end up together anyway...
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Rex 💙

Today 10:09 AM
We should probably talk



Chapter 2: Rex

Summary:

Rex's morning goes about the same as Ahsoka's... Maybe a little worse.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Skeevy Sheevy's Jumpin' Jambalaya

Today 4:24 AM
Gregor (don't call when drunk)

Today 5:48 AM
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
Just between us gals, today's paper is going to be a juicy one!
Much like this pastry I'm about to devour at the bakery.

They're so much better fresh, you guys. You don't know what you're missing.
Today 6:29 AM
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
It's only been half an hour since the paper went out and my phone's already ringing off the hook! If it had a hook... I wish phones still had hooks. Even my desk phone is cordless.
Do you guys ever miss buttons on phones? All this touchscreen nonsense weirds me out sometimes. It's too smooth. Where's the character, where's the ruggedness, you know?
Today 8:22 AM
Cody
Gregor, I cannot stress this enough. No one is awake at the ungodly hours you are awake so stop texting us this early.
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
But half the day's already gone by the time you guys get up and I get lonely :(
Cody
😑
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
And besides, if I wasn't up by 3 to get to the paper I wouldn't have gotten the scoop on Rex's big news!
Wolffe 🐺
what news.
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
Good morning Wolffe! I'm glad you asked!
Rex called me himself to make sure it got into the morning edition. He and Ahsoka finally tied the knot!
Wolffe 🐺
wtf.
Cody
Wait what
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
It's true! I always knew those crazy kids were meant for each other, ha!
But that's only part of the juicy gossip this morning of course. I only received one irate email from an "Anakin Skywalker" about the Marriages section, the rest of the death threats were, ironically, in regards to the Obituaries. Actually, that reminds me, I need to write up a retraction for something real quick... BRB!
Cody
Rex, what the hell
Why are we hearing about this from Gregor and not you
Wolffe 🐺
i don't think the love bird is up yet.
Jesse (roommate)
He was out pretty late last night... I guess getting married. I'm kind of offended I wasn't invited, tbh
Echo
Am I the only one not surprised? He's been in love with her for years.
Jesse (roommate)
Well sure, but to all of a sudden get MARRIED?? Come on bro
Wolffe 🐺
you live w/ him jesse how did you not know about this.
Jesse (roommate)
He was out all day yesterday! I'm not responsible for him and what types of legally binding agreements he enters! All I know is he came back really late, or I guess early. And he was knocking shit over and running into everything in the apartment
You're harrumphing at me, aren't you Wolffe
I can feel it through the phone
Bly
Oh ffs
Anybody got eyes on Rex?
Fives
holY SHIT
Jesse (roommate)
Not me, I'm already at work
Fives
HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!
Cody
Can it, Fives
I'm en route now. ETA 5 minutes
Fives
ASLDKFJASLDFKN9PWE446ytfgghuvj
Bly
And can someone make sure Fives is still breathing
Many people are typing...

 

Coruscant Sun

Update: Bits & Bobs

by Gregor Fett

Well it has been quite the morning here at the Coruscant Sun offices! Little did I expect my column to garner quite so much interest today! To address some of the comments that our readers added to the online edition, my editor has decreed that an update is needed. This will go out in the printed version of the paper tomorrow as well, but you, my dear digital readers, will hear it straight from the source. Well, straight from me who heard it straight from the source. Next best thing.

First, an apology. Sid Palpatine did not die from complications due to pneumonia, as we reported, and I sincerely apologize for spreading misinformation. His cause of death was officially listed as a heart attack, but was unrelated to the chronic pneumonia flare-up he experienced recently. He did in fact receive a scare the morning of his death while he was out shopping at the local grocery store. I'm told that the cashier smiled at him and said to him (in quite an effusive manner, so the story goes) quote, "Have a wonderful day." (She's new and feels terrible about the whole thing so let's cut her some slack, folks.) And as several of you mentioned in the comments section, Zillo the eagle had good reason to go after him because of Sid's notorious lobbying against the nature preserve. Those two certainly had a rivalry for the ages! So between the eagle and the scare at the grocery store, who's to say what really did it for Sid "He's No Pal of Mine" Palpatine? And that's not even mentioning all the times he's been stabbed this year! Poor little guy really had an uphill battle, didn't he?

