Work Text:
Beloved,
I write these words and in the same stance dread their inevitable arrival within your grasps. nevertheless I do, for indeed my fear of you never recieving their sentiment outway the churning that occurs within at the thought of your eyes brushing the inner creases of this parchment.
Beloved, I would hope this reaches you in above all, good health, I wish to kiss you chastly in greeting and less chastly as i choose to stay within your warm grasp never again to leave, but as i am sure your household and alas the kingdom has heard, i am off. Likely to death, my own and many others in war, and even less likely to ever see your face again if the people's god see me fit for return from Damien.
The king is daftly ill, presumed to be in his last days and my brother is dead, killed on Damian's field not five days hence augusted fifth, preparations have been made for their funerals and i will be corinated before my depature to the battlefield. Beloved and yet all my heart can surmise... is the fact of my having failed you, certainly this is my demise... my pension for not having heeded your voice, begging me to leave so long ago, though I cannot know if you would have yourself a coward as fervent companion I lay myself bare.
I will remain in this final silent act of cowardice beloved, true to only you, the verity of my heart stains beloved, my resolve flounders... for I am afraid. I see myself befallen by sword or worse blighted by victory and made to never look upon face again. treason as it's soon to be sovereign king but I would not have myself die for this country beloved but instead for you, far from here, many a year from now. The vision clouds my mind wholely and again I find myself longing for your scent of Jasmine and Vetiver, to be with you shaded by the chrysanthemums at this very breath, your smiling face looking down at me... resting in your lap. I would be a foolish boy again if only to remain in the gardens filled with Clary sage... clasping your hands.
Why had i not listened then and sailed far with you when we had the chance, why had I not taken you into my arms and begged their god for forgiveness at night instead of now as even my writing stool punishes me, placing carless thorns, for I have sat here so long, pondering the words at which best would prove my worth in simply begging, beloved– I beg of you to forgive me my inadequacies. All I can do is pour my regret onto this parchment, twice now bathed in ink, faithful that I leave no words unsaid.
Beloved I write these sentiments in mourning at my own powerlessness and plead of you, do not to feel betrayed by me... this son's duty cannot go unfullfilled, if my brother had not fallen, I would be with you now, we would leave this place for eternity and i would love you for just as long. I am certain we could find no safe place if I tried to flee now to you, we would be hunted, the court would not allow such a thing.
Let my suffering be your assurance, for though your sunbathed hands are all I wish to have, though your kiss is all I pray to the people's jealie for... I know they will not come. That is my penchant, a last days before the closing of my own eyes in perilous need, I will die not having kissed you before my final moments. Blade or such the lacking therof of you, I ponder which would have truly killed me.
Beloved you are that, all this wretched man loved in the world. My greatest joy, greatest gift, dove sent to me by whom I cannot say, angel lent to me by the people's God. These words teemed by abundant tear filled caresses to your skin, this unworthy suitor kneels in pardon for his wrongdoing.
Beloved I beseech you selfishly, to forgive.
Your Lilium hidden by Calycanthus.