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The music blasted through the speakers, announcing all throughout the circus that the main event of the night was about to begin. In ten minutes or so, the show would start, and the center tent would be filled with the chaos of Cirque de la Lune.
Nikolai dusted off his hat, though there was hardly anything to dust. It was merely for show, as everything always was. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, lined with soft, yellow light bulbs. "It's the final showing we have in this city, we should go all out tonight even more than we do any other night. I just hope you don't mind the extra gunpowder in your cannon," he teased, donning his little hat and making it sit purposely off-center on his head. In the corner of the mirror, he could see Sigma's annoyed looked, cackling at his reaction.
"You don't get enough joy from blasting me out of a cannon under the assumption I'll catch the trapeze? Sadistic." He pulled on his uniform the rest of the way, making sure the fabric was flat and neat on his person. It was bound to get messed up during his performance, but he should at least look presentable before getting stuffed into a cannon.
"You land it every time, my friend. I don't know why you're even concerned. There's a safety net, as always, and we've done this act just about a million times. If you'd like, you can launch me after the show. Flying through the air like that is always such a thrill!"
"Maybe I'll add 'maniac' onto your character list..." he muttered, grabbing his friend's cloak and bringing it over to the vanity to give it to him. "Are you sure you're wanting to do a grand show because it's our last day here or because Fyodor will be watching?"
Their biggest sponsor, Fyodor Dostoevsky, was also the ring leader's biggest crush. He'd deny it, of course, but just about anyone could see it. The man would follow their circus, even helping out here and there, though he refused to be paid back for his assistance. 'Just continue enjoying what you do, that is payment enough,' he would say. But Sigma could tell that the words were meant more for a specific person than the entire circus crew. As luck would have it, the ring leader was also their sponsor's biggest crush. One might wonder what's been done about that, and one would be upset to know that absolutely nothing has happened.
It was to everyone's exasperation that the two danced around their feelings in an expertly evasive tango. Cute hellos, fleeting touches, reluctant goodbyes, eating lunch together under the guise of a 'work meeting' to discuss the next destination to travel to.
Sigma was sick of it. How hard was it to tell someone you'd like to label your lunches together as a date? They were grown men for goodness' sake!
The way Nikolai's expression seemed to soften as he wrapped the coat around himself and secured it told him all he needed to know. Even if the words coming from the other's mouth were pure lie and false belief. "Of course it's because it will be our last day! Silly Sigma, always making things into what they're not." He turned to face his friend, tapping the end of his nose with his fingertip. "Boop! Now you're all reset and ready to fly across the sky we'll create tonight. Like a free bird!"
He'd rather save his breath than argue, so he merely shrugged in response. "If that's what you think. I'll meet you out there, then."
Slipping the last bit of his outfit into place, his half-mask, Nikolai offered his friend a wide grin. "Let's get cracka-lackin'!" As he watched his friend turn and walk away, off to the performer's waiting spot, he faced the mirror one more time. "You can do this," he whispered to himself. "Tonight is the night. You said you'd do it, so you have to. If you can escape from a locked box inside a tank of water with our hands and feet handcuffed to the walls and the key inside of a clown's shoe, you can tell him how you feel." Suddenly, he paused, shaking his head with a sigh. "And you can get better pep-talks too, Nikolai, come on." Taking a deep breath, he redirected his focus to he show that was two minutes from starting.
As he walked up to the curtains, he felt the adrenaline buzzing through his veins. The chatter and laughter from the other side was at such a volume that he just knew the tent was filled, people leaving no seat unused. Even on their final day. It warmed his heart to know they could still draw in such numbers even after years of being on the road. "It's showtime."
|| People from far and wide, the local crowd too... put your hands together for the great, the mysterious, the wonderous─ Nikolai Gogol! ||
The curtains ripped apart to reveal him and the audience roared with excitement. He held up the mic to speak into it as he marched out, stopping only when he was front and center on the mini-stage they had created. Just a barrel, really, to give him something to step on. "Howdy doodle, my friends! Welcome, welcome!" Another round of cheers and whistles came, dying out when he brought the mic closer once more. "I hope you've enjoyed your day here so far. I know I definitely adored the funnel cakes, shoutout to the lovely Popova family for their delicious secret recipe. Seriously, you'll have to let me in on that so I can make them myself too!" A moment of quiet laughter. "But I know you're not here to hear me rave about yummy food. For those who don't know me, I am Nikolai Vasilievich Gogol, but please don't use that whole name unless you're my mother. We all know what it's like to have your parents call your full name, righttt?" He smiled when there were various sounds of agreement from the audience.
