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The smell of sulfur and the taste of quinces at the back of his throat are the unmistakable signs Gabriel needed that he had been hit with Night's Breath. He wishes this was a rare occasion; however, it was a natural occurrence when Mercury owned you.
Gabriel was used to losing time, he seemed to lose days, a few weeks, a month here and there. On one occasion, he was sure he had lost four months. He hadn't been allowed a phone in over three years. He has learned to live without one, even in this world of technology. Mercury quickly found out that if he had a phone, he could hide photos and notes on it, and him knowing how many days had been lost and where he had been usually led him to figure out what was happening. When he woke up each day, he recited the day, month, and year and, when finding an opportunity, checked to see if the day he was on matched what a newspaper said. He felt the same disappointment whenever he realized he was off by several days. When you were Mercury's property, this is how it was; you lost days.
He is holding a vial of blood as he tries to hold onto the smoke of his memories with his bare hands. There would be only a few occasions when he would be in Mercury's vault with the need for blood, and most of them were not good. He hands over the vial to Mercury, knowing that if he fights it, night's breath would be the least of his worries. But, first, he needs to figure out what kind of job this one was that required him to forget what has happened; he automatically categorizes that the job might not be finished if there was a need for blood or he was gearing up for a kill. Knowing his luck, it is probably the latter. He has learned the hard way that this is how Mercury conducts business. When he is sent out on a job, in the end, if it is something only Mercury needs to know who she has done business with or what he had to do for her, he will lose the memories of it. He turns with her to look at the vile of blood as she places it back in its place, 'Byrne,' says the label. It sadly and unsurprisingly means nothing to Gabriel.
He still can't help it, he knows she won't answer, but he still asks, "what was I…" and trails off, not wanting to know the answer.
"You were going to bed, my Dove," is the answer. He should have guessed it had been that kind of job, although when he thinks about it, it doesn't feel like it was. Mercury only calls him "her Dove" if it is one of those jobs. She is telling him he doesn't want to dig into the memory of this job. There will only be pain and misery that way. Gabriel is disappointed on all levels. The last time it happened, she promised he would not go to him. No matter how much night's breath Mercury doses him with, he still has nightmares, and if he came from him, he is in for a rough couple of nights. He has changed the color of his hair, clothes, and style and has started to grow a beard, smokes (although that was bound to happen, it gets rid of the quince taste), and does weed in the hopes that it would be off-putting to that clientele of Mercury's. Surprisingly Mercury has allowed it, and for the first time in his short life, Gabriel has felt like it was finally him.
A year ago, he had been one of Mercury's correctly put-together boys, shirts buttoned up to the top, anonymous and pretty but faceless. She was famous for her alchemist boys that she, on occasion and for the right price, "loaned out." In the past year since whatever it was that had happened, more than a few people could tell he worked for Mercury and knew what had transpired and with whom. It has led to plenty of people going easy on him. The police officer in Paris had been one of them. He mentioned that Mercury couldn't help him, and he was gentler than most Fairborns that Gabriel had run across, leaving Gabriel with the realization that he knew what had happened. He knows that what has happened to him has gone around the witches' gossip circles, and he tries not to listen too closely or pick too much at those memories that come as nightmares. He will take all the advantages he can take in his line of business, and if that gets a Fairborn being gentler with him, then he will take it.
"You've come a long way," continues Mercury in a soft voice, indicating that she cares while he knows she does not, "and you are so very tired," she finishes while touching him. It feels like she is marking her ownership of him. Gabriel wants to scream and rage at her; she had promised - SHE PROMISED it wouldn't happen again. No wonder she wanted him to go to bed. If he had been drained of most of his blood and powers, he would be sleeping in a daze of nightmares for the next few days. He knows what her words are saying; she has given him over again, but he doesn't feel like that. Instead, he takes note of his body, and while it has been put through a tough time, it is not the tiredness of those times. It feels more like one of those occasions where he has met someone, and Mercury has taken it away. Nevertheless, he starts moving towards his bedroom just like she requested.
"Gabriel," she calls as he leaves the vault. He stops to look at her, "I so miss you when you are gone," she says. They both know that is a big fat lie. He is of value to her, one of her best (both in magic, potions, alchemy, and in the other way); however, she will toss him aside the moment he loses his usefulness, and he will not let that happen. Mercury's boys tended to disappear in their early 20s, and Gabriel is almost sure he is over 20. However, he wasn't quite sure how old he was. When he looks into the mirror, he thinks he is in his early 20s, and when he asks around, he is constantly told he looks 22-23. His identification says he is nineteen, and while he feels young, he dreads the idea that he might have lost years under Mercury's tender care.
"Will you promise to stay a while?" she asks, driving the nail into the coffin. Gabriel will need a couple of days to get over whatever he has been doing for her. Then, defeated and resigned to his faith, he slowly nods and walks to his room.
He walks into the room that has been his for as long as he can remember. Mercury has asked several times if he wishes to change anything in the room. It is his silent rebellion against her he has left the room exactly as she gave it to him all those years ago. Gabriel tries methodically to keep the room the same; even the bedside lap hasn't moved an inch since he woke up with vague memories of a life before. He knows it annoys her but tomorrow, when he wakes, he will go through the whole room and arrange it in the exact order it has been for years. The first and biggest perk is that it ticks Mercury off that he does this, but this bedroom is his Roman Room. Everything in the room is given a memory and/or assigned a person. He will go through the ritual of touching and putting every single thing in the room in the exact position, therefore, organizing his memories into the same immaculate order he tries to keep them in. If he touches something to correct its place and has no memory, he has lost whatever that object has been associated with. The order of the room usually helps him with what he has lost.