Second, marriages are entered into public record and are therefore free to include in any news publication. If a reporter happens to have a tip (from an eye witness or even perhaps one of the participants themselves), they are ethically bound by their commitment to journalistic integrity to report on it.

Anakin

Today 8:14 AM
🤗 hello my new brother! 🤣 ha ha! 🤯 isn't that an amusing thing to say? 😻 but what joy! what delight! 🚳 you married my sister last night! 👁️
Today 8:29 AM
if you hurt her i will kill you
🙂

Cody

Today 9:17 AM
I am in the elevator in your building.
If your front door isn't open when I exit the elevator I'm breaking it down.
Oh my god what is happening
Good.
You're awake.
I brought pastries from the bakery next to Gregor's office.
I'm almost to your floor.
Now open the door.
You're being dramatic and you're only dramatic when you're mad so why are you
Oh
Oh is right.
Let's have a chat, shall we?
Fuck
The door is open
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✨Ahsoka✨

Today 10:09 AM
We should probably talk
Read 10:11 AM

Notes:

rex pov but he didn't even really show up until the end lksjd;lk this might end up being longer than the originally planned 4 chapters....

and this like rasputin version of palpatine i'm creating might be my favorite thing ever lmao

Chapter 3: Ahsoka

Summary:

This isn't how two factor authentication works, but for the drama, yes it is.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

973490

Today 10:08 AM
Hello AHSOKA TANO you recently made changes to your medical and dental insurance profile. Please confirm that you wish to add REX FETT as your spouse.
To add REX FETT to your medical and dental insurance, reply YES. If this is incorrect, reply NO and one of our representatives will reach out to rectify the error.

Rex 💙

Today 10:09 AM
We should probably talk
Today 10:14 AM
hey! sure! yeah!
what did you want to talk about?

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Rex 💙

Today 10:22 AM
i mean yeah obviously about last night haha
but what specifically did you want to talk about?
Are you sure you want this? Being married
rex, of course. you're my best friend! i'm happy to help you
But marriage is a big deal. I don't want to make things complicated
how is it complicated
it's just a piece of paper
Ahsoka. We're MARRIED. That's a big deal
What if you meet someone and decide you want to marry them?
LOL
Today 10:29 AM
wait are you serious?
Yes
hold on
i'm gonna call you
Wait Ahsoka, I can't talk on the phone right now
Just, think about it. OK? I know we were drunk and thought it was a good idea yesterday. But it's a big deal. I want you to be sure you're okay with it
And no hard feelings if you decide you're not
ok i'll think about it

Barriss

Today 11:01 AM
you picked THE WORST time to go on vacation without me
i'm gonna fill you in about some recent events but it's not even a big deal so don't freak out ok
If it's not a big deal why would I freak out?
Also I told you, I'm not on vacation! I'm at a conference for work!
🙄 right whatever
so anyway tldr rex and i got married but just in a tax scheme type situation so it's all good and we can just skip over the part where you try to convince me that i'm secretly in love with him (so secretly that only my subconscious knows 🤨) and we can go straight to the problem solving stage. right?
Wrong.
damn
The plenary session ends in 20 minutes and then I'm calling you.

the brodal party

Today 11:58 AM
dumbass #2
do you guys like the new group name??
get it? like bridal party? 👰👰 but for bros? 🫂🤜🤛
Obi-Wan (on thin ice)
It's very nice, Anakin.
dumbass #2
you don't like it????
Obi-Wan (on thin ice)
It's better than the other one, I suppose, if more cryptic.
dumbass #2
padmé says ahsoka agreed to celebrate her wedding so you know what that means!! 👯🎈🪅🍕🤹
BACHELORETTE PARTY!!!!!!!!!
Obi-Wan (on thin ice)
Oh... Are you sure that's necessary?
dumbass #2
i'm on my way to your place right now obi-wan 🏃🏃🪜and then we're picking up ahsoka 👰 who is being suspiciously quiet 🧐
and then we're having FUN
🙂
Obi-Wan (on thin ice)
We need to talk about your communication skills...