"Let's begin with something daring, something bold. Something you most definitely should not do at home unless you have all the right skills and supplies. And a medic! Everyone, give it up for... the Pyro-Blades!"
Applause fills the giant tent after Nikolai announces the first act, doing a grand bow like he's done for years now. The crowd laughs, they cheer. His gaze sweeps through them all and he smiles wide, waving at some of the kids he sees giving him wide-eyed stares that are filled with awe. Oh, how he did love the circus. It was such a magical place where the impossible became possible.
A magical place where he got to throw pies at people, watch ten clowns somehow fit into a tiny car, and launch his dear friend out of a cannon.
But it was also where he got to see Fyodor Dostoevsky, the only audience he cared most for, crack even the smallest grin at his tricks and mischief. Oh, how he did love the circus.
Said guest was sat in the front row, the perfect spot for them to meet each other's gaze and exchange small waves. After all, the show wasn't about them. Nikolai hurried off to go wait with the others somewhere out of sight as the Pyro-Blades lit their swords on fire and began to juggle them. From his hiding spot, he could admire Fyodor from a distance, letting himself get lost in the other's silhouette. Even without the spotlight shining on him, it was like he became the light that drew Nikolai in like a moth. If he were one, he'd gladly fly too close and burn. Nothing could burn more than his heart did whenever they held stares for a second too long to be accidental, when they sat too close in an empty row of seats, when their fingertips brushed after passing off whatever meaningless object was being used as an excuse.
It has to be tonight, he decided. It wasn't like Fyodor wouldn't go with them to the next location─ he helped plan them, it was natural he would tag along ─but he knew he'd stall until the world stopped rotating if he didn't do it this time. He wanted very few things in life.
A job he loved doing.
The chance to let his comedic side flourish in the presence of people who needed a good laugh.
An opportunity to see the world and explore.
.
.
.
And a shot to tell the one who captured his heart that he loved them. Maybe even build a future with him. It was a big thing to ask for, of course, and he knew he would be absolutely distraught if Fyodor said no to him. But he was so sure of himself, of what they had. He could feel it deep in his soul that this was what he wanted and that it was mutual.
That, and Sigma had been urging him practically daily for the past six months to finally do something about it. Besides the fact that he already knew before then that there was a romance budding. He truly did read him too well.
A year's worth of longing, six months of nudges from his friend─ it would all pay off tonight. He knew so.
He hoped so.
The Pyro-Blades soon finished their dance with danger and bowed, extinguishing their swords before exiting stage left. He returned to his barrel and hopped onto it, striking a dramatic pose as well. Nikolai announced the next act and disappeared once more, this time in a cloud of smoke and expertly-timed sprinting. It went on like that, announcing the next act, hiding, announcing once more.
Until, finally, his favorite part of the night. He helped Sigma into his cartoonishly decorated cannon, ignoring the other's quiet sigh. It happened every time. "Good luck, don't die out there!" he whispered, giving his friend two big thumbs up.
"Why would you say that when I'm about to─"
He flipped the cannon up, not bothering to hear the rest of the complaint. Rather than dash off to hide this time, he headed for the secret guest of honor they had tonight. A secret to all except himself, of course. Giving a few waves and handshakes to the people he passed on his way to Fyodor, he made sure not to be too obvious in playing favorites. When he finally reached the man, he plucked his hat off from the top of his head and bowed in greeting, holding the hat close to his chest. Of course, there was no need for such formalities when they were quite familiar with each other─ one could even call them good friends. Still, he liked seeing the amusement flicker in the other's eyes. "Evening, Fedya. I hope this seat isn't reserved for someone else," he said as he rose back up to almost full height. After all, he didn't want to completely block anyone's view of the show, even if the show was taking place far above them anyway. Nikolai gestured to the empty spot beside the other then placed his hat back where it belonged.
