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The millelith soldier before me swings his sword, trying to catch me in the left, I swiftly dodge his attack and strike back with my quiver hitting him in the back of neck, he falls to the ground and scrambles back up, facing me again with his sword raised. I can see the fear in his eyes, as they dart around trying to find an opening to escape. concentration and adrenaline being the only thing keeping him alive. this enemy is barely worth my time but I entertain him anyways, let him believe he had a chance of coming out of this alive. He lunges forward, putting all his strength into this next attack, i scoff and raise my leg and kick him in the chest, he falls into his back on the ground, choking and unable to get up.
I trudge over and look down at him, he’s worn out and close to giving up, he looks up at me eyes pleading and full of fear,
“I surrender…” he chokes out wearily, “please…”
I bark out a laugh,
“Surrender?” I say incredulously, “how pathetic, is this how the protectors of liyue are trained to be? At least die with pride”
I nock an arrow into the bow string and pull back, aiming directly for his head. What a boring kill.
“P-please I’m begging you,” he sobs uncontrollably, “I have a family-“
He cuts off as the arrow sinks in between his eyes, they roll back and his body goes limp. Beautiful crimson red starts to seep out dyeing the snow around him.
Snow?
Why would there be snow in liyue?
Cold air whips around me and goosebumps sprout across my body.
Hiccup
I whip my head around to find the source of noise, I squint my eyes against the blizzard and see a young boy sitting on the ground not appropriately dressed for this weather.
“B-Brother..” he chokes out between sobs, “how could you?”
“Teucer?! What are you doing here!” I turn back around and see that the body is still there, motionless, like the rest of them.
He had seen me kill.
I take a step towards him, “NO!” he screams crawling backwards, “GET AWAY FROM ME!”
“Please teucer, listen to me,” I try to coax him, my heart is racing and my legs feel like water, “it’s me, Ajax, your brother-“
“NO!” He yells again, “YOUR NOT MY BROTHER YOURE A MONSTER”
The last comment hits me like a punch in the gut, how could this have happened? He was never supposed to know, to see.
I can see the fear and trepidation in his eyes, the shattered childhood dreams I had worked so hard to protect, the childhood wonder that had been taken from me so easily, I had now taken from him.
“How could you do this?” Another voice sounds from behind me, feminine in nature, it’s my sister, tonia.
Not her too.
“How could you do something so horrid?” I turn around and she’s there tear streaks down her face but her eyes, accusing and angry.
“Tonia? What are you doing here? Take teucer and leave it’s freezing and-“
“Don’t try and change the subject Tartaglia.” She cuts me off
How does she know that name? I think to myself. She must’ve seen the confusion on my face,
“We,” she gestures besides herself to where my parents stand along with teucer, who seemingly appeared out of thin air, “know all about your endeavours as the Tsaritsa’s lapdog, harbinger” she spits out the last word with venom.
My mother sits beside teucer cradling him as he weeps in her arms. Father is front of the them arms out as to protect them.
Protect them from me.
“Mother… father…” I plead looking for understanding, “I only did what I had to, for her highness, for snezhnaya, for you”
“Don’t you dare bring us into this boy.” My father says through gritted teeth. It hurts because he has never raised his voice at me before, never used a tone that wasn’t pleasant and caring. It stings.
“We should have never given him to the fatui, this is all my fault..” I hear my mother whisper to herself, “what have they done to my son….”
I want to go to her, to hug and reassure her that it’s still me, her son, her ajax, but my legs feels stuck and even so, I wouldn’t be able to go closer to her with my father blocking me.
“I AM your son, mother, it’s still me.”
“No my child would never be so heartless, so cruel and uncaring for life. He was begging you, BEGGING and you still killed him,” she wails
I sink to the ground, unable to hold myself up, what have I done? I look down at my blood-stained hands droplets of water drop into, I’m crying? I don’t cry…
I can hear them berating me still, their words are muffled but some words stand out to me.
Monster
Evil
Heartless
Hate
Murderer
There’s snow all around me but I don’t feel the cold.
I look up at them again, “please tell me,” I beg them, much like the men I had murdered just moments ago, “tell me what I can do for you to forgive me.”
My father speaks up, “There is no forgiving you.”
“You don’t deserve forgiveness.” My mother adds
“Die.” Tonia says, her voice flat and dead, tonia, who was always so sweet and joyful, who always smiled no matter what, her letters always so full of life and love, how could she say that so easily.
I feel my world crash down on me like a tsunami, except I don’t try to swim for the surface. Everything I had worked so hard for, gone in an instance, they say the thread of lies will always catch up but I hadn’t expected it to be like this.
My heart is beating in ny chest and every breath I take doesn’t feel like enough, my mind gets foggy and my vision swims.
Am I dying? I think to myself, good. then I hit the ground.
~~
I wake up in cold sweat gasping for air and disoriented, my eyes darting around the dimly lit room, I sit and look around for my siblings and parents, I need to find them and explain to them what happened, to make them understand what I did was for the greater good.
I don’t see them anywhere and it takes a minute for me to register that I’m sitting in my bed at my rented room in liyue harbour, the one I got at a discount due to zhongli’s connections.
Wasn’t I just in snezhnaya? How did I get here?
The last thing I remember was collapsing in the snow…
Ah, I think, realisation hitting me, it was another nightmare. The third one this week alone, I release the my grip on the bed sheets and rub my face trying to calm my racing heart. I flop back on the bed to find it soaked through with sweat. I grimace and pull myself from the bed and into the bathroom for a shower.
I return to my room and see the rising sun has illuminated completely, it’s already morning and I feel as if I hadn’t slept at all.
Knock, knock, knock
“Lord harbinger? A voice calls from behind my door, “it’s time to depart for your meeting.”
“I’ll be right out” I call out in response. I sigh and pull on my uniform, I stop by the mirror before exiting the room, the lack of sleep evident on my face, it doesn’t matter, my subordinates know better than to comment on my appearance.
I pull the door open and exit my subordinate gives me a bow and fills me in on todays schedule but I’m barely listening, I’m feeling agitated. I hope I can find something to kill.