Barriss

Today 12:37 PM
Did you hang up on me?!
omg
not on purpose!
anakin just barged in and kidnapped me basically
he says we have to celebrate. please help me he's saying this is my bachelorette party he was denied the chance of planning
😆 Serves you right.
you are no help
why would he plan my bachelorette party even if i did get married for real?!
😆😆😆
Ready to admit you have feelings for your husband?
oh shut up
Have fun!!

skyguy123 12 likes
skyguy123 #bachelorette #🚳🤛🤹 #BacheloretteParty #NotReallyBecauseSheGotMarriedWithoutTellingUs #🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 #brodalparty #bestman #maidofhonor #🎂🍸 View all 2 comments 2 hours ago

obikenobi 45 likes
obikenobi I don't know how he decorated this party so well in such a short amount of time... View all 9 comments 2 hours ago

Cody

Today 6:49 PM
cody i need u 2 b honest w mee
cody. does rex hate me
Why would you ever think that
bcause he wants to get a dvocre. i can feel it
dubvtcd
u know wht i mean
Rex does not hate you and if he wants a divorce, it's only because you two went about this backwards
i am forwards always how dare u
Sure
Having fun at your bachelorette party?
gasp! cody how did u knw that's where we r!
A little birdy told me
LOLLKJNJNSD
Ahsoka, my brother is an idiot but he's not dumb. If you don't want a divorce... If you don't want to lose him. Tell him.
Maybe not while you're drunk. That's what got you two in this situation in the first place
yeah ok ur not wrong
4 the record this times not my fault
my brothers idiot too
We do agree on that

skyguy123 38 likes
skyguy123 #BacheloretteParty #OutOnTheTown #MyBabySisterGotMarried!!! #2AGoodGuy #He'sPrettyGood #🚳❓ #JustWishTheyDidThisTheRightWay #YouKnow #🤣🤣🤐🤐 #CrazyKids #UhOhTime4Feelingz #brodalparty #bestman #maidofhonor View all 6 comments 1 hour ago

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Rex 💙

Today 9:29 PM
hiiiii
Hi?
i am at my bachelorette party against my will
i wish you were here 😢
ur my best friend have i told u that?
Yes
You're my best friend too Ahsoka
anakin says i'm being emotyuinal
emotional
Why did he say that?
prbly bcause i started crying but its ok. evrthyngs fine. i just miss u and i dont want to lose u n im drunk for the 2nd time in 2 days
Don't cry, Ahsoka
Especially about me, please
You'll never lose me
promise?
I promise
Do you want me to pick you up?

Barriss

Today 10:06 PM
barriss i may have a problem
a conunundrum
no biggie just i think im in love w my husband
fuck

973490

Today 10:08 PM
YES
Thank you for confirming. REX FETT has successfully been added to your insurance plan.

Rex 💙

Today 10:08 PM
yes
I'm on my way

Notes:

who keeps putting feelings into my silly texting fic lol

Chapter 4: Rex

Notes:

excuse my terrible drawing/edit, i cannot draw!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

skyguy123 580 likes
skyguy123 ok they are cute together i guess #MyBabySisterIsALightweight #Literally🤣🤣🤣 #CouldntEvenLastAWholeNightAwayFromHim #BrodalPartyFail #😑🚳 View all 98 comments 1 hour ago

Barriss

Today 10:37 PM
Ahsoka said to tell you she's fine
You're with her??
Yeah
I picked her up from her bachelorette party. She was getting pretty tired
Sorry, from her "brodal party"...
Okay
Tell her to call me in the morning. We have a lot to talk about.
Will do
And Rex, I am glad she has you looking out for her.

Cody

Today 11:13 PM
She fell asleep on me
Probably for the best to let her sleep it off
No I mean she literally fell asleep ON me
She just hugged me and wouldn't let go and then she started snoring
It was so cute
OK
What do you want from me
Nothing I guess
I just had to tell someone
Also my back hurts. She kind of tackled me and now I'm half-sitting against her headboard with her on top of my chest. I also had to carry her from the bar
She was that drunk?
Kind of, but she mostly just wanted to be carried
OK
She say anything to you before she passed out?
Yes... Why?
No reason
I mean it wasn't anything groundbreaking. Just drunken rambles. The usual stuff when she's drunk
Was she supposed to tell me something?
No
Have a good night

Jesse (roommate)

Today 11:20 PM
Hey buddy
I saw the instagram post
Guessing you're not coming home? 😏😜
Today 11:42 PM
Shut up
🫡
Give my best to the missus! And have a wonderful night 😉😉😉!!