"No, not at all. Please, make yourself comfortable," Fyodor offered, gesturing to the same seat. Once the other was settled down in it, he turned his attention back to the main star of the trapeze and the others who passed him back and forth. It did make for an entertaining display, no matter how many times he's seen it. "Sigma looked rather peeved with you this time. He does typically seem to dislike being the victim of your antics, paid or not, but he looked just about ready to strangle you this time," he said teasingly.
Nikolai let out a soft laugh paired with a half-shrug. "What is there to say? I told him not to die, from the bottom of my heart. It's not my fault he gets exasperated from words of encouragement," he joked.
"Something tells me he felt anything but encouragement."
The two of them shared a moment to chuckle and quiet down once more. Seeing as the ring leader had occupied himself with something else, someone had to take over the announcing for him. It wasn't a problem at all, there were many qualified people who could do a simple but captivating introduction. It gave Nikolai the chance to really relax with his newfound company. "You know... It being the last night here and all, we'll be hitting the road again." He gave the other a side-eye to try and gauge his reaction as he continued. "I was thinking of taking a bit of a break from the circus. I'd come back soon enough, naturally─ it feels like home to me ─but I also would like to see the world on my own terms. Traveling with everyone is so much fun and each new location feels like an adventure. Sometimes, though, I find myself wishing there were moments I could spend in much more special places."
He took a deep breath in.
"With... a much more special person," he finished, quieter than he started. Still loud enough to be heard over the commotion, though.
Fyodor was no fool, he knew exactly where this was going. As a matter of fact, he'd been waiting this entire time for when the other would be ready to confess his feelings. Of course, he could've done something first, but where was the fun in that? Playing cat and mouse had always contributed to that exhilarating feeling. He leaned over just a bit, wanting to show that he was interested in what the other was saying. "Is that so? I'm sure the circus would miss you, Kolya. You're not just a leader for them, you're like the center of this entire group. They would surely want you home as soon as possible."
After a beat, he looked down and smiled a bit. Maybe he could set the other up just a little, give him that nudge to say what they both know he wanted to say. "I know I would."
If his heart hadn't been beating so hard in his chest already, Nikolai was sure it would've burst right out in that moment. Maybe it was his gloves or maybe it was his nerves, but his hands were starting to feel a little clammy and cold. Still, he tried his best to compose himself as he turned his head to face the other. "You could come with me, if you'd like. We could see the world together and find special places of our own." He grinned brightly, unable to contain his excitement even if it felt like he was getting ahead of himself. "I'd love for you to."
At that, Fyodor's expression shifted into one of pleasant surprise. "You'd love for me to?" It was another tease, but it did have him feeling─ dare he say it ─butterflies. "If it would please you so much, then I supposed I should, shouldn't I?" Lifting a hand up, he carefully held the edge of the other's half-mask and took it off to reveal both his eyes. Oh, he loved to look into the different colors. Though one was green and one was purple, the both gave him a sense of calm that he couldn't really explain. Setting the mask down between them, he moved his hand back up to caress his cheek. "What will you tell the others to explain your absence?"
Now he was sure he must be running hot, because a warmth had quickly spread to his cheeks. And the tips of his ears. And his neck. Seriously, could someone crack open a window or something? He forgot to answer for a moment, too lost in the sensation of the touch he had been leaning into. Dazed, he gave a lame 'hm?' in response before everything clicked in his brain and he was brought back to reality. "Oh. Yes, that. I'll simply tell them the truth."
He scoot closer, leaning in a bit.
Fyodor leaned in too.
They met in the middle, noses just a centimeter apart, like the perfect textbook set-up.