The bookcase will also be given the same treatment. Gabriel will go through it book by book; the only difference between the room and the books is that they are potions and alchemy. The exquisite detail he dedicates to his memories makes him his generation's budding alchemist. He remembers every formula he is taught and every ingredient he has been introduced to. This has made him valuable, he has been loaned to others who have needed his alchemy services, and several have offered Mercury unbelievable sums to keep him. He will be one of the greatest if Mercury allows him to be. One of his favorite memories is of the year he spent in the mountains of China when he was 15. Mercury hasn't been able to take those memories because if she had, she would be taking his hard-learned alchemy skills, which was why he had been there. He knows he has an open invitation to seek sanctuary there; however, he will not bring his troubles to their door.
These, however, will all have to happen tomorrow; right now, he needs a smoke, and he reaches into his side pocket and draws out his most treasured possession, "Les Enfants D'outre Mer," and his pack of cigarettes, and he is out of smokes. Darn… disappointed, he tosses the empty pack of cigarettes and looks at the book. Does he dare to open it and have a look inside? He takes a seat on his bed. His book has the names of people who were important to him at one point. When he opens it and reads through the names, he can almost see them. He feels like if he concentrates hard enough, he will remember them. If he looks in the book and there is a new name, he will know that Mercury was lying and, once again, something has happened in his life that Mercury has not approved of. It was most likely love. She likes taking that away. He is reluctant to open it. If there is no new name, then Mercury has sent him once again on one of those jobs that she has promised him she would not. He is not sure which one he is dreading more.
He places the book on his night table, still surprised that Mercury has continued to allow him to keep it. He is a coward for several minutes, debating whether he wants to open it or not. Outwardly he is still and looks uncaring, maybe in shock, but inside he feels like he is caught in the tender clutches of a tornado. He then decides to rip the bandaid off and reaches for the book, knowing he has to know.
A flip and he has it open.
He is once again staring at familiar foreign names. Marie and Luc have been written in by George, his first confidant, that he has no idea what has happened to him, and he is the 3rd person on his list - nope, the 4th, he has no idea who the 3rd person is. He has tried to read that name but hasn't been able to decipher who it is.
Some of the names he has been allowed to keep the memories of, for example, he has lost his virginity to Warren at age 15 and slept with Dominique to see what it was like at 16. Under them are Sebastian, Paul, and Jules, who he has no memories of, but just like his frequent dreams of who he is sure is his mother reading and gifting him his book, he dreams of warmth and love when he dreams of them.
Under them is Clark, who wrote his name in himself and came into his life when Gabriel wasn't sure if he even wanted anyone to touch him. After the whole ordeal, Mercury kept him close for several months. Despite the nightmares, Gabriel had been grateful for being at home and doing nothing but mucking about in Mercury's lab downstairs, which he considered his own as he had been the only one to use it in the last few years. He has been the one who has been making whatever Mercury has needed. He knows that Mercury makes a lot of money off his back as he is one of the only people in the world who can produce some of the potions that Mercury has on offer. He wonders if the Night's Breaths he has put together over the years have been used on him or does Mercury put that one together herself thinking that Gabriel might sabotage it.
Six months ago, when he finally felt like he wanted to venture forth again, Mercury surprised him by giving him the apartment in Paris and only had him do simple runs for her. He had met Clark, and for the first time in a long time, he felt okay with someone touching him. Until Clark wanted him to move in. While a small part of him would have liked to move in to see what it would be like, he knew he was not ready. Even if he had attempted, he would not have been allowed. It had seemed better to cut ties while he was the one with the power. A simple job from Mercury had come at the right time, and he had moved to London and hung around waiting for whoever was supposed to show up. Is that the job that has gone sideways? Was the person he was waiting for in London one of those? Mercury had told him… what?... he could not remember…
Then beneath Clark's name is a name written in all simple capitals. Gabriel waits for the similar vague memories to come to the surface when he looks at the names. They are not coming. His eyes travel up to Marie, and she always provokes memories. The same ones that are still bleeding and hunt and hurt him, but they are always there. He tries to push past the fog to see her face. If he could just remember what she looked like, could only see her eyes, he knows he would remember. There is a flash of a bearded man, his papa? Then comes young-looking lips, a nose, and the softest, warmest brown eye that is looking at him. Gabriel grasps. He has never remembered someone's eyes before. He closes his eyes, and the memories come rushing back…
…someone, a gorgeous boy, is writing his name in his book…
… "Now you won't forget me."...
…the boy is screaming as they are falling…
…He is being kissed…
…He feels like soaring while falling backward…
…he is lying in the snow, feeling like an idiot…
…the boy is smiling at him…
Who is he? It is on the tip of Gabriel's tongue - who he is. He opens his eyes. A name comes to his lips, and he can feel him down in his core. He breathes the name out with delight, wonder, excitement, and hope; he knows who it is,
" Nathan. "