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Cody

Today 12:04 AM
Cody areyou up
Did Ahsoka do something else cute and you need to tell me about it
No well I mean yeah
She's talking in her sleep
Cody help
What's she saying?
I shouldn't say
omfg YOU texted ME
Okay fine
It started as just my name but kind of like she was sighing as she said it
Never mind I don't want to know
But then she started saying she didn't want a divorce and that she loves me and all this other stuff. Most of it was hard to understand but that was the gist of it
She says she loves me all the time but like clearly in a friend way. Like "love ya" in a friend way. But this sounded like love love, you know? Like IN love. Not in a friend way. That's definitely the way I read it but maybe I'm just hearing what I want to hear idk
You both need more friends. I'm your older brother, why do you tell me stuff like this
Wait she said something to you??
You just said we both need more friends!!!??
Figure of speech. Forget about it
You have to tell me please
I'm going insane
Maybe it's me who needs more friends...
FINE
If this will help you two stop being so goddamn stupid
It's not like I'm telling you anything you don't already know anyway. Let's just say, the feelings you expressed for her are reciprocated
You're not joking? She actually told you she likes me? Because I know sometimes the things people say in their sleep is just nonsense
omfg YES SHE LIKES YOU you gd idiots
Pretty sure she more than likes you
And by pretty sure I mean she's fucking in love with you
So now both of you can get your heads out of your asses and finally talk about real things
And STOP talking to ME about those things ffs
There has to be a middle ground between not knowing until hours later that you got fucking MARRIED and being this weird middle man for your biggest hopes and fears
istg if I hear one more "but what if the girl who chooses to spend literally all of her time with me actually doesn't see me as anything but a friend??" I will kill someone
Do you guys even hear yourselves? I feel like I should be looking around for cameras sometimes
You've been BEST FRIENDS forever and neither of you have ever had serious romantic relationships with another person in all that time and all you do is hang out with each other and prioritize each other's feelings over anything else
Oh and you also both have GIANT CRUSHES on each other that are VISIBLE FROM SPACE
Fucking embarrassing
Today 12:33 AM
You fell asleep didn't you
Today 12:38 AM
I'm going to fucking murder you in the morning

Skeevy Sheevy's Jumpin' Jambalaya

Today 8:37 AM
Fives
anybody heard from rex this AM?? after the high of yesterday's events i am eager to hear how day 2 of married life is treating him lol
and he hasn't answered any of my texts :(
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
Can't help you there! I think he blocked me 😀
Jesse (roommate)
I know he spent the night at her place 😏😏😏 but haven't heard anything else
Fives
NICE
Bly
You've got issues Fives
Cody
Believe me, I wish I knew less about Rex's activities
Fives
""insurance scam"" is starting to sound more and more like a big fat LIE if you ask me
and i love a good insurance scam so i do not say that lightly
Bly
Wait shut up
Did you guys just get this text from Padmé?
Fives
no???
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
Me either! 😀 What's it say?!
Bly
FWD: "Hey Bly! Just wanted to invite you to a little get together this afternoon at our place to celebrate Rex and Ahsoka's marriage! Nothing fancy, so just cocktail attire is fine. Hors d'oeuvres and drinks will be provided. Everyone's invited so if I miss anyone, feel free to pass this along! Hope to see you there!"
Fives
oh wait i just got it lol
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
Oooh! I am so excited hehehe
Cody
Can I skip on the grounds that I have had enough of human interaction
Bly
Nope
Cody
OK then I'm bringing my own cooler of beer. I don't trust this party to have good beer.
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
Do you think it would be in poor taste to bring a plus one? It's just, Zillo has been feeling kind of down lately and I'd hate for him to miss out on a guaranteed good time.
Bly
The eagle???
Gregor (don't call when drunk)
Did you guys not read my column this morning??
I interviewed an ornithologist who said Zillo is actually a red-tailed hawk! It was quite the dramatic exposé. But it starts getting really juicy on page 5 of the printed edition. That's when I dramatically reveal that the ornithologist has been secretly training Zillo to hunt inside city limits and he also had reason to want Palpatine dead! I mean who didn't, but the circumstantial evidence is very damning.
My editor is submitting the whole article to the national review board for award consideration!
Seriously none of you read it? 😭💔😿
I've been keeping an eye on Zillo ever since! Mostly to make sure he's not going rogue with bloodthirst, but he's a swell guy. He's chill.
Today 8:49 AM
Cody
Bring the eagle.