Nikolai glanced down to the other's lips before looking back into his eyes. "I'll be kissing the man I love at every unique location we can turn into a romantic getaway, if he'd let me. I have yet to ask him, though, if he would. You see," he snorted, "he makes me a bit shy. I've been told I'm eccentric by most, annoying by one─ and I've sent that one flying out of a cannon. But, this man, the one I have this massive, elephant-sized crush on... he makes me so nervous in a good way. I start to lose the words I want to say and they get replaced by all these other words that don't matter. I'll end up going on and on about things that just barely avoid what I really mean to get to. My point is─"
Having had enough waiting, Fyodor hummed in amusement shortly, then leaned in to close the gap and press his lips against Nikolai's. His eyelids fell closed as he relished the satisfaction from the intimacy of the moment.
Being in shock, it took him a moment to respond, but Nikolai was quickly returning the kiss after, closing his eyes and tilting his head to deepen it a little.
When they pulled away, Fyodor gave him a smirk. "You talk too much, Kolya. I would've turned seventy before you finally finished your piece."
Letting out a chuckle, he leaned in to peck his lips and kiss him one more time. "I didn't finish, actually. You interrupted me before I could. What I meant to say is that─" he brought his hand up to cup the back of Fyodor's where it rested against his cheek still, "that I love you. And I want to see the world with you."
Running his thumb across the apple of the other's cheek, he returned the lovesick expression on the other's face. "I'm not a man that's as in touch with his feelings as anyone else you could've chosen, but I'm willing to give this a chance. Dare I say, I love you too."
Nikolai, as a grown ass man, giggled with joy at his answer. "The world awaits us, Fedya," he whispered, just before they both came to meet in the middle again and share another kiss.
The rest of the night was lost to the blur of their surroundings. Nothing else mattered more than this special moment between them. Even as they watched the show go on, Fyodor resting his head on the other's shoulder and Nikolai with his head against the other's, it was as though they were more captivated by the warmth of having the other so close. One hand in another, they kept both between them, resting on their knees. It wasn't until the end of the performance that they broke apart, Nikolai having to go finish everything with a grand thank you and farewell.
That night, the two hurried off like a pair of rats on the run, climbing into the private trailer meant for the ring leader himself. They shared the same bed the entire night, gone by morning with a little note left behind for a certain Sigma to find.
Dearest Sigma,
I did it :p so you can stop acting like I was only ever going to chicken out. We've packed our bags and set off on a spontaneous vacation to hit up multiple destinations. We'll probably be back in a month, maybe more or maybe less, it really depends.
This wasn't a very thought-out plan, but we're going where the wind takes us, so to speak.
Please take care of things while I'm gone and let the others know that I've not abandoned them <3 I'm just getting laid and living life as a happy man!!
I have full faith in you, and ty for accepting this as your fate. You don't have a choice, but pretend you do!!
xoxo Kolya
P.S. I hope you don't get too stressed out after reading this <33
Though he despised the way things were left in his hands, Sigma carried on just as his friend would have expected of him. The circus was still in top condition and its members were as energetic and chaotic as ever. He was happy for the break from being a performer, really, it let him relax and enjoy the show from a different perspective.
It wasn't until two weeks later that Sigma stepped out of his trailer to find a mailman waiting for him. The messenger gave him a small envelope, a postcard inside. Checking the address and sender, he couldn't help the tiny, soft grin that made its way onto his face. Despite his wishes that things weren't just dropped on his shoulders, he truly was happy for his friend. Flipping the card over to see the picture on the back, he was glad to see that the other two were having plenty of fun. Flipping it back to the front, he read the message at last.
Dearest Sigma,
I'm sure you're upset with me for leaving things to you the way I did, but you'll be happy to hear that I've elected you as my best man for my future wedding. No, I haven't proposed, but I did propose SOMETHING to him.
We plan to stop by Las Vegas, Nevada in the United States.
Come by to see us sign the certificate, okay? I'll text you the details when we figure it out. It's a speed wedding, baby, and I'm getting wedding sex AND honeymoon sex in the same night. It's gonna be WILD ;)
Running out of space to write so I'll skidaddle, toodle-oo!
xoxo Kolya
P.S. Oh, how I do love the circus