Notes:

(hopefully it was understandable that there was an overnight and then a new day in this)

and i have decided to make this 5 chapters because soon i need to do something other than stare at html or i will go insane. but i am having so much fun with this!!! in a manic energy sort of way, but that's healthy to do every once in a while probably??

also shoutout to anyone who spotted the callback ("easter egg"?? that sounds dumb) to mutually assured attachment because i have one (1) joke!!

Chapter 5: Ahsoka

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

the brodal party

Today 7:29 AM
guys i have an announcement
i like rex
like maybe love him probably
dumbass #2
old news 🥱🥱🤮
???
Obi-Wan (on thin ice)
You don't remember telling us that last night?
dumbass #2
many MANY times 🙄🙄🙄🙄
????????? no ??
Obi-Wan (on thin ice)
Regardless, we're very happy that you are happy
...I assume if you're telling us, you've already told Rex?
i'm... getting there
he's still asleep
dumbass #2
😣🥳🥺😓🥴😭
that's my impression of you last night snips
some feedback: not enough 🥳 and too much 😭
we'll workshop that
during the 🥴😭 was when you kept saying you loved rex 🚳 blah blah blah over and over
it was a bit much
that's some more feedback for you, free of charge
and here's your feedback

dumbass #2
well that's rude
Obi-Wan (on thin ice)
No she's right

Barriss

Today 7:45 AM
good morning let's get this out of the way
you were right
Thank you. I will be framing that text
i am assuming you would still like to say it
Yes I would
I told you so
wonderful. now onto the problem solving
he's still asleep so i can't talk but help?
Help with what
everything!!??!?
Fine
Question 1: Do you remember everything that happened last night?
maybe 75%
apparently i was talking a bunch at my "party" and i just remember bits and pieces. but i remember rex picking me up... and picking me up 🙈 and then he took me home and got me ready for bed and i kind of fell asleep on his chest. i don't think we really talked though
Okay ngl that's adorable, but moving on
Question 2: Do you regret anything that you do remember?
not really? i mean it's a little embarrassing that i was so needy lol
oh and i think i was drooling on him for a while
Less adorable but whatever
Question 3: What do you want?
like.... in general?
Yes, why are you freaking out about this decision/development/etc? I mean, what is it at its core that's making you so uncertain?
What do you want from him and what do you want in life in general as it pertains to relationships?
well first, why are you like so good at asking hard questions
but i guess i'm mostly feeling scared.... i don't even know if he feels the same way. i'm starting to think he might, but straight up asking him sounds awful ☠️ can you imagine?? i'd rather die tbh
but also this all feels so out of the blue and unnecessary almost?
part of me wants everything to go back to how it was. we were fine before all this happened. so i feel dumb for even putting the idea out there
But you can't go back. And I think you know now that the "idea" was there for a while before now. You don't just wake up one morning and decide you're in love with someone, fake marriage or no.
i know
i know okay! i just feel dumb now. i really thought we were just you know, best friends and that's it.
UGH KILL ME NOW
No thank you 😊
and the really dumb thing is that part of me is glad i can't go back to how it was before all this!!!
how does that make sense?
i was happy before i suggested we get married and set off this domino effect of feelings 🤮🤮
it's just. i was fine being alone!! i like being alone! and i'm comfortable. i like my life how it is. but now i know i'd be missing something if rex wasn't there
and i liked just being friends with him. before now i didn't think i was missing anything! i still don't think that!!!! but in the future i know i would be
does that make sense???? because it doesn't to me
I don't think you were missing anything before, Ahsoka. And this doesn't have to change much. You can still be you, just also with a boyfriend... husband.
but what if it's weird
what if we can't make it work and we stop even being friends or he changes his mind but he feels obligated to stick it out with me
🤮 that's so cliche but you know what i mean
I think that's a risk you're going to have to take.
i knew you were going to say that.....
Look, your life already included Rex before now. And the way I see it, part of the reason you like your life so much now is because you already have him in it. So think of this as just... more of him in it!
ew
Not like that!!!!
😏
Ugh whatever
sorry, you're right
AGAIN 🙄
thank you for talking it through with me 💞
You just need to talk to him now. And no more puke emojis please. It's not dumb to have feelings.
ugh fine
i think i'll be... well not fine. but better at facing him now
it's still dumb and scary
I know it is
but i think just saying it out loud, or typing whatever, has helped
anyway you were WAY more helpful than anakin
You went to ANAKIN for advice before ME????
whoops
i think i hear rex waking up, gotta go you're the best!



how to tell someone you love them
  • how to tell someone you love them for the first time
  • how to tell someone you love them without saying it over text
  • how to tell someone you love them a lot
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pancake recipe
  • pancake recipe from scratch
  • pancake recipe easy
  • pancake recipe for 2
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Padmé

Today 8:26 AM
padmé you know how to cook right?
Oh heavens no... LOL!
But while I have you, would you prefer crudité for the hors d'oeuvres or charcuterie? I know neither are ideal, but the caterer would only agree to do platters because of the late notice...
pick whichever feels right
i trust your judgment
also i don't speak french
Okay! And don't fret about a thing, Ahsoka! I will have everything handled!
All you and Rex have to do is just show up.
thanks padmé



🤮
  • 🤮 meaning
  • 🤮🤢🤕🤒😷🤑💩🤯
  • 🤮🤮🤮
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Barriss

Today 9:20 AM
Good news! The conference ended early* so I'm going to be able to make it your wedding party! I'm leaving now.
*Actually I decided the rest of the speakers were boring so I'm leaving early, but same thing 🤷



Cody

Today 11:03 AM
Is Rex seriously still sleeping?
I told him I needed to kick his ass and he hasn't texted me back yet
And before you ask, no I will not tell you why I have to kick his ass
You two just need to talk to each other
Today 11:34 AM
Ahsoka?



dumbass #2

Today 12:56 PM
padmé says i need to apologize to you 🙄🙄🙄
i said you were fine but she didn't believe me
so here i am. apologizing.
i shouldn't have made fun of you for crying or whatever i guess
ok cool glad we cleared that up
padmé also said to wear your blue dress 👗 she said you'd know which one idk
and to be at our place by 4 ⏰⏱️
so don't be late
good talk 👍



Jesse

Today 1:40 PM
Hey is Rex still over at your place?
It's just I haven't heard from him
Meh he's probably fine
See you soon!!



Cody

Today 3:23 PM
One of you needs to answer your goddamn phones
istg if you try to ditch your own wedding party......



Obi-Wan (on thin ice)

Today 4:42 PM
I'm being told to check in with you and see where you are because you are late
Padmé has really outdone herself with this party so I do hope you come soon
Today 4:48 PM
Oh my... Gregor brought a red-tailed hawk. Hmm, this might go poorly if it's not well-behaved.



dumbass #2

Today 4:49 PM
AHSOKA THERE'S AN EAGLE HERE
🦅🦅🦅🐦🐧🕊️🦢🦃
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
AAAAHDGHHGHDFHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Cody

Today 5:01 PM
I'm adding you to the ass-kicking list
If you two don't have a good reason for not being here like being dead in a ditch, I'm going to be furious



Bly

Today 5:46 PM
Hey Ahsoka, I gave Cody a couple fancy cocktails to go with his personal beer cooler so he's much calmer now
He would be very sad if you and/or Rex were dead in a ditch and he will not kick anyone's ass. Just thought I should clear that up



Barriss

Today 6:19 PM
Well look who finally decided to show up!
How did I beat you to your own party?? You live like 10 minutes away!!
And why... Why do you look so disheveled? And is Rex missing buttons on his shirt?!
I'm scared to ask now why you were late.... 🤭
I guess the whole love confession thing went well then?



Gregor

Today 6:20 PM
Ahsoka, if you don't mind, I'm going to text you some questions and then get my voice recorder ready and come over to hear your answers. Feel free to continue mingling in the meantime! 😀
Would it be fair to say you're enjoying married life?
Are you two technically dating now? I see that you're holding hands.
And would you care to comment on the reason for your tardiness? I know our readers will be interested.
One last question, where were you the day Sid Palpatine was murdered?
OK I think that's it! Let me know when you're ready and I'll find someone for the Z man to perch on while I interview you. And don't read too much into that last question, I'm just asking everybody! Hahaha!



Cody

Today 6:23 PM
Is that a hickey on your neck
☹️
This is the worst day of my life



Notes:

this was so much fun!! so glad you all enjoyed it hopefully too!!! it was challenging but worth it, and a good way to distract myself from my abysmal NaNo progress lol. i probably would not have finished this without your encouragement so thank you :) <3

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